The following is the trailer for Proud American, which one of our illustrious readers, branded< “begged” me to post. The only reason I can figure as to why he’d want me to post this trailer is because he hates you all. With a violent, unrepentant passion. Because he wants all of your eyes to bleed cheese. Because he’s a nihilist. I suggest you all watch the trailer and then, with all the force the Pajiba comments section can muster, throw figurative rocks at his head.
Let’s all try to brain branded with our minds.
For those of you dying to see the full-length contents of what’s only teased at here in this trailer, unfortunately, the movie has already been released. It came and went with little notice last month, though I recall considering a review. I watched only the first 10 seconds of the trailer and assumed it was one of those IMAX features. It’s a good thing it’s not - I don’t think even an IMAX could truly present the awesomeness on display here.
I got halfway through the trailer and had to shut it off! This is a joke, right? This is The ABC Afternoon Special: The Movie, right?
Right?
Please?
::curls into a fetal position and starts to cry::
Posted by: The Wanderer at October 1, 2008 5:07 PM
The studio should have stuck with the original title, Caricatures of Inspirational Stereotypes: A Triumph of the Diversity of the Human Spirit.
Posted by: Mella at October 1, 2008 5:13 PM
Oh, I see what's going on here, branded. You're trying to steal my guilty pleasure thunder. Well, let me tell you something: there is only one bitch who is willing to expose her willingness to adore stuff/people/music/movies most Pajibans - heck, human beings - hate. And yeah, that person is me. I'm the one who loves Cher, sings "It's all coming back to me now" in the shower (not only to get an idea of for how long the water's been running, but because I take mental and physical pleasure in singing the words). I defended Matthew Sweet and Can't Hardly Wait. I wanna marry Hayden Christensen. I love Soapdish, My Girl, Great Expectations, The Good Son, and I get oddly excited (I'm trying very hard not to use the word "aroused") whenever BarbadoSlim calls a fellow Pajibette "sugartits."
So take your trailer and shove it up your self-important ass. And if you have trouble doing that, maybe my love for the song "Counting my lucky stars" will help.
Is this a real movie? And is that Mr. Belding? God damn!
Posted by: sunset&camden at October 1, 2008 5:16 PM
The hell? This seriously does not compute. Not only does that trailer look like the results of a drunken film school hazing prank, but according to IMDb, that is indeed Mr. Belding, and one of those pissant children from "Seventh Heaven" is also in this thing. I refuse to believe this is real. I refuse.
Also, Dustin, I'm not sure what branded's real name is or where precisely he lives, but I know it's somewhere local. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say he probably lives in some assy place, like Fridley. Or maybe in one of those shithole $900/month apartments on, like, 31st and Girard. I just... I could hunt him down and make him cry, is all I'm saying. It wouldn't even be much of an inconvenience.
Easy there Sofia...can you claim an unironic love for "Bring it on"? Do you consider it a classic? Consider yourself served.
What do you think are the odds that the Republican party is behind that movie? Also...what do you think are the odds of that film being released in any other country in the world?
Posted by: Joker at October 1, 2008 5:23 PM
Meh. If you want to feel engorged with false patriotism (and Confederate Pride too, if you're so inclined - never mind the mixed messages) until you explode like an overfed tick, I suggest you take in the laser light show at Stone Mountain Park in Atlanta some summer evening.
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 1, 2008 5:27 PM
That...is grotesque. Never mind the horrid direction, acting and even the trailer itself, but just...Jesus, what trite, insulting secondhand Haggis!
Posted by: vic at October 1, 2008 5:29 PM
Joker, me and Bring It On are like cuchuflis and manjar. Don't know what that is? That's too bad, 'cause then you'd understand how much I like that movie. *cough*Sparky Polastri*cough*
And I didn't even need to imdb the name. You know where to put your spirit fingers, Joker.
Sofía, Joker, unless you two can say that you not only love but OWN shit like Space Camp and She's the Man, then you can go straight to hell with your poseur bad taste, okay? If you took a roomful of people and asked them all to name the stupidest movies they'd ever seen, chances are good that I would own at least 60% of the titles listed.
