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Oh! Doomed Adaptations! Earthseed and Total Recall Reboot

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (10)



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According to a statistic that I just made up, most great science fiction films are adaptations of great science fiction novels, and at least 2/3 of those are adapted from Philip K. Dick novels. Neither of these adaptations are going to be any good in the slightest. That’s probably not much of a lead to get you to click the link and read the entire post, so I assure you that under the fold there is a bounty of nude pictures.

I lied.

First up we’ve got a nice old Young Adult science fiction novel getting the moviefication treatment. It’s Earthseed by Pamela Sargent. It’s award winning, but they weren’t Hugos or Nebulas, so I’m not sure how much weight they have. I mean, it won “ALA Best Books for Young Adults selection, 1983” but everyone knows that the ALA sold out after they discovered cocaine.

Here’s the Amazon summary:

Ship hurtles through space. Deep within its core, it carries the seed of humankind. Launched by the people of a dying Earth over a century ago, its mission is to find a habitable world for the children—fifteen-year-old Zoheret and her shipmates—whom it has created from its genetic banks. To Zoheret and her shipmates, Ship has been mother, father, and loving teacher, preparing them for their biggest challenge: to survive on their own, on an uninhabited planet, without Ship’s protection. Now that day is almost upon them…but are they ready to leave Ship? Ship devises a test. And suddenly, instincts that have been latent for over a hundred years take over. Zoheret watches as friends become strangers—and enemies. Can Zoheret and her companions overcome the biggest obstacle to the survival of the human race—themselves?

The human race may be its own worst enemy, but you know what’s even worse? Cannibalistic aliens in power armor. You just don’t get that in the YA section. Paramount has picked up the option to the book and its (oddly late) 2007 and 2010 sequels. But don’t worry, just in case you were getting a little genuinely excited about an original new science fiction tent pole. Melissa Rosenberg, who wrote all 5 Twilight movies, will be writing and producing. So, never mind then.

(source: SlashFilm)


In other news that looks slightly better than it is, the reboot of Total Recall now has Colin Farrell as the lead and Bryan Cranston as the antagonist. Wait, was that excitement creeping up? Here’s the movie summary:

The new story involves nation states Euromerica and New Shanghai, with Douglas Quaid (Farrell) a factory worker in the latter who begins to believe he is a spy, although he doesn’t know for which side. Cranston would play Vilos Cohaagen, the leader of Euromerica who, under the cover of protecting his people, is secretly readying an invasion of New Shanghai.

Look, Total Recall was a terrible, if entertaining movie, but about all it had in common with Dick’s story was Mars and the artificial memory stuff. This film doesn’t even bother having those elements. Next they should reboot Batman and recast it as the tale of a man who collects baseball bats.

(source: SlashFilm)









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Comments

I'm gonna keep saying this until somebody in a position of power and influence reads it: yes, cast Colin Farrell, but pleeeeeeeease make him do every role as his In Bruges character (Colin Farrell).

Any film is instantly two notches better with his broad, petulant Irish swearing.

'Whathafuck d'ya mean, gecha arse to Mars?! Oi grew up in Dublin. If Oi grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Mars moight tempt me. But, oi didn't. So, it doesn't.'

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 31, 2011 8:19 AM

Quaaaaaiiiiiiid!

Quaaaaaiiiiiiid!*

*My contract clearly states that I must make this reference (with full mouth-twisting, body-wrenching accompaniment) everytime Total Recall is mentioned. It's located in between Karate Kid's "PUT HIM IN A BODY BAG, YEEEAAAHHHH!!!" and "Whoa!" for every single Keanu movie. This full list is extensive and exhausting, so let's just move on . . .

Posted by: Kballs at March 31, 2011 8:38 AM

What are you talking about, Total Recall was amazing!!!

As to Earthseed, isn't that the plot of Thundercats?

Posted by: zito at March 31, 2011 8:41 AM

Melissa Rosenberg, who wrote all 5 Twilight movies, will be writing and producing. So, never mind then.

I don't see how this is her fault. She didn't write the original books, and I doubt they let her make them that much better or else no one would recognize the material.

So at the moment, her presence is neither a plus or minus. Of course, isn't the book just "Lord of the Flies" in space?

Space pig. Space pig.

Posted by: twig at March 31, 2011 9:02 AM

Ditto to what Zito said, Total Recall is awesome!

And screw you for thinking otherwise!

Posted by: MurderBot at March 31, 2011 9:23 AM

When I was in the army there was a guy named McQuade (I think that's how it was spelled) and we would always whisper "McQuade... go to the reactor... McQuade..." to him.

I think I'd call this a "remake," not a "reboot." Reboot strikes me as something you do to a franchise, and there was only one Total Recall.

Posted by: Todd at March 31, 2011 10:48 AM

I want Breaking Bad back.

Posted by: jM at March 31, 2011 10:55 AM

I'm gonna side with twig here. She managed to turn Bella Swan from a completely insufferably twat to merely an annoying twat. That takes skills. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.

Posted by: figgy at March 31, 2011 11:45 AM

My friends and I do basically the exact same thing, Kballs. Represent.

And here I was hoping the new Total Recall was going to be closer to the book. At least I like those actors...

Posted by: RobP at March 31, 2011 12:31 PM

See you at duh party, Richter!

Totall Recall is a great flick!

Posted by: stryker1121 at March 31, 2011 7:46 PM