I’ll be honest, most of the time when I’m cobbling these round-ups together, I’m at a loss for what to say in regards to how the projects in question are somehow interesting or ironic or what have you. But sometimes the universe just gift-wraps stuff for you. It was announced this week that Paramount is in negotiations with production company Platinum Dunes to remake Rosemary’s Baby. Platinum Dunes is headed by Michael Bay and two other men who aren’t Michael Bay, but the thing I’m focusing on here is Michael Bay. The man who shepherded films like Armageddon and Pearl Harbor into the world, these terrible and bloated deformities on the body of modern American moviemaking — this is the man who will help remake the story about the child of Satan. I just — I really can’t do any more with that. Michael Bay. Son of the devil. There you go.
In other news, the film adaptation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be split into two parts, presumably because director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves are too lazy to edit the book down to a more compact 2- or even 3-hour movie. (Start with all the scenes where the three main characters just sit in the woods for several months, guys.) Anyway, part one of the film will hit theaters in November 2010, with part two arriving in May 2011, so all you fans will have to wait even longer for the final film version. The sixth movie in the series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, comes out this November.
In comic book news: Warner Bros. has nabbed the rights to Jeff Smith’s Bone, an epic series about three cousins who get kicked out of their home town of Boneville and soon find themselves on the separated in a mysterious valley and on the run from dangerous creatures. Smith will serve as executive producer on the project, though whether it will be live-action, animated, or a mix is still undecided. The comic series ran for 55 issues, which pretty much guarantees that the film will be a huge bastardization of the story’s scope and events. … Also this week, Paramount has acquired the rights to Douglas TenNapel’s graphic novel Monster Zoo, about a group of teenagers who band together to fight an ancient evil that escapes an idol and winds up mutating a bunch of animals at a zoo. (Yeah, I know.) Sam Raimi will produce, though no writer has yet been hired to handle the adaptation.
For this morning’s trailer watch, let’s just get the obvious out of the way with the clip for this summer’s The Incredible Hulk. Word is that Edward Norton is getting all up in everybody’s face about how the film should shape up, but I’m here to tell you, unless the movie winds up being significantly better than the trailer, Norton should just lay low and get back to indies:
Next up the latest trailer for Wall-E, the new one from Pixar, and it’s so damn cute it even manages to penetrate my cold black heart and inspire feelings of warm goodness:
Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.
I know that I won't be able to watch Wall-E until someone sits down with me and promises, faithfully and on their Mother's grave, that NOTHING happens to the cute little robot during the course of the film, including any kind of mild peril. I just couldn't take it.
Stupid manipulative robotic thing with big eyes.
Yes, I'm aware that I have a closer affinity to robots than puppies. I'm a monster. We know.
"There's only one thing that can fight that. It's in me." Oh, yeauch. And that last scene where they're running at each other, take off with each aiming a punch - Superman V Doomsday.
Posted by: heddy at March 13, 2008 7:38 AM
Hey Pajibers!
Michael Bay here, and i just wanted to say lighten up guys! I'm really planning on knocking this one out of the park.
I know, I know, you fans like to stick to your films without anybody "re-imagining" the original. Look at it this way, gang - the movie didn't do too great to begin with, and maybe even if it is one of those crazy "cult classics", it could be so much better...
I mean, where were the special effects? Huh? The son of Satan himself is born into our world and... and... look, I know there was a definite lack of effects and that special "zazz-factor" was just... it was just missing. I've got a vision here people. I'm gonna do you proud.
I've already got Aerosmith recording the title track, and I'm not one to name-drop - but who's ready to see Lohan back at the top of her game? I know I am... let's just keep this between us for now, huh?
Michael Bay, signing off!
Posted by: Michael Bay at March 13, 2008 8:19 AM
Edward Norton? And Tim Roth? How come trailer so sucky? No make sense...Jerce no like! Jerce angry!!
I propose a morning mini-diversion:
What current hot actress will be getting the lead role in Michael Bay's reimagining of Rosemary's Baby? My guess is Jessica Alba. Wheee!
Posted by: Jerce at March 13, 2008 8:19 AM
I'd like to go with Megan Fox. Ability to act is, like, totally overrated.
Good lord NO! NOT the Alba! Please Jerce, don't even HINT at that kind of atrocity!
As for the cute little robot with the puppy eyes: Awwwwwwww! Its cute, it looks hilarious , and it was made by Pixar. I'm there!
Posted by: Four Eyes at March 13, 2008 8:32 AM
Julia Stiles? She did The Omen remake already.
(does she file under "hot"? By convention?)
If Bay waits another two years he can pick Hayden Plumettiere.
No, my bet is on Leelee Sobieski: enormous rack, voidness of glare, shit at picking decent projects.
Posted by: Adere at March 13, 2008 8:38 AM
Oh, Wall-E. The first trailer said it was one of the original set of planned films, along with Finding Nemo and Monsters, Inc. so I can't wait.
... and I'm surprised there aren't a few Bone aficinados wandering around the thread. I've never read it but it's spoken of pretty highly among comic fans who have. Hell, having the creator actually involved in the process worked well for Hellboy. (and damn, Hellboy 2 looks pretty promising. No more telling-the-audience-the-origin-story, let's get right to the asskicking.)
Also, I got into grad school. Which has nothing to do with movies, but maybe someday it will?
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 8:54 AM
Also, there's a funny discussion of the whole Hulk thing along with a bunch of other comic movies here.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 9:01 AM
The Hulk is actually one of my favorite comics (or used to be, before the whole "Planet Hulk" idiocy). And I actually didn't think the Ang Lee movie was that bad, minus the completely overblown third act.
I guess what I'm say-
Wait.
Hold the fuck up.
Michael Bay? Rosemary's Baby? Oh. Oh NO.
[claps hands over ears, begins running in circles]
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I AM NOT LISTENING I AM NOT LISTENING I AM NOT LISTENING I AM NOT MOTHERFUCKING LISTENING!!!!!!!!
I'm with Alex. I won't be able to watch Wall-E unless I know - for a fact (damnit) - that it will have a happy ending. The first time I saw the trailer I burst into tears. It's that adorable little robot voice, and his adorable hands, and his adorable yet sad, sad eyes.....oh, suck it.
Planet Hulk wasn't so bad. Hulk got to shack up with a hot silver space warrior babe.
World War Hulk, however, was round six in Marvel's continuing War Against Storytelling. Urgh.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 9:14 AM
I'm throwing in my vote for Kate Bosworth in the Rosemary's Baby remake. She's got that gaunt "oh shit I'm having the Devil's baby and everyone in my apartment building is trying to kill me" look down cold and she hasn't done anything since Superman Returns so she's probably cheap.
Not that it matters since it's from the makers of The Hills Have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and all those other atrocious remakes of 70's horror movies so it will open with $20M and then vanish from sight forever.
Posted by: Rob at March 13, 2008 9:17 AM
Congrats twig. Enjoy being broke and overworked :)
[begins a complex mime for TK's benefit which details just how awful the movie would inevitably be]
Hopefully my sentiment involving the raining frogs didn't get lost in translation
I'm surprised you didn't mention FNL got re-picked up by NBC.
The car chase scene in Rosemary's Baby is going to be so fucking sweet. Oh, wait.
Posted by: Stew at March 13, 2008 9:25 AM
The fact that the new Hulk movie comes out this summer and this is our first view of any type of it does not fill me with confidence.
I mean, we know Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Hellboy 2, Indy Jones 4, Wall-E and so many other movies are coming out and have for months.
Not good.
As for Wall-E, I cannot watch a trailer for it without a big, idiotic grin coming onto my face. The little robot better make it through in one piece or I will commit violence.
Posted by: BFFredo at March 13, 2008 9:25 AM
Why is there another Hulk movie? You'd think if, you know, NONE of the cast from the last one was willing to sign on that'd be a clue. Whatever. I will come out of the Denial Corner on the Rosemary's Baby news to whisper just two bone chilling words:
Olsen Twins.
Think about it.
And that is a damned cute robot. Awwww... back to the Denial Corner.
I'm pretty sure that Verizon ad with Michael Bay blowing shit up is going to be the ultimate highlight of his career. Way to go Michael Bay.
Posted by: sarah at March 13, 2008 9:51 AM
World War Hulk, however, was round six in Marvel's continuing War Against Storytelling. Urgh.
Twig, that's why I only read the Ultimate books these days. Marvel is really sucking it recently. Oh, and the Punisher books published by Max.
Can we stop with the suggestions for Rosemary's Baby? I fear it's like Candyman - just say it enough times and it will come true and the next thing you know we'll be dying gruesomely left and right and there'll be goddamn bees everywhere. DAMMIT PEOPLE, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU!
