web counter
 

You Can’t Spell Smart-Ass Without Smart

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (55)

Zombieland01.jpg

Good news everybody! They’ve officially signed on scribes for the new Deadpool movie. Why is this good news? Because — as first reported by that pretty boy over on CHUD and confirmed by Variety — it’s Zombieland screenwriters and friends of Pajiba Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick!

Like the rest of the cognoscenti, I was pleased with the selection of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, as he combines the necessary ab to wit ratio to pull off the character. And I was digging on the way they treated his character in the first few scenes of Wolverine: Origins. But by the end of the movie when they took away that purty mouf in their efforts to turn him into Baraka from Mortal Kombat, I was horrified and speechless, and a little sticky.

However, I wholeheartedly support Reese and Wernick as the pensmiths for this particular project. Zombieland had a lot of wisecracks and smartassery, which is essentially Deadpool’s bread and butter. They’ll bring the right tenor of violence and humor to the sword-swinging menace. Now they just need a decent director to do it justice.

If you want to see Deadpool done right, get yourselves a copy of the animated Hulk Vs. While it’s awesome watching Hulk fight Wolverine, it’s really Deadpool that makes the movie shine.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← First Look at "MacGruber" and "Your Highness" | Details on The Farrelly Brothers' "Hall Pass" →









Comments

Oh sweet Prisco, you bring fantastic tidings.

Posted by: admin at January 7, 2010 11:06 AM

Now I'M sticky (I was anyway).

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2010 11:14 AM

I can only hope they recreate all the free advertising for Hostess, shameless product placement for GMC, dull "nerd coming-of-age" subploting, boring shootings, gaps in basic logic and driving (so much driving) that made Zombieland so popular.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 11:14 AM

At first I read the title and saw the picture and I was all like "whaaaaaa?" and then I read the rest of it and I was like "Yay! Boner!" and then I read Tracer's comment and then I was like "Sad penis".

Let's review: In the space of twenty seconds, I went from perplexed to joyful to morose. If my moodswings get any more violent I'll get whiplash.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 7, 2010 11:26 AM

Actually, I do believe that in one of the various "after credits" easter eggs in Wolverine, it is revealed that the mouthless horror that gets decapitated at the end wasn't really Wade. So at least the Deadpool movie will have what has been the greatest strength of blockbuster comic book movies: continuity.

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 11:29 AM

Tracer Bullet also thinks "Casablanca" is cliche'. He thinks the Beatles are too poppy and/or overproduced. He doesn't like pepperoni on his pizza and thinks using your debit card reflects irresponsible spending habits, so he only uses cash. He will watch anything with Michael Cera in it -- but only with faux irony (work that one out).

He didn't like "Zombieland." Methinks I smell a contrarian.

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2010 11:34 AM

If they can cut Deadpool into pieces and have him put himself back together like in Hulk vs. Wolverine, I'll be happy.

Posted by: Snath at January 7, 2010 11:53 AM

Well how else will we know that he's so much more cultured than us?

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 11:57 AM

Too stupid to deserve a response.
I prefer the Stones.
I like my pizza with everything except olives.
Use my debit card all the time. Visa tells me it's just like using cash.
I long to kick Michael Cera in the chest until his heart falls out his ass.

So far, you're one for five and I can come up with plenty of reasons why I don't like that silly, overrated movie. Try again, Slappy.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 11:58 AM

They'll like you more at the AV Club, Tracer.

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 12:02 PM

Millions of elephants killed by poachers every year yet somehow you survive.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 12:22 PM

You just need to be a LITTLE sneaky, friend.

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 12:23 PM

Even though I loved Zombieland I don't really think it defies logic that Tracer would honestly dislike it. Sometimes people just don't like the same things as you do, it doesn't mean you need to banish them to The AV Club (a fate worse than death).

As much as it pains me to say it, some people just don't find Bill Murray fu...they don't find him funnnnnn...okay, actually I can't say it.

Posted by: becks at January 7, 2010 12:37 PM

Bill Murray (and the fucker hasn't been funny for YEARS) was only part of it. It was just dumb.

1) Two young women are in the back of grocery store that's full of zombies. They're apparently unarmed and without transportation. How did they get there? How did they survive?

2) Dropping a piano on zombies is funny. Repeatedly shooting them in the head is boring.

3) "I know! Let's go to someplace that's impossible to defend and offers plenty of places for zombies to hide. And let's go at night when they're even more active. Then, let's put ourselves in a situation where escape is completely impossible! Something like . . . an amusement park ride! Perfect."

