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The Ever Reliable Pixar Just Sh*t the Bed

Clean Up on Aisle Four / by Dustin Rowles

Trade News | March 9, 2009 | Comments (46)

Sad news to report today, folks. After 8 near perfect films, billions in box-office grosses, and unprecedented critical success, Pixar Studios has finally hit its first major snag. From the looks of the trailer, Up — about a man and a boy who adventure around the world in a house propelled by helium balloons — may be its first spectacular bomb. It is the Paul Blart of Pixar flicks — a huge, bloated, exploding artery of gelatinous suck. I thought that, after Pixar successfully made the transition from independently-owned studio to Disney-owned one, that it’d be smooth sailing. Clearly, Disney studios has finally got its tenterhooks firmly entrenched into the ass of Pixar. It’s ruined, folks. It’s been sullied. The streak is over. Weep for humanity, y’all. Weep! Weep! Weep!

Nah. I kid. It’s gonna be another awesome Pixar film. Please go on with your lives. Look for it May 29th.










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Comments

That wasn't funny, Dustin. Pixar's one of the few things from my childhood that is still great.

Just by writing that previous paragraph, you caused me to age several years, and gave me an almost fatal heart attack. You sick bastard.

Posted by: George at March 9, 2009 10:52 AM

I still haven't been able to watch Wall-E. Lately the mere thought that a movie (or television show, commercial, radio advertisement or grocery store coupon) could make me cry WILL make me cry, so I've been avoiding Wall-E like a bad Filet-O-Fish. I do want to try that new fish sandwich at Wendy's, though, so maybe Wall-E will end up on my queue after all.

Posted by: Kolby at March 9, 2009 10:52 AM

I really had no idea what this movie was going to be about, outside of it containing an old guy.

I am pretty excited now, it's going to be another masterpiece, of course.

Posted by: Snath at March 9, 2009 10:53 AM

You sure it won't suck? Or at least somewhat suck? Remember, every film Pixar has put out thus far (with the exception of Toy Story 2) was one of the original ideas the founders had when the company first formed and decided to do feature length stories. Granted, that was a while ago and one would assume between then and now they would've hit upon another good idea, but I'm holding back my normal enthusiasm on UP.

Posted by: B-Unit at March 9, 2009 10:56 AM

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 10:56 AM

Seriously, Paul Blart. What sort of horrible things happened to you as a child?

Posted by: George at March 9, 2009 10:57 AM

Kolby

Wall-E may not make you cry. Except that he's an adorable little robot who does an insane amount of adorable robot things.

The first twenty minutes or so of that movie are perfect. See it.

Posted by: twig at March 9, 2009 10:57 AM

The dog would appear to have the same attention span as is that a penny?

Posted by: admin at March 9, 2009 11:04 AM

Pardon my presumption, but I find myself wanting to counterbalance criticism with praise. Thus, I'm liking George 2.0.

Posted by: Che Grovera at March 9, 2009 11:12 AM

Dustin, you nearly gave me a freaking heart attack.

Posted by: dsbs at March 9, 2009 11:15 AM

Am I the only person who hated Wall-E? Nah, darling hubby did, too. We couldn't figure out who the movie was aimed at. Fans of Hello Dolly would have to be 70 years old. Digs at overweight consumers would be aimed at 30 to 50 year olds. Do little kids really want to watch a robot with a cockroach flirt with an egg timer? And, I hate to say it, but the animation was too good. I like my animation to look like animation, not reality. Give me a thumbprint on Grommit's nose, anytime.

I was going to say something like, "I like my animation like I like my men. Not grounded in reality." Then I realized that it didn't come out right.

Posted by: BWeaves at March 9, 2009 11:17 AM

Do little kids really want to watch a robot with a cockroach flirt with an egg timer?

Based on how my 2 and 1/2 year old nephew goes on and on about Wall-E and "bugsy" (that's what he calls the cockroach), apparently so. He loves it.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at March 9, 2009 11:21 AM

Fine, you got me. I've seen the trailer already and thought it looked great, so reading this was a little scary. Pixar's awesomeness is one of the few things I can safely assume other people agree with me on, and my entire reality started crumbling.

