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I Pity The Fool Who... No. I Refuse To Make That Joke

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)

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I don’t know if this is a brilliant bit of stunt-casting, or the dumbest idea in the history of the universe. Probably somewhere in the middle, I guess. Not content to let Gina Carano hog the spotlight, UFC fighter Quentin “Rampage” Jackson is joining the cast of the big screen adaptation of the classic 80’s TV show “The A-Team.” He’ll be playing the tough-as-nails but scared-to-fly B.A. Baracus, originally played so poignantly by Mr. T.

For those who may not know anything about Rampage, or “Rampy” as his friends like to call him, he’s a pretty scary looking dude, and not just because he’s black. He was a prolific fighter in the Japanese Pride Fighting Championships, as well as in the UFC. Oh, and he was arrested last year for felony hit and run after swerving onto the sidewalk in Newport Beach, hitting several pedestrians with his Ford F-350, and then fleeing the scene. How did the cops know it was him? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because he was driving a truck with a giant goddamn picture of himself, coupled with the word “Rampage” on it. That’s just the kind of clever we should be rewarding with roles in major films, if you ask me.

Jesus.

Anyway, the cast of the A-Team is almost complete. So far, we’ve got Liam Neeson as Hannibal (oh, Qui-Gon), Bradley Cooper as Face (this is how you repay our Hangover goodwill), and now the aforementioned Mensa candidate for B.A. Hopefully, the movie won’t be as lame as the show was. And don’t you people fucking start with the raped-my-childhood bullshit. The A-Team was a terrible show. Terrible. They fired a billion bullets and no one ever got shot. They were a rogue group of special forces tough guys who never killed, or really even hurt anyone. All they did was crack wise and build stupid, elaborate set pieces to help save the day. Seriously, a giant gun that shoots cabbages? If you ask me, the remake has nowhere to go but up.

Which means, of course, that it will likely blow goats.

(h/t to Dark Horizons)









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Comments

Goats need love too.

Posted by: Ian at September 9, 2009 11:58 AM

But will there be copious amounts of wheel-cam shots?

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 9, 2009 12:02 PM

I don't care so long as they RESPECT THE VAN.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at September 9, 2009 12:06 PM

Oh yeah, this is gonna suck big stinky elephant penis.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 9, 2009 12:07 PM

"...hitting several pedestrians with his Ford F-350, and then fleeing the scene. How did the cops know it was him? ..... he was driving a truck with a giant goddamn picture of himself, coupled with the word “Rampage”"

And yes, this guy knows how to party.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 9, 2009 12:09 PM

If B.A. Barracus was so scared of flying, how did he get to Vietnam in the first place? In a goddamn boat? And in a team of military fugitive mercenaries whose plans generally involved stealth, subterfuge and disguise, wouldn't a giant black man wearing enough bling to sink a battleship be somewhat conspicuous?

Posted by: Dill The Devil at September 9, 2009 12:15 PM

All I want to know is...is Boy George going to make an appearance?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXpliHgDWF4

Posted by: SugarKane at September 9, 2009 12:15 PM

Why do they need a new Mr. T for The A-Team remake? Mr. T couldn't possibly have anything better to do, aside from making his return in Rocky VII. (There will be a Rocky VII, even if Sly Stallone has to perform while in the latent stages of rigor mortus.)

Posted by: George at September 9, 2009 12:17 PM

I need to defend the premise. The pilot had them as mercenaries. The tagline said "If you can find them..and you have the money..you too can hire the A team" It wasn't until the show looked like a hit that the network decided it had to be more family friendly-thus the bad marksmanship, wacky antics and cabbage guns. I'd make the claim that if you made it less about the hapless clients and more about the team itself it would be pretty good. Of course that desribes Miami Vice and that was a big ol steaming pile of eh. Oh, and please not Vietnam vets. Just flying overturning jeeps, chromed AK-47s and the van.

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 9, 2009 12:25 PM

"Of course that desribes Miami Vice and that was a big ol steaming pile of eh..."

OH I KNOW you ain't ragging on 'Vice, friend.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 9, 2009 12:32 PM

next you will be telling me theyve already recast tia carrera for the tv-esque revamp of the franchise in a few films time...

Posted by: jim of the lower case at September 9, 2009 12:34 PM

Actual Vietnam vets would be too old here--the youngest of them are probably pushing 60 these days. Can't use the Iraq or Afghanistan wars--too topical! Especially if the "crime they didn't commit" touches off political buttons. So I'm guessing they're going with First Gulf War vets who were wanted for a crime they didn't commit. And the "crime" would in that case have to be showing up after the war was already over.

Posted by: Bd at September 9, 2009 12:35 PM

It looks like Cuba Gooding Jr. has really been working out!!

Posted by: ed newman at September 9, 2009 12:42 PM

He is my hero,and certainly the best player of all time.
Many young girls and hot models on
___Tall mingle Co m___ wanna marry a man like him. I did see some supermodels there. I know many guys tired of dating the ordinary, maybe u can meet your special at this superb club :-)

Posted by: Claekda at September 9, 2009 12:43 PM

I bet they are also gonna discard the Van and go "urban" they'll be rollin' on an Escalade pimped by Xzibit.

Yo DAWG!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 9, 2009 12:43 PM

Mr. Dammit and I are members on a talent-hunter website (just trust me) and he got an email to audition for Mad Dog Murdock.

No, I am not kidding.

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 9, 2009 12:47 PM

I think it fits. Mr. T was a pro wrestler. The're just reaching back into the same pool of "people with large biceps"

Posted by: alphawhiskey at September 9, 2009 1:34 PM

BSlim, are you defending the Miami Vice movie? Yeah the series was pastel-tastic, but Jamie Foxx and Colin Ferell seemed determined to have pissing contest all over the source material. Plus, no Don Johnson songs.

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 9, 2009 2:58 PM

You shut your faces all of you haters. The A-team was awesome. AWESOME. Also, this "movie" doesn't exist. It's a figment of all y'all's imagination.

Posted by: s. pisaster at September 9, 2009 4:19 PM

Posted by: mrcreosote at September 9, 2009 2:58 PM


The series, of course, I have no recollection of there ever being any "Miami Vice" movie.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 9, 2009 5:36 PM

Liam Neeson as "Hanabow"? Really? For shame. I can't wait to see him emote "I love it when a plan comes together!", though. Tears will be shed. Tears and possibly seman.

Posted by: TheMegaSage at September 9, 2009 8:31 PM

I know you fools ain't hating on Rampage. Rampage is the bomb yo.

Posted by: Melody at September 9, 2009 10:03 PM

Dear lord. That's all we need is Rampage dry humping all the actresses.

http://vodpod.com/watch/1893150-rampage-dry-humping-reporter-livesteez-video

Posted by: thebombscribe at September 10, 2009 1:40 AM