Pinocchio is coming to the big screen again. This time, in the form of stop-animation in a movie version of the book that will be directed by children’s book illustrator Gris Grimley, who has illustrated a Pinocchio book in the past, as well as selected works from Edgar Allan Poe. He’s kind of screwy, I gather.
The reason why this item rises to the level of newsworthy is because 1) Guillermo Del Toro is exec producing and co-writing the script, and 2) it’s gonna be a twisted version of Pinocchio. And by “twisted,” I mean, it’s gonna mine the original story’s “semi-necrophilia vibe,” according to Del Toro, himself. And 3) the film will be done in partnership with the Jim Henson company.
The Pinocchio in this version will be considerable more mischievous — maybe he’ll murder! — and given the “semi-necrophilia vibe,” I’d hate to guess what he plans on doing with his ever-growing nose. But you know, when I think creepy, twisted stop-motion, I think of this video, and then I get the weebly jeebies and start crying a little.
Sober is so disturbing. That little puppet always freaked me right the fuck out! What the fuck is that sausage shit in the pipes? Why does his face melt? Why is there something nailed to the wall behind that yellow glass? Why, why, why?
*freaks out*
Posted by: jpguy13 at November 17, 2008 10:50 AM
I have a vivid memory from when I was a wee lass of peeking beyond the "forbidden curtain" at the local video store and seeing the box for "The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio." The tag line? "It's not just his nose that grows."
Fun fact: That was the day my childhood officially ended.
Posted by: Trampy at November 17, 2008 10:54 AM
I just love how Adam Jones did the character design and some of the stop motion himself. Tool is a top-5 for me.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 10:57 AM
What exactly is "semi-necrophilia"? Does that mean you like getting dead head but refuse to go all the way because of a promise you made to Jesus?
Posted by: branded at November 17, 2008 10:59 AM
If I ever see the word "necrophilia" in the same post as "Jim Henson" again, so help me, I will melt someone's brain with a curling iron.
Posted by: Sean at November 17, 2008 11:02 AM
branded! I was all freaking the fuck out after that music vid and then I read your comment. if that doesn't top last weeks "wax off" I don't know what will.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 17, 2008 11:02 AM
Now...this project turns me on in so many ways. Del-Toro?! Stop motion?! Puppets??! Puppet Sex? Puppet sex with dead things??? Puppet sex with dead thingss using body parts other then the scwheen???? It's like an excellent layer cake. Each layer gets better and better! i am so excited about this I can barely contain myself. Not to mention, dead chicks rule. There tends to be way less bitching a nagging and they always have this stone cold look of disbelief when i show them my junk...like it's the biggest thing they've seen since Vern Toryer's forearm in that World of Warcraft commercial.
OOOO!!! I may have to go and dig meself up a girlfriend and start punching random holes in her body to violate. ...you know...just so i can get in the right frame of mind for this movie.
...I like to start with the abdomen first. It's still squishy in there and can hold large amounts of fluid before i have to move on to another body part.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 11:08 AM
If the movie is anything like a Tool video it is going to kick major semi-necrophilic ass. I am officially stoked.
PissBoy you are my hero. However I am more of an armpit man. You don't always need a hole. Try it, it's just like getting some strange.
Posted by: admin at November 17, 2008 11:28 AM
"Sober is so disturbing."
I couldn't agree more. Bartender! 'Nother round here!
"Guess the price of being sober is being
Scared out of your mind."
-- Cooley
Posted by: bucdaddy at November 17, 2008 11:30 AM
Count me out - I've already seen the only puppet-sex film I'll ever need to.
Bonus: There's an alternate ending to that video - the creepy little guy pulls Gwyneth's head outta the box. True story...
Posted by: Skitz at November 17, 2008 11:46 AM
Semi-necrophilia? I read the original and didn't get that out of it, but then I was pretty young. I do remember that the original Pinocchio was an evil brat. EVIL. He killed the cricket that was supposed to be his conscience in like, the first chapter. He was pretty much downhill from there.
Posted by: s. pisaster at November 17, 2008 11:47 AM
That sounds like a way better Pinocchio than the fucking Disney version.
How about this? Pinocchio decides he can solve all Gippetto's money problems by selling Lampwick to a donkey show in Mexico. Someone tell Del Toro, I'm a genius.
Posted by: Snath at November 17, 2008 12:50 PM
PissBoy, I would say I'd dryhump your leg in admiration if I ever met you in public...but I'd be worried about the kinds of diseases I might get. So I'll just give you a firm nod of the head and a salute. And my phone number.
Skitz...please, please, please be telling the truth. I'm gonna go look for it right now...and so help me if I find you were joking, I'm gonna put a whoopee cushion full of Joker laughing gas in the MurderTank™...and youtube the resulting video
Personally, I liked that video lots (disturbing puppets amuse me), and the thought of a sinister and adult-themed Pinocchio intrigues and arouses me. I withhold judgement until I see where they go with this.
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 17, 2008 12:52 PM
Necrophilia is the new anal sex (at least in puppet world).
Posted by: Cindy at November 17, 2008 12:58 PM
Ooooooh....that sounds awesomely disturbing. Kind of like Nightmare Before Christmas but with way creepier puppets and...dead...things?
The hell? Next thing you know you'll be telling me there's beastiality involving the whale.
"Oh...he swallowed Pinocchio alright!"
Damn.
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 1:06 PM
He also swallowed an old man, a fish, and a cat. That is one kinky whale.
Unfortunately, Gippetto soon discovered why they called him Monstro. He was pronounced dead after suffering severe tearage, fatal organ damage, and heavy internal bleeding.
