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On the 7th Day, God Invented Emu. Bradley Cooper Targeted for Alex Proyas' Paradise Lost

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

emueve.jpg

Quick! Name the dullest book you ever had to read for a class. No, not Pilgrim’s Progress. The other one. No, no. Not Silas Marner, either. The third-dullest book you had to read for class? Paradise Lost, of course. The epic poem about the Fall of Man. Alex Proyas is making an action-heavy version of the book, which makes total sense, right? It will include aerial warfare. Maybe Adam will even wield a machine gun! Also, the film may be in 3D. Three dimensions of Eve in the buff (I hope they get Eva Green for Eve, because she looks great in three dimensions). In strange twist, it appears as though Proyas has landed Bradley Cooper as the devil, strange because Cooper was tapped to play the lead in the Crow reboot, which Proyas originated. That film is now facing legal complications.

So what do we think of Adam and Eve facing off against an Evil Emu? (Variety)









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Comments

There are two things that are always on this site, and almost never anywhere else, that make me laugh 100% of the time. One of those is Charming Potato. The other is Emu Cooper. So thank you for bringing me a smile this Cinco de Mayo Thursday!

Posted by: KatSings at May 5, 2011 10:21 AM

Seconding KatSings. I don't care a tinker's dam about Bradley Cooper but, like fart jokes, the angry emu pic never gets old. NEVER!

Posted by: , at May 5, 2011 10:26 AM

Paradise Lost? Dull? Good sir, I believe you are horribly mistaken. Surely you mean something like Virginia Woolf's The Waves or James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

Posted by: Robert at May 5, 2011 10:28 AM

Paradise Lost is dull? Funny, I've read it like five times and am always highly entertained, as well as moved and inspired. Sure, there's a couple of slower chapters (like, anything in Heaven -- Milton knew Hell was where the fun was at), but that's one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. Paradise Regained is the dull one, dude.

That said, Bradley Cooper wouldn't make a horrible Satan; certainly much better than he would the Crow. But, damn it, if they put a modern spin on this, I'm gonna be pissed. I want to see an ancient War in Heaven with angels in shimmering golden armor wielding fiery claymores and slaughtering each other by the thousands.

Eva Green as Eve will also suffice.

Posted by: RobP at May 5, 2011 10:45 AM

This never gets old. When I saw the casting info on another website I had to come over here b/c I knew I would see this picture.

Posted by: kimk at May 5, 2011 11:13 AM

I'm with RobP: no modern spin. Since Paradise Lost...

SPOILER ALERT for those of you living in a cave since 1667

...is pretty much about how Satan, the bad boy, broke up Adam and Eve and ruined their lives but they got back together again, this had better not end in Adam making a mad dash to Eden Municipal Airport and declaring how much he wants Eve back before she gets on the plane.

Posted by: PaddyDog at May 5, 2011 11:16 AM

I find Paradise Lost to be anything but dull - I read it in it's entirety for the first time as a junior in college and have read it several times on my own since. I can't imagine a movie version being successful because the book is so epic in scope - from the battle between the angels in Heaven, to the depths of a newly created hell, and then to the sprawling green wonderland of a newly created Paradise - it would be nearly impossible to capture in film. Bradley Cooper as Satan is just laughable.

Posted by: KiwiBrownn at May 5, 2011 11:33 AM

Tis better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. Or is it?

That's a non-boring philosophical pickle.

Posted by: MM at May 5, 2011 12:12 PM

A charming potato, a rainbow killer and an emu enter a bar...

Posted by: bleujayone at May 5, 2011 12:22 PM

That reminds me, MM... If Proyas wants to do this story, he ought to just adapt To Reign in Hell by Stephen Brust. It's an excellent novelization/modernized (but not-modern) take on Milton's version of the story, and it's fairly cinematic in structure already. For anyone who likes/loves/appreciates Paradise Lost, I can't recommend that book highly enough. You'd probably dig it, too, Dustin.

Posted by: RobP at May 5, 2011 1:33 PM

Paradise Lost included two really awesome elements: Satan as a tragic hero and a full-on description of the war in heaven (with Jesus basically playing Goku and using a finishing move to wipe out all the bad angels. Seriously).

That coupled with overwhelming misogyny (seriously, he finds so many ways to call Eve stupid in that book) makes it perfect for a Hollywood action flick.

Posted by: ChristianH at May 5, 2011 1:49 PM

I'm currently on the ninth page of a twelve page paper about Satan as the epic hero of Paradise Lost. It's pretty much one of my least favorite books ever.

Posted by: Me at May 5, 2011 2:05 PM

God I love the Emu. I was having a bad day at work, until I loaded Pajiba and saw the emu.

I'm starting to hope that Mr. Cooper has a long career.

Posted by: Miss Heather at May 5, 2011 2:37 PM

@RobP:

Agreed! I read To Reign In Hell about a bajillionty years ago, when I was an angsty junior high/high school student, and I don't remember it with crystal clarity, but I remember it was a darn good book.

Posted by: MM at May 5, 2011 4:13 PM

@Me: For a thousand bucks I'll sell you my university-award-winning paper on the same subject. (I'm using the Neil Gaiman method here.)

@MM: In high school, huh? I'm not sure I would have appreciated it nearly as much, then as I did in college. But, then, I wasn't a person in high school, e.g. I liked Surf Ninjas for a lot longer than I should have.

Posted by: RobP at May 5, 2011 7:00 PM

PaddyDog - Can you imagine the voiceover for that trailer? "It was like they were the only two people on Earth. Until he came along. Amy Adams, Robert Patterson and Bradley Cooper star the original romantic comedy. Love had never been so tempting. Bite the apple Christmas 2013"

Posted by: Tits McGee at May 5, 2011 10:16 PM

Brilliant! TitsMcGee. Just brilliant.

Posted by: PaddyDog at May 6, 2011 9:58 AM