Everyone not living in the USA just threw up in their mouths a little.
Posted by: LosingIt at October 1, 2008 5:36 PM
Oh bitches please! I own and have watched several times all the dancing movies, you know the ones, the step up stomp the last dance get served. That's right. Multiple viewings. Ha. Oh and I watch Gossip Girl.
Oh and Sofia...I totally dropped the spirit stick. Mmhm...I realise that statement makes no sense whatsoever, but that's just how I roll.
Posted by: Joker at October 1, 2008 5:38 PM
Everyone not living in the USA just threw up in their mouths a little.
Posted by: LosingIt
Um, I think that extends to the ones living *in* the USA as well.
I own that, too, Sofía. I like Islands in the Sun and whatever the hell the dumbass Australian one was called better, though. Yeah, I have those, too. I told you. If it's astronomically stupid, I probably love it and own it, and force innocent bystanders to watch it.
I've never seen "Gossip Girl" though, Joker. I don't really watch television, except for godawful shit like "Little House on the Prairie" and "Murder, She Wrote". Basically, if it's something they'd show in the sunroom of a nursing home, chances are good that I might watch it.
Is it just me, or is the audio track off slightly for anyone else? It makes the whole trailer entirely more disturbing. And not in a good way.
Posted by: Stacey at October 1, 2008 5:44 PM
Alternate Titles:
"Proud to be a Stereotype"
or
"Saved by the Bell: Mr. Belding Got Fat"
Posted by: Slogan at October 1, 2008 5:47 PM
Sarina, trust me you have not experienced mind-shattering stupidity until you watch Gossip Girl. It's...an experience. The clothes, the stories, the people, the names, the actors' real names...it all combines into a cocktail of unholy-fucking-hell that has the same effect as snorting cocaine through a straw while injecting vodka into your bloodstream.
Posted by: Joker at October 1, 2008 5:49 PM
Yeah, I've seen photos of the cast trussed up in their... uhh... "wardrobe". It ain't pretty. They wear stuff that looks like what would happen if Patricia Field and Mischa Barton were gene spliced in one of those pods from The Fly and the resulting creature designed a clothing line.
I would rather be indifferently molested by an older cousin than watch that movie.
Posted by: firedmyass at October 1, 2008 5:53 PM
Re: The aforementoined traler,
Yes, that was Mr. Belden from Saved by the Bell.
I believe I also saw Ken Howard from White Shadow?
Is this a message from TheChurchofJesusChristofLatterDaySaints ?
And people, please stop with the confessions. I can't take it if you keep admitting to loving weird, offbeat and possibly unacceptable pop culture items. This cannot continue. Soon the first Uwe Boll revelation will be made and someone will get hurt. I implore you. Please reign it in, people.
Posted by: greer at October 1, 2008 5:55 PM
Yes, I can spell. Thanks for asking.
ahem - trailer
Indifferently molested, firedmyass? That's just insulting.
Posted by: greer at October 1, 2008 5:58 PM
I actually cried from laughing so hard. I'm seriously wiping the tears away right now.
Posted by: ipsum at October 1, 2008 6:01 PM
Dear lord, I just felt my brain cramp! This must be required viewing for supporters of Sarah Palin. Hell, SuperTroopers looks better than this! Hey, speaking of which - hey branded, you'd better run meow!
Posted by: lordhelmet at October 1, 2008 6:01 PM
This is branded's Best Prank entry, right?
Posted by: frumpiefox at October 1, 2008 6:02 PM
Well, Greer, I don't think this movie merits enthusiasm from either party.
Posted by: firedmyass at October 1, 2008 6:02 PM
They wear stuff that looks like what would happen if Patricia Field and Mischa Barton were gene spliced in one of those pods from The Fly and the resulting creature designed a clothing line.
greer, I would bring up my enjoyment of "Crash" (yeah, that one), but I'm a classy lady and would rather keep this clean.
