Our Dreams Have Come True! We're Getting 'True American: The Movie'

By Vivian Kane | Trade News | May 14, 2014 | Comments ()


I don’t think it’s even up for debate that the very best part of New Girl is whenever they’ve played True American, which for the uninitiated is 50% drinking game, 50% life-size Candy Land. So I’m sure you’ll all be as excited as I was to learn that the game has been optioned for a film adaptation! This is great news, and nothing out of the ordinary. Clue, of course, started the board game-turned movie trend, but there’s also been Battleship, and talk of Risk and Candyland movies. True American will be directed by…*checking notes* Kathryn Bigelow. Hmm. This seems an odd choice for her. And it will star… Tom Hardy? Really?

Hold on a sec. Here, keep yourself occupied with this GIF of Winston yawning…


Okay, sorry about that. So, bad news. It turn out this movie isn’t about the game that’s 75% drinking, 20 Candy Land, with a floor of molten lava. According to the press release from Cannes,

THE TRUE AMERICAN meticulously reconstructs two lives that collided in horrific fashion. In the charged, angry days after 9/11, self-styled “American Terrorist” Mark Stroman murdered two immigrants in Texas, while a third man survived being shot in the head during Stroman’s spree: Raisuddin Bhuiyan, a Bangladesh Air Force veteran, was working at a Dallas-area convenience store as he established himself in America.

Damn it! Well, I mean… Bigalow. And Hardy. I guess that’s a pretty acceptable consolation prize. Sorry about the mix-up everyone. I’m going to blame the fact that it’s a thousand degrees inside my apartment right now, okay? Great.

Via IndieWire.

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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned

  • Alicia

    I read that heading as "The Americans: The Movie" at first and got confused.

  • crackblind

    Bait & Switch!!! I'm gonna sick the FTC on you! Moist would be so disappointed!

  • kirbyjay

    I still get the heaves when I think about creamed monkey brains.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    Awe man. Super frown-y face.
    It would have never worked anyway because people think a couple of beers and a cocktail makes you an alcoholic.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Drink up, Checkers. Forgot what you saw.

  • Well that's a let down.

  • Blake Shrapnel

    It's actually more like 90% drinking, with a loose candy-land like structure.

  • Jericho Smith

    That Gif made me start yawning. I hate being so easily influenced.

  • Rebecca Hachmyer

    A hypnotist could have a field day with you.

  • Jericho Smith

    Thanks! Like I needed that flashback...

  • Gord Reid

    True American = Beer pong + musical chairs x Calvinball
    Absinthe nightmares(Pillow fight - Muggle Quidditch)

  • lonolove

    Damn you.

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