4) Dressing up like a zombie and sneaking up on a twitchy dude WHO YOU KNOW IS ARMED WITH A SHOTGUN makes as much sense as dressing up like James Earl Jones and surprising your buddies in the Klan.

5) Why is Columbus's IBS so important in the first 20 minutes and completely forgotten for the rest of the movie?

6) Is it reeeeally a good idea to run a con in which a complete stranger has a gun to your 10-year-old sister's head? By all rights, Woody should have capped her ass and kept it moving.

7) Unless your film stars Steve McQueen, driving should be kept to a goddamn minimum.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 12:58 PM

To be fair, I don't think anyone called it smart.

Posted by: becks at January 7, 2010 1:08 PM

Your first mistake was analyzing a movie called "Zombieland" for plausibility. Some "turn off your brain" movies are terrible and cannot be justified by that maxim (Transformers), but some certainly can be (Zombieland). If you were just bored, fine; if you didn't like it because it didn't make sense, get your head out of your ass (assuming it's not so tight it makes extraction impossible).

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 1:18 PM

Uh-huh. So, I should watch a shitty movie like some drooling mouth-breather just because you liked it? And just who in the gee-golly fuck are you again?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 1:27 PM

Well, I have to agree with Tracer Bullet's #6--that was a fucking retarded con. What if he hadn't been the type to take meaningful pauses but just blasted her in the head?

Other than that, I found the movie all kinds of fun and awesome. Everything a zombie movie should be. Even my mom, whose sense of humor disappeared up her own ass about 20 years ago, laughed herself silly. If someone wants to nitpick it to death, they'll find plenty of flaws (how is there still electricity, for example?). What they won't find is anyone particularly interested in watching movies with them because they suck out all the fun.

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 7, 2010 1:29 PM

What they won't find is anyone particularly interested in watching movies with them because they suck out all the fun.

I adore you DeadBessie.

Posted by: Kelly at January 7, 2010 1:32 PM

/eye-roll

If you want to start with the premise that the movie was "fun," then I guess you can ignore all that other stuff. I found movie boring and slow and all the gaping wholes in the story elevated the whole mess from simply dull to completely maddening. It just grinds my gears that Zombieland gets celebrated as around here as objectively good. It wasn't. It was crap. It was fun crap for a lot of people, but it was still crap.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 1:40 PM

Don't fight it dude, just embrace who you are. Be proud. You have decided to have alternative likes and dislikes to better identify yourself as an individual -- it's cool. We get it.

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2010 1:45 PM

No, slow learner. I decided didn't like the goddamn movie.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 2:02 PM

I've got no problem with people not liking it. Hell, I respect that Tracer Bullet actually came up with reasons (most of which are totally valid) instead of the usual "It sucked!" that you'll find from the morons on other sites. What I don't like is when a group of people are happily discussing something they love, and someone else keeps insisting to them how stupid they are for loving it. It stops being a discussion at that point and turns into a lecture. Maybe it gets celebrated around here as being good because it was good. And if you thought it was crap, well, you're wasting an awful lot of time on it. So a bunch of people liked something you didn't--let them.

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 7, 2010 2:05 PM

Not quite now I remember it, but whatever. Arguing on the internet, Special Olympics, blah, blah, blah.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 2:19 PM

Jeremy Feist, you are the king of this thread.

I'm still laughing.

Posted by: Jelinas at January 7, 2010 2:37 PM

Sorry, my bad. Somewhere between the eye-rolling and calling people "too stupid" and "drooling mouth breathers" and referencing the Special Olympics, I missed the respectful discussion. I'll bow out now. But by all means, keep pissing on everyone's parade.

Posted by: DeadBessie at January 7, 2010 2:40 PM

Dude, send me your address. I want to make you a t-shirt that says, "I'm too cool for Zombieland, Michael Cera and The Beatles, but I like pizza so we can still hang out."

Seriously, you prefer the Stones? Nobody REALLY prefer the Stones. Don't get me wrong; the Stones are great and all, but The Beatles were pioneers! They created music that is still unmatched and inspirational with new audiences. Sure, it's a matter of taste and there is no REAL way to challenge someone's preferences and opinions. I'm just saying. It's contrary to conventional thinking.

And choosing to dislike Michael Cera doesn't exactly mean you're following trends, considering the bulk of the American populace LOVE Michael Cera. I love him. I'd take him over a Robert Downey Jr./Ryan Reynolds sandwich any day (lookin' at you, Dustin). You hate him, CONTRARY to what the public thinks.

