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The Daily Trade Round-Up / The TV Whore
Dec. 5, 2007

Trade News | December 5, 2007 | Comments (36)

With the strike still going full-force, NBC is digging into its reality TV trenches for the long winter, adding three more reality shows to the January roster. On Fridays, “1 vs. 100” comes back to show us that the general public is collectively just as stupid as the individual members of the public, or something like that. And if that’s not proof enough, well, the Hulkster’s got the answer for you on Mondays: “That’s right, brother. Hulkamania is back, brother! This time in ‘American Gladiator’ form!! Hosted by ME brother!!! Can. You. FEEL IT?!”

*sheepeshly looking around to make sure nobody is watching*

Yes, Hulkster, I can feel it. I’ll be watching, brother.

…Ahem. So yeah, I don’t think “American Gladiators” will be good by any stretch, and I’m already sick of Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali as the show’s hosts, but I can’t help it — I have lots of nostalgia for the original and I’m a-gonna tune in.

I won’t be tuning in, however, for “The Biggest Loser” — never have, never will. One of you out there may be a fan of the show, and may be thinking, “but TV Whore, the show’s already on.” Right you are. But NBC is coming back with a new season of “The Biggest Loser” almost immediately after the current season ends on December 18, quicker than a fat chick scooping up the last chocolate doughnut (send your complaint e-mails to misogonist.fatist@pajiba.com). And if fatties aren’t your speed, maybe you’ll be happy to know that the original “Law & Order” is also returning to NBC on January 2, in its old Wednesday slot. And the Peacock is so desperate for programming that the previously relegated-to-the-USA-network “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” will be joining the grandaddy “L&O” the following week.

Speaking of NBC, I recently told you that it was looking like the end was all but nigh for “Journeyman.” Still looking that way. But at least NBC is going to air the last two episodes for us fans. We’ll be getting a the second-to-last episode on Monday, December 17, with the pseudo-series finale coming that Wednesday, December 19. But be sure not to tune in early either night, as both episodes are preceded by two-hour episodes of “Clash of the Choirs,” and if you’ve seen the commercials for this monstrosity, well then, yeah.

Meanwhile, CBS has finally announced its “Jericho” plans, and the show the nuts brought back will be returning on Tuesday, February 12, at 10 p.m. “Cane’s” not doing too well in that timeslot right now, and I don’t imagine “Jericho” and Skeet Skeet Skeet Ulrich will do much better. But all you fans who sent the nuts best tune in to watch the fruit of your labors.

But the crappy network TV just doesn’t matter because God bless HBO. I’m not positive, but I think I may have mentioned my increasing excitement over the return of “The Wire” once or twice. Well on January 11, HBO will also be bringing back “Real Time with Bill Maher.” Love him or hate him, if you’re at all politically interested, “Real Time” is by far the most intellectually stimulating (and sometimes infuriating) of the talking points-type shows. And as my regular viewing moves more and more into the realm of reruns and crap, I fully welcome “Real Time” back into my fold.

And finally, a trip back in time. When “Survivor” was new! The Stevphens! Jon Stewart’s hair!


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Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. What he really wants to know is, why isn’t Jimmy the SuperFly Snuka hosting? Come on Hanukkah Harry — hook him up with the holiday present he really wants.


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Comments

Any chance we could get a little Slimmin' Down With Steve for old time's sake?

Oh, and I'm still pissed about Journeyman.

Posted by: Kolby at December 5, 2007 9:23 AM

Damn you, Comedy Central and your "U.S. viewers only"...

Posted by: S.K. at December 5, 2007 9:47 AM

Arrrggh! Another reminder that we Canadians are blocked from Comedy Central's video goldmine.

Depsite the fact that I find Journeyman less than compelling (I always have it on but never seem to look at the screen or care about the stories), I've managed to not be able to give up on it. So I guess I'll watch the last two episodes.

Posted by: kushiro at December 5, 2007 9:47 AM

I thought I read that CBS is desperate enough to bring 'Dexter' to network. Heavily edited, of course.

Posted by: Kris at December 5, 2007 9:49 AM

I thought I read that CBS is desperate enough to bring 'Dexter' to network. Heavily edited, of course.

Posted by: Kris at December 5, 2007 9:50 AM

Damn You, Writer's Strike!!! Damn You!!!

I miss Steve, Stephen, Jon, and all of the Daily Show people. Now I am sad.

Seth, totally down with the American Gladiators love. Will this version come complete with steroid enhanced, overly coiffed, and perma-tanned "gladiators"?

You do know that they show the original version during the day on ESPN 2.

Posted by: Melody at December 5, 2007 10:15 AM

Will this version come complete with steroid enhanced, overly coiffed, and perma-tanned "gladiators"?

