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September 25, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | September 25, 2008 |

I love Johnny Depp. You love Johnny Depp. It’s not even a question. But the man is testing our patience, people. I’ve always adored Johnny Depp because he’s always taken such interesting, diverse roles, some of which were successes (Donnie Brasco, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape) and some of which failed spectacularly (Nick of Time, Cry Baby, The Ninth Gate), but you always knew that Depp was trying to challenge himself. And up until Pirates of the Caribbean, he’d never really had a huge break-out hit. And we loved him despite it.

But the taste of success was apparently too sweet for Depp; he’s seemingly decided to sell himself down the studio river. Not only has he done two (awful) Pirates sequels, he’s now got a few new projects in the works that don’t mesh with the Depp we know and love.

Johnny Depp is a slave to Disney. Fuck me.

Slashfilm is reporting, from a Disney keynote event out in L.A. yesterday, that Depp is confirmed as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. That’s not news. We knew that. The news: He’s also signed on as the lead in a motion-picture adaptation of the long-running television show, “The Lone Ranger.” Yeah. The Lone motherfucking Ranger. He’s gonna ride a goddamn white horse and wear a ninny’s mask and have a Native American sidekick. How gauche. Also, it’s going to be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

I don’t know how many times I have to say it, but real superheroes wear capes, goddamnit.

But that’s not the worst of it, folks. It also appears as though there will be yet another Pirates sequel. In fact, If MTV’s report of the event is accurate, Johnny Depp — Ichabod Crane, Sweeney Todd, Raoul Duke, William Blake, Ed Wood — came out in his Jack Sparrow get-up and a Lone Ranger mask.

Oh, I’m feeling queasy.

Update: Depp will actually play Tonto. Not The Lone Ranger. This doesn’t make me feel any better. (H/T TylerDFC)

Johnny Depp's Soul Sucked Into Bed and Spewed Out in Gushing Melee

Nightmare on 21 Jump Street / Dustin Rowles

Industry | September 25, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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