Hulk... eh? Why bother? I like me some Ed Norton, but there was a foul taste left in my mouth and a cloud of whathefug on my brain after the first one, and I'm not sure a new movie's gonna make that go away... It'd be nice, but I'm not holding my breath.
A Marvel Zombie flick on the other hand... I'd eat a dog turd to see that...
Say listen, I've got quite a bit of free time this weekend - anybody wanna go with me to Michael Bay's house and try to talk him out of this? We could sit down with him, show him the original (which I'm pretty sure he hasn't seen), maybe have a nice lunch... And then I could kneel on his neck while somebody else takes a ball-peen hammer to his fingers. Why, oh, why can't he (or anybody who decides to attempt a remake) just make a movie that has the same general idea without actually taking a crap on a classic? The book was awesome, by the way...
Thank god "The Warriors" remake fell through... It did didn't it?
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 13, 2008 10:04 AM
TK; I agree. Ultimate Human is pretty good, though I'm optimistic of anything with Warren Ellis' name on it.
we'll be dying gruesomely left and right and there'll be goddamn bees everywhere.
... ARCTIC BEES!!!!!
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 10:05 AM
Oh, and thanks Alex. Broke, overworked and pursuing a degree of dubious quality, no less.
Reaching for those stars!
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 10:07 AM
Skitt, how long will it take to get the MT to Bay's house? I'll ride shotgun.
Other than that, I refuse to acknowledge the existence of Hollywood's steaming, fetid deuce of a remake.
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 10:12 AM
Kate Bosworth is a good idea (for a given value of "good," I mean. We are still talking about a fucking remake of Rosemary's fucking Baby.
It's too bad Nicole Kidman is too old for the part. She could just recycle her Invasion face.
But I still say: Jessica Alba. In a blonde wig. And maybe blue contacts too. Wheeee!
Posted by: Jerce at March 13, 2008 10:14 AM
Hey twig, congratulations!! Seriously, that's awesomeness. I've been dreaming about going to grad school since I got my shiny new BA in 2001, but I'm too damn broke to do it. Any sugar daddies out there that want to finance my dream?
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 10:14 AM
"But I still say: Jessica Alba. In a blonde wig. And maybe blue contacts too. Wheeee!"
Jerce, now you're just being deliberately hurtful.
If that little robot, or his little robot girlfriend, does not make it to the end of the movie and live happily ever after, I think it would drive me to Cry the Ugly Cry.
You know, the one where you're curled up, keening and sobbing, tears and snot running down your face, which is contorted and red? Where you have a headache for hours afterwards?
I wouldn't even be able to kill anyone. I'd just lose it.
Nicole, while you're grinding Bay's wrist bones with the hammer, I'm sure it wouldn't be out of line to ask him to float you some dough for grad school... He can't be that heartless, y'know?
At least he's not remaking it as a comedy ala "Junior" with Douche Cook, or McConodouche or...
Okay, I'm gonna stop now. I'm afraid some exec might be reading this and... Oh, it's just too terrible to imagine...
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at March 13, 2008 10:24 AM
Although at first look it did seem like the book was spending forever in campsites (which I *almost* think was deliberate), on listening to it again recently I found that the story moves around a whole hell of a lot. It's a big change to suddenly say "we really need to cover it all!" but if they want to that's okay with me. Personally I'd like the pensieve to get more time than the flash it was cut down to in "Phoenix" so they can do Snape's memories right. I hope the "Prince" movie gives it adequate time too.
And last I heard they still can't avoid having quidditch in "Prince". Gimme that Weasley love!
(really, leaving out "Weasley is our king" is shameful, at least they can show him doing better and get my girl Ginny in there)
Jay, I swear sometimes it takes me two or three reads of your comments to figure out what the fuck you're talking about. I'm not sure whose fault that is.
Posted by: TK at March 13, 2008 10:36 AM
Okay, now don't get mad, but I didn't actually like Rosemary's Baby so I don't care what kind of stank ass remake they piece together with animatronic blow-up dolls and a script based on drawings by those elephants that paint with their trunks.
I SAID DON'T GET MAD!
Cuz seriously, Rosemary's Baby was boring as hell. I should have liked it, because I am a twisted evil shrew and I love creepy movies, but I just thought it was so dull. I dunno, it's probably related to the fact that I think Mia Farrow is a limp dishrag of an actress who only has about two and a half facial expressions, but I could barely make it to the end of the movie without falling asleep.
It's too bad Nicole Kidman is too old for the part. She could just recycle her Invasion face.
"Nicole Kidman," "face," and "recycled" in the same comment? Are you trying to tee these up for me?
You know who they should get for that Rosemary's Baby remake? I mean, if they were trying to make it not-sucky? Creepy blonde girl from Atonement, that's who. Is she old enough? Half of what made the first one scary was that I wouldn't want to be left alone with Mia Farrow.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 10:38 AM
You don't have to go the Sugar Daddy route. There's a place called The Emperor's Club VIP. They proactively hire educated girls and you can make a ton of money quite quickly for grad school there.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 10:43 AM
There's a place called The Emperor's Club VIP. They proactively hire educated girls and you can make a ton of money quite quickly for grad school there.
As much as I dislike seeing a Pajiba girl fall into a sad, unsavory stereotype, I have to offer my wholehearted support for this plan.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 10:47 AM
Congrats Twig!
Skit, are you going to use shiny objects to distract Bay from what may just be his worst idea ever?
There is a really obvious connection between Bay and Satan. I am certain of it.
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 10:47 AM
Do you have some kind of indexing system for your list TK? I at least hope you've gone digital because ludding round several filing cabinets' worth of names everywhere you go must get tiring after a while.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 13, 2008 10:48 AM
Good Rosemary's Baby remake - Michelle Williams
Bad Rosemary's Baby remake - All of the above
Posted by: Chris at March 13, 2008 10:48 AM
[runs back, flailing and panting]
And *gasp* I can't even BEGIN *gasp* to talk about Bay's Satan Baby. That *gasp* motherfucker.
Congratulations, twig...that's huge! Get ready to have lots of fun...if you thought you were studying before, you've been sadly misled.
Is Elisha Cuthbert doing anything? Actually, no, Bay's worked with Johansson before...he'll probably bring her in. I'm done with Bay...completely. I could put up with The Island, and Transformers was great, but honestly...Rosemary's Baby? I also notice he's remaking The Birds and Friday the 13th.
I am so looking forward to Wall-E. It looks so cute and happy and fun...damnit...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 10:51 AM
(debates whoring for grad school...)
I think my mama would beat me with the wooden spoon, and I'm afeered of my mama. (Yeah, I'm 29, but she's fierce.) I appreciate the advice, though, Paddy.
Skitt, we already know Bay's brainless, so I'd say the chances of his also being heartless are pretty high.
I pray to the Godtopus every night that I am not on TK's list.
I'm off to the store to pick up Fritos and Johnnie Walker before Skitt, Minimus, and I hit the road.
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 10:51 AM
Wall-E looks so cute that I am actually smiling. I am on the bandwagon about nothing happening to that cute robot and his robot lady-friend.
Yes, I am a sucker for a well-made kid's movie.
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 10:51 AM
Alex, I think TK carves our names into his arms and upper thighs. More intimidating and permanent that way.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 10:54 AM
I also notice he's remaking The Birds
SoD, PLEASE tell me you're making that shit up.
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 10:54 AM
TK, I said don't get mad! I think you've been working in government too long, as you're displaying a distinct inability to follow simple directions.
Oh Jesus, I'm moving higher up the list with every word, aren't I?
Although, you may run into a problem. See, your zombie hordes don't really scare me. I reiterate what I said before: the zombies can rage all they like, and I won't die. Evil never dies. I will live forever, like the Highlander.
I think my mama would beat me with the wooden spoon, and I'm afeered of my mama.
Wait, your mama is alabamapink?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 10:55 AM
I vote for Paris Hilton for the Rosemary's Baby remake, if only to squeal with glee as she gets molested by Satan. It's just so fitting.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 10:56 AM
Nicole, it's not whoring, it's exotic dancing. They get very upset if you mix the two up. And it'd be much easier to find a Sugar Daddy going that route.
I would be your sugar daddy...but I got all my money tied up in...other, huge, extravagant expenditures.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 10:56 AM
Alex The Odd and all the others who are concerned about Wall-E's fate might want to stay well away from Douglas Trumbull's Silent Running then.
Or is that where all this trauma started?
