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Happy Madison Kills All the Joy in the World

Whuppitee-WHOO / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 3, 2008 | Comments (25)

I’ll concede that, when I heard the pitch for Paul Blart: Mall Cop, I thought it was a brilliant comic premise (in some part because I felt it was inspired by Ben Folds’ “Rent-a-Cop”), and so soon after Hitch, I thought Kevin James was the perfect lead (actually, the perfect lead would’ve been Chris Farley). I mean: Doofus moustachiod mall cop tasked with defending the mall from a gang of crooks? There’s gold in that premise. I kid you not.

But then, Steve Carr — the 9th Worst Director in Hollywood — got involved, and I knew it didn’t have a goddamn chance. And the trailer looks exactly like you’d expect a Steve Carr trailer to look like: Fangless family comedy that no family wants to see.

Maybe it’s misguided of me, but I have a soft-spot for Kevin James, and damnit all: I thought he had a chance. I really did. And then he got sucked into Happy Madison. Poor bastard. He doesn’t have a prayer now.

Here’s the trailer.









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Comments

Maaaaaaaaan, that sucks, and not in the good way.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 3, 2008 1:18 PM

I actually laughed at that. Am I high? I must be high.

Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at October 3, 2008 1:19 PM

Happy Madison is ruining everything I thought I liked about Adam Sandler and Kevin James. Chuck and Larry was the last straw. This is just raping a dead camel.

Posted by: Audiosuede at October 3, 2008 1:22 PM

I think they filmed at the Burlington Mall in MA.

Oh yay.

Posted by: Manda at October 3, 2008 1:28 PM

AvB, I did too. My brain is telling me that it isn't funny, but I still laughed a few times.

I think yelling and swearing at my TV during the debate last night caused my wiring to short out somewhere.

Posted by: branded at October 3, 2008 1:35 PM

Maybe it's misguided of me, but I have a soft-spot for Kevin James, and damnit all: I thought he had a chance. I really did.

*sigh* I totally love Kevin James, too. He's just weirdly adorable (and funny)! Oh well... I didn't laugh, but I did die a little inside. Congrats universe, you win.

Posted by: Kayanne at October 3, 2008 1:41 PM

Hey, I'm just happy we've finally got a Dirty Jobs ad on the page. Mmmmmmmm, Mike Rowe.

Posted by: Kolby at October 3, 2008 1:49 PM

That is one of the stupidest things I've seen all year. I think a group of my brain cells just committed suicide.

Posted by: Nicole at October 3, 2008 1:58 PM

yes, that was at Burlington Mall.

I work nearby, and we had to see the weird movie people with their trailers, changing the mall's name, explosions and alll that. (i was SO confused by the santa's village in the wrong season)

so i was hoping there'd be a little less suck involved than indicated here. But oh well

Posted by: VinKong at October 3, 2008 2:21 PM

I know I'm showing my age (again) but isn't this the same movie as "The Bank Dick" with W.C. Fields? Fat loser gets job as security guard for a bank and wisecracks for 1 1/2 hours?

Posted by: BWeaves at October 3, 2008 2:22 PM

They could rewrite this with some plucky kids.
They could rewrite this with a dopey socialite.
They could rewrite this with Queen Latifah.
They could rewrite this with a sassy gay Latino.
They could rewrite this with a really clever dog.
They could rewrite this with ANY RETARDED MOVIE CLICHE and it would be the same effing movie.

Posted by: Mella at October 3, 2008 2:26 PM

Sure it sucks, but I could watch that trailer over and over again just for the little dog getting squished by the segway. God I hate those little dogs. I hate them so much

Posted by: the_wakeful at October 3, 2008 2:45 PM

Come on, y'all -- cut Kevin some slack. I'm sure that if you spent 9 years being exposed to the humorless, neutering bray of Leah Remini, your decision-making abilities would be fucked smooth up, too.

Posted by: firedmyass at October 3, 2008 2:45 PM

Hey, I'm just happy we've finally got a Dirty Jobs ad on the page. Mmmmmmmm, Mike Rowe.

Thank Godtopus, Kolby! I thought I was the only one getting smiles from the yummydirty Mike "Rawr" Rowe.

Posted by: Kayanne at October 3, 2008 3:09 PM

This movie looks horrible but running over the little dog did make me laugh - haven't we all wanted to punt one of those things at one time or another? And I'm bitter, I didn't get the Mike Rowe ad - I likes me some dirty, dirty boy...

Posted by: Popsi_zen at October 3, 2008 3:49 PM

Oh my God.

Robbers being foiled by lame slap-stick gags when they impede on someone else's territory during the christmas season? Holy shit, this is Home Alone! But with a fat guy instead of a child actor!

(Clamps hands on side of face) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Posted by: Jeremy at October 3, 2008 7:06 PM

That is a movie that must be watched, only, and I mean ONLY, when horribly, nauseatingly hungover. It should only be viewed when you are lying on your living room couch, sweating vodka and desperately trying not to vomit because you can't bear the thought of getting up to run to the bathroom. THAT hungover.

Posted by: Sarah C. at October 3, 2008 7:25 PM

You had me at dog being ran over by a segway....

Posted by: Virenda at October 3, 2008 9:35 PM

I actually laughed at that. Am I high? I must be high.

Posted by: Anna "Knife Pile" von Beaverplatz at October 3, 2008 1:19 PM

Sybanna von Pileplatz, I laughed too. I'm not proud of it, dammit, but I did chuckle. Kevin James is good at the physical comedy and occasionally, I just enjoy seeing fat men falling down.

What? Sometimes, I'm just a simple girl...

Posted by: Lainey at October 4, 2008 1:33 PM

Ugh. If it had been decent, I might have seen it, if only for the fact that I go to that mall all the time.

Posted by: Moi at October 4, 2008 3:00 PM

haha yay that's my mall.

Posted by: iguanodonna at October 4, 2008 7:22 PM

Didn't they already make this movie with Martin Lawrence and some other white guy?

Posted by: Dan at October 5, 2008 12:56 PM

I am high and I'm still not laughing.

Posted by: Killa at October 5, 2008 2:10 PM

Kevin James is a huge star in Germany. Seriously.

Posted by: Loomis at October 5, 2008 8:54 PM

Man, this or Beverly Hills Chihuahua. **tssssss...sigh** Choices. What to choose, what to choose...

...to visually flagellate my soul with.

Posted by: Jap-Jay at October 5, 2008 10:49 PM