Riverdale-TV-Show-Details.jpg

Now Archie is Getting A Gritty TV Series? Get F#$ked, Riverdale

By Jodi Smith | Trade News | November 28, 2016 | Comments ()

By Jodi Smith | Trade News | November 28, 2016 |


Riverdale-TV-Show-Details.jpg

Do you remember how Teen Wolf got that gritty series reboot on MTV and everyone shit their pants? Or how all the Disney repertoire got sort of gritty on Once Upon A Time? Or some other example I can’t think of at the moment?

Well, strap in, kids. Next up is the gritty (I hate that word) series of comic book ginger Archie, aka Dude Dating So Far Out of His League That I Think His Ding Dang Must Be Bigger Than That Whale Dingus I Saw At the Museum. Also known as the cartoon of many childhoods that gave us this:

That bunch of lameass kids is coming to live action television in Riverdale on the CW. Read this mixed up idiocy pretending to be a synopsis:

As a new school year begins, the town of Riverdale is reeling from the recent, tragic death of high school golden boy Jason Blossom — and nothing feels the same… Archie Andrews (KJ Apa) is still the all-American teen, but the summer’s events made him realize that he wants to pursue a career in music — not follow in his dad’s footsteps—despite the sudden end of his forbidden relationship with Riverdale’s young music teacher, Ms. Grundy (Sarah Habel). Which means Archie doesn’t have anyone who will mentor him — certainly not singer Josie McCoy (Ashleigh Murray), who is only focused on her band, the soon-to-be-world-famous Pussycats. It’s all weighing heavily on Archie’s mind — as is his fractured friendship with budding writer and fellow classmate Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse). Meanwhile, girl-next-door Betty Cooper (Lili Reinhart) is anxious to see her crush Archie after being away all summer, but she’s not quite ready to reveal her true feelings to him. And Betty’s nerves - which are hardly soothed by her overbearing mother Alice (M├Ądchen Amick) aren’t the only thing holding her back. When a new student, Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes), arrives in town from New York with her mother Hermione (Marisol Nichols), there’s an undeniable spark between her and Archie, even though Veronica doesn’t want to risk her new friendship with Betty by making a play for Archie. And then there’s Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch)… Riverdale’s Queen Bee is happy to stir up trouble amongst Archie, Betty, and Veronica, but Cheryl is keeping secrets of her own. What, exactly, is she hiding about the mysterious death of her twin brother, Jason? Riverdale may look like a quiet, sleepy town, but there are dangers in the shadows…(via)

Do you like how they crammed Josie and the Pussycats in there? How many Stanley nickels would you like to bet that Jabberjaw opens one of their gigs?

Did you catch that Archie was bone-zoning a teacher? WHAT IS HAPPENING AND WHY ARE PEOPLE COMPARING IT TO TWIN PEAKS? Maybe this teaser will shed some light on—

SHIT.

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