Posted by: Simon B at March 13, 2008 10:57 AM
TK, trust me, I'm always in some kind of thread context, though it may not be what was most discussed recently (and that goes for everywhere). But it's the same as whenever I'm supposed to teach something to coworkers or students, I'd rather err on presuming familiarity than presuming ignorance. Much less insulting to be confusing than condescending.
In this case I don't have any strong indignation about Rosemary's Baby but I support the HP comprehensiveness, even if it does blow the 18 month schedule they've had going. And I agree with Twig, I'm much more excited about Hellboy than the Hulk. Dammit I hate hate HATE hot weather but they make me long for it.
Also, I saw a little story in USA Today yesterday that said studios lose a whole lot of money by cramming movies into a season when they'd really flourish if given breathing room and not cancel each other out. A good movie will still be successful if you release it in March instead of June. Doesn't mean anything will change but I like that the thought's been put out there.
Have you learned nothing? The whole point of the Highlander is that "in the end, there can be only one" and do you REALLY think TK is going to sit back and let you be the one? You're just begging for a beheading.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 10:58 AM
SoD, PLEASE tell me you're making that shit up.
Oh, I wish I could. Actually, he's only producing right now, but who knows...the director might drop out and Bay will have to take over!!!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 10:59 AM
I would be your sugar daddy...but I got all my money tied up in...other, huge, extravagant expenditures.
Ooh ooh!! You're opening your own zombie strip club, aren't you?
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:01 AM
Aw Nicole:
It's not whoring. It's a very high class escort service. All the girls come from the finest families and are highly educated and sophisticated and have impeccable backgrounds and travel in the best circles, just like Kristen who......never mind.
Was anyone else intimidated by the description of those girls (I felt so inadequate) until they actually read about "Kristen" this morning? Or am I just way too invested in the Spitzer story?
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 11:02 AM
Okay, RB casting.
Kiera Knightly and Brenden Fraser.
Eat it, bitches.
Posted by: Spork at March 13, 2008 11:02 AM
Hehe... in a battle between TK and Sarina, I really don't know who would win.
...let's watch, shall we?
I also have to say that I'm excited for Hellboy 2. And Ed...I love you man...but...the Hulk? Really? Do you...do you really think you can do that?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:03 AM
I've been wondering when this site would report on the Rosemary's Baby remake (by Michael Bay of all people), and today is that sad day.
Please, for the love of God, don't cast Parker Posey in this film. I don't want to feel obligated to see a remake of my other favorite film of all time because she's in it.
Well, I can look on the bright side: there can't be that much interest in remaking my other other favorite film of all time Jezebel, right? Plantation dramas about the yellow fever aren't exactly big box office draws.
Posted by: Robert at March 13, 2008 11:04 AM
Damnit, Julie, it was gonna be a surprise engagement present....
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:05 AM
Paddy, that's only if he's immortal, too.
Crap. Anybody know where a girl can take swordfighting lessons? Better safe than sorry.
I like Bone, but the idea of a movie just leaves me... meh.
I saw the trailer for Wall-E in the theater. My girl loved it, but somehow I am unsatisfied. I seem to be immune to Cute. I was mostly bored and waiting for some hint of... I dunno... plot maybe?
As for the rest: I don't even know why I'm posting. My ability to care about any of this is seriously damaged. Another bad Hulk movie? yar. Micheal Bay doing another movie that I won't see until after its been ground into fine powder and dispersed through the atmosphere like some weaponized... thing? Meh.
Posted by: Spike at March 13, 2008 11:06 AM
Congratulations, twig!
I'm up for Bay carnage if there's room for one more on the team. At the very least I could raid the safe for Nicole's schoolin'-loot while others have their way with him.
As to WHY he's doing it...it reminds me of this old joke about actors (bear with me): How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Four. One to do it and three to talk about how they would have done it better.
I have a sneaking suspicion that many Hollywood directors are the same way. And Bay has the money and ties to indulge his delusional fantasy. And a lack of No-Men/Women to shake him sane.
By the way, is it just me, or does Naughty Roth-Hulk look suspiciously like a humanized version of the Cloverfield monster?
And yes, WALL-E: gorram adorable. I don't even like Pixar that much (dodges various thrown objects) but I'll definitely be catching this one. :)
Posted by: ShinyKate at March 13, 2008 11:09 AM
I can only imagine the vileness that would be Michael Bay's The Birds.
:cue soft fluttering from the second floor:
Jessica Biel slowly ascends the staircase and cautiously opens the door. To her horror, hundreds of prehistoric pteradactyls and a small number of cute sparrows fill the room, eyeing her hungrily like Nic Cage eyes a shitty script with a large paycheck. As she backs away, the pissed off zombie of Alfred Hitchcock begins pelting her with the birds, rendering her a bloody pile of skin and mystic tan. Then...shit blows up.
The end.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:10 AM
Kiera Knightly and Brenden Fraser.
Let us not forget Brendan Frasier followed up his stellar performance in 'George of the Jungle' with a turn in 'Gods and Monsters.'
Say what you will about his proclivity for goofy-ass scripts, he pulls down a paycheck and he's got freaky range.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 11:13 AM
Micheal Bay doing another movie that I won't see until after its been ground into fine powder and dispersed through the atmosphere like some weaponized... thing? Meh.
Haw haw haw, I love this expression.
Mrs. socalled: What are you watching?
Me: Catch and Release, but only because it's been weaponized and is showing on Starz for the 857th time today.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 11:15 AM
(Prays to the film gods: Please, please, please don't let Bone be live action.)
My thoughts, in brief:
1) I love Edward Norton but this Hulk movie will have to be nothing short of amazing to make me go see it.
2) I love Wall-E and nothing short of a worldwide invasion by killer alien robot zombie Nazis on opening night will keep me from going to see it.
3) So the last Harry Potter book is going to be two films? Maybe it actually should be. Whatever. I'm still going to go see them.
Posted by: docsmartypants at March 13, 2008 11:15 AM
Brendan Frasier has a permanent cool pass with me for his Scrubs appearances.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:16 AM
I also notice he's remaking The Birds and Friday the 13th.
As bad as the idea of Michael Bay Rosemary's Baby remake spew is, The Birds a la Michael Bay...I have no words.
am I just way too invested in the Spitzer story?
Spitzer?! I barely knew her!
::rimshot::
Posted by: Jerce at March 13, 2008 11:18 AM
Oh, and I'm calling it like this:
Halle Berry and Denzel Washington.
It'll be, like a twist, you know, cause they're black.
[pushes blade tip to throat]
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 11:19 AM
Sarina:
You just keep maing it worse. Now you're questioning TK's immortality? The man holds down a government job in Boston while simultaneously spending 24 hours a day commenting on Pajiba, running his own blog and nurturing an ever more rowdy band of zombie hordes (they need daily exercise and grooming you know). In addition to that, he's got to maintain a grudge list that has been growing exponentially for many months now and that surely has a red flag/trigger index system more complicated than the IRS tax code. How could a mere mortal do all that?
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 11:20 AM
So, Boo, it's come to this? You're turning on me? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.
WallE. Soooooo, the robot from Short Circuit dates an R2D2 Egg Cup? Which one says, "My pants are blazing for you?"
Posted by: BWeaves at March 13, 2008 11:22 AM
Now you're questioning TK's immortality? The man holds down a government job...
You could have just ended there. That's reason enough.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:24 AM
Should I pull out the Jump to Conclusions mat, TK? Cause honey, I think you are hopping.
I just want to give the girl a fighting chance. Trust me, I'm still firmly enlisted with the zombie ranks. I mean, once you go dead, you never go back, right???
Anyway, my lust for a good fight overwhelms my loyalties. And it's not like I'M fighting you, so you know....
Well, damn. I was feeling more like Spike when the little Wall-E teaser came up before...Ratatouille was it?...and I thought "...so?" I was simply being told there was a robot which didn't seem to have any personality or any kind of plot. This trailer is much better. And then, yes, they snatch up oval girl and she calls out for him and I'm as verrklempt as Linda Richman. I think they'll make it okay though, but remember "I'll break" in A.I.? Yow.
Sarina count me in the club who found the original Rosemary's BehBeh boring as shit. I knew it from the beginning of the movie with this exchange.
Rosemary: How's your food?
Guy: "Good."
Rosemary: "Good."
Guy: "Want to make love?"
Rosemary: "OK."
Rosemary matter-of-factly and with NOOO FUCKING pizzazz whatsoever procedes to remove her clothes, half-facing away from her husband, who is awkwardly undresssing himself as well. He proceeds to lay on top of her as if testing out a new matress. END MOST.BORING.SEXYTIME.SCENE.EVER.
