Pajiba

I switched over to Discovery at about 9:10 last night and saw a reenactment of someone getting ripped apart by a shark while his wife screamed at him from the beach. So that was nice.

Sharks ain't as scary as they used to be. On TV anyway...

I don't know. I had a couple flights over the weekend, and I had to keep my shade down for fear of seeing a leaping Mega Shark about to knock us out of the sky.

I just can't get into Shark Week like I used to. Too many shows about shark attacks, not enough about sharks.

Looksawesomecantwait!

Memoirs of a Geisha was, by far, the most overrated movie of that week, and every week it replays on cable.

Fucking Hollywood couldn't even find the balls to get two honestly Japanese actors for the two Japanese leads in a quintessential Japanese biography of a Japanese geisha -- instead picking Chinese women in the weird assumption that Wal-Mart America wouldn't know the difference, even though no decent Christian Ford-driving American would watch a movie about a Japanese character unless it came with pork rinds and the promise of kinky sex.

What the hell will Pirates 4: In My Pant's Pant's Pant involve? Johnny Depp swanning about, mumbling incoherently and bizarrely in an approximation of "drunk" before you find out that it was all intentional, maybe? Keira Knightley pursing her lips at things after being feisty with Depp and tender with Bloom and then feeling conflicted? Orlando Bloom making over-enunciated pronouncements in a fashion he believes is heroic? A bunch of CGI shit that's just creepy enough to scare the average 8 year old, but a bit boring for anyone older?

Wait, I think I've got it now.

I actually stumbled on an article last week talking about Pirates4 where one of the producers said they'd gotten as big as possible with Pirates3, and were (I shit you not) going to "reboot" the series and make it more about the characters.

Did I ever tell you guys about the condo in Pensacola Beach my husband & I rented for our mini-honeymoon (seriously he still owes me a real one)? We rented it on reccomendation from good friends who had stayed there when they got married and were all excited about a weekend on the beach. Get to the condo, open the door, turn on the light and there is a 6ft tall plaster pirate (eyepatch, knife in mouth...whole nine) hanging from the living room ceiling. Turns out, without putting any notice up on the condo website the owner had converted ALL of his rental units into Pirate themed vacation spots. So there was a sign on the bathroom: Poop deck. All of the coffee table books were about pirates, all of the decor was pirate themed in some way...and did I mention the 6ft tall plaster pirate hanging from the ceiling in the living room? Yeah well after that I say FUCK YOU PIRATES.
Am not interested in this movie. Do not care if Johnny Depp is in it. Goddamnit.
That is all.

So Jen, when you say "Pirate hanging from the ceiling" do you mean hung by the neck via a noose, or hanging via his hands like he's jumping down to get you?

Weaves, no no I meant hanging from the ceiling like he's swinging in to attack that swarthy, mutineering crew of his.
And I gotta say Stacynotstacey, unexpected Pirates are the best way to totally destroy a honeymoon. Like one, maybe two lithographs might have been cute it was some serious pirate overkill.