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Rumored 'Star Wars' VII Cold Open and Plot Details Revealed

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | July 21, 2014 | Comments ()


star-wars-episode-vii-logo-600x339.jpg

People went into Star Wars Episode IV back in 1977 without a damn clue as to what they were about to witness, and they were blown away. These days, thanks to our desire and need to know everything before it happens and/or yell at people for telling us things we don’t want to know before they happen, chances are we will go into Episode VII with a fairly good idea of what to expect.

Personally, I’m not bothered by that. In a culture that knows everything that’s coming, it demands that our filmmakers be better in their execution. Give us the vision we have in our minds, or make it even better. Or GTFO.

With that said, Devin Faraci over at Bad Ass Digest has unearthed some details on Star Wars VII. It’s exactly the kind of thing that Faraci would probably complain about if someone else had unearthed them, but since he is the source, he’s happy to collect the page views (and for the record, Faraci is a fairly reliable source, though if it turns out he’s wrong, please don’t forget to blame and blaspheme him accordingly. It’s what Devin would do!)

Here’s what he’s got on the cold open/plot summary (spoilers, obvs.):

Imagine the standard Star Wars crawl, and when it ends the camera pans up to the stars. But instead of a spaceship zooming into frame we see… a hand! A severed hand, tumbling through space. A severed hand gripping a light saber. That hand falls onto a desert planet, where it is discovered by characters who will be our heroes. One is Daisy Ridley. The other is John Boyega, who is playing someone trying to change his path in life (again, I’m keeping it vague here). They recognize the light saber as a Jedi relic and decide to return it to the proper people.

Their quest takes them off world, and they meet up with Han Solo and Chewbacca, who aren’t flying around in the Millenium Falcon anymore but are piloting… well, that could be a spoiler. I’ll leave it. Anyway, Han and Chewie recognize the light saber as Luke’s, and they say they haven’t seen their friend in thirty years, since the events of Return of the Jedi.

So begins a quest to find the missing Jedi Master. Meanwhile, on an ice planet, nefarious forces are building a super weapon, one capable of destroying not planets but entire solar systems…

I will say this: It sounds neat, and appropriately targeted toward a very wide audience in terms of age. I really don’t’ mind the kid-friendliness of the franchise (in fact, now that I have kids, I encourage it), I only hope that J.J. Abrams film doesn’t do a disservice to those kids by insulting them.

If kids can handle Bambi, Finding Nemo, Iron Giant, E.T., and How to Train Your Dragon 2, then I think they can handle a Star Wars movie with a little heft and gravity.

Source: Bad Ass Digest




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Equinox

    Uh.... Is this not the basic plot of 'The Gods Must be Crazy'?

    Was Luke's hand clutching a Coke Bottle by any chance?

  • Ryan Ambrose

    A boy discovers a severed hand holding a lightsaber, eh?

    I didn't know that Blue Velvet was in need of a gritty reboot set in space.

    Gives that scene where Dennis Hopper needs an oxygen tank a whole 'nother layer of meaning.

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  • See...I hear "hand holding lightsaber falling from the sky" and I immediately go to, "it falls into the midst of primitive ape-creatures who approach it cautiously. One of the ape creatures takes up the saber and slaughters his competitors. *Cut to Caesar's angry face*"

    At which point, I'm just expecting the movie to end with Han on a beach with the Falcon buried in the sand...

  • BWeaves

    It's scary how much you and I think alike.

  • crispin

    This whole "hand falling from the sky" thing should've been the red flag for everyone that this "scoop" is fake.

  • idiosynchronic

    Well, this explains why the Extended Universe was taken out, beat with the axe handle, cut up with the axe, and dissolved into the bathtub with acid. If the hand is from Bespin, that's Timothy Zahn's cornerstone of the entire EE nuked.

    Not that the EE totally had it coming, but it explains things.

  • SVR

    How the fuck does the hand survive entering a planet's atmosphere?

    They're gonna say Jedi powers aren't they? Sigh.

  • BWeaves

    Dammit, if they are going screw up physics before the opening credits, I'm out.

  • Cheetahdriver

    It's JJ Abrams, sir. They screwed up physics in the opening FRAME.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Yes, but think of the awesome Lens Flare that will be achieved as the hand falls from orbit.

  • foolsage

    Hopefully it's a charred husk that falls apart when touched.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Who says the hand fell out of orbit?

  • SVR

    It certainly seems implied with the "tumbling in space" right to a "falls onto a desert planet."

