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Paul Blart: Zookeeper Adds Some "Talent"

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (16)

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Y’all remember several months back, when some of you predicted, after the success of Paul Blart, that Kevin James would next do a sequel of sorts: Paul Blart: Zoo Keeper? And remember how, the day after you mentioned it, that it was announced that Kevin James’ next movie was actually just that: The Zookeeper? Because you folks know that Hollywood is all about moving one step down from its latest success.

Well, now we’ve got some more details on The Zookeeper. Turns out, it’s a live-action comedy — Kevin James will not only play a variation of his Paul Blart character while watching over a zoo, but the zoo animals will actually speak. Because Hollywood is really about moving two steps down from its latest success.

And with talking animals, of course you need some voice talent, and MGM has been kind enough to line up some big names. Adam Sandler will voice the capuchin monkey; Jon Favreau will play the bear; Sylvester Stallone will provide the voice of the lion; Cher will voice the giraffe, and even motherfucking Judd Apatow is on this one, voicing the Elephant.

And because no Kevin James movie could be complete without a totally unrealistic love interest, Rosario Dawson has signed on to accept the advances of James’ sweaty man boobs.

Congrats big name stars. I hope you all spend those paychecks wisely. I might suggest you all rent some whores, but it’s easier and cheaper if you just sleep with yourselves.









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Comments

Awww, and I was so hoping for a sassy sea lion voiced by Mo'Nique...Why must you crush my dreams like that?

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at June 23, 2009 11:26 AM

No, no, no, no, no. Not my beloved Rosario.

Be away from the zoo animals Rosy. They've got the disease. They'll give you a good'ole case of the horribles, complete with a bit of the spills and a leaky asshole.

No one wants a leaky asshole.

Posted by: PissBoy at June 23, 2009 11:29 AM

They were going to have a sassy sea lion Jeremy, originally cast with Wanda Sykes. Tragically, Mo'nique was arrested for eating Wanda'a neckbones. Now we'll be left with Beyonce. (

Posted by: PissBoy at June 23, 2009 11:31 AM

I keep looking for the attachement but I can't find it. Is it in PDF format?

Posted by: admin at June 23, 2009 11:33 AM

Is Judd Apatow in any way a talented voice actor? His name isn't so recognizable to the common man, right?
They obviously wanted a Jew but why not get Billy West? His Dr. Zoidberg is better than anything Judd could do. Hell, he could do all the voices and you wouldn't know it.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 23, 2009 11:33 AM

*groan*

And I thought that getting blood drawn at 5 in the morning was going to be the worst thing I'd have to go through today. But nope. We always have trade news.

Posted by: figgy at June 23, 2009 12:44 PM

So, I'm guessing that only Kevin James' character will be able to hear the animals talking, and that aids the hijinks that will ensue?

Posted by: tamatha at June 23, 2009 12:47 PM

Oh balls. My eyes are bleeding again. I should go take care of that.

Posted by: lizzieborden at June 23, 2009 12:55 PM

They obviously wanted a Jew but why not get Billy West? His Dr. Zoidberg is better than anything Judd could do. Hell, he could do all the voices and you wouldn't know it.

Put him and John DiMaggio together, and I would totally watch the hell out of it. Same thing with Crispin Freeman and Tara Strong.

Posted by: Vermillion at June 23, 2009 12:56 PM

I TOLD YOU ALL! NOW PAUL BLART SHALL RENDER UTTER DESOLATION TO US ALL! DOOM! DOOOOMMMM!

(Sorry, I'm new to this mad prophet thing. But yeah, seriously folks...we're proper fucked.)

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at June 23, 2009 2:20 PM

There may be salvation if Rosario's character develops exhibitionist tendencies, but alas, I fear that Kevin James will bring about his, and our, mass destruction.

Posted by: lordhelmet at June 23, 2009 3:14 PM

Look folks, the third movie in this trilogy, "The Petting Zoo" will star Kevin James, Eddie Murphy and Steve Martin-It will be released on December 12 2012, and is what the Mayans refer to as the END OF THE WORLD!!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at June 23, 2009 3:18 PM

The Wayans prophesied about the end of the world? I'm not surprised they're involved.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 23, 2009 4:56 PM

They obviously wanted a Jew but why not get Billy West? His Dr. Zoidberg is better than anything Judd could do. Hell, he could do all the voices and you wouldn't know it.

I'm going for a scuttle.

Or since it's an elephant...a snuffle? That would be amazing. A Dr. Zoidberg-sounding elephant who has a poor idea of his own size and is alarmingly affectionate.

Posted by: Geetch at June 23, 2009 6:01 PM

"Alarmingly affectionate"...?

...the elephant rapes people?!

Posted by: Daniel Hall at June 23, 2009 7:02 PM

I was thinking more along the lines of "tries to climb in your lap when you're eating a peanut butter sandwich," but perhaps pachyderm-on-human rape would be an apropos metaphor for what this movie will do to the audience's sense of cinematic aesthetics.

Posted by: Geetch at June 23, 2009 10:38 PM