Posted by: Sabrina at March 9, 2009 11:24 AM

Forbiddendonut: Glad they liked it. I saw the movie in a roomful of kids, and they loved the animated short that came first which was a magician and a rabbit being pulled out of a hat. There were howls of whooping and laughter. There was not a sound during the entire Wall-E movie and I even noticed that some kids fell asleep. It made us wonder who the movie was aimed at. Even the adults didn't laugh or seem to enjoy it.

Posted by: BWeaves at March 9, 2009 11:25 AM

Anyone who withholds enthusiasm for Pixar after this trailer is a fool. You can withhold your enthusiasm when the first Cars 2 trailer hits...and even that will be tempered with sadness because how the hell do you fill the voids George Carlin and Paul Newman left behind in that cast?

Besides, Up means more Ed Asner as a cranky old man. Who can resist such comedy gold? (Also, the trailer hides the more emotional undercurrents that have previously been reported on elsewhere. Rest assured...you'll cry with this one too.)

Posted by: Mike R. at March 9, 2009 11:34 AM

BWeaves: I can't comment on the quality becuase I haven't seen it yet. I also wouldn't consider my nephew to be a reall connaisuer of film. He likes pretty much everything he sees. Before "Wall-E" it was "Mulan", before that it was "Kung-Fu Panda", before that it was "Finding Nemo", before that "Jungle Book."

The only thing has hasn't liked so far is "Annie." He made his mom turn it off after like 15 minutes. The drunken Miss Hannigan scared him quite a bit and he was terribly upset at the whole concept of orphans because they didn't have mommies and daddies. He's a sweet kid.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at March 9, 2009 11:44 AM

God Damn you dustin. You scared three kinds of crap out of me with that paragraph and this has effectively ruined the 20 minutes left in my morning, I swear to god if I see anyone anywhere proclaiming that UP is going to be a failure or a disaster based on a "review found on an internet blog" I will be holding you responsible. And don't think you're in the clear because we both know there are people out there who don't understand jokes/satire.

Posted by: Mr. PAtches at March 9, 2009 11:45 AM

Merely a case of a bad trailer. Extremely bad trailer.

Posted by: Jonathan at March 9, 2009 11:48 AM

Wow, I was ready to go to WORK on this article. Veins were poppin, I started cracking my knuckles, "Aww HeLL Naw, this is Star Wars all over again". All followed by a sigh of relief.
Does anything else think they used some of the background Southwestern shots that they wanted to with American Dog, the one that eventually became Bolt?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 9, 2009 11:57 AM

Ah, it's Monday. Have a little fun at our expense, Dustin, really we don't mind.

You doody head.

The trailer looked lovely. I second the love of Ed Asner as cranky old guy.

Posted by: tamatha at March 9, 2009 12:04 PM

Go to the Apple site for more Up 1080p trailers.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/up/

Odd Apple doesn't have this "official" one up yet.

Check out the two clips on the page, very funny.


This movie will rule.

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at March 9, 2009 12:05 PM

My world was all askew for a few seconds there. I was trying to figure out how in the hell the kick-ass trailer that I saw equaled the doom of Pixar. Turns out Dustin's just being a jerk and all is right in the world.

Side note: The creepy comment preview is creepy. Also, is anyone else seeing the right-most letter of random comments getting cut in half? I'm using IE since I'm stuck at work, if that makes a difference.

Posted by: Blonde Savant at March 9, 2009 12:07 PM

Oh - and fingers crossed the goofy bird is as at least as cool as Scrat.


Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at March 9, 2009 12:13 PM

Even more fun...go to Disney's official site for Up and watch "Animal Calling" in the video section. It looks like they've got the humor locked down, now they just have to come through on the emotion.

Posted by: Mike R. at March 9, 2009 12:18 PM

Well "A Bug's Life" wasn't very good, and I never saw "Cars" but I heard it was only so-so. Even though this was a joke, I wouldn't say they're on an eight film streak of great movies.