Sarina, it gets worse. So much worse. There are yellow turtlenecks, short shorts (on a man), argyle sweaters, plaid jackets, scarves (oh the scarves, I could write an ode to them), etc. You HAVE to see it. I beg you.
Posted by: Joker at October 1, 2008 6:03 PM
But Joker, I can walk around outside and see people dressed like retarded assholes whenever I want. I see no reason to be beholden to a network schedule in order to partake of such ocular suffering. And whenever I have a hankering to see people dressed like at least $4000 worth of retarded asshole, well, that's what gossip sites are for.
I actually like the idea of this movie... y'know something to remind you of the great things about America. But, I could do without the cloying awful subplots that have been outlined here.
They should just have something like "Soarin' over California" at Disney's California Adventure. I am brimming with state pride after riding that ride.
Things that belong in the America is Awesome movie:
Voting
Comic Books
Jazz music
Football (non european variety)
Brian Fellows
And it should appeal to both sides of the aisle so it should also include
Shooting Guns
Protesting said gun shooting
Porn
Protesting said pornography
Religions
Atheism
In your face religious weirdos
militant atheist a-holes
I mean America is great for the 31 flavors of crazy that we produce alone. Imagine what we could come up with if we really put our minds to it. I call for a mini-diversion!
What would you put in an "America: Fuck Yeah" movie?
Posted by: Tanner at October 1, 2008 6:11 PM
Was that Amanda Bynes telling Chinese-American-Success-Story to catch a boat?
Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at October 1, 2008 6:14 PM
Please put this in the DVD Watch List so I can buy it when it comes out. Please.
Posted by: Lucas at October 1, 2008 6:14 PM
Aha...but do the expensively atired assholes also have names like Blair or Chuck or Nathaniel? Do they have boyfriends who are lords who happen to be sleeping with their stepmothers who are also sleeping with said assholes' ex-boyfriends who are in turn sleeping with the ex-undying-love of the ex-boyfriend of the assholes' best friends? I've lost track of the plurals...you can see why...also it's past midnight.
Posted by: Joker at October 1, 2008 6:18 PM
Oh, Tanner... you had me at "Brian Fellows."
Posted by: firedmyass at October 1, 2008 6:21 PM
I am currently shooting branded with mind bullets in between bouts of trying to lobotomize myself with a letter opener so that I can forget this movie exists. What did I do to you, man!?
JakesAlterEgo, that was not Amanda Bynes. It was Ruthie from 7th Heaven. Please do not ask me how I know this.
Guilty pleasures? Oh my little angels. Who among you can claim to own not only Showgirls but also Glitter on DVD? And regularly watch double features of these foul cinematic monstrosities? Also, please feel free to research a little film called The Attic Expeditions. Oh, yes, my friends. I think I know a little something about cheese.
Wait....almost got that letter open.. ajfjenboallv
jahf;a
jkahfkj
me go now
Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at October 1, 2008 6:25 PM
What the FUCK was that?
We're racist as hell and hate us some cripples but, once you get past that, we're actually pretty kick ass.
That's what I learned from watching that trailer.
Posted by: Roaddog at October 1, 2008 6:25 PM
I HAVE to see this movie. It's like 2 hours of failed SNL sarcasm. And I love how the doctor's mother says "people like us." If that's PC...then I guess I'm a Mac.
Posted by: ThunderSacTriumph at October 1, 2008 6:26 PM
Yeah, see, that's where you lose me. I'm not at all interested in watching the assholes sex it up with each other. The pictures of the idiotic outfits are enough. My life is already plenty full of morons having sex with each other and telling me all about it. I have no idea why, but I seem to be one of those people that everyone wants to tell their deepest, darkest, weirdest and dumbest secrets to.
According to the "film"'s website, it's actually sponsored by Coca Cola, Mastercard, American Airlines and Walmart.
It has more mindless patriotism and blatant pandering than a gallon of concentrated Toby Keith piss.
The only positive thing I've found is that this movie set a record for the worst opening weekend for a wide release film at $128 average PER THEATER. It failed to gross more than $100k despite showing in 750 theaters.
ipsum, you're the only one who understands me.
