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Portly and Bald Is Not a Good Look for Matthew McConaughey

By Grainger Heavensbee | Trade News | October 5, 2015 |


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Some guys can pull off bald-and-heavy set. Vincent D’Onofrio, for one.

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And, uh, I’m sure there are others! However, Matthew McConaughey is not one of them.

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I don’t want to sleep with that guy! I want to put him in white-collar prison for bundling junk mortgages.

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The question is, why has McConaughey decided to look like this for a film? The film is called Gold, and it’s described as something akin to The Treasure of Sierra Madre, about a guy (McConaughey) who teams up with a geologist (Édgar Ramírez) to find gold deep in the uncharted jungles of Indonesia. It’s directed by Stephen Gaghan (after both Michael Mann and Spike Lee departed the project).

It’s not based on a true story, and it’s not Oscar bait, and his character is supposed to be in a relationship with a woman played by Bryce Dallas Howard. Why would they do this to him? It’s like throwing $20 million into the toilet! No one wants to see this guy take off his shirt, and in an action adventure, the only reason you cast McConaughey is so he can take off his shirt!

Hollywood has gone mad, or maybe McConaughey has simply decided he wants to see what it feels like to be basic, like the rest of us.

But good lord, this guy smells like cigarettes and meat sweat.

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(Update: A commenter, Aslan notes that it the characters are based on real people, but that the names have been changed, possibly for litigious reasons. Still, though: Can’t they take some dramatic liberties with the guy’s hairline?)


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