Prince of Persia Movie Posters

If His Acting Career Doesn't Work Out, Jake Would Make a Great K-Mart Flyer Model

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (47)

I have no idea if Prince of Persia: Sands of Time will, ultimately, be the first commercial and critical success for a video-game adaptation (it’s being produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, so I wouldn’t count on it), but I’ll tell you one thing, based purely on these new posters for the movie, premiered on Empire:

That Jake Gyllenhaal sure is a pretty man. Persian? I dunno about that. A fitting action star? I’m skeptical. But pretty he is. In fact, if I weren’t already familiar with the movie, I’d think it were a fashion ad for super retro vests or a perfume that smells like the desert. Who knew Persian princess used so much mousse?

The movie, like the video game, is about a prince who, along with a “mysterious” princess, is charged with protecting an ancient dagger that can reverse time. Or something. Gemma Arterton plays the princess. And while she’s an attractive woman, I’m not sure she can really compete with Jake in terms of the pretty.

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Comments

Who knew Persian princess used so much mousse?

My favorite typo today.

Posted by: branded at July 21, 2009 10:12 AM

seconded.

Posted by: admin at July 21, 2009 10:14 AM

so... they're trying to re-do the Pirates of the Caribbean thing, but with Aladdin?

Posted by: lizzieborden at July 21, 2009 10:14 AM

He looks a bit neanderthal.

And why does costume armour always cover the bits that aren't going to get hurt?

Is he wearing pirate boots? Captain Shakespeare's younger Persian nephew?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2009 10:15 AM

Oh, that costume is not very flattering. Which is weird, because it's not so far off from the Assassin's Creed costume, especially around the waist area, and that looks fine.

The girl is hot, though.

Posted by: twig at July 21, 2009 10:18 AM

More unlikely:

Jake Gyllenhall playing a Persian?
Anthony Hopkins as Othello?

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 21, 2009 10:21 AM

My fond memories of Prince of Persia are not that old. Yet they have already been destroyed.

Damn you, you beautiful bastard.

Posted by: cj at July 21, 2009 10:23 AM

Ain't no way Gemma loses to Jake, especially when comparing these two posters. Nuh-uh; no way.
If, as a red-blooded male, you're thinkin' about another dude and not getting lost in her eyes up there, then there's somethin' wrong widya, major.

Posted by: Ryker at July 21, 2009 10:24 AM

Gemma whatserface is well boring to look at, sorry. I'm sure she's lovely though.

And I miss Jake of the Donnie days. I'm not so much into this burly muscled look. I think he looks a bit silly.

Posted by: Carrie at July 21, 2009 10:25 AM

*red-blooded straight male.
(my bad)

No offense was intended towards those who aren't. Honest.

Posted by: Rykker at July 21, 2009 10:26 AM

Tracer, you're totally making that up. There is no way someone would put Anthony Hopkins in Othel...

Holy imdb, Batman! Someone actually thought that was a good idea!

Although, apparently they wanted James Earl Jones, but immigration got uppity about an American acting in a British Production. Good idea, England. It's much better to have a white man play a North African than have a foreigner in your production.

Posted by: Marra at July 21, 2009 10:27 AM

There wasn't a black Othello until 1995 in a movie? Whoa.

And yeah, we didn't have any British folk could have played him in that version, only Hopkins would do? Honestly.

Posted by: Carrie at July 21, 2009 10:32 AM

Anthony Hopkins as Othello?

They already made that movie, it was called The Human Stain and I think that was also their tag line.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 21, 2009 10:35 AM

He may not be an ACTUAL Persian, but you gotta admit, he is one pretty man. Who's a pretty man? You are! You are! Awwww, I wanna mash up his wittle-bitty face and call him Mr. Chips and rub his furry little belly!

...And then after, we make the sex.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at July 21, 2009 10:38 AM

You know who would make a good Othello?

Ted Danson. He's already shown up to events in blackface back when he was dating Whoopie Goldberg. She'd make a good Desdamoesha to his Othello.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2009 10:40 AM

I've been on the Gyllenhaal train a while now so it's nice to see you come aboard, Dustin.

Haters to the left. Leaves me less competition when I finally figure out how to take down Reese Witherspoon. Girl's tiny, but I'm betting she fights like a badger.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 21, 2009 10:41 AM

I’m not sure she can really compete with Jake in terms of the pretty

of course, dustin

Posted by: james at July 21, 2009 10:43 AM

Am I the only one who wants to hit Gyllenhaal in that poster with a heaping scoop of delousing powder a la Shawshank?

