missouri.gif
Game Movies to Have Little to Do With Games

Peter Berg's Battleship Adaptation Gets Weird / TK

Trade News | November 9, 2009 | Comments (39)

We reported a few weeks ago that, in the continuing bizarre and unfortunate trend of old games being made into movies, Peter Berg (The Rundown, Hancock, The Kingdom) would be directing the adaptation of the classic (and boring) game “Battleship.” Basically, I couldn’t really wrap my head around the concept. Why not just make a game about sea warfare? Why tie it into the game?

Anyway, now Slashfilm (via Latino Review) is reporting that the big bad in the film has been announced. The fleet of battleships will be fighting … aliens. Yep, in order to update the game and make it more interesting, it’ll be a sea war against … aliens.

I am fucking puzzled.

So basically, we’re tossing out everything about the game, other than that there will be warships. And we’re fighting aliens. I mean, the concept has some potential, but now it’s completely unrelated to the game, which of course leads me to ask again, why is it tied into the game in the first place?

However, it opens the door to a whole new universe of game adaptations. If that’s going to be the trend, then fuck it. Who cares what the game is. Let’s just throw in random monsters and have it based on that, thereby creating limitless possibilities…

Chutes and Ladders … and zombies!
Barbie fights vampires!
Stretch Armstrong … and midget porn!
Uno and Minotaurs!
Monopoly, now featuring C.H.U.D.s!
R.I.S.K. and Mutant Cyborgs!
Candyland and … Candyman!


TK … bashing his head into a wall!


← "FlashForward" S1/E7 Recap: "The Gift" | Pajiba After Dark 11/9/09 →





Comments

Barbie fights vampires!

I believe that was called "Buffy The Vampire Slayer."

Seriously, though, I'd watch all of the above. But, I'm easy.

Posted by: MM at November 9, 2009 6:04 PM

OHHHHHHHHHH fer fuck's sake.

I just.....just.............OHHHH fer fuck's sake.

Posted by: Jay at November 9, 2009 6:08 PM

"I'm On A BOAT!"
That's all the at-sea action I need.

Posted by: Spender at November 9, 2009 6:10 PM

Connect Four: with hookers!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 6:25 PM

And if you were about to go into battle against aliens, wouldn't you rather have fighter jets and shit? Or are these aliens confined to the oceanic depths?

Wait, did I just assume that some rational thought went into this?

Posted by: Brenton at November 9, 2009 6:30 PM

The theory I read somewhere was that Peter Berg may have wanted to make a battleships-and-aliens movie anyway, but snuck it by the studio in the guise of a board game movie knowing that nobody approves original ideas anymore. The man is playing the game.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 9, 2009 6:30 PM

Hi, ho. Cherry, oh?

Posted by: Alexandra at November 9, 2009 6:31 PM

I'd watch Stretch Armstrong and midget porn. What? Don't look at me that way.

Posted by: Austin asking for trouble at November 9, 2009 6:37 PM

Scrabble...with dyslexia! And lava.

Posted by: Ian at November 9, 2009 6:45 PM

The worst part is that you know the line "You sunk my battleship" is contractually obligated to be in there. And it won't be good.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 9, 2009 6:49 PM

Trivial Pursuit... only not as trivial!
The Game of LIFE... aborted

And BSlim... Connect Four with hookers... strangely enticing.


Posted by: logar at November 9, 2009 6:49 PM

Hungry Hungry Hippos: as a deep psychological thriller.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 6:50 PM

@Brenton:
Google the phrase, "aircraft carrier," and prepare to have your mind blown.
This movie is going to suck worse than Ishtar though.

Posted by: jbrader at November 9, 2009 6:51 PM

Lite Brite: a serial killer story.

Posted by: logar at November 9, 2009 6:51 PM

Duck, duck, goose... and sodomy.

Posted by: logar at November 9, 2009 6:52 PM

Cheesi ideas are par for the course in tbis trend.

Hey, wait ...