Seriously...I find the thought of my parents banging more interesting than that sequence because at least SOME kind of reaction is elicited...be it gastrointestinal pyrotechnics or a raging hard-on. I'm pretty sure i would puke first though. The hard on would only come after I thought about it enough that my mind would wonder through the situation enough to begin inserting other faces and bodies into the thought until finally it was Isla Fisher in a giant yellow chicken suit being mounted from behind by a horse with my head on it while I hum "Toccata en Fugue" cuz seriously...that's the hot shit right there. But yeah...the original Rosemary's Baby sucked my balls.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 11:27 AM
Should I pull out the Jump to Conclusions mat, TK?
Yay for random Office Space references!
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:27 AM
Rosemary matter-of-factly and with NOOO FUCKING pizzazz whatsoever procedes to remove her clothes, half-facing away from her husband, who is awkwardly undresssing himself as well. He proceeds to lay on top of her as if testing out a new matress.
That's how people did it back then. Cinema verite, dude.
"Weaponized." I love that shit! "I wasn't going to watch Die Hard for the 9,876th time, but fuck man, it's been weaponized for about 20 years now."
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 11:32 AM
Come on PissBoy, we all that's what constitutes a normal Saturday night for you.
And WORD on the sex scene...in real life Rosemary would tear off her clothes and straddle him like a hippity hop. I hate that "meek wife in the bedroom who needs to be coerced into fucking" bullshit.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:32 AM
I'm really beginning to wonder just what it is that has TK so riled up these days. Threatening violence with little provocation? Keeping a running list of people to kill? I've doen quite a bit of thinking about this. In fact, I've missed a few hours of sleep and a handful of The Gauntlet episodes pondering his recent transformation from be-sweatervested doggy lover to machete-wielding zombie farmer.
I've finallly figured it out. It's so simple.
Major League Baseball is right around the corner. In fact, Spring Training is in full swing. We all know that TK's a Red Sox fan (and yet we all still admire him, confusing, isn't it?). We also all know that the Red Sox recently won another World Series. That fact, however, will not erase decades of bitterness and world-hatred that simmer in the hearts of millions of Boston fans. What we're witnessing is sweet, tender-hearted TK morphing into Typical Sox Fan TK - regardless of how many wins his team will amass this season, his attitude will nonetheless reflect the blackness that long ago engulfed the heart of each and every Sox fan. Even the babies.
So, get used to it. I'd say we've got until September until softie TK reappears.*
*This is assuming the Sox implode at some point during the season. One can only hope.
I love Rosemary's Baby, if only because of the "it's not paranoia, it's real!" undertone - very much like the original "Stepford Wives" in that respect. I love the NYC summertime feel and love, love, love Mia Farrow's look throughout. I always cite this as my favorite fashion movie - her clothes kick ass and I love her hair (I wear mine similarly short and feel that we don't get nearly enough respect).
Are we so unimaginative, though, that the remake has to star somebody who has a similar aesthetic? Because if Natalie or Keira star in this and have short hair, I'm going to kill somebody. Also, I think the real question is who is going to play the fabulous, fabulous Minnie Castavet role. That actress will be the make-or-break, not who plays Rosemary.
Posted by: samantha t at March 13, 2008 11:37 AM
The only way a Bone movie will work is if it is animated in the same style as Persepolis.
I pray to the almighty Godtopus that they don't go all Rocky & Bulwinkle with the material.
Posted by: JS at March 13, 2008 11:37 AM
"Jessica Biel slowly ascends the staircase and cautiously opens the door. To her horror, hundreds of prehistoric pteradactyls and a small number of cute sparrows fill the room, eyeing her hungrily like Nic Cage eyes a shitty script with a large paycheck. As she backs away, the pissed off zombie of Alfred Hitchcock begins pelting her with the birds, rendering her a bloody pile of skin and mystic tan. Then...shit blows up."
You know Julie, I would actually watch that. Seriously. Is there any chance they could make it in 3D? Because that always improves the quality of a feature.
PaddyDog: maybe he's not immortal maybe theres.... more than one TK
I'm frightened.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 13, 2008 11:38 AM
Yeah, I'm not understanding. There was a softie TK?
PissBoy"Toccata en Fugue"? Sick, man, sick.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:39 AM
Fraser does still have awesome cred after Scrubs. That damned episode still makes me cry.
Shadows, I am not forgiving you for mentioning The Birds remake, but you are so right about Fraser.
Ben was awesome. Sniff...
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 11:39 AM
who is going to play the fabulous, fabulous Minnie Castavet role
This was the older female neighbor? How about Judy Dench? Sorry to be unimaginative, but it's a small fucking universe of potentials unless you go with an unknown.
How about Jack Nicholson?
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 11:43 AM
Alex, maybe they can film it in 3-D AND use props in the theater...as the pteradactyls get all munchy munchy happy happy on Biel's eyeballs, feathers fall from the theater's ceiling and the ushers poke the audience in the back of their necks with forks.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:44 AM
Major League Baseball is right around the corner. In fact, Spring Training is in full swing. We all know that TK's a Red Sox fan (and yet we all still admire him, confusing, isn't it?). We also all know that the Red Sox recently won another World Series. That fact, however, will not erase decades of bitterness and world-hatred that simmer in the hearts of millions of Boston fans. What we're witnessing is sweet, tender-hearted TK morphing into Typical Sox Fan TK - regardless of how many wins his team will amass this season, his attitude will nonetheless reflect the blackness that long ago engulfed the heart of each and every Sox fan. Even the babies.
*This is assuming the Sox implode at some point during the season. One can only hope.
Kolby, It is so true. Red Sox fans cling to those years of bitterness like an alcoholic to the last drops of whiskey.
They have to implode this year, right? My pretty Jeter cannot continue looking sad on the field. It makes me sad.
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 11:45 AM
"And WORD on the sex scene...in real life Rosemary would tear off her clothes and straddle him like a hippity hop. I hate that "meek wife in the bedroom who needs to be coerced into fucking" bullshit."
Yeah, but she *is* kind of a meek wife. I don't see how this scene is inconsistent with her character.
Posted by: samantha t at March 13, 2008 11:45 AM
See, now Kolby's just trying to bait me. Next she'll make a couple of Real World cracks.
I actually thought I was doing better... I only added one person to the list today (Sarina, who totally deserved it), and I haven't had a war with B-Slim in, like, days. I'm trying to keep myself in check, people.
GODDAMNIT I'M TRYING, YOU BASTARDS!! BUT YOU KEEP... PUSHING... AND... PUSHING...
[deep breath]
Sorry.
Oh, and not to break character, but... I agree with Samantha T. I always thought that scene was a perfect glimpse into the psyche of the character.
Hmmm....Judi Dench. I don't know. I was thinking more of an Anjelica Houston or Stockard Channing.
It would be interesting if they made the Castavets peers, though there's the whole premise of their putting up with the Castavets because they're old and lonely and seem harmless.
Posted by: samantha t at March 13, 2008 11:50 AM
Okay people, now my mind is combining the 'O face' (TK) and Rosemary's most boring Sexytime (Pissboy)..Um, yeah.
"Shouldn't Boston learn how to win comfortably by now?" *gulp* says the Jersey/New Yorker.
Hey down in DC we've got got a shiny new stadium to watching visiting teams play in...
Posted by: Amanda47 at March 13, 2008 11:51 AM
Speaking of projecting, the Phillies are going to rampage all over your teams' asses this season.*
*Is delusional yet hopeful.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:52 AM
I was thinking more of an Anjelica Houston
THAT would actually be pretty interesting to see.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:54 AM
Also, would it make y'all feel better if I put Michael Bay on the list? And moved him to the top? I just fear he might make some of the zombies 'splode.
"in real life Rosemary would tear off her clothes and straddle him like a hippity hop."
Julie- That is sooo funny. Who knew that you could take something that we used in gym class in elementary school and make it a sex term. That is what makes you truely great. Just...wow.
Posted by: Erin at March 13, 2008 11:54 AM
It would be interesting if they made the Castavets peers, though there's the whole premise of their putting up with the Castavets because they're old and lonely and seem harmless.
It would be tough to lose that classic piece. I'm fearful of tinkering to make them peers in a quirky Greg-Kinnear-and-Toni-Collette-seem-like-harmless-neighbors way.
Posted by: socalledonlycousins at March 13, 2008 11:55 AM
Sploding zombies make me happy, TK. Bump him to the top...at least ahead of me. Him remaking Rosemary's Baby is a far worse crime than me admitting I used to enjoy Sex and the City. ...maybe.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 11:57 AM
It's Julie's specialty. (see: Scrabble)
Yeah, that would make us feel better, TK...I'm sure that would be a fun, popcorn-munching time to watch! And you don't even have to worry about them getting indigestion..zombies only feed on brains.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 11:57 AM
It would be tough to lose that classic piece. I'm fearful of tinkering to make them peers in a quirky Greg-Kinnear-and-Toni-Collette-seem-like-harmless-neighbors way.
