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December 5, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | December 5, 2008 |

Fox has decided they want to remake Romancing the Stone. I thought we already did this? Wasn’t it called “Fool’s Gold” and didn’t it star Kate Hudson and Matthew McCan’tspellit’s abs?

They’re giving money to Daniel McDermott. He used to be a development executive for DreamWorks and decided instead that he ought to be a writer. Eagle Eye was partially his fault. So they’ve signed him on for this, a remake of Soylent Green — it’s made of people! — and my personal favorite, a project for Tom Cruise called Adventurer’s Club. It’s probably not about a club for pedophiles who travel around the world having sex with children. No, wait, that was the Super Adventurer’s Club, you know the group that kidnapped Chef in the South Park episode when they took him to task for running away to Scientology. This just the regular Adventurer’s Club, the ones who pull up to schoolyards in panel vans with bags of candy and Nintendo DS’s.

They haven’t announced a cast yet. I’d like to see Lindsay Lohan actually take on the Joan Wilder part, because she looks about 40 and she’s got that chewing on cigarettes and cock voice going for her. Michael Douglas’s Jack Colton is a real man’s man. It’s one of those Kurt Russell-y parts, that grinning smart ass bravado. Sean William Scott might be able to pull it off. He’s actually started acting now, I know it’s hard to believe.

The only actor in Hollywood who can be Danny Devito is apparently me. I’ve been called in for several television programs based solely on that fact. However, I think the best move is to go with David Krumholz, the Jew stoner from Harold and Kumar who stars in “Numbers.” Or “Num8er5,” if you want to be like that. The dude’s got this awesome combination of Costanza and Columbo. He’d be a perfect angry foil.

They also asked Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas to make cameos. Douglas is going to be the alligator boots, and Turner’s going to be the boat.

More Remake News! / Brian Prisco

Industry | December 5, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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