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December 2, 2008 | Comments ()


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Hurry Down Doomsday, The Damn Dirty Apes are Taking Over

The Whole World Has Prequilitis / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | December 2, 2008 | Comments ()


Tim Burton’s 2001 version of Planet of the Apes is so goddamn forgettable that I can’t even remember if I’ve seen it or not. I’m sure I must have, but the only lasting impression I have is that of the incongruousness of Helena Bonham Carter’s voice coming out of the diminutive ape with the Mom haircut. As I recall, Tim Roth was fairly bad ass, but whatever happened to Estella Warren?

Anyway, a sequel to Planet of the Apes is in the works; it apparently isn’t a prequel to Tim Burton’s film, but rather Charlton Heston’s original. Or rather, the events in the film predate the events of the film in the 1968 movie, namely it’s gonna explore how the Apes took over the planet in the first place. The title of the film will be Caesar (for reals?), and here’s the logline, according to Cinemablend: “The origins of how the Apes took over Earth. A hyper-intelligent chimp raised by humans incites a worldwide ape revolution and causes the downfall of mankind.” I guess they didn’t feed it enough bananas.

Scott Frank, who directed the overlooked but decent The Lookout, is set to direct Caesar (seriously, that can’t be the title, can it?), and it’s actually kind of a remake of Conquest of the Planet of Apes, which was the last of the original Planet of the Apes franchise. There will apparently be no talking monkeys in this movie, and it will be set in 2009. I hope the chimpanzees are cute.

Personally, while I’m not normally on the side of reboots, I like this idea, if only because I know that Charlton Heston just rolled over in his grave. And bet he bumped into his 12-gauge and accidentally shot his skull off! Cold, dead hands, indeed. Suck it, Heston. And say hi to Joshua Jackson in hell for me.

In other, unrelated news, 11 days after its release, and in anticipation of a series of progressively worse sequels, the studio behind Twilight has decided to reboot the franchise. The reboot will be slightly darker and feature an entirely new cast plucked from the CW network. It will run contemporaneously with the existing Twilight sequels.




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