Oh! Doomed Adaptations! Earthseed and Total Recall Reboot
According to a statistic that I just made up, most great science fiction films are adaptations of great science fiction novels, and at least 2/3 of those are adapted from Philip K. Dick novels. Neither of these adaptations are going to be any good in the slightest. That’s probably not much of a lead to get you to click the link and read the entire post, so I assure you that under the fold there is a bounty of nude pictures.
First up we’ve got a nice old Young Adult science fiction novel getting the moviefication treatment. It’s Earthseed by Pamela Sargent. It’s award winning, but they weren’t Hugos or Nebulas, so I’m not sure how much weight they have. I mean, it won “ALA Best Books for Young Adults selection, 1983” but everyone knows that the ALA sold out after they discovered cocaine.
Here’s the Amazon summary:
Ship hurtles through space. Deep within its core, it carries the seed of humankind. Launched by the people of a dying Earth over a century ago, its mission is to find a habitable world for the children—fifteen-year-old Zoheret and her shipmates—whom it has created from its genetic banks. To Zoheret and her shipmates, Ship has been mother, father, and loving teacher, preparing them for their biggest challenge: to survive on their own, on an uninhabited planet, without Ship’s protection. Now that day is almost upon them…but are they ready to leave Ship? Ship devises a test. And suddenly, instincts that have been latent for over a hundred years take over. Zoheret watches as friends become strangers—and enemies. Can Zoheret and her companions overcome the biggest obstacle to the survival of the human race—themselves?
The human race may be its own worst enemy, but you know what’s even worse? Cannibalistic aliens in power armor. You just don’t get that in the YA section. Paramount has picked up the option to the book and its (oddly late) 2007 and 2010 sequels. But don’t worry, just in case you were getting a little genuinely excited about an original new science fiction tent pole. Melissa Rosenberg, who wrote all 5 Twilight movies, will be writing and producing. So, never mind then.
In other news that looks slightly better than it is, the reboot of Total Recall now has Colin Farrell as the lead and Bryan Cranston as the antagonist. Wait, was that excitement creeping up? Here’s the movie summary:
The new story involves nation states Euromerica and New Shanghai, with Douglas Quaid (Farrell) a factory worker in the latter who begins to believe he is a spy, although he doesn’t know for which side. Cranston would play Vilos Cohaagen, the leader of Euromerica who, under the cover of protecting his people, is secretly readying an invasion of New Shanghai.
Look, Total Recall was a terrible, if entertaining movie, but about all it had in common with Dick’s story was Mars and the artificial memory stuff. This film doesn’t even bother having those elements. Next they should reboot Batman and recast it as the tale of a man who collects baseball bats.
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