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Ryan Reynolds Attached to Motorcade | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Ryan Reynolds as a Male Stripper cum Secret Service Agent?

What's That? Come Again? / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 7, 2009 | Comments (12)

You know, this news broke late night night or early this morning, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why one of my trusty trade news compatriots — TK or Steven Lloyd Wilson — had not snatched it up for publication before me. Apparently, Steven prioritizes “Doctor Who”, while TK prioritizes a Showgirl sequel over Ryan Reynolds. I mean: What. the. fuck?

Well, in honor of No Whining Wednesday, I’m just going to let that go, and celebrate the fact that I’ve been put in the position of searching through hundreds — no, thousands — of Google images to find just the right one for our R-squared thirsty audience, who I know spend much of their time hitting refresh on our site, awaiting news of the the R² variety.

(And speaking of Mr. Reynolds, did anyone see his stint as host on “SNL” over the weekend? Yeah. I don’t want to talk about it, either.)

Anyway, there’s a movie called Motorcade, that’s apparently a very high priority for Dreamworks — at one point, it had Tom Cruise attached as star, and Len Wiseman (Beckinsale scrumper) attached to direct. Well, Cruise vacated the premises, and Wiseman was replaced by Jon Cassar, who has directed something like 4,987 episodes of “24.” And who but Ryan Reynolds has been tapped (not by me, no sir) to replace Tom Cruise.

The movie sounds … oh, I dunno. Like a standard thriller: Reynolds will play a disgraced Secret Service agent who happens to be in the wrong place at the right time when the US president is kidnapped in New York by terrorists. It sounds an awful lot like an episode of “24” already. Billy Ray (Flightplan, State of Play) is busy working on a script rewrite, one that I imagine will make better advantage of the disgraced, but shirtless Secret Service Agent. I understand that his disgrace has something to do with moonlighting as a male stripper, but that’s just speculation, fueled by some idiot blogger with an unseemly obsession with Reynolds. And he claims he’s straight! Ha! Wife and a kid, my ass!


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Comments

Please don't put RR and cum in the same sentence.

*slides keyboard tray out to cover embarrassing buldge*

Posted by: Drake at October 7, 2009 6:08 PM

I can't believe you got a wife to be your beard, and bear your child. You are such a Reynolds- sexual.

Posted by: George at October 7, 2009 6:11 PM

Yeah... I've got no boners for this dude. Sorry, bra.

Posted by: TSF at October 7, 2009 6:38 PM

Hmm. I hope we don't end up with a Reynolds overload, with all this crap he's working. Remember what happened to Jude Law? And...yeah, what the hell happened to him? What's he doing? hmm.

Posted by: figgy at October 7, 2009 7:15 PM

Dude, look, I told you: I don't get the fucking RR newsletter, OK?

Posted by: TK at October 7, 2009 7:58 PM

What? No shirtless picture?

Color me surprised.

Posted by: commanderfunky at October 7, 2009 8:01 PM

figgy, Jude is on Broadway playing Hamlet.

Now Dustin, come on. Doctor Who always will trump Ryan Reynolds.

Posted by: Cindy at October 7, 2009 9:21 PM

RAWR

Posted by: Margrete at October 7, 2009 9:48 PM

Little known fact, but all secret service agents get advanced stripper training. No, you don't need to know why, just rest assured under those staid suits it's all pasties, G strings and glitter. Oh, and don't think about that movie where Clint Eastwood played a secret service agent.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at October 7, 2009 10:11 PM

I'm frankly surprised you stayed conscious long enough to write this essay. And it's remarkably well done for a man typing with one hand.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 7, 2009 10:30 PM

I dreamed of that man nude the other night. Ohhhhh yeah. That picture made me feel funny in my insides.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 8, 2009 7:57 AM

Little known fact, but all secret service agents get advanced stripper training. No, you don't need to know why, just rest assured under those staid suits it's all pasties, G strings and glitter.

So that would make them Hoover's boys, right? One could decapitalize and remove the apostrophe and it would work just as well.

Posted by: Reba at October 8, 2009 11:10 PM





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