Posted by: branded at October 1, 2008 6:26 PM
I have no idea why, but I seem to be one of those people that everyone wants to tell their deepest, darkest, weirdest and dumbest secrets to.
Sarina, it must be your sexy glasses and husky phone-sex-operator voice. And the riding crop you keep slapping against your palm while looking very stern.
lordhelmet: "Hell, SuperTroopers looks better than this!
Anyone who doesn't like SuperTroopers may or may not need to check their rectum for foreign objects.
Posted by: Just Joe at October 1, 2008 7:08 PM
lordhelmet, I don't know about any of that. I'm not sure how sexy my glasses are in the first place, and I almost never wear them anyway. Also, I'm pretty sure that I don't have a husky phone-sex operator voice. I must sound much younger than I actually am, because over the phone people tend to confuse me with my sister, who is ten years younger.
Oh, and Jay, it depends on the neighbourhood. In certain parts of town, though, $900 does indeed only get you a shithole. I used to be friends with a girl who lived on 31st & Girard. That place was horrible, and she paid $835 at the time. This was like five years ago, so I'm sure it's higher now.
"There are many reasons to be...a proud American" (unfortunately, this isn't one of them)
This stuff writes itself!
What I want to know is: where are all of the puppets? I want puppets. America: FUCK YEAH!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I "have a boat to catch." (Who writes this guano?)
Posted by: Armando at October 1, 2008 7:20 PM
I'm not a glasses traitor, Jay, I just don't really need them to see so I can't be arsed to put them on. My vision is nearly 20/20, but I have astigmatism and I guess it fucks up my eye muscles to focus or some shit, because I get terrible headaches and my eye doctor tells me they're partly from muscle strain in my eyes. I don't know; I barely listen to anything he says because mostly it's just a lot of lecturing. He gave me contacts in the hopes that I'd get in the habit of wearing them every day. I'm not sure who he thought he was kidding with that nonsense. He gave me a year's worth last September and I've only gone through, like, four pairs. So you see, I'm no traitor! I'm just a lazy piece of crap!
...upon review, I'm not really sure how that's any better than being a traitor.
I associate 7th Heaven with delicious manic violence thanks to my senior year of college. The night 7th Heaven aired that year (monday? tuesday? I remember naught but the blood at this juncture) my girlfriend had a night class and as a point of principle I played Soldier of Fortune every week at that time with the television on. I cannot remember why I always made sure that the adventures of Reverend Camden and his delightful scamps were the channel it settled on each week, but to this day I cannot flip past those sweet and honest life lessons without a haze of red descending over my vision as my memories flicker to the rhythm of blasting away endless hordes of enemies, in the faces, in the kneecaps, in the balls. My life for you Reverend Camden, my life for you!
Posted by: stipe42 at October 1, 2008 7:31 PM
Yes, that was the White Shadow. I have no idea who Mr. Belding is.
Anyone up for a Proud American/Fireproof double feature?
Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 1, 2008 7:32 PM
Anyone up for a Proud American/Fireproof double feature?
I beg you, don't do this to yourself. Overearnest Simplemindedness is a serious condition *and* a gateway to more debilitating problems. OS sufferers go on to sign their children up for Pep Squad, forward emails requesting your signature on petitions promoting mandatory prayer in school, and end up thousands of dollars in debt while doing their patriotic duty and heeding the President's call to shop.
Friends don't let friends overdose on saccharine false patriotism or ham-handed shallow proselytizing.
JUST SAY NO.
Posted by: Wednesday at October 1, 2008 7:50 PM
Okay, Sarina. Your inattention to your astigmatism's on your own head, but at least you're not just wearing contacts instead. And yes, that's exactly why you have a headache. My actual vision's not very bad either but I still squint like hell.
Careful, Three-nineteen, you're dangerously dating yourself!! I guess Belding was one of the teachers or the principal or something on "Saved By The Bell" which everybody else in 12th grade watched religiously for as yet unknown reasons, but they were also mostly schmucks. Me, I preferred to relax with Mister Rogers after school. Really--cardigans, puppets and jazz? Who the fuck needs Mario Lopez?
