Please Dear Controllers of the Universe, Do Not Let This Indiana Jones Rumor Be True

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Please Dear Controllers of the Universe, Do Not Let This Indiana Jones Rumor Be True

By Cindy Davis | Trade News | March 26, 2014 | Comments ()


Honestly, with all the reboots going on out there, I don’t know why it never occurred to me that sooner or later—valar morghulis—Harrison Ford is getting old and someone is going to want to remake the Indiana Jones films. Sacrilege! Blasphemy! Other important sounding words with exclamation points! Many of them!

Okay, okay, I’ll calm down—for a minute anyway. But you’ll know my pain in just a moment. The folks over at Latino Review (who always seem to know just how to push my buttons) say that the same source who gave them information on Rocket Raccoon are talking about an Indy reboot. While there has previously been talk about bringing back Ford for another installment, because of the actor’s age (71), time is limited…and the studio is talking names. Now is the moment when you want to get that glass of tequila you prepped when you saw the headline—you did fill a shot glass, didn’t you?—raise it to your lips, then drink and read. It’s gonna hurt. Like Batfleck, Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor hurt. Are you ready? (You’re not.) Drink. Here we go:


That’s right; the same guy they tried to sell as sexiest man alive may possibly be the next Indiana Jones. Go ahead, try to mentally put a hat on his head and a whip in his hand, and then come on over and sit next to me so we can sit and have a good cry together. Top of the list, people. Bradley Cooper is at the top of the list.

I’m so crushed, I don’t even care who might be writing it (Frank Darabont). This rumor has been brought to you by Latino Review; I think they owe us a case so we can drink away the night.

Cindy Davis, (Twitter) is sobbing. Loudly.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Jiffylush

    Put me in the at least it's not Shia camp.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I know this is a dark horse candidate, but I nominate Joel Edgerton.

  • Davis

    Wait we can complain about this casting decision but not The Human Torch? Oh okay....

  • Tim

    I actually like Bradley Cooper in some movies, but I still think this is the worst idea in the history of anything

  • First choice doesn't mean that's who makes the movie. First choice for Indy? Tom Selleck. I repeat, Tom Selleck. And if you wonder how that might have turned out, then you haven't seen High Road to China.

  • Classic

    No. Absolutely freaking not. You know who rock the shit out of Indiana Jones and give you that 40s vibe that Indy is set in..Timothy Olyphant.

  • sass

    Get it.

  • stryker1121

    I've seen numerous calls for Olyphant as Indy, and I just don't see it. He's a rangy cowboy type and doesn't quite have the physicality needed for the role. Just can't picture him as a 30s-era professor/adventurer.

  • Scott

    Cooper is too close to Beloq (sp?) in my mind. A smaller guy who's a little smarmy and oozes over-confidence.

    I think Timothy Olyphant would make a great Indy. It might be a little close to the other roles he plays, but with Justified ending after next season he'll be looking for something to do. Tell me he wouldn't be pretty much perfect.

    He brings the intensity, the look, the humor, the intelligence; everything an Indy needs!

  • sass

    Agreed. I had the same thought.

    Olyphant, you're our only hope.

  • Ben

    Oh shit Olyphant would be amazing.

  • Classic

    Hey we had the same thought! This is what I think too. He is not as high profile as BCoop and could make the role his own. I feel like if BCoop is cast I will be getting glimmers of his character from The Hangover and I just don't want that.

  • space_oddity

    Isn't Latino Review batting around .100 for their 'scoops'? I wouldn't really believe any of this unless it's confirmed elsewhere.

  • space_oddity
  • John W

    Harrison Ford's corpse isn't even cold yet.

  • Blake

    Bradley Cooper would make a great Jack Colton. J-Law could play Joan Wilder and your could get O. Russell to direct.


    Romancing the Stone in 2016.

  • I'm a HUGE Indiana Jones fan and I'm not that opposed to casting Cooper. Indiana Jones needs to be re-cast, there is no reason there are only 4 Jones movies in 33 years. It should be like James Bond. Get multiple directors and make new adventures every 3 years. Send him after Excalibur, Noah's Ark, Atlantis, etc. Ford was great as Indy, back when he gave a shit, but he doesn't need to keep making them. No one thought Connery could be replaced either and that worked out fine (eventually). A few years ago I thought Josh Holloway would make a great replacement. The only thing I want them to hold to is the time period, I don't want these to be modern. Keep them rooted in the 20's and 30's and they could be great fun.

    That said, if the re-start begins with trying to remake Raiders of the Lost Ark I will burn Disney to the fucking ground.

  • justin386

    I'm OK with this.

  • Rachel

    Bradley Cooper is actually a great choice to replace Ford...

  • Bob Genghis Khan

    While I in no way think they should/could recast Indiana Jones (because the character was, is, and will forever be Harrison Ford, simple as that), I don't understand this site's borderline-annoying hate for Bradley Cooper.

  • Classic

    Probably because they (Hollywood) keep pushing him on us. I mean Bradley Cooper excels at playing dbags (American Hustle, Silver Linings Playbook, etc.) but when it comes to something like this I don't see him as being a world renowned archeologist who finds the ark of the covenant.

  • manting

    I know. On here anything Anna Kendricks (who has done nothing in her career particularly noteworthy so far) or Benedict Cumberbitch (his Sherlock is good but I don't get the worship) is pure gold while Bradley Cooper, who has done better work than both of the above mentioned actors is treated like he's Eric Roberts. I just don't get it.

