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Quoth the Raven Some Craaaaazy Sh*t on Twitter

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (14)



cusack517.jpg

It’s settled. Edgar Allan Poe’s going to die by flying flashing CGI’d daggers. Just like in the 19th century.

John Cusack has used the most professional of soapboxes — The Twoosh — to declare that he’s been “officiali” cast as the maudlin poet and short story architect Poe in James McTeigue’s The Raven. Cusack’s asking for your prayers and well-wishes as he’s about to descend into the madcave. Frankly, before I saw 1408, I would have laughed in your face, but Cusack’s not the worst choice. Personally, I would have loved to see Bruce Campbell pull off Poe about five years and forty cheeseburgers ago. I still think the perfect choice is Jeffrey Combs of Re-Animator fame, who rocked a killer fucking Poe in The Masters of Horror series episode “The Black Cat.” Netflix Instant that shit, he’s brilliant.

Because the Wachowski’s boy is helming the project, expect lots of shadows where flying projectiles come out bullet-timed. Also expect it to be almost awesome. I kid, of course. Basically, me and five fat manga fans were the only people in the world who loved Ninja Assassin, but that’s because I’m a bitch for blood and gore. I’m curious to see if he can pull off atmospheric. And since he normally wastes his casts, it’ll be nice to see what McTiegue does with someone who’ll make him work for a performance. (Imagine this part could almost have gone to Jeremy Renner or Ewan McGregor).

Rumors about the project have been abound — mostly because there are about 70 people working on a Poe or Raven inspired project, including Sylvester Stallone. Look, I mehnjoyed The Expendibles as much as the next guy, but I don’t really want to see a puffy Poe cocking a blunderbuss and shooting down Longfellow in a exploding chest burst of bullets. Okay, I do want to see that, but it just wouldn’t be kosher.

However, the film is supposed to deal with the last five days of Poe’s life. For those who don’t know their Poe, Poe left Richmond for New York, only to disappear. A week later, he turned up dishevelled on the street outside a bar in Baltimore, wearing someone else’s clothing, and only able to mutter the name “Reynolds” and something about a wife in Richmond — though his child bride had died years ago. All medical documents dealing with his death have been lost, and there are no records as to the nature or cause of his death, though some speculate murder. It’s like some shit Poe would write or something.









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Comments

I gotta admit. I always wanted to get Edgar Allen Poe in a headlock. That thing is like a pumpkin!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at August 30, 2010 11:54 AM

The rumor that I remember about Poe's death is that he was taken to "vote early and often" and plied with alcohol throughout the day.

Posted by: tamatha at August 30, 2010 11:54 AM

Who will play Griswold? And will they purport to reveal the identity of the Toaster?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 30, 2010 11:54 AM

I'll second the Jeffrey Combs recommendation. The only reason I didn't turn that awful episode of Masters of Horror off was his magnetic performance as Poe. Without him, the episode was worthless.

But who actually knows who Jeffrey Combs is? Am I right, folks? Hollywood can't just go willy nilly and cast better actors who aren't necessarily household names.

That, or it's because Jeffrey Combs is a crazy recluse who backs out of every convention he's booked to because he's convinced his fans will do something to him. Allegedly. Not the backing out of conventions part, the reason. Though when [executives of major horror magazine who stopped inviting him] say it, I tend to believe it. So, take your pick.

Posted by: Robert at August 30, 2010 12:25 PM

I am totally going to start using "mehnjoyed." Thanks Prisco!

Posted by: JenVegas at August 30, 2010 12:54 PM

This movie has no chance it should be aborted now to save on the pain later. If Mc Teigue doesn't fuck it up Cusack will. I once thought Cusack was going to be an AC-tor. Shows what I know.

Posted by: logan at August 30, 2010 12:55 PM

YOU MEAN JOHN CUSACK COULD BE COMING TO BALTIMORE!?

Be still my beating heart.

Posted by: grace b at August 30, 2010 1:56 PM

Nothing dries my twatter quite like Cusack's Twitter. God. The pretension. The spelling. The moratorium on hitting shift before typing proper nouns. Le sigh. Fucking Dobler.

Posted by: Courtney at August 30, 2010 3:18 PM

Stallone's working on a Poe inspired film? Can Sly even SAY "Quothe"? Seriously. Imagine that for a second coming from him.

Posted by: Paul at August 30, 2010 4:36 PM

i started following john cusack on twitter and immediately regretted it. he's ruined him for me.

Posted by: stopthemadness aka Angry Black Lady at August 30, 2010 7:19 PM

by the way, the title of this article made me laugh...belatedly.

BLOL.

Posted by: stopthemadness aka Angry Black Lady at August 30, 2010 7:20 PM

Cusack can suck my dirty thumb. You think his twitter is obnoxious? Wait till you meet the douche in person. Christ, I thought Bobby Flay's ego was fatter than a 500lb, housebound, former housewife of New Jersey. Flay's got the charm of an 80 year old Kindergarten teacher compared to this guy.

Posted by: Barnes78 at August 30, 2010 8:55 PM

I would have been interested in a Poe film. I totally had a love affair with the guy's work when I was a gloomy sixteen year old. Some of his stuff is pretty good.

With that said, I'm pretty sure that there's nothing that can make me sit through an hour and a half worth of Cusack. I hate that motherfucker with a strange passion. Honestly, it's not like he's ever done anything to me. He just looks so goddamn smug ALL of the time, even when he has that hangdog face going on. I've also heard that he's a complete asshole.

Sorry, but fuck this movie.

Posted by: Kaleena at August 30, 2010 10:06 PM

"Stallone's working on a Poe inspired film? Can Sly even SAY "Quothe"? Seriously. Imagine that for a second coming from him."

Actually Paul, Stallone has been wanting to develop a Poe film for at least 15 years. There was an interview with him in Vogue years and years ago wherein he said that Poe is his favorite author ever and he had been wanting to make a film about Poe's life. The fly in the ointment was that Sly wanted to play Poe himself which, as you have so cleverly noted, is out of the question.

Also: Cusack may be a lot of things, but Poe he is most certainly not. What Depp wasn't available?

Posted by: Az at August 30, 2010 10:25 PM