Russell Crowe Brings to Darren Aronovsky's 'Noah' Trailer His Innate Ability to Repel Charisma
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Russell Crowe Brings to Darren Aronofsky's 'Noah' Trailer His Innate Ability to Repel Charisma

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | November 14, 2013 | Comments ()

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I’m not a big fan of Russell Crowe, and it has nothing to do with him personally, nor do I think he’s bad actor. He’s a fantastic actor, in fact, but outside of L.A. Confidential and The Insider, I find him a complete bore. It’s the grim, self-seriousness, the way he seems to deflect charm, joy, and happiness whenever he opens his mouth. When he speaks, everything just kind of flattens out, like a rolling tsunami of plodding, thunderous boredom.

That’s kind of how I feel about the trailer for Darren Aronovsky’s Noah. It’s an “epic” story, but based on the trailer, it feels as though its being told in as dreary as fashion as possible. It looks “epic” in the most tediously ways imaginable. Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, and Jennifer Connelly are all great actors who are great at what they do, although what they often do is just steal all the air out of a room. I’m surprised this trailer doesn’t completely collapse in on its own self-importance.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Maddy

    I agree with you about everything except that Russell Crowe is a 'fantastic actor'. I just never understood what was so great about him, although it probably doesn't help that he comes across as such a douche in real life.

  • Maddy

    I don't understand the point of this movie. I don't think I was supposed to laugh at the self-important tone of this trailer. And I like everyone in this movie except for Russell and want good things for them but NO

  • JAG

    This film is actually based on Aronofsky's "Noe" graphic novels that he's been working on for some time. Aronofsky's version is basically set in a parallel universe and he draws on a lot of diluvian mythology to construct the story.

    I find it unfortunate that he just really can't seem to catch a break based on the reactions I've seen online to this project. Those who fancy themselves as secularists balk at the fact that he dare even tell a Biblical story (::gasp::), and Christian hardliners are whining about the substantial creative license he is taking with the story.

  • Well, now I just saw the whole movie. Thanks, trailer.

  • BlackRabbit

    Why, did you expect a twist ending to this one? It's not Titanic.

  • I wouldn't mind even a little bit of surprise as to the visuals, is all.

  • BlackRabbit

    The cause of the flood...GODZILLA!

  • Maddy

    I'm no bible scholar, but I think I know how this movie ends.

  • Mythra Sun

    Cant wait for the Christians (some, not all!) to claim this as a documentary

  • Martin Holterman
  • Mythra Sun

    oh yay! Focus on the Family! My favorite band of crazies!

    "To the extent that they play fast and loose with major story details, theological underpinnings or core worldview questions, I suspect they'll be greeted with fierce criticism from faith-affirming audiences."

    Can you play "fast and loose" with fairy tales masquerading around as history?

  • Martin Holterman

    O no they hate this one, don't you worry. Too much artistic license.

  • DeaconG

    Depends on the faith. Catholics, Presbyterians, Lutherans, many of your Baptist denominations, AME Zion...they'll work it.

    The Evangelicals, Fundamentalists and Southern Baptists will try to burn the theater down.

  • DeaconG

    NOTE: To the individual who downvoted me:
    1. Note my handle.
    2. I got it while being a deacon in a nominally Evangelical church, I know how they roll.
    3. Said church had broken away from an even worse Evangelical sect known as the Church of God By Faith. We're talking if a woman walked in one of their churches in pants they would be sent home. Period.
    4. I resigned from being a deacon because my pastor (who I love dearly, worked with and bounced his kids on my knee) decided to strip all his deacons of their sacerdotal functions (against the Word, I might add) and downgrade them to minions and I said FUCK THAT.
    5. I have family members who are pastors, ministers and deacons in the Progressive Baptist and AME Zion churches. I know the drill.
    6. My pastor cannot even stand in the pulpit as a visiting minister in his family's church in Ohio because Seventh-Day Adventists consider Evangelicals to be heretics.
    7. If you wanna have a conversation about it, sing it, don't downvote it.

  • Mythra Sun

    Don't worry Deacon, we were all downvoted. But it's fine because we must respect their Christian views and religion, yet anyone who disagrees with their paractoices and beliefs has proclaimed war on their religion. Don't get me started on the "war" on people saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"

  • Mz Black Widow

    is there ever a time when they don't? (fundies burning cimemas)

  • Yocean

    Sooooo...Russell Crowe's gonna be drunk incesting with Emma Watson? Noted.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    Aronofsky's "The Fountain" is quite possibly my favourite film of all time, even though "In the Mood For Love" and "2046" can also claim that spot.

