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December 12, 2008 |

By TK Burton | Industry | December 12, 2008 |

Rock of Ages is a musical about two young lovers who try to make it work amidst the wild and crazy rock and roll life. If it sounds stupid, well, that’s because it probably is. It’s supposed to take place in the 80’s, and as such it features musical numbers written by bands like Styx, Twisted Sister, Steve Perry and Asia.

Asia. Jesus wept.

Steve Perry. Of Journey. Sweet humping Buddha.

poison.jpgIt also features tunes by Pat Benatar, who is sort of cool. And Poison, who are not even a little cool. And don’t you give me that “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” is so bad it’s good bullshit. BULLSHIT. It was a shit song then and it’s a shit song now.

Anyway. I’m getting a little sidetracked by the immense stupidity inherent in a musical featuring crappy 80’s hair bands. But Hollywood, because they have now cornered the market on unbelievable fucktardness, has taken it to the next level.

A movie about a musical featuring crappy 80’s hair bands. Read it and weep, bitches. It’s being directed by Chris D’Arienzo, who apparently also wrote the book that the play is based on.

Of course, this is a convenient excuse for me to post the second-dumbest video ever made. Watch it and bathe in its crapulent glory.

Isn’t this exciting? Couldn’t you just die?!

Oh, cram it.

Really? No... Really? / TK

Industry | December 12, 2008 |

TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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