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Robert Zemeckis to Uglimate The Nutcracker

The Man Sure Knows How to Ruin Christmas / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 11, 2009 | Comments (25)

I haven’t seen Robert Zemeckis’ Christmas Carol yet, though Agent Bedhead’s review suggests that it’s not only an extraordinary and faithful adaptation, but one that’s also rather dark. It’s not exactly killing at the box-office, but it’s still just the first week of November, and the yearly Christmas movies tend to have a lot of box-office legs (last year’s Four Christmases debuted with a similar $31 million opening weekend and went on to gross $120 million — and it didn’t open until Thanksgiving).

Indeed, Zemeckis is clearly a fan of Christmas movies (knowing they are all but a sure thing, see also Polar Express), and the man has no reservations about smearing his 3D motion-capture all over sacred source material (see also Beowulf). So it doesn’t come as much of a surprise to learn, via The Hollywood Cog, that Zemeckis has his sights set on another sacred Christmas text: The Nutcracker.

To be sure, this is not an adaptation of the popular Tchaikovsky ballet (fathers everywhere can breath a sigh of relief) but an adaptation of E.T.A. Hoffmann’s original novel, The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. Zemeckis’ The Nutcracker will be a faithful adaptation, as well. It’ll be a period piece, set in 19th century Russia, which will explore how the cursed Nutcracker character came to be and the battle between the dolls and the mice.

Oh, and it goes without saying, I suppose, but he’s gonna use that Zemeckian 3D animated motion capture to make the movie.

It’s not the first big-screen adaptation of The Nutcracker. There was a stop-motion version featuring Christopher Lee in 1979, called Nutcracker Fantasy and a traditional animated version in 1990 called The Nutcracker Prince (with Kiefer Sutherland). However, I suspect this will be the first that will probably cost $200 million and, if The Christmas Carol is any indication, that will probably scare the bejesus out of your kids.


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Comments

Holy crap. What's with this ruin-Christmas obsession? Is Robert Zemeckis the Grinch?

Posted by: Jerce at November 11, 2009 11:07 AM

Jeebus someone make Zemeckis stop.

Wasn't there a hideous Nutcracker adaptation with Macauley Culkin (however the hell you spell his name)?

I hate that I know that.

Posted by: figgy at November 11, 2009 11:12 AM

I just...no. No. There is nothing more sacred to me than The Nutcracker. I own two versions of the book. I've seen the ballet three times. I love Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite and know every note. I collect nutcrackers, for fuck's sake. NO.

I'm not going to make the overused quip about Hollywood raping things that I love. There are just some things that Hollywood needs to leave the fuck alone, because they are awesome and amazing and captivating and classic. Fuck you, Zemeckis. Fuck you right in the ear with a turkey baster.

Posted by: Nicole at November 11, 2009 11:14 AM

"the man has no reservations about smearing his 3D motion-capture all over sacred source material..."

Hahahahahahaha

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 11, 2009 11:14 AM

No film could ever come close to the cinematic magic created by the Disney Corporation in Care Bears Nutcracker Suite. That is televised crack. It's my first TV memory and I watched my family's VHS tape, with commercials, till I had the whole thing memorized, down to music cues and formula commercials. No way Zemekis could top that.

Posted by: Robert at November 11, 2009 11:17 AM

*pulls out very large high-caliber weapon, points it at Hollywood's ear*

All right, you bastards, I'm gonna count to three and you're gonna back slooooooowly away from "A Christmas Story," understand? UNDERSTAND? Good.

One ...

*KA-BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*

Ooops!

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 11, 2009 11:22 AM

Wow, Robert. Just....wow.

Posted by: figgy at November 11, 2009 11:30 AM

"All right, you bastards, I'm gonna count to three and you're gonna back slooooooowly away from "A Christmas Story," understand? UNDERSTAND? Good..."

----------------------------------------

Make sure you also shoot Vermillion and his remake brigade they loooooooooooove all things remake. Shoot them good and dead.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 11, 2009 11:30 AM

Is Zemeckis trying to do to Christmas what the "Movie Movie" guys have done to cinema?

Posted by: Fredo at November 11, 2009 11:30 AM

Somebody hide "A Charlie Brown Christmas."

Posted by: greer at November 11, 2009 11:30 AM

What's that? Made a beautfiul, engaging, and faithful (actually kinda, gasp, scary) adaptation of Dickens' A Christmas Carol, did you? Well, ok...welcome to the club. The line's over there.
What's that? Did the same for Hoffmann's The Nutcracker?
Ummmm...sir, we really don't have a club for that...umm...looks like you'll have to just go sit with E.T.A himself.

