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March 13, 2008 |

By Daniel Carlson | Industry | March 13, 2008 |

I’ll be honest, most of the time when I’m cobbling these round-ups together, I’m at a loss for what to say in regards to how the projects in question are somehow interesting or ironic or what have you. But sometimes the universe just gift-wraps stuff for you. It was announced this week that Paramount is in negotiations with production company Platinum Dunes to remake Rosemary’s Baby. Platinum Dunes is headed by Michael Bay and two other men who aren’t Michael Bay, but the thing I’m focusing on here is Michael Bay. The man who shepherded films like Armageddon and Pearl Harbor into the world, these terrible and bloated deformities on the body of modern American moviemaking — this is the man who will help remake the story about the child of Satan. I just — I really can’t do any more with that. Michael Bay. Son of the devil. There you go.

In other news, the film adaptation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be split into two parts, presumably because director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves are too lazy to edit the book down to a more compact 2- or even 3-hour movie. (Start with all the scenes where the three main characters just sit in the woods for several months, guys.) Anyway, part one of the film will hit theaters in November 2010, with part two arriving in May 2011, so all you fans will have to wait even longer for the final film version. The sixth movie in the series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, comes out this November.

In comic book news: Warner Bros. has nabbed the rights to Jeff Smith’s Bone, an epic series about three cousins who get kicked out of their home town of Boneville and soon find themselves on the separated in a mysterious valley and on the run from dangerous creatures. Smith will serve as executive producer on the project, though whether it will be live-action, animated, or a mix is still undecided. The comic series ran for 55 issues, which pretty much guarantees that the film will be a huge bastardization of the story’s scope and events. … Also this week, Paramount has acquired the rights to Douglas TenNapel’s graphic novel Monster Zoo, about a group of teenagers who band together to fight an ancient evil that escapes an idol and winds up mutating a bunch of animals at a zoo. (Yeah, I know.) Sam Raimi will produce, though no writer has yet been hired to handle the adaptation.

For this morning’s trailer watch, let’s just get the obvious out of the way with the clip for this summer’s The Incredible Hulk. Word is that Edward Norton is getting all up in everybody’s face about how the film should shape up, but I’m here to tell you, unless the movie winds up being significantly better than the trailer, Norton should just lay low and get back to indies:

Next up the latest trailer for Wall-E, the new one from Pixar, and it’s so damn cute it even manages to penetrate my cold black heart and inspire feelings of warm goodness:

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.

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