Posted by: branded at July 21, 2009 10:44 AM

James Earl Jones would have been great and I think Roscoe Lee Jenkins, a Shakespearean-trained British actor with an unfortunately jigaboo-esque name, might have played Othello on stage at some point. I actually rather liked Fishburn's take on the character, though I hated Branaugh's Iago.

Othello annoys the hell out of me. This handkerchief is Desdemona's prized possession, yet she doesn't notice it's missing for days. Fix your plot contrivances, Bill!

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 21, 2009 10:45 AM

Whoa. Did that chick eat Carly Pope from Popular? They look exactly the same. I actually got excited that she had finally landed a job, until I read that it's not her.

Posted by: jM at July 21, 2009 10:45 AM

Is Jake Gyllenhaal gonna hafta cut a bitch?

Posted by: Kballs at July 21, 2009 11:05 AM

I think Jakey would definately be the submissive.

Posted by: admin at July 21, 2009 11:07 AM

Wait, is the chick supposed to be Persian, too? This shit is still bothering me, you see, because actual Persians are often quite physically appealing. And I'm sure one or two can act. In a Disney film, for crying out loud.

Posted by: Kolby at July 21, 2009 11:07 AM

lenny henry a british comedian from the eighties has recently had critical acclaim in his stage debut as othello.
it seems like stunt casting is the current vogue in shakespearean circles like having david tennant and jude law play hamlet.
Which makes me thing we should do a comment diversion on what would be people's fantasy shakespeare cast.

Posted by: jim of the lower case at July 21, 2009 11:16 AM

This has butt-sex written all over it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2009 11:19 AM

Kolby,
Weren't Persians ancient Iranians? That's a tough casting call, especially for Disney. I'm surprised Channing Tatum and Scarlett Johanssen weren't cast.

Posted by: Kballs at July 21, 2009 11:22 AM

Kolby, I actually knew ("knew" in this sense meaning "hooked up with a couple times") a guy who I was almost positive was half-Persian* who would have been perfect for the role, weirdly. He was at least 6'2", muscular, and really pretty in the face. Didn't have the hair, but that's what wig shops are for. Still, I'm betting they're trying to slide on the technicality that Persians are caucasian, so it's not TOTALLY insensitive to cast someone who's half Jewish and half Swedish to play one. Except that it is. Whatever, I'll see it for my own puerile and shallow purposes.

*I never asked, though I have two half-Persian uncles so I'm familiar with the features.

Posted by: Genny (actually Rusty now) at July 21, 2009 11:24 AM

Oh please please please let the movie have the game's gratuitous shirtless Prince.

Posted by: Cuno at July 21, 2009 11:27 AM

Well, I dunno about your part of the country, but K-Mart is now "Big-K" in Oklahoma.

That's even more exciting when it comes to a pair of Gyllenhaal jeans.

Posted by: agent bedhead at July 21, 2009 11:41 AM

Am I the only woman who finds him utterly unappealing? And as a PERSIAN prince? Really? Even if you wanted to avoid using actual Persian/Iranians (what with the Axis of Evil thing still hanging out there) weren't there more believable white guys you could cast?

Good news is the movie will probably suck, will be mocked by all and soon forgotten.

Posted by: Girl With Curious Hair at July 21, 2009 11:44 AM

Jake G is only about 4 years younger than me but I find it surprisingly difficult to see him as a grown man. It's actually a little disturbing to see him play muscle-bound alpha-male roles.

Posted by: king at July 21, 2009 11:47 AM

While I love Gyllenhaal and I seriously do find him hot, I'm sick of all this RACE-BENDING BULLSHIT.

Seriously, if black-face ain't okay, then white people pretending to be Persians or Asians ain't gonna fly either.

Posted by: Vi at July 21, 2009 11:53 AM

I went to the IMDb page for this shit a long time ago to check out the casting because, as both a huge fan of the games and a huge fan of complaining, I knew I'd find a lot to bitch about there.

I remember the (SUPPOSEDLY MIDDLE EASTERN) villain having the single most Swedish name I'd ever seen. It had funny little letters in it and everything. He was all THOR GUDMOND GUNDERSSON or whatnot.

I think I counted 2 pseudo-middle eastern names, playing the parts of "General" and "Small Boy." GO HOLLYWOOD, RACIALLY SENSITIVE TO THE END.

At least back in Ray Harryhausen's day, they'd shave his head and smear some dirt and eyeliner on his face to brown him up a bit. Now they're just not even trying. Lame.

Posted by: Nat at July 21, 2009 12:34 PM

If it's anything like the original game the hero will be bisected 30 seconds in by a guillotine that comes out of the floor and ceiling. Damn, that game was hard!

Posted by: bradm at July 21, 2009 12:37 PM

Yeah bradm, I always thought that Gyllenhaal was a little bisectual.