For me, it was the soundtrack that really pushed this past the pale.
The fonts didn't hurt either.
Posted by: Jerce at October 1, 2008 7:54 PM
Oh, that was awful. I think it needs a real time review so we can all revel in its awfulness.
Posted by: rlr260 at October 1, 2008 8:00 PM
Che,
I know you didn't just insult the Stone Mountain laser light show. That was totally the best part of my one trip to Georgia. I especially liked the sludge-filled pond/lake under the hill. And you know I totlaly bought a sno-globe at the gift shop on top after I rode the triperiffic glider thing up there. I also had some delicious Dippin Dots. And we sat next to a big group of midgets on a field trip. Best. Vacation. Ever.
God Bless the USA!!!!!
Oh, and I spent last Sunday watching a marathon of Amanda Bynes "What a Girl Wants," Hilary Duffs "Raise Your Voice," and both installments of High School Musical. Then I went to see "The House Bunny" as a matinee.
Also, I love Twilight.
Posted by: hersheygirl at October 1, 2008 8:04 PM
Dear hersheygirl,
At first I thought we could totally be friends, because you seemed so cute and charming with your love of Stone Mountain (whatever the hell that is). I don't know what a triperrific glider thing is, but I'm pretty sure I would love to ride one and subsequently buy a snow globe. Also, I goddamn love (I mean LOVE) Dippin' Dots. I especially love the less-creamy-more-icy flavours, like the Rainbow Something-or-Other one. I could eat that shit 'til I'm moments from rupturing something internally. Anyway, I was totally with you right up through the shitty Amanda Bynes and Hilary Duff movies (I have no idea why, but I just love those two idiots). And then you kinda lost me with High School Musical and House Bunny, but I was figuring, well, friends can't agree on EVERYTHING, right? Right!
And then... oh, and then... you had to go and shit all over my unicorn and dolphin friendship parade with Twilight.
I'm sorry, hersheygirl; we cannot be friends after all. In fact, I fear I may have to punch you in the face. I'll try to aim wide so I don't break your nose, out of respect for our almost-friendship.
Che, I know you didn't just insult the Stone Mountain laser light show.
Posted by: hersheygirl at October 1, 2008 8:04 PM
Heavens to Murgatroyd, no, hersheygirl. I am a super-patriot. Not only do I wear flag lapel pins, I stick them into onto the chests of other people. I weep when the Star Spangled Banner is sung properly; I still have a fatwa pending against Roseanne Barr and just added Kat Deluna's name to the list. Hell, I even support English as the only language that should be spoken in the entire goddam world!
So you definitely sound like my kind of wholesome, chocolate-y, all-American girl.
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 1, 2008 8:24 PM
with your love of Stone Mountain (whatever the hell that is
It's a gigantic vein of granite that pops up in a big dome right where Gwinnett county meets Dekalb. There's a big park surrounding it. You can ride the DUKWs there (Julie and Nicole just screamed like the damned)! Radiohead played a fantastic show in a horse pasture there in 2001. There's a cable car thing that goes up to the top, but I don't know if this is the glider Ms. Hershey is referring to, if she actually exists and/or speaks the truth, though I'm certain there's Dippin Dots to be had, that's no bullshit.
So, in the summer, they project a laser show onto the side with the more vertical face where a gigantic relief sculpture of Davis, Jefferson and Lee, astride horses, was carved. There's a huge sloping lawn below it. It's fairly Americana with a southern flavor as you can imagine. Big Braves montage with "Centerfield", laser fiddlin' aplenty with "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" (censored version). I believe Lee Greenwood usually blesses us towards the end.
But really, it's the damn humidity that's so hard to endure.
One side's got a moderate enough grade that can walk all the way to the top. This I've never done, but it's nice to go up some ways where there's still pine trees but you're still fairly high (how trees pop out of granite I don't know) and watch the sun set over the city.