You hated Zombieland -- both critical success and loved by fans. And your reasons? They drive too much? Because they shoot zombies in the head? It's a road trip movie, dude! And what about the numerous zombies that got crushed/obliterated by carnival rides? I know you didn't forget that sequence because you bitched about that too. And yes, Bill Murray sneaking up on a shotgun weilding person was stupid -- but that was the point. If you don't get THAT, you have no right trying to even attempt intelligent discussion on anything.

So okay; you use your debit card and like pizza. I would be hard pressed to find anyone THAT contrarian. I guess you really got me there.

Just face it. You enjoy shitting on things that other people like. You're a contrarian.

So what size shirt do you wear?

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2010 2:57 PM

So, just so I'm clear, "conrarian" means I like the things I like whether or not you like them . . . So pretty much anyone who's not you is a contrarian. Got it.

I didn't say I don't respect the Beatles contribution to music, just that I don't particularly care to listen to them. I don't like Zombieland. Never said you can't; hey, I own a copy of Undercover Brother so I can appreciate stupid.

Why the fuck am I even bothering to explain all this? Go lick a light pole.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 3:26 PM

"Sorry guys, I just thought Zombieland was kinda boring."

That's all you had to say to avoid sounding like a pompous ass. No one resents opinions here, just disrespect. Yes, your sarcasm in the first post was meant to be disrespectful.

Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 3:33 PM

That's all you had to say to avoid sounding like a pompous ass. No one resents opinions here, just disrespect. Yes, your sarcasm in the first post was meant to be disrespectful.
Posted by: Mr. Tusks at January 7, 2010 3:33 PM

Wow. Who the hell are you?

Posted by: Spender at January 7, 2010 3:43 PM

Bring on the SCATHE!!
Bring on the SNARK!!

Can I get a 'Whoop whoop!!?'

And WHY is no one talking about Feist's sad penis?

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 7, 2010 3:49 PM

Because I saw "sad penis" and "whiplash" in the same comment, got nervous and ran away.

Posted by: Sean at January 7, 2010 3:58 PM

See, now 'Penis' and 'Whip' in the same comment is like Catnip for me.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at January 7, 2010 4:00 PM

Well, my nose is already raw from a cold and my lips are perpetually chapped and a whipping is the last thing my bearded face needs right now.

Is that where we were going here? I fear I may have jumped the penis/face gun.

Posted by: Sean at January 7, 2010 4:03 PM

They'll like you more at the AV Club, Tracer.

Not for you to say, razorback. Opinions are welcome, but if you're going to invite someone to leave, espeically someone who's been around here as long as Tracer, then do us a favor and invite yourself.

superasente, you're not helping the dialogue here.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 7, 2010 4:08 PM

Sarcasm. At Pajiba. Truly, the barbarians are at the gates.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 4:08 PM

Okay, time out. Guess what? Not everybody has the exact same likes and dislikes. It's how life is. So someone doesn't like something that you consider revolutionary/mind-bending/too awesome for words? Yeah, it happens. Deal with it and move on.

I personally liked Zombieland. I thought it was a funny movie, and I didn't mind the driving as much as I thought I would. Logic holes aplenty, yes, but still interesting. Could it have been better? Of course, but I enjoyed what I did get out of it. Now, I don't think that everyone should feel that way...I agree with DeadBessie that Tracer's reasons are sound and good. By the same token...this is a bitchy site. We come here to argue and be contrary and express our opinions. Accept that other's have different ideas and thoughts and preferences than you do, discuss what makes them tick so you know their side of it, and then be happy that at least you had fun.

Sheesh.

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 7, 2010 4:18 PM

Thanks Shadows. Going personal in these discussions is the mark of either a low intellect or disturbing insecurities. I know that's the norm out in the tubes, but this place shouldn't be like that.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 7, 2010 4:23 PM

Relative newcomers to the site seldom understand the basic ground rules that most of us take for granted. I'm willing to cut a little slack but the new kids need to know when to cut their losses and realize that they aren't actually impressing anyone.
Just sayin'.

Posted by: Spender at January 7, 2010 4:27 PM

More disturbing than Skitz?

Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at January 7, 2010 4:28 PM

To be fair, I think I called someone a drooling mouth-breather. I'm too embarrassed to go look.

That said: PUNKS JUMP UP TO GET BEAT DOWN!

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2010 4:28 PM

Dark blue with lighter blue pinstripes...

Wait. Where the fuck am I?

