Rambo V Teaser Poster

They Drew First Blood, Not Me

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (11)

OK, let’s get the most ridiculous part of this out of the way: There’s going to be a Rambo V. Apparently, the most recent one, reviewed so gloriously by our beloved Ranylt here, made enough cash to warrant rebuilding the creepy mumbling clay action golem that Stallone has become, and making another entry.

OK, here’s where it gets really weird.

Here’s the teaser poster:

Yeah. I know. I KNOW!! RAMBO’S GONNA FIGHT MONSTERS! MONSTERRRRS!!!! With nothin’ but muscles and a big fuckin’ knife. It’s too fantastic to be believed. It’s so retarded, it’s gotta be true.

The good folks at SlashFilm have summed up the plot thusly: The story involves a secret U.S. military installation where they are doing experiments to create “brilliantly instinctual killer soldiers that have no qualms about taking life.” And when things go wrong, Rambo is brought in with a Black Ops squad to hunt, capture and kill these chemically engineered creations. So basically, Rambo will be the hunter instead of the hunted.

Fucking hell. That’s the weirdest goddamn news I’ve read all day, and I’ve read some weird goddamn news. It’s utterly fabulous. The world is a brighter place today, people. Because John Rambo is going to be fucking some giant mutant cannibal super soldier evil lizard bear wild boar type-motherfuckers up.

Whoooooeee!

I need to lie down for a minute.

(h/t to Topless Robot)

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Comments

I thoroughly enjoyed the last one and am all for this cross-genre sequel.

I can't wait to hear Rambo mumble out some moral lesson about man trying to play god or something.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at September 9, 2009 12:57 PM

Yeah, that's not the teaser poster. It's a still from "Rambo" with a terrible Photoshop surrounding it.

Also, this is the third potential premise I've read for a fifth Rambo movie in the last week, all supposedly official:

1) Rambo rescues a girl from narcotraficantes near the Mexican border
2) Rambo is recruited by the military to take down a rogue super-solider (who is 100% human)
3) Rambo is recruited by the military to take down a wild man-beast hybrid that they genetically engineered

The first one is the most realistic and has the most potential...which means it's too logical and they won't do it. The second one could be cool since it flips Rambo's standard role from hunted to hunter, essentially having him track down a younger version of himself. The third one is just fucking ridiculous.

Posted by: Abe Froman at September 9, 2009 1:12 PM

It's like Zombieland, only with Stallone. ADRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE!

Posted by: BWeaves at September 9, 2009 2:27 PM

Forget about Rambo. I just clicked on the 4th Kind ad below the review. I'm totally weirded out.

Posted by: monkeyhateclean at September 9, 2009 2:58 PM

Even better, Rambo fights zombies!
No? No?
Damn you Hollywood.
Genetically engineered superhumans...so...like a weird The Island of Dr. Moreau? Ummmmm. Whatever, as long as he kills...everyone.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at September 9, 2009 5:10 PM

I think I played this when it was called Far Cry.

Posted by: Will at September 9, 2009 5:16 PM

I heard about this this morning and called shenanigans. That plot is taken from a book called "Hunter" by James Byron Huggins (fun, mindless read). Stallone bought the movie rights like 10 years ago. I definitely think that he would make the movie, but I don't see how they could possibly fit Rambo into the starring role. It would be terrible. Fun book though- great beach reading.

Posted by: RyanH at September 9, 2009 5:25 PM

RvP?

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at September 9, 2009 7:21 PM

No, no, no. Rambo is going to turn INTO a werewolf! They're clearly hoping to cash in on New Moon mania.

Or... he's going to hunt werewolves & sparkly vampires! Rambo v. Edward!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 9, 2009 7:30 PM

Rambo...in...SPACE!

Posted by: Mebe at September 10, 2009 4:38 AM

Stallone's just fucking with everybody. He's not even done making Expendables yet. He did this with Rambo IV as well. I think there were 5 or 6 diferent storiy lines for than one before he decided to make Burma his sandbox of bloody awesomeness....

Posted by: East Coast Ugly at September 10, 2009 9:29 AM

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