They need to be menacing, but in an obsequious, ingratiating way. The Castavets can't be portrayed as some type of Truman Show-ian sitcomy characters, they'd lose everything that was frightening about them.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 12:04 PM
TK...I'm thinking our hordes may want to combine forces/interests. I keep mine very low profile and don't really talk about it, but together...it's be unstoppable.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 12:07 PM
You know, I'm thinking Jack Nicholson may not be a bad choice for Mr. Castavet. He can even chew the scenery and it would work.
Posted by: samantha t at March 13, 2008 12:10 PM
PissBoy: you have zombies too?
le sigh...
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 12:11 PM
Do the Phillies still play baseball?
TK, I know the Sox will go down in a pit of flames and suck.
It has to happen.
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 12:12 PM
TK...I'm thinking our hordes may want to combine forces/interests.
Oh LORD. The drunken, sweater vest clad hordes of TK uniting with the black t-shirt wearing, pyrotechnics savy hordes of PissBoy?
No one is safe.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 12:15 PM
No...I don't have zombies. I just have the solution to making them unstoppable. And I'll give you a hint...it's NOT The Brave Little Toaster.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 12:15 PM
Do the Phillies still play baseball?
They do. I'm just not sure why.
And folks, just for the record: I'm actually NOT one of those embittered Sox fans. Yes, I obsess over them, yes, I probably watch 150 games in a season, and yes, to a certain degree I live and die by them, but I'm not the bitter, depressive kind. That kind of takes the fun out of it.
My reasons for creating a zombie army and going on a killing/devouring/zombifying spree are completely unrelated.
You know Disney movie parents never make it past the first scene...so since this involves robots maybe I won't have to deal with the trauma that was Mufasa's death in the Lion King. But rest assured there will be tears no Disney movie is complete without them.
Posted by: Ziva at March 13, 2008 12:17 PM
...as the pteradactyls get all munchy munchy happy happy on Biel's eyeballs...
Well Julie, now I'm just picturing pteradactyls that look like Ren and Stimpy, singing Happy Happy Joy Joy as they contentedly masticate on her corneas.
Also, boo, can you provide an estimate of your fee? Because if there's gonna be some sort of immortal showdown to the death, I'm thinking I might need to be able to successfully wield another weapon besides insolence and bitchery.
Good Work, twig. I hope you don't like food, because you won't be eating any for a while. But no, it'll be great.
When you first arrive at your new campus, and you ask someone for directions s/he will invariably say 'Aww, are you in first year, Pookie?' And then you say with your stoniest bitch-face: 'Uh, no. I'm actually a GRADUATE student, I'm just new to the city.' And that second year undergrad will look all crestfallen, as you have just throroughly stolen his thunder.
Haw-Haw!
Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at March 13, 2008 12:22 PM
So how will this Michael Bay Rosemary's Baby thing work? Will a CGI baby explode from her (insert euphemism here) in a burst of flames and lightning? Will Satan's followers be played by large, talking Chevy's?
Posted by: Brian at March 13, 2008 12:23 PM
Alex The Odd:
You have chilled me to the core with your premise. Suddenly the skies appear ominous and I feel a frisson of fear everywhere I go.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 12:29 PM
You don't have zombies PissBoy? I'm heartened - I had hoped you'd be joining me over here in the "non legions of the undead controlling" corner. Making them unstoppable is totally acceptable though.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 13, 2008 12:29 PM
and I'm surprised there aren't a few Bone aficinados wandering around the thread.
I love Bone. I think I bought he book after reading about it here during a "Best Comics Ever" type review (could have been IGN). In one book it is over a 1000 pages long. There is too much going on to make one movie out of it and if they drop the quiche loving rat creatures I won't be happy.
Posted by: Brian at March 13, 2008 12:30 PM
I'm pretty sure that Bone was one of the Comics for the Pajiba mindset actually. Of course I can't be bothered to check but it sounds about right.
Posted by: Alex the Odd at March 13, 2008 12:32 PM
Although...2 hordes of zombies would be cool. But eventually competition would arrise. And then there'd be gang fights. The only way it would be worth it is if the zombies fought each other like the video for 'Beat It.' Can never go wrong with some Eddie VH-backed Michael Jackson whilst 2 groups of zombies dance around in over-choreographed circles whilst trying to stabby stab each other. But if we did have zombie battles...My zombie would get to be the cool guy in the pimp-ass white leather and big shades. #1 cuz he was effing harsh! Number 2...because he got to have the dude who played Darrel in Coming to America in his gang and Michael DeLorenzo from New York Undercover and Head of the Class fame. And nothing would be coolr than a zombified Michael DeLorenzo...cept maybe a zombie Brian Robbins. That would be sweet!
But anyhow... TK...I don't want to give away too much but all I can say is you need to IMDB DeForest Kelley. His last on-screen movie role not involving Star Trek. Look in the 70's. I'm telling you...unstopppable.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 12:32 PM
PissBoy, would you be the leader of your zombie horde, or would it be Howard Hesseman?
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 12:37 PM
I'm excited for Michael Bay. I mean, sure he got to blow up cars and have them flashy-anime-epileptic change into big old shiny robots, but now, NOW, he finally gets to live out his lifelong dream of firing a rocket launcher into a woman's vagina. The power of CGI compells you!
Seriously. I want to see a high-explosive fight sequence between James McAvoy and a tiny, fireball shooting hand coming out of Natalie Portman's sideways smile. Get on that, Bay.
Wall-E. I wonder if Fisher Stevens and Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy make cameos as the parents. Still, they pwned my black hearted ass with Ratatouille, so they can diddle up a squat Johnny Five.
Julie, as much as I would like the Phillies to dominate, Ryan Howard has just been subjected to the EA Curse. So midseason he will suffer a debilitating injury. It's Talmudic law.
Hollywood, you fuck with and revamp any damn movie, television, or internet-spawned plot you want, but now you're fuckin' with Rosemary's Baby, and that's SOME BULLSHIT.
And now I'm hearing that Michael Bay is somehow involved in this?? What??? I feel like I'm in the movie myself, all of a sudden, and everything's just wrong and everyone's against me and has something horrible in store for everyone. I mean, hey, maybe you're right and it's like, fated, that fucking Michael Bay would be redoing a movie about the song of the devil...
BUT THIS MOVIE. THIS FUCKING MOVIE.
God. I'm so ready to throw-down.
P.S. Listening to Ghetto Boys' "Still."
Posted by: redrighthand at March 13, 2008 12:51 PM
Wait... they put Ryan Howard on the cover? Oh, that's just cruel. Philly fans have suffered enough.
You poor bastards. Well, at least the Sixers are good...
Oh, wait.
Well, the Eagles are probably -
Shit.
Hey, though, the Flyers are maybe gonna have a shot at the...
'Aww, are you in first year, Pookie?' And then you say with your stoniest bitch-face: 'Uh, no. I'm actually a GRADUATE student, I'm just new to the city.'
Ironically, Jo, as early as last year I had a middle-school kid ask me what grade I was in. And a bit later, someone else asked me if I was a high-schooler looking to drop off my application.
I mean it does help since I'm mentally 15, but still....
And Alex, I think you're right about Bone.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 12:56 PM
if they drop the quiche loving rat creatures I won't be happy
Um, if they drop the rat creatures I'm pretty sure no one is going to be happy, Brian. Oh, there are just so many ways they can screw this up that I feel like I need to go on sabbatical just to think of them all.
Posted by: docsmartypants at March 13, 2008 1:00 PM
Ryan Howard has just been subjected to the EA Curse. So midseason he will suffer a debilitating injury.
He'll need a break from all of those strike-outs anyway. Baaaaa-zing.
:kidding, Ryan, you know I love you:
TK...now you're on my list. Oh yeah. I have one.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 1:11 PM
*...son of the devil.
[Mutters, kicks dirt] Stupid, damn typos..
Posted by: redrighthand at March 13, 2008 1:14 PM
Julie, I am genuinely sympathetic. I lived in Philly from 2000-2004, so I saw just how brutal the sports scene can be first-hand. I went to a couple of playoff games when the sixers went to the finals, I went to dozens of Phillies games. If I didn't have a hometown team, I'd absolutely adopt Philly's.
But you gotta admit, that is a rough sports town. And you've had a run of bad luck and trouble the likes of which is almost never seen.