Of course I recommend doing that in October or November, when it's actually nice outside, when amphitheatres should be used but bands never tour because it'd be too pleasant an experience and we can't have that. No, it's fucking 83 sweaty degrees for YOU.
Hmmm. Well, most of that sounds fun. If I'm ever in Atlanta I will expect you to clear your schedule, Jay, as I will be kidnapping you for a field trip. Chances are good that it will mostly involve riding cable cars and/or gliders up and down a mountain eating Dippin' Dots until we puke rainbow colours.
Now imagine watching that thing without the sound, which I just did. It makes the least sense possible -- in this universe, anyway.
Posted by: bucdaddy at October 1, 2008 9:23 PM
Late to the party, I know. But...this has to be a joke, right?
I know: it must be one of those propaganda films from Starship Troopers 4: Still No Fucking Laser Guns.
Posted by: Sean at October 1, 2008 9:24 PM
That is absolutely a government produced film (and I use the word "film" mockingly). It's mind-numbing, propagandized drivel designed to induce the audience into a hypnotic state during which subliminal suggestions to suck down some McPalin juice or to drink up a war shake are emitted. Please report to the emergency eye-wash station.
Posted by: Cindy at October 1, 2008 9:35 PM
I think we can all agree...Dustin can stop bitching about Crash, because IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.
Ugh. And was that..? That was Jett Jackson, wasn't it? My God, man! YOU WERE THE FAMOUS JETT JACKSON!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!!!
(Do not ask me why I refer to the young man as Jett Jackson, instead of Cyborg from Smallville. I had a misspent youth.)
And then there is Ruthie, who apparently got bored doing awkward "sexy" dances in front of her weirded out TV dad to get a little racism in her. Sadly,this still won't stop me from abusing myself to her. She is legal, right?
Oh, crap.
The only person I can see buying into this is Mr. Belding, and that is only because he was hitting every hot pocket on set. 'Cause that's how the Big B rolls, suckas.
Meh. If you want to feel engorged with false patriotism (and Confederate Pride too, if you're so inclined - never mind the mixed messages) until you explode like an overfed tick, I suggest you take in the laser light show at Stone Mountain Park in Atlanta some summer evening.
I have nothing to say on this, as I never hung around Stone Mountain after sunset. Something about the overt Confederate images and me being a colored and all....
Oh, before I go off to sleep let me be the first to say that tomorrow's top ten comments column will suck as usual. Goodnight all.
Posted by: Pookie at October 1, 2008 11:08 PM
losingit: I live in the USA and I not only threw up in my mouth a little I projectile vomited from watching 1 min of this crap! Talk about the ultimate in patriotic bullshit! GAG!!!!
Posted by: Trixie at October 1, 2008 11:11 PM
Wait. That ... that was ... Ruthie?
MY Ruthie?
*Watches stupendously awful trailer again.
Brain melts*
Sweet fancy Moses.
That's it, we're through.
*Hmmm ... the WIMB "yawn" girl looks hot ...*
Posted by: bucdaddy at October 1, 2008 11:19 PM
Jay,
When I was a little kid, our family would go to Six Flags one day, and then to Stone Mountain the next. I haven't been to either in years, but you have made me a little lonely for that big granite dome. We visited during the day, since we had to leave for home(Birmingham) before it got too late to drive back. Therefore, I have never seen the laser show. I'll have to see it sometime. I'm sure it will be delightfully cheesy.
Posted by: rlr260 at October 1, 2008 11:22 PM
I'm sure glad some of you Atlantites -- I'm looking at you, Jay and Vermillion -- stepped up to the plate for me. I spent the better part of the last decade of the last millennium living in Tucker, which is too close to Stone Mountain for out-of-town visitors to resist asking for a tour. The park itself is benign enough (save for the blatant Confederate icons and Dippin' Dots stands sprinkled throughout), but that laser light show with its horrifying Lee Greenwood grand finale...that is definitely the kind of thing Michelle Obama was thinking about as a not-proud-of-my-country-right-now moment.