Posted by: Lucas at March 9, 2009 12:26 PM

This was still genius for the sheer terror I felt. But it was unbelievable when you realize how good Pixar has been to us. Pixar accomplished the impossible by putting Larry the Cable Guy in a good movie.

Posted by: George at March 9, 2009 1:08 PM

I've heard more than one person complain about the opening of WALL-E because "nobody says anything for half an hour".

Sigh.

Posted by: Ed at March 9, 2009 1:13 PM

I thought Wall-E was totally solid, but not quite as good as I felt like I had been led to believe it would be.

So how many movies/books about attaching balloons to something and going on a travelling adventure do we have to have before people start bitching about originality? Personally I like James and the Giant Peach, but there's also Danny Deckchair and I suppose Around the World in 80 Days if you want to look at it that way, and I bet there are others that just aren't coming to me right now. If you're going to go over familiar territory, you'd better add something new or do it big. Looks like they chose the latter.

Posted by: Eep at March 9, 2009 1:14 PM

I loved WALL*E. This looks cool as well - I like cartoon old guys.

Couldn't stand Nemo. I felt it was an 90 minute commercial for how cool Pixar is, starring Ms Ellen "I can't spell her last name." I refuse to see Cars even is it was one Cool Hand Luke's last roles.

By the way, the comment preview feature - very nice

Posted by: Brian at March 9, 2009 1:15 PM

That trailer is all kinds of awesome. I'm a sucker for hot air balloon adventures, though. I've never ridden in one, though. I wonder, is the reality of riding in a hot air balloon better than the fantasy? Anyway, I have to see this movie.

Posted by: rlr260 at March 9, 2009 1:56 PM

So I sent the link to the article to my friend and this was the chat in response:

Friend: "That guy [Dustin] is an asshat."
Friend: "lol."
Friend: "When is Harry Potter coming out?"

Me: "That guy is a lawyer. I think it comes out in July."

Friend: "Most lawyers are asshats."

Me: "Except for you or are you an asshat too?" (My friend is a lawyer)

Friend: "I'm an asshat too."
Friend: "I held out as long as I could, but it's inevitable. Bar card = asshat"

I thought I would share since my friends comments made me laugh.

Posted by: DoubleH at March 9, 2009 2:38 PM

I don't fackin' care what children might want to see.

Wall-E was gorgeously understated. We don't need nonstop yapping for two hours (KF Panda!). I love how Pixar seems to be the only creator/god that doesn't pander to Adderall generation, and still makes wonderful, time-capsule quality films.

There is nothing in the trailer for "Up" that screams mainstream or modern, and I love that.

Posted by: Bluesilver at March 9, 2009 2:46 PM

Dustin, you bastard. Don't fucking scare me like that again.

Btw, Wall-E is a beautiful film. Get over the merchandising and marketing blitz bullshit. It's very coffee house grad student to whine about that crap, but most adults can look past it, not get sucked into it, and appreciate the film for what it is.

And Wall-E is probably the best movie Pixar has ever made.

Posted by: BigDaddyB at March 9, 2009 2:56 PM

It's very coffee house grad student to whine about that crap

Well you are at Pajiba.

Har har har!

Posted by: Jay at March 9, 2009 2:58 PM

Don't do that, Rowles. I felt my heart shrink and my stomach fall and then I almost felt tears of NO NO NO NO CAN'T BE and man. You just TOY with us. Argh.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 3:31 PM

Oooh oooooooh this looks so awesome! ooooh the cute fat kidi! ooooh SQUIRREL!

*falls over*

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 3:36 PM

Wow! It's truly funny so see everyone going gaga over a movie they haven't seen. If this movie were to suck, I'm pretty sure the sun would rise the next day.

Posted by: BBB at March 9, 2009 5:03 PM

Blonde Savant: I'm getting whole words missing behind the right hand margin, and I'm in IE. Seth is aware of the issue, but can't reproduce it.