Posted by: TK at March 13, 2008 1:16 PM
OK I'm too busy today to read all the comments but I think if you're gonna remake rosemary's baby you gotta think Michelle Williams as rosemary huh. I mean she has that Mia Farrow internally withdrawn thing going on. I dunno, maybe it's just me (or maybe someone else already suggested her and has already been shot down for a really good reason and since I didn't read all the comments I didn't know, in that case just ignore my post altogether or put me on the shit list or whatever ya'll do.)
Posted by: Phatgirl at March 13, 2008 1:19 PM
Hee. Oh it is a rough sports town, which is something that always bothers me. McNabb has a bad game? Bench him for Feeley! (asshats). Oh, Pat Burrell finally hit his stride and started acruing RBIs? NOW we'll stop booing him when he steps to the plate. It bugs the shit out of me. And yet I understand it to a degree...we live for these guys and these teams, and we just can't. Win. A. Championship.
We're a frustrated lot, us Philly folk.
God I can't wait for baseball to start. I have a not entirely non-sexual crush on the Phanatic.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 1:28 PM
What's this? I come back from lunch and everybody's talking sports? Forget you all...I'm going somewhere else.
Oh, and Phatgirl...I second Michelle Williams. She might do it justice. But only if Michael Bay suffers from an...accident... between now and...well, anytime, actually. There's always room for accidents, especially with all the explosions going on. And if his brain looks a tad munched on...who's gonna notice?
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 1:36 PM
TK...correction...it HAS never been seen. On the scale of sports suffering, Boston couldn't hold Philly's jockstrap. Oh boohoo! Your baseball team didn't win a title for 84 years. In that span you had the Celtics, the Bruins, and a blossoming Patriots franchise. In the last 6 years, you guys have seen 5 championship teams. And this years Celts have a shot at making it 6 titles.
Philadelphia has seen multiple finals appearances since 1983, but no wins. That's 25 years. 4 sports. That's 8,266 games played by Philly sports teams in the 'Major 4' without a trophy. I think it was Bill Simmons who even agreed with this...and he's a notorious homer. He dropped some odds once, but it's something ridiculous to the point where Philly (just going on pure rotation of power and balance in various sports leagues) has had twice the odds of any other city to see a title in any given year and that still isn't enough. I need to lie down. i think i may faint.
...and Julie, don't lie. It's the tongue.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 1:37 PM
And we're only talking sports because SOMEONE brought it up. I'm still waiting on TK to accept my offer to have his zombies ride on mutated lepus.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 1:39 PM
Philly (just going on pure rotation of power and balance in various sports leagues) has had twice the odds of any other city to see a title in any given year and that still isn't enough.
I find myself needing some happy pills after reading that.
...and it's definitely the tongue.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 1:44 PM
Pissboy, i was hoping you were talking about that movie (which is one of my all-time favorite old school b-movies). So my answer is:
FUCK. YES.
And it was Kolby that brought it up. Turn your vitriol towards her.
I don't dislike sports or anything, but I don't particularly care about them either. I do, however, have one request: Can we please not talk about the Celtics? The way they pronounce their name makes me hurt in my ear holes, just like when people say Eye-raq or Eye-talian.
I just looked up the movie that PissBoy referenced...giant mutating rabbits?! Why have I never seen this movie?!!
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 1:49 PM
Oh shit! A lepii-mounted Zombie army?
Where is Skittimus???
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 1:51 PM
ok, so TK, I gotta ask,
did one of your zombies break loose and make its way to southern NH? all my co-workers are looking a bit under the weather today. and I know there is this cold/flu thing going around, but I have my suspisions.....
I mean, I don't blame the zombie for migrating, we do have cheaper booze up here after all, but I just need to know if I should be on the look-out is all. on my toes and such
Posted by: Bethy at March 13, 2008 1:53 PM
Oh, God, PLEASE tell me you people have seen Night of the Lepus.
If not, PLEASE tell me you will rent it within the next 48 hours and watch it, preferably while drunk and/or stoned.
If not, you are SO going on the list. This time I mean it. NotL is one of the greatest sources of unintentional comedy ever.
Bethy... sorry. But I'm planning on conquering New England by Monday.
Who gives a shit?! It's the living dead riding around on the backs of giant man-eating rabbits. I don't have enough fingers to count the all kinds of awesome in that sentence. The only way it could be any cooler is if they could all shoot boomsticks and had Curtis Mayfield's "Superfly" on an endless loop. We need a name for the combination though. Zombus? Zombus Lepus? Voltron? (I'm pretty sure this is cooler than voltron so we can claim the name)...oh and i think the plural is lepus.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 1:55 PM
It's the living dead riding around on the backs of giant man-eating rabbits.
I just discovered a way to orgasm without any effort...read that plot summary.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 1:56 PM
hmmm, well then this leaves me in a bit of a predicament TK....
do I stay late at work again to try to get this damn project out on time?
or do I not bother as clients will soon be zombified.....
decisions decisions....
Posted by: Bethy at March 13, 2008 1:57 PM
It's the living dead riding around on the backs of giant man-eating rabbits.
Holy....holy shit...I...can't....breathe...
THE AWESOMENESS IS OVERWHELMING ME!!!!!!
[does the wayne's world worship bow to TK and PissBoy]
I'm not worthy....I'm not worthy...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 2:02 PM
docsmartypants Don't know why, but I was willing to give them the benifit of the doubt that the rat creatures in general would still be there, just worried about my quiche eating friends. Then again mybe I'm being naive
Posted by: Brian at March 13, 2008 2:03 PM
"It's the living dead riding around on the backs of giant man-eating rabbits."
now maybe its just my ignorance about the wide world of zombies, but wouldn't they try to eat the rabbits' brains?
Posted by: Bethy at March 13, 2008 2:08 PM
Feel free to bow to TK for it is he who leads this army. I merely command the cavalry unit. But bowing would be good. Now...later...doesn't matter. You'll bow eventually.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 2:12 PM
Bethy, Bethy, Bethy.
[condescending look]
The rabbits are mutated. Zombies don't eat mutated brains. Not to mention - hello! they're not human!
Obviously my Pajiba crush has no idea I exist. And I even declared my love for you on the College Road Trip thread...
*sob!!*
It's like junior high all over again, except I have a shaved head now instead of long, blonde hair.
I hate myself!!!
[runs away again]
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:15 PM
of course of course
apologies all around
I should have know they were mutated rabbits, thats the only way this all makes sense...
I have been up late the past few nights typing project specifications...
I think my brain might be rejected by a zombie at this point as being too mushy
Posted by: Bethy at March 13, 2008 2:16 PM
{PissBoy comes running}
{Opens the door}
{Sees that TK is in control}
{Throws an Anything else?!" type of look at Bethy}
{No}
{Good}
{Leaves.}
BTW...Zombies like mushy brains for desert. It's like pudding.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 2:18 PM
[runs back again]
GIRLS WITH TATTOOS AND KATANAS HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!!
and here I was thinking I might have a slight advantage over those with non-mushy brains...
...shucks
and I will try to keep my TK-riling comments down to a minimum
Posted by: Bethy at March 13, 2008 2:23 PM
Is there a fantasy movie league, like there is for football and American Idol?
Because I guarantee Wall-E will pull down at least $345 million overall box and Michael Bay... urgh, 'The Birds' will top out at... hm, maybe $40 mil, max gross, less if he uses the Hitchcock movie as any sort of guide and possibly more if he uses the original story with a half-competent scriptwriter.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 2:24 PM
[looks in boo's direction]
Awkward...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 2:25 PM
Wow, Boo is really going off the deep end.
I wouldn't shun a chick with a katana and an attitude.
Seriously, a movie with zombie and giant mutant rabbits? Cool. what movie is this?
Posted by: Brian at March 13, 2008 2:31 PM
Brian, I suspect that if we get rat creatures that are at all like the ones in the comic then we will also get the quiche love. Either the filmmakers will roll with the quirky or they won't. If they don't, I want no part of it. None!
Posted by: docsmartypants at March 13, 2008 2:32 PM
No...please don't cut me boo. Unless that's your thing. Then I'm all for it. I can be a submissive bottom every now and again.
I completely didn't even compliment you on your perfect channeling of the whip me beat me girl. If you say you love Dr. Teeth and Electric Mayhem I'm on the next train to you.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 2:32 PM
Julie: omigod, is he looking over here?
Sarina: my starting rates are cheap, but you must bring the frozen beef ribs (I only work with realistic material). after a few weeks, we have to re-negotiate.
I also accept massages, drugs, and first borns. (For the zombies, obvs. I'm the "cool zombie aunt," what can I say? They looooove fresh meat.)
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:32 PM
I'm sure TK would spare you one of his zombies, boo...what?...you're not into that?...
why not? They ride mutated bunnies! They have sweater vests! They spontaneously combust....oh...oh...that's why...okay, I can see that.
