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Charlie Is Gonna Be Pissed

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (16)

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There are few film makers I have more disdain for than Brett Ratner. The man is toxic. He’s a fucking blight. Somehow he went from directing the decently funny Rush Hour to a career made up of horrible films and hideously botched adaptations and sequels. Next on his list is the Femme Fatales Comics series The Unknowns, which he’s recently acquired the rights to.

The Unknowns was developed by Mark A. Altman, Steve Kriozere and model/actress Monica Olsen. Olsen, pictured in the header, serves as the for the main character, a former covert operative who loses her memory and learns that she was once a deadly assassin and leader of a team called, you guessed it, The Unknowns. Here’s the official synopsis, via Slashfilm:

What is Known… Created under a still classified executive order from Richard Nixon, the original Unknowns were designed to support the war effort in Vietnam. The program was eventually disbanded under President Jimmy Carter and that was the end of the story. Or was it?

What is Unknown…
They are outsiders and except for a small group of people, no one knows of their existence. But one of the world’s best kept secrets is about to be exposed when one of their own, left for dead, returns to seek out the secret of her own identity.

Meet the beautiful, but deadly ALEXIS DAVENPORT (starring Monica Olsen as Alexis)as she discovers that nothing is what it appears to be and that she is at the heart of a global conspiracy which will shake the foundations of everything you think you know.

Sooo…. a beautiful woman with amnesia learns that she’s a former government operative who was left for dead, and sets about finding out the truth. Hmmm… why does this sound familiar?

Oh, right.

Bite my crank, Ratner.









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Comments

Deadly assassins that lose their memory... i think its becoming a own genre

Posted by: lol at July 28, 2010 9:05 AM

No shit.
And Ratner is going to breathe new life into it, because of course he thinks he's gonna.
Fuckin' twatwaffle.

Posted by: Rykker at July 28, 2010 9:20 AM

Nobody ever picked up my treatment of an elite (and beautiful of course) building code official who loses her memory.

"Damn it, there aren't enough fire extinguishers in this building-how do I know this?"

I was going to call it "The Code"

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 28, 2010 9:22 AM

RATNERFUCKED!!!!!

Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2010 9:28 AM

Dear Brett:

I have a movie idea for you. It's about a woman who sucks donkey balls. But the twist is she's beautiful. And had amnesia. And no gag reflex. Let's make it happen.

admin

Posted by: admin at July 28, 2010 9:36 AM

Things I've learned from watching the movies:

Spies with amnesia seem to remember all the deadly assasin moves they were ever taught, but can't remember their name or where they live or their inseam length.

People who were left for dead come back with no scars, limping, epilepsy, or other signs of mass trama.

If an army of ninjas attacks the spy, they will patiently wait in line to attack him one by one, while he kills them off one by one. I don't think ninjas played Kill The Man With The Ball when they were little.

All it takes to disguise yourself is a bad wig and a pair of glasses.

You can shoot Superman in the chest and the bullets will bounce right off. But when you run out of bullets, just throw the gun at Superman and he'll duck.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 28, 2010 9:50 AM

I have a movie idea for you. It's about a woman who sucks donkey balls. But the twist is she's beautiful. And had amnesia. And no gag reflex. Let's make it happen.

In other words...Sasha Grey? (Before The Girlfriend Experience, i had no idea who she was. I am now informed. Well Informed.

Spies with amnesia seem to remember all the deadly assasin moves they were ever taught, but can't remember their name or where they live or their inseam length.

I know it is weird, but that is pretty much the most realistic trope in your list. The brain is a funny little bastard, and oftentimes people can damage their long-term memory while leaving their motor skills and muscle memory intact.

Of course, the sheer NUMBER of people who manage to get the same type of brain damage, only for it to miraculously come back wholesale later, that should be added.

And I love you for the last one.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 28, 2010 10:00 AM

Optimus Prime should narrate more trailers.

Posted by: bostonadrianne at July 28, 2010 10:15 AM

Posted by: BWeaves at July 28, 2010 9:50 AM
---
I am naming you the curator of the spontaneous diversion I tried to start the other day: Things that only happen in movies. Good luck, and godtopusspeed. BTW, this:

I don't think ninjas played Kill The Man With The Ball when they were little.

As the Man With the (1) Ball, I am authorized to say we had a much more succinct name for it when I was a kid: Smear the queer.

One more thing: You just KNOW that whole beautiful Russian spy with the awesome sex business in New York is getting pitched to studios as we speak.

Posted by: , at July 28, 2010 10:24 AM

Heh, "awesome sex business in New York" didn't come out quite the way I meant it, although I am sure there are plenty of awesome sex businesses in New York.

Posted by: , at July 28, 2010 10:25 AM

So more awesome ass-kicking size twos?
At least cast some women that can crush a paper cup!

Posted by: logan at July 28, 2010 10:31 AM

Amnesia also always seems to make them go from being a bad guy to a good guy. Apparently, they forget why they became a bad guy but then remember who they are and realize they were a good guy all along, or something.

Posted by: Chewster at July 28, 2010 11:18 AM

Long Kiss Goodnight was great fun!!!

Posted by: supafly at July 28, 2010 1:17 PM

Read an interview with him once, he seemed like an ass.

Posted by: grace b at July 28, 2010 2:01 PM

just what the world need, another assassin/spy/superhero/killing machine being portrayed by a model. nothing says deadly like heroin chic

Posted by: idleprimate at July 28, 2010 7:51 PM

Is no one going to profess their Long Kiss Goodnight love but me? God I love that movie...

And Gena is a woman you actually bought could kick some serious ass.

Posted by: TheHobo at July 29, 2010 5:21 PM