  • Davis

    It's because he doesn't act like a total goofball for attention and actually works hard.

    He's better than most of these internet sensations including the formerly adorable JLaw

  • Sara_Tonin00

    and Eric Roberts, ironically, is considered a "great" actor in this universe.

  • Guest

    I was surprised how much fawning there was over him after his Justified guest spot. This is an actor who followed up The Dark Knight with Sharktopus.

  • BWeaves


    Go remake something that was good but not great, like they did with The Thing, for example. The remake really worked. Go remake "M" in English and color and sound (it was just after sound was introduced and the sound is minimal in the movie).


  • So Latino Review got this from the same source that gave them info on Rocket Raccoon? Sounds like their source is Bradley Cooper.

    Seriously, though, who gives a shit? I agree that remakes seem unnecessary, but I'm more than happy to ignore them if they're shitty. It's not like they're going to round up all copies of the originals and melt them down. If that ridiculous crystal skull movie didn't ruin the original trilogy for me, I think the legacy is safe.

  • Travis_J_Smith

    As far as sequels and reboots go, I've heard and seen far worse. Do I expect it to succeed? More than Temple of Doom or Crystal Skull, perhaps, but that's as far as I'll go. Still, this was pretty much inevitable, and Bradley Cooper and Frank Darabont are rather inoffensive choices when you consider the possible alternatives.

    Keep in mind, though, that I don't have the same fondness for the first three movies as most people. The first and third are good fun, and more than I expected from anything involving George Lucas in any way, but I hate the second. So if they make a fifth movie and it's The Phantom Menace level bad (translation: one step below even Crystal Skull), it won't bother me in the least.

  • kinoumenthe

    Whether this rumour is true or not, this reboot plague is starting to get seriously unacceptable.

  • cruzzercruz

    Just do Uncharted and Tomb Raider movies and let this franchise's legacy limp away while it still can.

  • BobbFrapples

    I'm not upset by this. Cooper is capable of being a sincere smartass; the original indy's legacy.

  • Magiel

    That's will be Sahara all over again :-( *drinks*

  • rio

    Do Bradley Cooper and Zack Snyder have a shared collection of compromising picture of the hollywood elite? Do they have secret prostitution ring?

  • stella

    Damn dude. I was bracing myself for shia laboef or justin beiber or somthing. This was kind of anti climactic. Ill still come to the tequila party though.

  • manting

    Totally. This is not a worst case scenario by far. I would say its nothing like the casting of batfleck or Jesse as Alexander Luthor.

  • Is Indy going to become a wise-crackin'/smartass archeologist/treasure hunter? Because if so, then Emu is perfect.

  • Aaron Schulz

    they are also making the Uncharted movie which fits that niche

  • Justin Halliday

    They already made that film with Matthew McConaughy.

  • manting

    you mean one of the biggest box office disasters ever called Sahara? Not even close.

  • Tracer Bullet

    I liked it better when it was called The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck.

  • Jiffylush

    I like my fun family adventure movies with a little less rape, thanks very much.

  • Patrick Beauchamp

    Just have brad cooper as Indy's son, years later and I'd be happy with that.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    70s Indiana Jones? I can see the leisure suits already.

  • BlackRabbit

    But he can't wear the hat if he's gonna perm his hair again!

  • Green Lantern

    I see that as a perfectly acceptable compromise...such as it is.

  • Ben

    Honestly I thought you were preparing me for Shia Ledouche reprising his role from Indy 4 to carry on the franchise. So man after that expectation had been set in I am totally cool with Cooper.

  • Blake Shrapnel

    Rable! Rable rable rable RABLE!

  • kayemcee

    Could have been a lot worse. Then again, I have had a couple beers.

    Just so long as they don't cast Kristen Stewart as Marion...

  • Travis_J_Smith

    Kristen Stewart could potentially be an improvement over Kate Capshaw, at least...

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I can't blame Capshaw for what is a terrible terrible role as written. What kind of husband presents his wife with that part? What goes through your mind when he gives the finished script and every scene you're in is you screaming and or whining?

  • Davis

    Even though they weren't married at the time and everyone should say that about Shia Labeouf; his character.

  • Three_nineteen

    They met while making the movie, I believe. Spielberg was married to actress Amy Irving at the time. I don't remember if there were rumors about an affair, but Spielberg and Irving had a really nasty divorce a few years later and Spielberg married Capshaw after that.

    Just an example of the weird trivia still floating around in my head after 30 or so years.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    aw, yeah. that sounds familiar. WOW. He must have really been smitten with her off camera, 'cause that character is not seducing anyone.

  • Travis_J_Smith

    Point taken. I shouldn't have laid the blame on her. I can't name a single female role that was more poorly written than hers in that movie. It's a large part of why I couldn't bring myself to hate Crystal Skull as much a Temple of Doom; between her character and Short Round, I was just perpetually annoyed and angered by that movie. So as long as the character isn't Willie Scott Jr., Kristen Stewart wouldn't necessarily be a movie killer. She can act... sometimes, and I never have paid much attention to Indy's female companions, as the movies have never given me real reason to. Besides Willie Scott, of course.

  • Blake Shrapnel

    Good god man, don't give them any ideas!

  • I am frowning so hard it's making my face hurt.

  • Blake



    *No thanks to Indy 5, 4 has terrible and it will aways be a Trilogy.

    **Make the Uncharted movie already instead. Pine as Drake (or Jake Johnson. I'd love to see Nick Miller as an action hero).

  • Davis

    Uncharted would make a terrible movie like most video games

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