Posted by: admin at July 21, 2009 1:59 PM

The costume is absolutely perfect. Jake is gorgeous. This could really be great. The story is pretty awesome (if they stick to it) and the game really kicked all kinds of ass. What'll be the rating on this? Disney? Bleh. This needs to be all gorey and bloody.

I just wish that the Prince of "Persia" (and by "Persia" we mean Wisconsin!) up there didn't take his hair styling tips from Anton Chigurh.

Posted by: figgy at July 21, 2009 2:16 PM

Tracer, Hopkins as Othello is horrible but how much worse is it than John Wayne as Genghis Khan and Susan Hayward as his Tartar princess?

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3164969216/tt0049092

Hollywood has always been populated with equal opportunity douchebags.

Posted by: ed newman at July 21, 2009 2:36 PM

Man, if there really was a perfune that smelled like the desert I would snap that shit up instantly.

.... Yeah, that'a all I got.

Posted by: ziggy at July 21, 2009 3:26 PM

"Who knew Persian princess used so much mousse?"

Are you kidding? Check out the curly man-locks on this Persian prince, Darius the Great:

http://www.nndb.com/people/994/000092718/

Dude probably needed beeswax to keep that under control. Ancient Frizz-Ease.

Not to take a movie based on a video game toooo seriously, but depending on what time period it is based in, Persian people could have been intermarrying with Greek, Illyian, Caucasian, and any number of other peoples for centuries. Alexander the Great's army left a LOT of blue eyed blond genes in the area after he conquered the Persians.

Plus: JG is Hawt.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 21, 2009 3:33 PM

The Prince is supposed to be Persian. The princess is (in the game at least) supposed to be Indian.

It's not entirely unacceptable for a Persian aristocrat to appear European -- after all, (as Lindsay points out) the Greeks and Romans had already been through that region a couple of times, usurping and interbreeding and generally acting like American GIs in Da Nang.

But couldn't Disney have cast Ashwara Rai, or at least one of the millions of jaw-droppingly beautiful Indian women, in the role? It's not like they don't speak English.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 21, 2009 3:44 PM

Figgy: I nominate these bradm and admin for an EE award. The following two posts are brilliant.

If it's anything like the original game the hero will be bisected 30 seconds in by a guillotine that comes out of the floor and ceiling. Damn, that game was hard!

Posted by: bradm at July 21, 2009 12:37 PM

Yeah bradm, I always thought that Gyllenhaal was a little bisectual.

Posted by: admin at July 21, 2009 1:59 PM

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2009 5:26 PM

Hmm, I think it's an odd aesthetic poster choice for a movie about a Persian. Sure, Gylenhaal is Whitey-McWhite, but did they really need the City 17-esque text for these posters? What about the Lorem Ipsum filler for the credits?

Posted by: John Darc at July 21, 2009 5:28 PM

Cyrus the Great looked a bit like Adrian Brody with a perm, if art is to be trusted.
http://www.cyrusgreat.com/
Actually, that would be interesting casting.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 21, 2009 5:37 PM

I know I'm all down here in macaroni land, and no one will pay any mind, but I want to ask: why can't someone like say, Said Taghmaoui (sorry I don't know how to make the little dots over the i) get some love? Poor kid always ends up the scary, terrorist guy, but he seems to have some chops and he's certainly easy on the eyes. I know . . . technically, he's Moroccan, but at least it's slightly more accurate? I don't know. Just sayin.'

Posted by: bibliophile at July 21, 2009 5:41 PM

Yeah bradm, I always thought that Gyllenhaal was a little bisectual.

That made me snarf, admin. And I don't snarf for just anyone.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 21, 2009 8:11 PM

Gemma Arterton = flaming hot. As in "I'll be in my bunk" hot.

But she's a flaming hot, red-headed, peaches and cream complected *Brit*.

There are any number of amazing looking and talented male and female Middle Eastern or Indian (if you just want the general look as imagined by ignorant white folk rather than actual authenticity) actors around. Jeez.

Perpetuation of the xenophobia that is Disney?

Posted by: trib at July 22, 2009 1:45 AM

Haters to the left. Leaves me less competition when I finally figure out how to take down Reese Witherspoon. Girl's tiny, but I'm betting she fights like a badger.

This made me crack up. Like a badger with knives for claws. She's tenacious.

I'd have preferred to see Ayesha Dharker as the princess, mainly because I think she is the archetype of Indian beauty and is a goddess*, but I'll settle for a grubby, shirtless Jake running around hacking at things. Mmmm. Yes.

*One of the pretty ones like Parvati, not that dreadful Kali. Girl really needs to learn the value of a good conditioner.

Posted by: embertine at July 22, 2009 4:08 AM

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