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 9, 2009 6:53 PM

Take Off: Your Pants

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at November 9, 2009 6:54 PM

Yahtzee: a game of survival where the end prize is...your life.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 6:55 PM

Checkers: The Diagony of Defeat

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 9, 2009 6:56 PM

the movie executives could stop drug!

Posted by: carrie at November 9, 2009 7:04 PM

Settlers of Clitoris

Sorry: I have the Clap

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at November 9, 2009 7:04 PM

Why aliens? Because you draw the them down close to the world's oceans for a Megashark sneak attack, motherfuckers! It will bite those UFO's right out of the sky on its way to a $50mil opening weekend.

Posted by: branded at November 9, 2009 7:12 PM

Wooo, thank bob I'm drunk already. Otherwise, I might believe all these hallucinations on my computer screen.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 9, 2009 7:24 PM

Scattergories....with the criminally insane!

Posted by: stardust (now with 100% less savant) at November 9, 2009 8:21 PM

I think hippos are actually pretty scary.

Posted by: Cindy at November 9, 2009 8:40 PM

You're absolutely right, Cindy! Up close, hippos are really frightening. We had one come right through the middle of our camp at night, and it scared the crap out of me! The things are as big as a Land Cruiser, can move surprisingly quickly, and can be pretty touchy. If you spook 'em, they can kill you quite easily. Our guide told us they're actually one of the more dangerous animals in Africa; they actually kill more people than lions.

(I choose to ignore the actual subject of this post, as it's obviously a bad joke on someone's part.)

Posted by: ariadne at November 9, 2009 9:04 PM

You know, if I'd really worked at it, I bet I could have fit in several more variations on "actual"...

Posted by: ariadne at November 9, 2009 9:06 PM

...especially when they're hungry.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 9, 2009 9:06 PM

So, who do we blame for the latest alien mania? Just a short while ago it was dinosaurs (t-rexes showed up in like 15 movies last year didn't they?), then it's vampires, now it's aliens. Everywhere motherfucking aliens. Enough already.

Posted by: figgy at November 9, 2009 9:51 PM

But what about the grid? Will it become crucial at some point that letter/number coordinates be shouted out by the opposing sides? I refuse to see this if there isn't a lengthy scene spent doing this.

Posted by: katy at November 9, 2009 9:52 PM

I demand faithfulness to the game.

I will refuse to see this film unless there is a scene where my little brother, in lieu of playing by the actual rules, just throws the pieces at me until I give up.

Posted by: Daniel Hall at November 9, 2009 11:17 PM

Payday. . .and the union busting mob

Posted by: idleprimate at November 10, 2009 12:33 AM

X-COM:Terror from the Deep the Movie? Hell, I'd watch that.

Posted by: Adam C at November 10, 2009 12:46 AM

Connect Four: with hookers!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 9, 2009 6:25 PM

--------------------------------

Surely this was a Human Centipede joke gone begging...

Posted by: Peter G at November 10, 2009 2:11 AM

Guys...we've already had MegaShark v. Giant Octopus, for Chrissakes... doesn't everything go up from there?

Posted by: gunnertec at November 10, 2009 9:33 AM

Peter G for the win!

Posted by: BWeaves at November 10, 2009 9:40 AM

Katy, can't you just imagine William Shatner as the captain of one of the ships:

"B...Five....{shakes fist purposefully}...FIRE!"

And I won't be happy unless the battle computer on said ship has some sort of display containing lots of red and white bits.

Posted by: Jacktrade at November 10, 2009 9:42 AM

*Alien gunnery mate Xgpo fires laser, sinks cruiser, taunts Earth naval commander through mega PA system:*

Shaaaaat.

*Cmdr. Shatner sighs*

"Bkkkkkwwwwwwwssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 10, 2009 9:49 AM

How 'bout Go Fish with fetal necrophelia?

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at November 10, 2009 10:30 AM





Post a comment

 (required)

 (required)


Preview of your comment:



Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.