    I know, shocking, given that my Disqus avatar is a picture of Tony Leung.

    But despite looking forward to "Noah" that trailer cut and poster make it look as if it's a Roland Emmerich disaster film.

    But I'm willing to bet that was the result of an studio exec interfering by saying "needs more action, and BRAAAAHMs".

  • Pitry

    Add 3:10 to Yuma to your list of exceptions! ... but yeah. Most of the time charisma seems to be running away from him. I'm in an odd place when it comes to Russell Crowe - I actually quite like him as an actor, but most of the time I cannot stand the movies he's in. Or maybe I just haven't forgive him for being in that terrible State of Play adaptation yet. Anyway, this looks bad for plenty of reasons that do not include Russell Crowe.

  • RocksEaglesHats

    It looks like one of the fake trailers at the beginning of Tropic Thunder.

    Just looks like a ponderous, self-regarding mess bordering on parody. A Noah's Ark epic? FINALLY, right?

    The Garden of Eden prequel sort of writes itself, right?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Yeah, I hope the prequel explains all the incest.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Before the public embarrassments, I thought he had tremendous intensity and charisma. Now, I just think he's a bully.

  • The trailer seems a bit joyless, though it might be interesting as a film.

    I would say I think his good work is more extensive, and particularly point to Master and Commander as evidence of his charisma and charm.

  • jja

    I would add "Master and Commander" to your list of exceptions.

  • Justin Kuhn

    Do I want to see it? Yes.
    Does it look ridiculous? Yes.

  • RilesSD

    Noah better watch out, or Hermione will steal all his shit.

  • HIre a nanny and feed it some kale.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Yeah, that doesn't look very interesting.

    But look what I found in the recommendations: A new Takeshi Kitano.

  • Matt Willis

    Wow - if you are unable to enjoy Gladiator I honestly pity you.

  • Gladiator is the most overrated film of our generation. It was barely interesting once; repeat viewings (my husband likes it) have only served to highlight its mediocrity for me.

  • TK

    It is worth watching for Phoenix's ridiculously over the top performance, but little else.

  • Zeus McGuinness

    disagree, his performance was well suited for the character as written.

  • sanity fair

    Thank you!!! I was beginning to think I was the only person who felt that way.

  • luckypete

    While I understand what you mean, I think Crowe (and Hopkins and Connelly) will be pretty much perfect for this. I'll be there watching it with bells on.

  • Rob

    I didn't expect it to be quite so literal.

  • JAG

    It's actually not. At least not "Biblically" literal, if that's what you mean. Aronofsky is telling his own story, drawing from various branches of Hebraic and Diluvian mythology to create something that is really just an approximation of the traditional Noah story. A lot of the elements of the film, like the inclusion of Methuselah (and his magic seeds) and blatantly fictional animals (like unicorns) on the ark is totally apocryphal. Also, the water erupting from the earth, as shown in the trailer, is distinctly part of the Sumerian flood myth, not the biblical one. This film is a biblical literalist's worst nightmare.

  • I dunno, I'd have thought that a website that loves Wes Anderson as much as this one does wouldn't object all that much to tedious self-importance or plodding, thunderous boredom

    As far as the trailer goes, I thought it was pretty decent. Definitely made me want to see the movie, so it did it's job there.

  • Amy Love

    The best part of the trailer was when Emma Watson's face.

  • Stephanie

    Amy, you stopped before you finished the

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Did what?

  • Classic

    really i think he is pretty sexy and alluring

  • stella

    But Jennifer Connelly is amazing.

  • bastich

    This the Russell Crowe "Noah" story I want to see:

  • JenVegas

    Eh, I already know how this ends....poor unicorns.

  • NynjaSquirrel

    But where are the Hobbitses...?

  • Samantha Klein

    I will voice my respectful disagreement with you in the form of many SQUEEs. Oh wait, did we ban that word?


    Seriously, though, I feel exactly opposite about Russell Crowe. I think he has maybe the most charisma of anyone working today. What is your opinion on Richard Burton, out of curiousity?

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