May 8, 2007 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | May 8, 2007 |


We’ll start today with one weird motherfucking project, a sequel to a film that’s 20 years old now and that wasn’t that big a hit when it was released in 1987. But hell, why not? As Jeremy suggested, “someone’s dusting off the mummy of Michael Douglas.” Indeed, Gordon Gekko will return to the big screen, played once again by Douglas in a sequel to Wall Street titled Money Never Sleeps. Presumably it will pick up in the present day, following Gekko’s release from prison (you may recall he was headed there at the end of Wall Street). Oliver Stone won’t return to direct, but Douglas has lined up Stephen Schiff (True Crime, the upcoming Leatherheads) to pen the script, though no details have been released about the plot. I don’t even know what the hell to think of it — I’m sure there is some audience out there for it, but unless Gekko starts chopping up folks to the soothing sounds of “Sussudio,” Patrick Bateman-style, I can’t imagine there’s a huge swath of moviegoers chomping at the bit to see Gekko churn out a few more manufactured catchphrases that revolve around the accumulation of wealth, like “that and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee at Shoney’s.” I suppose the very fact that Douglas would seek to cash in on a lame-brained sequel idea like this suggests that greed is, indeed, the driving force, in which case greed isn’t as good as Gekko would have us believe.

Fresh off the ridiculously huge opening for Emo Spidey, Freezedriedmovies.com is reporting, based on an anonymous, “100% reliable” source that Spider-Man 4 will go ahead, with or without Sam Raimi, and that the two villains featured in the next installment will be the serial killer Carnage and The Lizard, who will be played by Dylan Baker. These two villains are apparently “confirmed,” which means there is at least a 5 percent shot that the news will come to fruition. If the current evolution of the franchise is any indication, the next installment will also be nine hours long and Carnage and The Lizard will be just two of the many villains featured, including the entire Legion of Doom, Al Qaeda, the Jigsaw Killer, Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader, Travis Bickle, and the Boston Red Sox farm system. The film, tentatively titled Spider-Man Takes on Mankind, will have a $3 billion opening weekend.

A couple of casting notes: There is speculation fueled by people who generally don’t know what the hell they are talking about (and repeated here for simple conversation fodder) that Sacha Baron Cohen has emerged as the frontrunner (ahead of Johnny Depp) to take on the role of Freddie Mercury in a biopic about his life. He certainly has the look down, and I understand Cohen can actually carry a tune, but really? Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddie Mercury? It’s not gonna happen, folks. The idea is about as silly as rumors floating around earlier this year that an Elliot Smith biopic would be made and that Zach Braff would take the lead, a brilliant idea if Hollywood wants to see what it’s like to be burned to the ground by rioting overly sensitive white people (I’ll be there with torch in hand). Elsewhere, Louis Leterrier (The Transporter) continues to revamp the cast for the new Incredible Hulk; Liv Tyler will now star opposite Ed Norton, replacing Jennifer Connelly in the role of Dr. Betty Ross. Tyler’s next projects include a Dax Shepard comedy (Smother) and a horror flick opposite Scott Speedman (The Stranger). So, yeah, this seems to be a natural progression into obscurity.

Picking up on a story we reported on last year — it’s now official: Peter Jackson has written his own adaptation of Alice Sebold’s really quite excellent novel, The Lovely Bones; he’s sold the script to DreamWorks; and he’s climbed aboard to direct. And we all know that Peter Jackson has the delicate, nuanced directorial approach needed to tackle a film about a 14-year-old girl who is brutally raped and narrates the tale of her life from Heaven.

(*facepalm*)

Out on DVD this week: Because I Said So, Music and Lyrics, Catch and Release, The Dead Girl, The Painted Veil, and Breaking and Entering.

In the trailer watch, I don’t know how much closer you can get to ripping off Meet the Parents than License to Wed, a film that replaces Robert De Niro’s father-in-law with an overprotective priest/marriage counselor played by Robin Williams. And while there are a ton of reasons to be wary of such a flick, there are two very good reasons to give it a shot: John Krasinski and Mandy Moore, who play the affianced couple. It looks 17 kinds of awful, but Krasinski may just be good enough to make this brand of awful slightly palatable. Besides, it’s clear the man has the spit-take down.

A final note — a reminder that we now have Pajiba merchandise on sale over at One Horse Shy. We’re not trying to turn on quick buck on it (in fact, we don’t make a cent on sales), so we’re not offering our wares in the hopes of cashing in. We just thought it’d be cool to have t-shirts and the like available in case you folks ever felt inclined to associate yourself publicly with us. Besides, just think how great they’ll look in 15 years, when a new generation of hipsters buys a Pajiba T for a buck at a thrift store. In 2023, if you happen to see a college-aged punk walking around in a Pajiba T, would you mind telling him or her that it’s pronounced with a long I sound. I’d appreciate it.

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.

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The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | May 8, 2007 | Comments ()



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