Pajiba

Just so you know, crime goes up when ice cream and air conditioner sales go up. We should just stop selling ice cream. No crime then, AMIRITE?!

So what you're saying is, if your parents are strict you won't see any R-rated films and you won't become an alcoholic. But if your parents are lenient you will see R-rated films and become an alcoholic.

Uh-huh.

Because strict parents totally stop kids from experimenting with drugs and sex. And lenient parents totally force their kids to drink at an early age. I think there's something to this study, certainly much more than the strange conclusions you're drawing about parenting styles and the result of them.

After years of in-depth, first-hand study, I've concluded that shitty movies, regardless of rating, will turn you into an alcoholic.

I pretty much had the same reaction to this story as I did when I turned on the news and heard them say something about "pot bellies linked to heart disease". And then went on to describe how this "pot belly" phenomenon is causing heart disease. No, dummy, people who have pot bellies are likely not taking the best care of themselves in more ways than one, and are therefore more likely to develop many issues, such as heart disease. It's science. Look it up.

I've come to the conclusion that people are freakin idiots and will believe anything a headline or news report tells them.

Yeah, this study (as discussed in the media) definitely came off as sketchy to my heavily-drinking Public-Policy-Analysis-major ass. I couldn't find the actual thing on Google Scholar, but I did find another study by the same main author that shows:

"Alcohol prototypes, expectancies, willingness, and friends' use of alcohol (but not perceived prevalence of alcohol use among peers) were significant mediators of the relation between movie alcohol exposure and alcohol consumption, even after controlling for demographic, child, and family factors associated with both movie exposure and alcohol consumption."

So in other words, people who watch R movies with alcohol are more likely to personally want to drink alcohol and have friends who drink alcohol, which completely explains the correlative relationship between moviegoing and alcohol consumption without having to resort to an MPAA-style "oh noes R movies cause alcoholism" mindset.

This is just absurd. Everyone knows that video games cause everything bad in the world.

Weird.

I only ever watched Disney movies and He-Man when I was in middle school.

Now I smoke, I drink, I fuck, I curse, I fatasize about violent, ridiculous deaths of people I hate, I kick puppies, rape chickens, paint my face with feces, and practice needlepoint.

Thanks mom.