I also don't like the creepy "preview of your comment" section. It's like being stalked by a typist.

Posted by: BWeaves (from a different IP address) at March 9, 2009 5:20 PM

Pixar can do no wrong. The sun would die out if they did.

Posted by: figgy at March 9, 2009 6:13 PM

Ok, I get the feeling I'm going to be interrupting every conversation I have with "Squirrel!" for the forseeable future.

Yeah, I'm cool.

Posted by: Gayle at March 9, 2009 7:18 PM

And Wall-E is probably the best movie Pixar has ever made

well, at least we can agree it's the best movie they've made since Cars.

i'd say both Toy Stories and The Incredibles are clearly better than Wall-E.

yeah, the first half-hour is a stunning achievement ... but the last half-hour (excepting the animation of the closing credits) could have been made by anybody.

and better.

Posted by: Soylent Green is Sheeple at March 10, 2009 4:16 AM

I didn't hate Wall-E BWeaves but I did fall asleep during it. So did my wife, and my kids weren't all that enraptured by it. I was super tired going into it so I have to give it another chance someday, but I can guarantee already that it won't be on my list of Pixar's greatest achievements.

A Bug's Life was a very good movie and eminently rewatchable.

Cars is the worst of the full length Pixars but is still a solid B. And Ratatouille is the best Pixar movie since Cars. I will not be dissuaded from this.

Posted by: ed newman at March 10, 2009 10:27 AM

I will tell you people something I have never told anyone till now an that is this... it may not sound like it but I used to be A Pixar Fan.

but then when I got to know some of these Pixarites on Boards and Chats,Blogs,Websites ect. I am no longer A PIXAR FAN/John Lasseter and Co. fan.

Why our Most of you Pixarites and John Lasseter Worshippers so Arrogant,Prideful and Hateful Natured anyway. if some dont like UP then Fine they dont Like It. Accept that not Everyone is like you already an it will be a better world.


I also have some very Griving news for you Pixar People. your day an the start of turning the Tide and the down fall is coming. as I have been talking to Others about why they no longer support Pixar and John Lasseter/Edwin Catmull and the Whole Disney/Pixar deal.


an they told me because of the Arrogance and Pride and haughty nature from both Pixar and John Lasseter and Edwin Catmull his team an the Pixar Fans an even Disney fans. that think Pixar and Disney is the 1 an Only; no one should hate them. no 1 should question them. all such Watch their movies or their Stupid Assests and Fools,that dont know whats good in life. an this right here is why Pixar and also Disney or Losing their USUAL Movie going Audiance at Theathers and Tv Ratings.

and Having Low Dvd and sales and park Attendance; their Cable Channels or fialing and Merchandise is not selling good at all; stocks or now Lower than when Micheal Isner and his Ragtime were at Disney ect. so there our the Evidance and Cold hard Facts to my case, right there for you to see. my Point on this. soon this Whole Disney/Pixar our the Only 1 deal will come to A Great Abrupt END.

Posted by: SAAM97853 at March 10, 2009 11:37 AM

SAAM,

Please go back on your meds.

Respectfully,

Pajiba

Posted by: ed newman at March 10, 2009 11:58 AM

1. Didn't they already make a movie about a guy in a chair tied to balloons?

2. Didn't Arrested Development already make fun of the stupid idea?


Posted by: SteveM at March 14, 2009 4:35 PM

I was lucky enough to get to go to the UP Wrap party. The party was lots of fun, but the screening of the film blew me away. It's the best film Pixar's made, and the best film yet of the year. I'm not surprised it got a PG rating--I'm more surprised it didn't get a PG-13. The villain is really dark and murderous, and the action is fast and furious. The dogs are REALLY funny. But it's the heart the film has, based on the main characters of Carl, Dug, Kevin, and Russell, that make the film work so well. It puts most live action films to shame with it's character development. The script is sharp, witty, and incredibly moving.

Highest marks.

Thankfully, they didn't show it in 3D.

Posted by: Henry at April 28, 2009 4:15 PM