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Hmm, I misread that.

    Maybe the planet has not much atmosphere. Even if it is his robot hand (which is likely, because he wields the saber with it) wouldn't survive re-entry into the atmosphere of an Earth-like planet. Not to speak of the saber.

  • SVR

    Agreed that realistically it wouldn't survive re-entry either, but it's way easier to suspend disbelief for that. I'm easy. Just give me a little fig leaf and I'm along for the ride.

  • TK

    Maybe it's Luke's robot hand?

  • I assumed it was his hand from Empire Strikes Back, still clutching Old Ben's lightsaber that he acquired during the course of A New Hope. I mean, I guess a hand could survive basically intact in the frozen black of space for over 30 years... but I'm not sure how it achieved escape velocity out of Bespin's atmosphere in the first place.

    Either way. I'm going to hate this movie, I can feel it flowing through me.

  • SVR

    Oooo, I like that.

  • Sean Van Damme

    This almost feels like how Kevin J. Anderson would write the script for Episode VII. And no that is not a good thing.

  • BlackRabbit

    "Daisy Ridley"? A Metroid flower-child?

  • JustOP

    That's an obscure reference, which I imagine will soar straight over the tops of many a Pajiban head.

  • BlackRabbit

    Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Severed space hands, unknown ships, nefarious, ice planets? Sounds like this guy made this up using some kind of shitty Star Wars mad-lib.

  • Cheetahdriver

    Mad-lib?

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Yeah, that's what I meant. Thanks.

  • 'People went into Star Wars Episode IV back in 1977 without a damn clue as to what they were about to witness, and they were blown away.'

    And then when they had a bit of time to reflect they realised that the movie was in fact a giant, hollow, steaming pile of nerf-poop, the inside of which housed George Lucas' deformed ego and a bottomless pit into which he had hurled his soul. Or, you know, they still loved it because nostalgia is one helluva drug.

  • emmalita

    I was 8 when it came out - so target audience. I loved it and love it still. The abominations referred to as the prequels showcase Lucas' deformed ego and the dark abyss of his soul.

  • Cheetahdriver

    I went to the first 3 (ep4-6) at the Midnight showing at opening each time (the first when I was 12). After dragging my long suffering wife to the Thursday Midnight showing of Ep1 in the rain, when we both had to go to work the next morning I can say with determination...

    NEVER AGAIN

  • emmalita

    Ep 1 - "yay!yay!yay!" transforms into "I don't understand what is happening" and then finally becomes "What. Is. This. Shit?"

    Ep. 2 - "please let it be betterpleasepleaseplease" becomes "not fucking better."

    Ep. 3 - I brought a book and refused to buy my own ticket.

  • Cheetahdriver

    I am not entirely sure I ever saw Ep3. If I did it was free on something, I resolved never to give Lucas another thin dime.

  • Stu Rat

    Are there fat dimes? Or are they just big-boned? With a glandular problem? Slow metabolism?

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Ep.2 - "Oh, gods. It's worse!"

  • sherryb23

    Also target audience; I was 5 when Ep. 4 premiered. Hubby and I went to see Ep. 1 the weekend it opened. Started out with the chills with the opening music and title sequence, gradually realized we were reading a political treatise, and all went downhill from there. We were still trying to be apologists as we left the theater--"It really wasn't THAT bad, was it?"--but soon came to grips with reality. Sigh.

  • Stu Rat

    Star Wars was the best, because it was a complete movie. A full story, beginning to end. None of the others can say that, they were all a part of a story.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I don't know if the word "nostalgia" is applicable here.

  • JustOP

    100% verifiably uncontestable statement of pure, unfiltered, undeniable truth.

  • "Their quest takes them off world, and they meet up with Han Solo and Chewbacca, who aren’t flying around in the Millenium Falcon anymore but are piloting… well, that could be a spoiler."

    Hey Devin -- you're already spoiling the movie's opening and general plot. Holding back on whatever spaceship these people are flying around in doesn't make me think you want to preserve some surprises. It makes me think you don't know.

    In any case, take your head, position it directly across from your asshole and...well, that could be a spoiler.

  • BlackRabbit

    That would provide the chance to make the title of his site a reality.

  • dorquemada

    Lone Stars van from Spaceballs.

  • Kane Leal

    A Star Destroyer, I would assume.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    No, it's "Lady Luck", Lando's personal pleasure barge. Lando should know better than to play cards with Solo.

  • Stu Rat

    .

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