You really need to see the promo.

Posted by: Vermillion at December 5, 2007 10:22 AM

I've watched The Biggest Loser. I found it hard to swallow. And after watching it, I found other things hard to swallow, like food.

Posted by: domo<>arigato at December 5, 2007 10:43 AM

What they need to do is combine American Gladiator and The Biggest Loser. You wanna lose weight fast? Fuck your salad. Cram your jiggly girth into one of those iron hamster balls and run for your fucking life, fatty! The Eliminator will actually live up to its name, as contestants, sweating like Michael Jackson at a Chuck E. Cheese, after hours of fighting with oversized Q-Tips and trying to dodge Nerf projectiles, attempt to run through that merciless obstacle course and keel over from a massive heart attack.

Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? Nope, that's just Chunky Style's chest hair from the defibrilator paddles.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at December 5, 2007 11:03 AM

I guess it would kill the TV powers that be to put on, I don't know, more news programs, like one of them specials Ted Koppel actually does an OK job with. And I saw one with Diane Sawyer once that was - I was surprised too - interesting and informative. Heaven forbid they risk telling us things we don't already know. Not when there are still fat people and stupid people to make fun of. It's not like we're going into a presidential election year and could actually use some long-form politically themed news shows that tell us something about the people who hope to run our country in 2009. You know, the shit the network news supposedly doesn't have time to go into because they only have 22 minutes a night. I guess CBS doesn't care if Katie Couric really works for her $15 million a year.

Posted by: LL at December 5, 2007 11:14 AM

RE "Cram your jiggly girth into one of those iron hamster balls and run for your fucking life, fatty!"

OK, I have to confess, I'd actually watch this, at least once.

But seriously, the nets could turn this into an opportunity to prove their newsgathering function is still relevant. But they're gonna fuck it up and dump a big steaming load of "reality" shit all over us. And then they whine about losing share to cable.

Posted by: LL at December 5, 2007 11:17 AM

ok ok...I know what you all are thinking. "What the hell? American Gladiators?"
Well I went to a taping of the show this weekend and it has some of the old classic events as well as some new ones. If you loved the show before its pretty much the same thing and you will love it again.
Plus...I love me some Hulk Hogan. But I guess that is because I refused to watch that "Hogan knows best" crap.

Posted by: Wandawoman at December 5, 2007 11:42 AM

I'll say it, I'm not ashamed. I love Biggest Loser and have watched every season so far. What's not to love? I'm not going to go into the specifics of why it's great for fear of shattering my "nice" facade and showing my not-so-nice side. But take my word for it, there's a lot to like. Plus, food and nutrition is my hobby, so there's that too.

That Daily Show clip made me a little sad. I still like watching it, but it was better when Jon Stewart hadn't become such a caricature of himself.

For the first time in weeks I watched NBC the other night instead of watching TV the way I usually do and skipping commercials. I had to see that damn Clash Of The Choirs promo about ten times in the course of an hour and a half. Made me remember why I loathe network TV.

Posted by: katy at December 5, 2007 12:02 PM

I'm looking forward to seeing Law and Order Crimianl Intent back on network t.v. I don't have cable, so I was saddened when it was passed off to USA (or whatever channel).

I'll also take a look at the new American Gladiators. They should do a celebrity edition.

Posted by: MadameUgly at December 5, 2007 12:28 PM

OK everyone, who was your favorite Gladiator and why?

Mine: Nitro.
Why: There is no why...only Nitro.

Posted by: Manny at December 5, 2007 1:42 PM

I caught a re run of America Gladiators on ESPN(?) the other night. It was even awesomer than I remembered. I fear the updated version will pale in comparison as unisex feathered farrah fawcett hair has long since gone the way of the dodo.

And Manny, sweet lord, while Nitro is my favorite, you can not deny the existence of Malibu.

Posted by: Beckylooo at December 5, 2007 2:19 PM

You know what's more disgusting than fat people? Mean people. :(

Posted by: Mom at December 5, 2007 2:24 PM

"You know what's more disgusting than fat people? Mean people. :("

What about fat, mean people? That's just like a grizzly bear with an attitude that thinks you look like a pickanick basket. Why don't we take that thought further, though? What about somewhat overweight, cynical people? I'm sure there's enough disgust for them. Oh, let's not forget about those within the normal weight to height ratio that don't have sunshine radiating from their rectum's. Them's some bastards there, too. I saw a black guy at the 7-11 that didn't have an ear to ear grin plastered on his face, so I'm sure he would disgust you as well. Is that what you're trying to say, Mom, that you think black people are disgusting?

