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Roots get in bus crash because of Jimmy Fallon | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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See, NBC, Do See What Happens When You Do Evil?

Collateral Damage / Seth Freilich

Trade News | November 24, 2008 | Comments (22)

Jimmy Fallon is not loved around these parts. With good cause, since he’s a one-note hack who couldn’t even hold Jim Belushi’s jock when it comes to “comedy” (because at least Belushi can keep a straight fucking face). So when it was announced that NBC was giving Fallon the post-“Tonight Show” slot next year, when Conan takes over for Leno, many were understandably apoplectic. Last week, this story took an inexplicable turn when a rumor was heavily circulated that the Roots would become Fallon’s house band (although some deemed it truth, I believe it remains unconfirmed at this point).

The Roots are awesome. Especially their drummer, ?uestlove, who’s beyond awesome. So this news bummed me out.

Apparently I wasn’t alone, as Godtopus decided that It needed to send a message of Its own. And so it was only a day later that I read news of the Roots’ tour bus crashing in Paris last week. Thankfully, all were fine. But take a hint, boys, and make sure that this rumor does not become reality. Because if it’s confirmed that y’all are becoming Fallon’s band, neither I nor anyone else on this humble website can be responsible for the fury that Gotopus might unleash.


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Comments

First... to say: thank goodness the Roots are OK.

Posted by: indiebass at November 24, 2008 11:27 AM

Jimmy Fallon. Fuh-ruck-topus.

You know: Letterman and Leno were actually funny -before- they got the sweet gig of latenight TV hosting. Jimmy Fallon would not be funny if he was eaten alive by Chris Rock on HBO and shat out on PPV by Dave Chappelle -- giving him Conan's slot is evidence that somebody at NBC is a closet pedophile and Fallon is totally playing catcher for their evil desires.

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at November 24, 2008 11:37 AM

No. Just, no.

Posted by: jM at November 24, 2008 11:40 AM

Glad that they're ok, but if this turns out to be true... Well I may just rewatch ?uestlove's appearance on the Dave Chappelle's show and tell myself it's all a lie.

But then again it has J. Mayer... Hmmmm. Was he still a douche back then?

Posted by: Kayanne at November 24, 2008 11:41 AM

Well, Jimmy Fallon on late night is yet another reason I no longer watch late night talk shows (and giving Jimmy Fallon anything OTHER THAN a lobotomy and a free castration is one of the signs of the impending Godtopalyse, where the Godtopus returns to wreak its wrath upon the cheesy).

Posted by: The Wanderer at November 24, 2008 11:42 AM

Does Jimmy have any support on this site? He's elicited a chuckle from me here and there. More than Leno. I will defend him until I see him in a Talk Show format. He won't have to worry about laughing during a sketch. It'll just be edited out. ((Seth, what is your stance on Star Wars? It may determine how far I go in defending this point.)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 24, 2008 11:45 AM

That'll learn 'em.

Posted by: TK at November 24, 2008 11:53 AM

Seems like any TV news is bad TV news...

Sports hijacking! Seth/Philly Eloquents, how do you feel about McNabb being benched?? Is the Phillies high compensating for the Eagles?

Posted by: branded at November 24, 2008 11:53 AM

Personally, I don't care if Jimmy's got a job or not, I just fear that Conan'll be sapped by the safer time slot.

I just don't think I'm gonna see a masturbating bear, a coked-up werewolf or a pimp bot.

But...we'll see.

Posted by: Jay at November 24, 2008 11:58 AM

I just don't think I'm gonna see a masturbating bear, a coked-up werewolf or a pimp bot.

I don't want to live in a world where this doesn't exist. If the masturbating bear can make my granddad laugh, then it deserves to be on an 11:30 time slot.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 24, 2008 12:02 PM

Ugh. Jimmy Fallon is awful. I hate when attractive people get the idea that they're funny because people who want to sleep with them or be their friend laugh at all their dumb jokes.

See as an example: practically every hot girl or guy you've ever met.

Jimmy's like Jay in that he seems like a nice guy so its hard to completely hate him even if you think he's a no-talent hack.

Posted by: becks at November 24, 2008 12:30 PM

With that headline and the picture of ?uestlove, I got so scared that something bad had happened.

Thank Godtopus everyone (except Jimmy Fallon) is okay.

Posted by: Audiosuede at November 24, 2008 12:43 PM

While Dave will always be classic late night for me, most of what passes for funny on television these days is just plain embarrassing. Heck, most of what passes for programming is shameful as well. I have to stop myself here or I'll be on an all-day tirade over the state of entertainment. Luckily I have small children to keep me laughing.

Posted by: Cindy at November 24, 2008 12:49 PM

I might actually watch Fallon's sure-to-be terrible show just to enjoy the barely disguised contempt radiating from the bandstand. I figure it'll be no more than six weeks before Black Though beats Fallon with his own shoe.

As for the Phillies: No.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 24, 2008 12:51 PM

Optimus Rhyme, I, too, reserve judgment. Fallon WAS funny on Weekend Update, people - I promise! He's just not funny when he's improv-ing or when in a scripted scene with other, funnier people who make him laugh (i.e. Will Farrel or pretty much any of the other cast). But he looks great in a suit and Weekend Update was a format he could handle - so why shouldn't we think he can once again sit behind a desk and bullshit with celebrities? Plus, ?uestlove made John Mayer seem funny, so who knows? this might just work out OK.

FUCK, ya'll, they gave human anal wart Carson Daly a shot - let's at least give Jimmy the benefit of the doubt.