Putting the call out on boo's behalf...she really needs some scrabble sex!!! Come back Pissboy!!!
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 2:34 PM
goddammit...eat me beat me lady. i was apparently channeling a little 'Tish from Space Camp on that one.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 2:35 PM
*GASP!*
[smooths down, um, no hair to smooth, um, katana sheath??]
[tries to act cool...]
Um, yeah, PissBoy I'm down with Dr. Teeth and Electric Mayhem. That drummer is a fucking animal.
[giggles. freezes in horror. tries to look cool]
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:36 PM
'Ello boo! So umm...do you like bread? I've got a french loaf! {smacks boo in the side of the head with the bread and runs} Bye I love you!
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 2:39 PM
eat me beat me lady
PissBoy...do I want to know? No, I don't want to know. Wait...yes I do.
I can be a submissive bottom every now and again.
Heh, not surprising, I remember you mentioning a certain Japanese method of bondage :p
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 2:40 PM
On the Boneville site, Jeff makes a comment about it being 2D unless something else blows him away so I highly doubt it will be live action. Making a Bone movie live action would simply be unforgivable as a crime really. This is BY FAR my favorite graphic novel to read though. I did sort of hope he hooked up with Pixar, but just getting a movie out period will be enough. People who haven't read any of the Bone series simply aren't prepared for the sheer amount of awesome that's gonna be dropped on them.
Posted by: mb at March 13, 2008 2:41 PM
twig, there's actually a website that you can join up with friends where you essentially play movie moguls. everyone drafts the movies that are coming out and then whoever has made the most money is declared winner!
you can even set the time frame, pre-summer blockbuster, etc.
it would probably be helpful I could remember the site. it's real. i promise.
but let me also congratulate you on the chance to now have an extra rent payment a month from here to perpetuity. especially if it's a grad degree in anything artistic.
Ohmigod, Julie, he totally just hit me with his bread loaf!!!
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:43 PM
Sigh...he's a dirty fighter, Boo.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 2:45 PM
Do the Phillies still play baseball?
:beats you to death with a Phanatic doll:
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 12:16 PM
I still maintain that Philly may be the most cursed sports city in America, but most pathetic team history is the Chicago Cubs.
There is no debating this.
Posted by: Melody at March 13, 2008 2:47 PM
*defensive stance*
Well, I think it's hot. He KNOWS who I AM.
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:48 PM
I also accept massages...
Well this is convenient, because I happen to give excellent massages. You're hired! I shall become a master of the sword and I shall be invincible! The world is mine!
Oh, also, PissBoy? It's starting to scare me a little how much we have in common. Space Camp is seriously one of my favourite movies. It's so godawful awesome.
Hee hee...well Boo, beating you with bread is the adult equivalent of pulling your pigtails.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 2:51 PM
{smacks boo in the side of the head with the bread and runs}
Hahahaha....classic. That's some advanced wooing techniques there. I wish I had thought of it. Hmmm....
[looks speculatively at Julie, pulls out a bag of marshmallows]
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 2:51 PM
Ahem...I've never seen Space Camp. Somehow I missed that one growing up, I was too busy rewatching Willow and Monster Squad.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 2:53 PM
[looks speculatively at Julie, pulls out a bag of marshmallows]
Ah ha ha! Are you going to pelt me with them or turn me into a human Smore?
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 2:55 PM
What, Japanese shibari? Well, this took a turn, eh? Still, always nice to see romance blossom. Well, when you're an outside party anyway.
I agree that being a slave to the RB look would be lazy, and would kinda negate the point if you're just going to make the same movie (but logic doesn't rule in these cases), but also that, if it was gonna be the case, Michelle Williams' pixie would be adorable. She's already played the hoodwinked wife too I suppose.
I can't believe SpaceCamp was just referred to, and that PB remembers character names. Impressive.
okokok, we have to watch an Eddie Izzard marathon! for reals.
You have officially swept me off my feet, PissBoy.
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 2:59 PM
Christ, I'll be graduating from college when the last Harry Potter movie comes out.
I'm a little apprehensive about Bone being made into a movie. Even if the movie is good, they'll have a hell of a time marketing it.
Posted by: Claire at March 13, 2008 2:59 PM
BOOOOOONE!!! Awesome. Well, if it is suitably creepy/funny/epic. I am totally going to read that to my kids when I have kids.
As far as Hulk trailer? a mighty "meh" was heard across the land. I honestly didn't see what was so bad about the first one. At least the Hulk looked better in that one.
well at least I have Iron Man and Dark Knight to look forward to.
Posted by: Tanner at March 13, 2008 3:02 PM
Julie, does it matter, really, which way they go?
mmm...Julie smores...wait, wait, focus...
I remember SpaceCamp...and even then I thought it was cheesy. For some reason, I just didn't like it.
It's spring...love is in the air...even in Pajibaland...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 3:08 PM
I just don't believe this. I log off to do some work for a couple of hours (mortgage is due), and you all start a discussion about Night of the Lepus WITHOUT ME!!!!
I brought up my love for this film several threads ago. I first saw it when I was about 14: scared the living daylights out of me. I still freeze in fear after dark when a small rabbit runs across the deck out back.
Posted by: PaddyDog at March 13, 2008 3:12 PM
Okay, I'm morbidly curious about mutated killer rabbits now. (kinda reminds me of a book series I used to read as a kid....something about a vampire bunny? Ack...lost it again).
I may have to get that and Black Sheep and have a "Bad Movies about Killer Animals" night. I know just the person I can drag to it, too.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 3:15 PM
I remember SpaceCamp...and even then I thought it was cheesy. For some reason, I just didn't like it.
Hush your mouth! The cheese is the best part. It's a cheesetravaganza! Seriously, watch it again. It is hilariously bad. I love it so much.
YES! That's it! If you want some serious cheese, those books had it in spades (mixed metaphors! yes!).
I guess I can give SpaceCamp another shot. It's not like I have hundreds and hundreds of movies in my netflix queue that I'm being forced to watch by my Pajiban overlords...
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 3:19 PM
Bunnicula!! Awwwww. Now I want to re-read my favorites from my childhood.
:wishes I had The Monster at the End of This Book on hand:
Shadows, I'm down with covering myself in chocolate and marshmallows, but the graham crackers may get hurty.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 3:21 PM
Jules, go with graham cracker crumbs. After you get all chocolatey, then you can roll in the crumbs! Voila!
Posted by: boo at March 13, 2008 3:23 PM
"Bunnicula"?
Can we get Rachel MacAdams to play Rosemary? She could maybe redeem this fiasco.
And was that "Hello, Dolly!" that Wall-E was watching?
Posted by: Geetch at March 13, 2008 3:32 PM
Wow, leave the thread for a minute and it's all SpaceCamp and human S'mores...
No party like the Pajiba party.
Posted by: twig at March 13, 2008 3:57 PM
Never leave us alone with our imaginations Twig, it'll just get ugly.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 4:04 PM
I should tell Minnie Castevet to send Michael Bay some chocolate mouse, that'll teach him not to screw around with Rosemary's Baby.
[walks out of bedroom wearing nothing but cherry-flavored undies and a bag of graham cracker crumbs]
Oh...hey, twig...didn't expect you back so soon...
[shifts uncomfortably]
Uhhh...I gotta get back...
[inches out of room....several minutes pass...creeps back in and grabs the chocolate sauce...]
Kinda need this...
[inches out of room again]
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 4:24 PM
Eddie Izzard marathon...done and done. (dead serious...ask Julie. i travel for fun and good viewing) I would type more...but I have 45 mins to get to City Line Ave. in Philly to pick up concert tix for tomorrow.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 4:26 PM
Ha ha ha!!
[looks for a Wetnap]
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 4:26 PM
Y'all better clean up after yourselves, is all I gotta say.
Bunnicula was one of my favorite series as a kid, they should make that into a movie. for reals.
Wall-e is going to make me cry like a little girl no matter what happens.
Get a room and enjoy your sexytime elsewhere. (*so jealous. Pissboy is such a dreamboat.*)
Posted by: racheee at March 13, 2008 4:50 PM
PissBoy would like me to note for him that he is also currently on his way to collect his prize for the Cardboard Classic...you can check out his sweet sweet ride at Prestonandsteve.com. He won 2nd place in individual design by making a replica of the motorcycle The Bride rode in Kill Bill Vol1...he's the jackass with the yellow outfit and Admiral Ackbar mask :) It's insanely awesome, it's made entirely of cardboard and duct tape.
He did NOT ask me to mention this, but under his outfit? He's wearing pantyhose.