Posted by: Manny at December 5, 2007 2:38 PM

Oh, I'm a fat, mean, little bastard.
That's why I'd be first in line for American Gladiators: Biggest Loser. I'd totally run my tubby little ass through a round of Powerball like a baby bowling ball if I knew it'd earn me a few thousand.
But you know what's even more disgusting than mean people or fat people? People who make money off the sad fat unhappy people by marketing a show to them that encourages them to believe they can lose as much as the people on Biggest Loser without the benefit of a personal trainer or dietician.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at December 5, 2007 2:46 PM

You know what? I don't want to start a flame war over this crap. I respectfully withdraw my spite-filled ill-informed statement.
I will take my indignant rage out like I always do: punching ugly kittens and babies.

Posted by: insertclevernamehere at December 5, 2007 2:51 PM

And to Beckyloo:

Although the awesomeness of Malibu's lustrous, feathered locks do make him a contender for greatest gladiator, the levels of hairspray and tanning solution in his bloodstream automatically disqualify him. Thanks for playing, though!

Posted by: Manny at December 5, 2007 3:03 PM

I can't wait for the new season of Law & Order! I need Jeremy Sisto back in my life. It's been too long since Waitress came out.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at December 5, 2007 3:14 PM

I was always a fan of the manish Ice. She was a man!!

Posted by: Melody at December 5, 2007 3:38 PM

Ok, so out of a misplaced sense of morbid curiosity, I foolishly went looking for the promo that Vermillion mentioned.

I have no words.

Posted by: Smokin at December 5, 2007 3:58 PM

...Skeet Skeet Skeet Ulrich

Heeheehee.

That's some funny sh*t right there, TV Whore.

Posted by: jen310 at December 5, 2007 4:04 PM

Awww insertclevernamehere, don't take back your statement of intent on participating in the Gladiator/Biggest Loser hybrid. That would make for some great TV!

Posted by: katy at December 5, 2007 4:25 PM

Wait, didn't Real Time go dark because of the Writers Strike? I'm pretty sure Bill has writers, and he doesn't seem the type to cross the picket lines. Can someone explain this one?

Posted by: Alex at December 5, 2007 4:38 PM

Yes, I too loved American Gladiators. Although Melody's description is spot on, the promos for the new show scare me. Maybe because I don't think they had Botox (as readily available?) back in the day, so at least the Gladiators didn't look like they justed walked out of a wax museum. Despite my fear, I MUST watch. It's not an option.

Posted by: Daphne at December 5, 2007 5:38 PM

Oops - that was supposed to read: "at least the Gladiators didn't look like they just walked out of a wax museum."

Posted by: Daphne at December 5, 2007 5:41 PM

Hahahaha at "overly coiffed."

I harbor the hope that, at least, the hyper-production of every idiotic reality show idea will hasten their demise, for good, brother.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 5, 2007 6:05 PM

Sigh...

I miss my three favorite TV geeks (Stephen, Steven and Jon). They should have a reunion show when the strike is over.

Posted by: greer at December 5, 2007 7:51 PM

No Poison today?

Posted by: Brian at December 5, 2007 8:35 PM

Isn't "Journeyman" just a rip-off of that English show "Goodnight Sweetheart"? Sounds pretty similar, yet all the ads here say *sooo original, new show*.

Heehee SkeetSkeetSkeet. "There's nothing good about who you are, or what you do!"

Posted by: Loob at December 5, 2007 11:00 PM

Sad to see the Hulkster and his old lady divorcing. He got a hot piece of ass daughter though, i'd tap that ass if I could.

Posted by: Pookie at December 6, 2007 7:09 AM

I love it when the Gladiators just whale away on the contestants!!!
Big Brother is back!!! The same night as Jericho too!!!!
I hope this strike is never settled. They can bring air traffic controllers in to write shows.

Posted by: grumpyoldman at December 6, 2007 9:09 AM

Manny-- "What about fat, mean people? That's just like a grizzly bear with an attitude that thinks you look like a pickanick basket. Why don't we take that thought further, though? What about somewhat overweight, cynical people? I'm sure there's enough disgust for them. Oh, let's not forget about those within the normal weight to height ratio that don't have sunshine radiating from their rectum's. Them's some bastards there, too. I saw a black guy at the 7-11 that didn't have an ear to ear grin plastered on his face, so I'm sure he would disgust you as well. Is that what you're trying to say, Mom, that you think black people are disgusting?"

I usually like your comments, Manny, but that was lame. Very lame. More disgusting than a fat person by far.

Never watched Journeyman, but the promos made it look like a ripoff of "Quantum Leap", to me.

Posted by: amea_gari at December 7, 2007 11:37 AM