Posted by: Skitz at January 7, 2010 4:34 PM

HA! I love you Skitz.

Posted by: Smokin at January 7, 2010 4:48 PM

A contrarian, by my definition (and my definition is the only one that matters since I made the word up) is someone who deliberately chooses to like or dislike things in order to buck trends -- more often than not, the decision is made before they bother to give the subject in question a reasonable look.

You spoke with such rage over Michael Cera. But why? He's not the greatest actor, to be sure, and his movies are never amazing. But he's charming and hardly worthy of such vile feelings. My bet is this: you don't actually hate Michael Cera -- you find his performaces passable, but unextraordinary. You were bored with "Superbad" and "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" failed to deliver -- but everywhere you went people kept saying how much they LOVED him. You became sick and tired of hearing about how cute he was or how perfectly he embodied the awkward teenager. A reasonable person would recognize this and reconsile the difference. A contrarian, however makes a conscious decision to DISLIKE Michael Cera. More than that, they make it point to speak out against him.

Keep in mind, this isn't a series of actions -- this is a way of thinking. This same activity is carried to all aspects of the contrarian's life. It bleeds into their appreciation of movies, music, food and even the personalities of other people. They hear that comparisons have been made between The Beatles and The Rolling Stones -- Bam, they pick the stones. They hear their friends or a web community talking about how great "Zombieland" was -- Bam, they pick it apart.

The contrarian does this because they MUST. It is the only way they know how to establish their individuality.

The most important thing to keep in mind about people with this personality -- above everything else -- is that the contrarian doesn't just find that they disagree and walk away. It isn't enough to have a perfectly well-thought out and respectful difference of opinion. The contrarian NEEDS to make sure you know how wrong YOU are. It's not enough that they feel differently; and it's impossible to have a rational, intelligent discussion about the difference in beleifs and opinions. The contrarian just wants to shit all over your parade. Always.

So listen dude. Maybe you're not a contrarian. Maybe I've been too harsh. Frankly, when this whole thing started I was just trying to tease you. You don't want to like the movie -- that's cool. For my part, I'm sorry this got so out of hand and I apologize for insulting you.

Posted by: superasente at January 7, 2010 4:51 PM

Do I have to get out my "be respectful, it's someone else's opinion" post again? BECAUSE I WILL, GOD DAMMIT.

This thread got out of control, a lil' bit. Now, everyone make out to make up. Open mouth, use of tongue allowed. Get wet and crazy.

I'll stand back and watch.

Posted by: Snath at January 7, 2010 4:54 PM

So listen dude. Maybe you're not a contrarian. Maybe I've been too harsh.

Besides, we know the reigning resident contrarian is Jay.

With regards to all the betting assumptions about Tracer that you made, I'm reminded of something Mr. Wesley Snipes once said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTDeOPFr9e4

Posted by: branded at January 7, 2010 5:07 PM

Branded. Genius.

Posted by: Spender at January 7, 2010 5:13 PM

*starts making out with everyone, sneaks looks at snath to make sure he's enjoying it*

Posted by: gp at January 7, 2010 5:18 PM

Well fuck. I had a two page essay all typed out that used both barrels. Thought I'd refresh before posting, and low and behold, things got all nicey-nice.

Oh well, I'll go home now. And scream at some pedestrians, that'll feel good.

Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2010 5:25 PM

With regards to all the betting assumptions about Tracer that you made, I'm reminded of something Mr. Wesley Snipes once said

Ah, but Tracer is really more of a chocolate creamsicle.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at January 7, 2010 5:28 PM

Ah, but Tracer is really more of a chocolate creamsicle.

HE'S CARAMEL, YOU RASCIST BASTARDS!!!

Posted by: gp at January 7, 2010 5:48 PM

I keep wading into the middle of shit storms on this site lately. Ugh.

Anyway, just wanted to say, "Yay!" to the good news on Deadpool. R2's abs and acting make me happy, and Rhett & Paul will do a fab job on the script. Sarcasm is their game.

Oh and Michael Cera is REALLY nice, so please don't punch the guy.

Posted by: Groovy Violet at January 7, 2010 6:49 PM

useful script. thank you

Posted by: Nostalgic Prison at January 11, 2010 11:08 AM

Great insights. I loved to read your article. You must be putting a lot of time into your blog!

Posted by: Betsy Dambrosia at January 14, 2010 6:19 PM

The rolling stones have better music, talent, and are the worlds greatest rock and roll band. No more needs to be said!!!!

Posted by: Carson Turbeville at October 31, 2010 3:44 PM