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 2, 2008 1:23 AM
I watched about 45 seconds of that trailer and now I feel like Nancy Kerrigan after being clubbed in the knee.
"Why?...Whyyyyy?"
Posted by: popejenn at October 2, 2008 2:08 AM
popejenn! It's been awhile, hasn't it? Bet you didn't know my "real" name is Jeff Gillooly, did you?
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 2, 2008 2:22 AM
Dammit Dustin, I lost a fucking tooth watching that saccharine bullshit. Now if Kirk Cameron was in it....then I (and my lord and my light Jesus "El Saviourrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" Christ) could find it in our hearts to forgive you. But Mr. Belding and Coach Reeves aren't enough.
Scientologists think this film is manipulative.
Posted by: Rubble44 at October 2, 2008 2:30 AM
That trailer could have used more mullets.
Posted by: JC at October 2, 2008 2:35 AM
Che, it has been a little while. I was busy filming another round of Celebrity Boxing.
If you're Jeff Gillooly, then who am I paying alimony to?
Posted by: popejenn at October 2, 2008 2:47 AM
Che, it has been a little while. I was busy filming another round of Celebrity Boxing.
If you're Jeff Gillooly, then who am I paying alimony to?
Posted by: popejenn at October 2, 2008 2:47 AM
Tonya, is that you baby?
Posted by: Che Grovera at October 2, 2008 2:57 AM
Oh Che, don't remind me of that Stone Mtn. laser thingy.
::shudder::
Posted by: Ciji at October 2, 2008 4:31 AM
Now, c'mon, y'all, they also play Elvis' version of The Battle Hymn of the Republic to bring a little balance to the whole herd of Confederate Generals riding proudly out into the summer night thing. And they haven't had a Klan rally there since the '80s, or so I've heard.
It's just good family fun now, except for the part where half the audience is toasted from drinking in the park all day. Where else can you see a laser bear dance to Footloose?
I also associate Lee Greenwood with racing to the car, though. When my daughter was little, she was petrified of loud noises, and the climax of the laser show is a very small fireworks display. So, we'd start heading for the parking lot as soon as the Georgia medley came on. Usually we'd hear God Bless the USA right as we were sailing out ahead of all the poor suckers who were destined to sit in traffic for an hour trying to leave the park.
Posted by: Wednesday at October 2, 2008 9:28 AM
Wait? I saw this movie, at Disney World, and it was circular and I had to stand up the whole time, except for the bits when the plane carrying the camera tipped to the side and we all fell over.
Posted by: BWeaves at October 2, 2008 9:44 AM
Sofia, if it's wrong to laugh at Soapdish, then frankly I've never been right. There's just something about that movie that's so...hysterical. (Personally, I say Kevin Kline and [of course] Robert Downey Jr. make the film.)
As for Proud American...holy shit did Belding get fat. What happened, did he eat the Bayside High kids?
No longer in Tomorrowland, but still available in China and Canada. Granted, it's no The Maelstrom, maybe not even an El Rio De Tiempo, but what can ya do?
Christ, I think I'd forgotten about the "Footloose" segment.
My future unconceived, unborn children just aborted themselves in order to avoid being exposed to that movie.
Posted by: khia213 at October 2, 2008 11:04 AM
Very long time lurker, first time commenter. Ok, with that out of the way, can I say: muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Seriously, I have been watching a bunch of trailers on Pajiba, but this one? The greatest cherry on the cake ever! I had to pause and go back to make sure I wasn't missing anything... The simple fact that such a film exist is... I have no words, I'm still choking. The bestest and the worstest trailer ever!
PS: ah hem, pardon my english in the last sentence, I'm sure the trailer burned some of my remaining brain cells...
Posted by: Zeebedida at October 2, 2008 2:12 PM
That was such a mashup of Red White and Blue that it made me burp purple.
Posted by: Odnon at October 2, 2008 2:54 PM
This trailer reminded me of the propaganda films shown in the movie Starship Troopers. It was very disturbing.
*kisses*