Posted by: Snath at November 17, 2008 1:15 PM
Hee, Snath. Next thing you know all the Pajiba males will be (re)naming their dongs 'Monstro'.
Heeheehee.
And...ew. But I did start it so I can't complain.
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 1:19 PM
Nah...mine's named Pinocchio...cuz it keeps growing...
(Yay for genitalia references!)
Posted by: Shadows of Dakaron at November 17, 2008 1:39 PM
My junk is named Traiano in honor of Traiano Boccalini...one of the strongest historical supporters of the military/political strategy of "Divide and conquer.*
...cuz that's what my junk does. It divides. Then conquers.
*Junk previously named 'Napoleon' as he was also a master of this strategy...but it left me open to FAR too many 'short...' jokes.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 2:00 PM
Veeery nice, PissBoy and Shadows. Very impressive.
Hmm...I should name my boobs. But what will do them justice?
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 2:42 PM
Figgy, I like to name my tits after things that are currently making me happy. Right now my left one is named Eddie Izzard Dvds while my right one is Whoppers.
Posted by: Julie at November 17, 2008 2:58 PM
I've got it figgy!!!! Penn and Teller. "Why?" you may ask? Because PnT are magicians, and the first thing a magician does is draw your eyes to a specific area...masters of misdirection!
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 2:59 PM
...but...if you do go the magician route...this may cause people to expect you to pull a rabbit out of your vagina. Impressive yes, but far from good taste. Although I would definitely rather have that done on the street instead of having to bare another David Blain: Street Magician special.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 3:00 PM
Julie, that's a brilliant idea.
I could name one "chocolate" and one "biscuits".
Those sound like such stripper names, I love them
Holy shit PissBoy...I once knew a girl who named hers Siegfried and Roy. Not joking. She said it was because they made "tigers" want to "maul" them. Air quotes all hers.
We weren't friends for very long...
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 3:07 PM
I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I do have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nicknamed my testes- My left one is James Westfall and the right is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right and you might just get to meet the whole gang.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 17, 2008 3:44 PM
Sean--
"If I ever see the word "necrophilia" in the same post as "Jim Henson" again, so help me, I will melt someone's brain with a curling iron."
Now THAT was funny!
Posted by: Neocleo at November 17, 2008 4:18 PM
Optimus, I would've figured you would go with 'Megatron'...that's totally what I would do.
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 4:34 PM
Sorry, Figs. That was A little Brian Fantana for you. (By way of Paul Rudd). I have to clarify I am a bigger fan of Wordplay than the Transformers film. (The old cartoon version is much closer but not quite.)
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 17, 2008 4:50 PM
I just love how Adam Jones did the character design and some of the stop motion himself. Tool is a top-5 for me.
Posted by: PissBoy at November 17, 2008 10:57 AM
WORD. I love Tool. Maynard is on my list of famous people I will trade organs to meet list along with Trent.
Yeah, the videos do freak me out, especially Schism.
Posted by: Melody at November 17, 2008 5:22 PM
OH! DUH!
And I love Anchorman so much. I am fail.
And yeah, the old Transformers were way better than the new movie. It made me feel embarrassed for all of them, even if they are all robots. Fake robots.
Now go slap on some Sex Panther perfume.
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 5:27 PM
Quite an intoxicating aroma. Stings the nostrils. I'm going to level with you Brian, it smells like pure gasoline.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 17, 2008 5:58 PM
I was going to watch the video but then I realized that it was Tool and I've already sworn my allegiance to a different Pretentious-And-Alternative-Yet-Loved-By-A-Ton-Of-People-Including-A-Bunch-Of-Dumb-Ones band(Radiohead) and really you can either love one or the other. People that enjoy both are the ultimate douchebags. Seriously, check Last.fm if you don't believe me.
Also, I hope the Pinocchio movie is in Spanish. Doesn't Pinocchio take place in Spain? Or is it Germany?
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 17, 2008 6:51 PM
it smells like Bigfoot's dick!
Posted by: figgy at November 17, 2008 7:09 PM
Quite an intoxicating aroma. Stings the nostrils. I'm going to level with you Brian, it smells like pure gasoline.
Also, 60% of the time, it works everytime.
You can't beat those odds.
Also, didn't you kill a guy? Didn't you throw a trident?... I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 17, 2008 7:29 PM
I hears they attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation!
Posted by: admin at November 17, 2008 7:39 PM
ahem. heard.
Posted by: admin at November 17, 2008 8:06 PM
Huh, a review about puppets, and our own puppet activist Che hasn't shown up yet? I'm curious to see what he has to say about the scourge of puppet necrophilia.
Generally speaking, stop-motion animation creeps me out, and I found the Disney cartoon scary enough as a child (The little boy has donkey ears! Why, mommy, why?!!), so I suspect I'll be giving this one a pass.
Posted by: meaux at November 17, 2008 8:51 PM
Puppet necrophilia is an oxymoron.
Sex is natural - sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's... One on one
Posted by: Che Grovera at November 18, 2008 12:44 AM
Okay, now that's just freaky.
I just quoted "I Want Your Sex" not 24 hours ago in the midst of a controversy about NECROPHILIA in an episode of Supernatural.
Weeeeeird.
Posted by: monkey_b at November 18, 2008 1:54 AM
Tool's Sober, eh? CREEPY! Good song though. This looks intriguing, me like Guillermo del Toro!
Sober is so disturbing. That little puppet always freaked me right the fuck out! What the fuck is that sausage shit in the pipes? Why does his face melt? Why is there something nailed to the wall behind that yellow glass? Why, why, why?
*freaks out*