Posted by: laredo at November 11, 2009 11:35 AM

Make sure you also shoot Vermillion and his remake brigade they loooooooooooove all things remake. Shoot them good and dead.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 11, 2009 11:30 AM
---
*reloads*

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 11, 2009 11:37 AM

I don't give a shit what he does. My girls are in the ballet version and Zemeckis can't get anywhere near it.

Posted by: Cindy at November 11, 2009 11:42 AM

"To be sure, this is not an adaptation of the popular Tchaikovsky ballet (fathers everywhere can breath a sigh of relief)"

The fuck? If I have read this right and understand that our dear Dustin has just insulted Tchaichovsky, then my respect for this site has just dropped several pegs. Heaven forbid dads have to pull their asses off the couch and away from the 18th airing of "A Christmas Story"* that day to take his kids to an actual real-live performance of an actual real-live classic piece of actual culture and art.

/gets up from computer, pours glass of merlot, sits down in armchair, swirls glass, reads The Atlantic Monthly, looks down her nose at Andrew Sullivan piece, laughs haughtily, shits pants

*-no disrespect intended to A Christmas Story in and of itself. But it is rerun too many goddamn times throughout the season. Now that's a way to ruin a classic.

Posted by: Cat at November 11, 2009 11:54 AM

You know, I have never understood the howling devotion people have for "A Christmas Story."
Easy Big Daddy, I don't think it should be fucked with or anything, I just don't get the appeal and sheer LOVE people have for it. Of course, I hate fat little bespectacled kids.
Give me classic Grinch any day.

Also:
Nutcracker movie: No.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 11, 2009 1:29 PM

There totally was a Culkin Nutcracker, he was the Nutcracker Prince.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107719/

Thanks imdb, I appreciate it.

Posted by: kilmo at November 11, 2009 1:50 PM

I know there is a joke in here about nuts and cracking and making Zemekis back away from this adaptation and yet another stupid motion-capture film, but I just can't quite seem to find it.......

Posted by: stardust (now with 100% less savant) at November 11, 2009 2:25 PM

I have the Care Bears Nutcracker on DVD. It's a huge pile of god awful trash and I love every minute of it. Of course, I even sat through the Barbie Nutcracker.

I have to say, though, if he's going to do a GOOD adaptation of the ACTUAL story, then I'm stoked. I love the book. You can pick up a copy at Barnes and Noble, illustrated by Maurice Sendak. No, no thanks necessary. There's even an amazing ballet version, with costumes and sets done by Mr. Sendak called "Nutcracker: The Motion Picture" which is my favorite version of the ballet. Of course, it's the one version that's out of print. . .

Though, having done the damn ballet way too many times, I can understand the whole "fathers breathing a sigh of relief" thing. The ballet CAN be beautiful, but it can also be a trite, chinzy piece of trash when done by most Dolly Dinkle School's of dance.

Posted by: Rowen at November 11, 2009 3:54 PM

Do a motion capture It's a Wonderful Life! Do it, Zemeckis! Or don't you have the balls?!

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 11, 2009 7:16 PM

Lwa'e' I will happily watch "Grinch" with you and we'll sing along and laugh and shriek, and when "A Christmas Story" comes on I'm sure the horses will need fed or rode or groomed or something for a couple hours. And when you come back in I'll have the hot toddies* ready.

So, see, we CAN get along.

*--Ensure/Viagra cocktail

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 11, 2009 10:29 PM

Big Daddy, I am sure we would get along swimmingly, who said otherwise?
So, you wanna 'Grinch' huh. I'm not entirely sure I am still flexible for that, but I'll give it a go.

Hot toddies are lost on me as I am a teetotaler (read: One actually has to impress me without the aid of intoxicants to get me in the sack these days) But you just keep taking those little blue pills. We can talk about whatever comes up.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 12, 2009 3:07 AM

Cant he just make a regular movie.What is wrong with him.

Posted by: sense 11 at November 12, 2009 9:14 AM

*reloads*

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 11, 2009 11:37 AM

---------------------------------------------------

Yeah, just try something with me, Golden Guy. I know Slim is a self-absorbed idiot, but you? I expected better. Besides, taking cues from a guy firmly entrenched on top of Seth MacFarlane's cock? Yeah, I rather you shoot me.

Meh on the rest. I still have yet to see a Zemeckis motion-capture film all the way through, so I can't say how bad he is with any certainty. And ever since I started to realize that, even though bad movies exist, I am not actually required to actually rant about them, my life has been much easier.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 12, 2009 9:16 AM

first came news of his Yellow Submarine remake (nothing is sacred)...and now he feels the need to slaughter the Christmas spirit...hey Bob...why not add A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation to the pile...

Posted by: mr. poopypants at November 12, 2009 11:25 AM


the new Christmas Carol was very very good. we saw it in 3D and it was pretty tight. they did a great job w/ the story, too.

Posted by: D altonic at November 12, 2009 10:56 PM





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