Ron Howard Filming HP Lovecraft

Next Up: Miley Cyrus Plays Dream In Neil Gaiman's Sandman!!!

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (29)

Most film rumors are innocuous, or at the very least, so eye rollingly irrelevant that one doesn’t need to get much worked up about them. They’re like the madlibs of rumor mills: [director] reboots [famous franchise], script written by [type of root vegetable] starring Shia Labeouf and [name attached to implants once rubbed against Michael Bay’s toes]. But every once and a while, a rumor bubbles up like a particularly flush resistant fudge dragon, something so vile that you can’t expunge it from memory.

Ron Howard is rumored to be directing an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft.

Guillermo del Toro has proposed a film based on At The Mountains of Madness but he’s been caught up in the disaster of funding The Hobbit first, so Howard has the inside track on pushing his film out. Doesn’t he have a Dan Brown book he could be adapting instead?

But honestly, I haven’t been this excited since they made John Constantine a fucking southern Californian.

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Comments

Opie and H.P.
Yup, that's a Dream Team alright, ain't it, Barney?

Posted by: Spender at September 29, 2009 9:09 AM

Jesus fucking Christ, Steven. That headline is the scariest goddamn thing I've seen in years. Makes the Human Centipede movie look like a Rockwell painting.

You're a sick man.

Posted by: TK at September 29, 2009 9:15 AM

Oh, Rl'yeh?

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at September 29, 2009 9:15 AM

jesus, my coffee is brewing too slowly.

i'll remember this news later today, when i'm woke up proper.
wait, what did i read this morning? hannah montana is the new middle link in the human centipede movie?
talk about your ATM!

(she's just bein miley)

Posted by: gp at September 29, 2009 9:26 AM

oh, and rusty, relex.

Posted by: gp at September 29, 2009 9:28 AM

I almost cried when I read that headline. I need to remember never to take anything on this sight seriously unless otherwise indicated.

Posted by: benjamin at September 29, 2009 9:33 AM

No! Don't give them these ideas! And why didn't James Marsters play Constantine? Actually I just want Spike to play Constantine, can we do that? The character. Not the American doing a British accent. And Neil Gaiman writes the script. And Joss Whedon helps. And Christina Hendricks plays a boobie demon who shows her boobies.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 29, 2009 9:44 AM

Ron Howard is perfect for Lovecraft. The horror of the banal, the unknowable evil that lurks in the shadows, the secret societies and forbidden rituals. Oh, but instead of the stench of brine and the grasping tentacles that drive men insane, there will be puppies and lovable scamps. That's okay, right?

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 29, 2009 9:46 AM

As awful as a Lovecraft movie from Ron Howard sounds, I think we are still safe for a Del Toro "In the Mountains of Madness". He doesn't strike me as the kind of director to get scared off a project because of a competing one. Especially since few directors are better suited for this material than Del Toro. Besides by the time "The Hobbit" (and likely "The Strain") come out and he can move on to "Mountains of Madness" the Ron Howard flick will have long been relegated to the Walmart bargain bin.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 29, 2009 9:55 AM

It's going to star Tom Hanks' hair, right?

Posted by: admin at September 29, 2009 9:59 AM

That headline is not funny. Don't you even fucking joke about that shit...I nearly had a heart attack just from reading that headline. And I'm only 20. I don't even want to know what it would do to my 43 year old father or 40 year old aunt, both of whom share my love of Sandman

Posted by: Joe at September 29, 2009 10:16 AM

Tom Hanks could work. He is developing that Innsmouth look in his middle age.

Posted by: stardust savant at September 29, 2009 10:36 AM

Could someone please shoot Ron Howard? Anything allow del Toro do a Lovecraft movie.

Posted by: FabMax at September 29, 2009 10:57 AM

Quick! We must fund a quest to discover the original Necronomicon. Once found, we shall chant naked in a field until the Old Ones surface to once again rule the world. Their first decision shall be to remove Ron Howard from the equation of HP Lovecraft adaptations.

Then the forced mating will begin. Those of us who refuse shall be blinded by the darkness and forced to play wild sexual musical the likes of which have never been heard before. This will, of course, be the soundtrack of the forced mating.

Then the consumption of human flesh starts, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Posted by: Robert at September 29, 2009 11:16 AM

Dammit to FUCK Rowles! That header! Wha de hell!?! I don't need my brain fried before noon!

Posted by: Four Eyes at September 29, 2009 11:24 AM

I'm not one for strong language but, honestly, Fuck and You for that monstrous headline.

No, not the one about Lovecraft. The other one. The one with Miley Cyrus and Sandman in the same sentence.

In case I wasn't clear before, fuck you. I nearly lost my breakfast in a surge of rage. In my mind I had already half-booked a plan of attack to head up towards Hollywood and firebomb the studio responsible.

On the other hand, I think Del Toro would do a fine Lovecraft. He might add a little more humor than was warranted, but who hasn't had a good laugh now and then as a Shoggoth devours some hapless sacrifice's face.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at September 29, 2009 11:51 AM

Okay, I think Cyrus as Dream wouldn't totally kill me.

However, she'd better stay away from Death, or the gloves are off, bitches.

Posted by: agent bedhead at September 29, 2009 12:22 PM

Ron Howard does H.P. Lovecraft. Here's hoping the sonofabitch actually sees one of the Outer Gods. Might add that edginess to his films he's been missing. Also might lead him to kill everyone on his crew. Either way, it'll be a fuck of a lot more entertaining than Angels and Demons.

Posted by: bignick at September 29, 2009 1:00 PM

Silly me. Here I was thinking that Will Smith and Steven Spielberg attached to Old Boy was the most retarded thing I would hear this decade.

Posted by: EricD at September 29, 2009 1:04 PM

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLLLLESSSSSSSS

I've warned you about scaring me man!

THERE WILL BE A RECKONING FOR THIS

You will be allowed NONE of my delicious Banana cake, which I will be giving to every other pajiban EXCEPT YOU.

Line up everyone, for delicious banana cake!IF YOU GIVE SOME TO ROWLES YOU GET A STABBING

Posted by: Nadine at September 29, 2009 1:17 PM

It was S.L.W.'s column, Nadine. I think he deserves some of the blame.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 29, 2009 3:12 PM

I was this close to slitting my wrists. You're the first man to make me cry since I was nine. I hope you're proud of yourself, you prick.

Posted by: Minty at September 29, 2009 5:00 PM

Thanks to that headline, I now feel the need to gather my Neil Gaiman collection into my arms and rock in a corner, telling myself it's okay, it's okay, it was just a joke, it's okay...

Posted by: minorblue at September 29, 2009 5:02 PM

EricD thanks for reminding us of another reason why some parts of the hollywood establishment should be consumed by the fiery pit in Satan's anus.

Oh, that's what it is now. Nevermind.

Posted by: bignick at September 29, 2009 5:05 PM

Wait.

I heard something about banana cake?

Posted by: vikky at September 29, 2009 6:43 PM

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?

Don't even joke about something like that. That headline actually made me scream. In my cubicle. AT A CALL CENTRE.

Posted by: KDM at September 29, 2009 10:33 PM

I'd watch it, but only if Howard narrated the movie using his "Arrested Development" narrator voice.

Posted by: Yay! It's Cap'n SausageFingers! at September 29, 2009 10:43 PM

That headline is atrocious. It's been the most painful thing I've read all year.

Posted by: io at September 30, 2009 4:51 AM

I very nearly had a heart attack when I read that headline. And I'm 18.

Posted by: Victor at September 30, 2009 4:41 PM

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