Muah ha ha.
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 4:54 PM
I had to go to a work seminar. What the shit have you people done here? My mind is swimming. "Captain Falls Down a Lot" smores, merging armies, boo having a breakdown...
Jeezy Creezy, people. This is so off the rails that I've got nothing. Speechless.
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 5:03 PM
Don't forget about the mutated rabbit riding zombies! And I'm a sucker for a Spanish man with a bottle of chocolate sauce, Nicole, what can I say?
Posted by: Julie at March 13, 2008 5:09 PM
Sorry, I got lost during this thread. Is there really a movie with zombies riding mutant rabbits?
Posted by: Brian at March 13, 2008 5:17 PM
In a perfect world, Brian.
In a perfect world.
Posted by: TK at March 13, 2008 5:24 PM
Julie: that is priceless. I'm pasting that pic to my ceiling before bed tonight.
AND CLEARLY, it is about time for the Great Pajiba Screenplay!!!
Get on that. Someone that is not me.
Like I said, I'll take pictures. Or act! Or act like I'm taking pictures! It'll be great.
On the basis of the trailer I won't be wasting time/$$ seeing The Incredible Hulk. I didn't mind the Ang Lee version. And really, Rosemary's Baby - who cares. These unnecessary remakes are getting boring.
Posted by: Subi at March 13, 2008 6:41 PM
Jay, there are two in the 2008 Cardboard Classic gallery, on the third page (I think) at the bottom. Last row on the bottom? Second to last row? Something like that. You can't miss them. There's a lot of yellow going on.
That'sPissBoy? That looks nothing like I pictured....I expected more....I don't know...angry, with a shock of purple hair and flames shooting out of his eyes...
Maybe I just have a vivid imagination...
However...that bike is really, really cool. I'm jealous.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 13, 2008 7:18 PM
Y'all are killing me.
Julie honey, I think that you, PissBoy, and I should team up next year and build a...
wait for it...
2009 MurderTank with the WhiskeyBabyNinjaStar graphics. And illustrated zombies.
I heart Eddie Izzard. "Building a henge, are you?"
Posted by: Nicole at March 13, 2008 7:23 PM
Yes yes...so now we all know what I look like. You can all now be disappointed. I need to go get the tiny, sharp implements and the styptic powder and find a dark corner to cut mysel...err collect my thoughts. But yeah...
They have a running joke on this morning show where they say Uma Thurman, while gorgeous has wonky eyes like Admiral Ackbar, so I put 2 and 2 together and Uma Ackbar was born. Everything I was wearing was duct tape and cardboard. Does wonders for my package though!
{mumbles}...and yes...the suit was so tight that I had to wear pantyhose over my boxerbriefs so I could get my legs in. But I suffer for my craft dammit! And anyone who challenges me gets a fair help of slaughtering at the hands of the reanimated corpses of the recently deceased riding up to you on the back of a mutated rabbit the size of a ford pick-up. And what?!!?
...that's what I thought....
First ca, straw henge and wood henge. But then a bog bad wolf came and blew them down, and 3 little pigs were relocated to the projects.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 7:51 PM
And for reference...next year the plan is to build the yellow MFP pursuit car from Mad Max with 5 more bikes...Goose (the cop) plus ToeCutter, Bubba Zanetti, Johnny the Boy, and Cundalini. That is gonna be the SHIT!
Posted by: PissBoy at March 13, 2008 7:57 PM
But PissBoy, what are you going to build the year after next? Eventually, you will run out of yellow vehicles. What then?
It will be the best day of my life if you say the plan is to build a Chiquita banana rocket scooter.
pissboy I wouldn't say I'm disappointed as you're not so bad, though I do wish I could get back the time I spent wading through pictures and avoiding the "Taint Tatoo Two!" and "Vag project 2007" galleries to see what a fellow Pajib-er looks like.
Posted by: racheee at March 14, 2008 2:16 AM
Bunnicula was rad. He left little white, sucked out vegetables in the kitchen, and the cat and dog had to figure it out. It's the last of my childhood books that haven't been made into films yet . . .
About a week. Spent more time on the suit cuz I had to build it to fit AS I was wearing it. And after about 10 mins in any portion of it I was sweating my balls off in my apartment. Then freezing on the mountain until i started drinkin cuz it was 2 degrees outside. The bike took me the better part of 3 night. Day of the even I hadn't slept in about 40 hours. It was awesome. Life is so much more interesting and the risks so much riskier when coupled with sleep deprivation.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 14, 2008 10:53 AM
goddammit...i just thought of something...I have 2 sets of pictures in galleries on bikerpics.org. "Bikerpics.org"...it just sounds like a tough website. I am doing NOTHING to help myself as far as 'tough' is concerned because in one set i am dressed in duct tace on a cardboard motorcycle, and then the other pics are me on my real motorcycle in a goddamn Eeyore costume. I need to go do something tough...STAT!!
Posted by: PissBoy at March 14, 2008 12:13 PM
then the other pics are me on my real motorcycle in a goddamn Eeyore costume.
I'm sure there's some way to spin an Eeyore costume into being badass. He IS pretty curmudgeonly.
Posted by: Julie at March 14, 2008 12:24 PM
Hell yeah! Eeyore totally scares me! I was afraid....[muffled laughter]...totally afraid of him as a kid! He kicked everyone else around!
Hehehe....seriously, PissBoy...if you put rocket launchers on your bike...it doesn't matter what you're wearing. Unless it's a fairy costume.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 14, 2008 12:37 PM
Especially standing in front of Cinderella's Carousel. Can't find the pictures of when I wore a full body suit with a hood, but it was menacing, and damn hard to sit in an office chair with that tail!
Yeah, that's the same one I had for a Halloween! I hated that it said "Eeyore" across the chest because, you know, Eeyore doesn't have his name on himself. Probably decent warmth against the wind I'd guess, and I support all Eeyore promotion.
I mean...hey, you guys look great. Big ups for the Eeyore love...
I guess I shouldn't talk...I had a few theatre classes when I was in college, and was in full pig costume for a Mary Poppins play...
Hey! That pig was cool! He had his own line in the song! Stop looking at me like that...
[wishes he could have been Eeyore...]
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at March 14, 2008 2:39 PM
PissBoy, you may be able to take on Roo, but otherwise...I think Pooh would kick your ass and make your hollowed out skull into a honeypot.
Posted by: Julie at March 14, 2008 2:41 PM
Maybe it's badass to wear an Eeyore costume amongst bikers since it's basically begging for an ass-beating, Hell's Angels style. Pretty damn brave if you ask me.
Why are you the only one in costume, and why Eeyore?
Posted by: racheee at March 14, 2008 2:41 PM
This was for the ABATE Toy Run to Children's Hospital of Philly, hence the costume. The were a couple pirates, a Pooh, Bart Simpson, Santa Claus, the Mario Brothers. I just happen to be the only one in that picture cuz they make you ride out in the order that you arrive. It was worth it to see the looks on the kids faces when we walked in and dropped off the toys.
I can say though that I was the only one other than the old man dressed as santa (an no one will pick on an old guy for that) that walked around in costume. And i had a pagan told me that he knew better than to fuck with me because I had to "...have a set that goes 'Clang!'" to get away with that getup. I took it as a compliment, and then he had his buddies take pictures of the 2 of us together...Pagans heart Eeyore.
Posted by: PissBoy at March 14, 2008 3:00 PM
PissBoy, just promise you'll have a drink for me on Monday at Finnegan's. *kicks desk* Stupid work.
There is no way in hell I'm going to miss next year's CBC. I love P&S.
Posted by: Nicole at March 14, 2008 5:26 PM
Edward Norton, I've got a problem. There are aspects of your acting that cause me to be unable to control my vomit.
I want to like you, I really do, but the INTENSE and BADASS vibe you've been trying so desperately to give off since American History X is negated by the fact that you look like someone who'd get beat up every day at my school. I go to a Catholic, all-girls' high school, Edward Norton. Please, stick to your element: smart, sensitive guys, who do NOT fight or rip their shirts of dramatically every three seconds.
Posted by: marebear at March 17, 2008 7:29 PM
Also, Dustin, hon? How many times do you and your fellow reviewers have to mention your shriveled/black/shrunken/hollow hearts? Do you guys need a puppy? You should get a puppy.
I know that I won't be able to watch Wall-E until someone sits down with me and promises, faithfully and on their Mother's grave, that NOTHING happens to the cute little robot during the course of the film, including any kind of mild peril. I just couldn't take it.
Stupid manipulative robotic thing with big eyes.
Yes, I'm aware that I have a closer affinity to robots than puppies. I'm a monster. We know.