Posted by: Tammy at November 24, 2008 12:54 PM

I just don't know what to say to this. The Roots are selling out? They're the m'f-ing ROOTS. How does something like this happen? Maybe we'll all get lucky and someone's tour bus will crash into Fallon. Personally, the only late night I ever bother watching is Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show, but we all know I'm a sucker for a Scotsman.

Seth/Philly Eloquents, how do you feel about McNabb being benched?? Is the Phillies high compensating for the Eagles?

McNabb's been sucking hard for weeks, but no, you don't bench your franchise quarterback at halftime (without having the courtesy to do it yourself, Andy Reid, you pussy) in favor of an untested piece of shit who tries to be a hotshot on what should have been a fucking short run play. Say what you will about McNabb, but the man can still run a sneak and get the job done. I'm not championing McNabb; he's clearly way off, but at least give him the chance to get a rhthym going in the third and if you do have to bench him, put fucking Feeley in.

No, the Phillies win does not make up for this clusterfuck of a football season.

Posted by: Nicole at November 24, 2008 1:12 PM

Sports hijacking! Seth/Philly Eloquents, how do you feel about McNabb being benched?? Is the Phillies high compensating for the Eagles?

Honestly...yes...Philly teams could go 0'fer for the next year and I wouldn't give shit. No one nugget.

Now...concerning McNabb. Andy Reid was coaching for his job yesterday...and lost it. It's almost as if he threw Kolb in as a way to answer to all the talking heads and sports fans on Philly talk radio. Those fucking retard hate McNabb. To which I reply...'Quoi?' Am I the only one who remembers Randall Cunningham? Jim McMahon? (The godawful!) Rodney Peete? Bubby motherfuckingkillmenow Brister?! Ty/Koy Detmer? Bobby Hoying?! Donovan Mcnabb is the best quarterback ever to play in Philadelphia and Andy Reid is the best coach. The only possible arguement for the coach spot would be Dick Vermeil.

Now about the benching...people actually cheered. Fine. Fine. Cheer. Guess what Eagles fans? Kevin Kolb AIN'T it. I'm not saying he won't be a good quarterback, but he isn't Philly's answer. Why? Because the University of Houston is a gimmick offense school and they have never produced a single viable quarterback. 3 names. Chuck Clements. Andre Ware. David Klingler. All college studs/heisman hopefuls/winner. All of the rediculously gaudy passing stats in college. But combined as starters in the NFL: 7W - 25L. They came out of a gimmick offense in a gimmick school and suffered for it. Kevin Koolb will be the same deal. Mcnabb should be the starter, that's it. If anyone leaves at the end of this season it should be Andy Reid. He lost the killer instinct after we lost the SuperBowl. Andy hasn't been able to coach against a team willing to come out and punch him in the mouth since then. We're a finesse team without finesse. Plus we've got an overpaid, brittle-boned running back who's playing 30% of the downs at 70% health. Eff that ess.

Let's go Flyers!

Posted by: PissBoy at November 24, 2008 1:14 PM

Optimus Rhyme & Tammy, here's my beef with Fallon.

I was like, what, 12, when he was on and I thought he was so cute, which, I guess, reasonably, he is. But I was under the impression that every fucking sketch on that show had to have someone breaking character to make the scene funny.

Last week with Paul Rudd and the "affection family" scene was hysterical and no one broke character. Fallon allowed himself to think he was the funniest sumbitch he knew which gives him automatic douche stank.

He was cute on Weekend Update, I grant you (Tammy). And that idiot boyfriend song makes me giggle. I can't help it.

But you two have convinced me (but mostly my inner tween) to give this show a try. And if Roots is the band, ?uestlove will be the best straight man ever.

Posted by: Kayanne at November 24, 2008 1:23 PM

If The Roots did this a decade ago, I might hate them for it. But I understand what a nice gig it might appear to be for them...basically i just love them too much to be mad. Also, I won't ever have to witness it because Fallon annoys the living hell out of me. Stop fucking laughing at yourself, douche.

Posted by: VeinsRHiways at November 24, 2008 1:46 PM

Fallon seems a little...fidgety...to be a talk show. I disagree that the WU desk suited him. He was passable, but didn't bring anything to enhance the material, which is what a late night monologue is all about. You have to be able to deliver the good ones, sell the mediocre ones, AND be funny enough to slog on when they fall completely flat.

I can't imagine him being any better than Carson Daly, who is flat out awful.

Posted by: Matches at November 24, 2008 3:51 PM

Deep in the recesses of my heart, I hoped that for some totally insane reason Dave Chappelle would want to be the host of The Tonight Show. If he had kept up with his show on Comedy Central, he could have been first black comedian host on the show. That would have been so...very...!

Posted by: ph at November 24, 2008 5:42 PM

RE: The Eagles.

* begin rant *

I will defend McNabb until forever. We here in Syracuse still back Donovan though the debate still rages about overtime fiasco. Something is not right on that team over all but pulling your quarterback is not the answer. I think Cleveland saw that when they caved in to the fans and put in Brady Quinn. It doesn't fix what is going on with the rest of the team. Ultimately the coaches have to answer for the decisions that are made. That goes for Andy Reid and Romeo Crennel. (Yes, LONG time, LONG suffering Browns fan M'Effers, thanks for asking.)

* end rant*

And I am baffled by the supposed appeal of Jimmy Fallon. He's a bargain basement Mike Myers. But if he gets a show it will not affect my existence because I stopped watching that shite when Leno took over the Tonight Show. I will occasionally watch some clips from Letterman or Conan but that's it. Now, if the Roots are involved I cannot even function any longer. They need their own damn show.

Posted by: greer at November 24, 2008 7:07 PM





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