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RRRAAAAAAIIIINNNNN!!!!!

The Weekly Geek / Claude Weaver III

Trade News | January 7, 2009 | Comments (33)

Happy New Year, everybody! Sorry for the dearth of geekiness around here, but I had some things come up. It seemed 2008 wanted to screw with me and mine one last time. But now I am in the ‘09 and feelin’ fine!

Okay, I’ll stop now.

Now I must satisfy my extreme boredom, and you can only watch so much torrented anime before you are all caught up (by the way, Black Lagoon kicks ass). So here is your first Weekly Geek News for the New Year!

First up, the Japanese (who are obviously still pissed after seeing what passes for Dragonball) decided to show us gaijin how to do live-action anime right, with the teaser trailer for Goemon, from director Kaz Kiriya (the overlong yet quite pretty Casshern).

Did I tell you? I love the Japanese.

The Wachowski Brothers are hard at work on their next film, Ninja Assassin, directed by their protégé James McTeigue (The Invasion). McTeigue worked with the brothers on V for Vendetta, which, while no LXG, did little to convince Alan Moore he was wrong about Hollywood. Ninja Assassin (last mentioned during Comic-Con) stars Korean pop star Rain, mostly known to American audiences from his part in Speed Racer and as the one-time DDR foe of Lord Stephen Colbert. He plays Raizo, who happens to be the eponymous ninja assassin seeking revenge on the secret clan that trained him. It also stars Naomie Harris, Rick Yune, and legendary action star Sho Kosugi (Revenge of the Ninja). Oh and it is written by some dude named J. Michael Straczynski, whoever the hell that is. The film is shooting for a 2009 release at last check, and while there is no trailer yet, some lucky SOB managed to get some footage of their stunt training, as well as some gratuitous shots of Rain working out shirtless, for those of you into that sort of thing:



Update on a previous Weekly Geek item: The Jonah Hex movie just got a new director: Jimmy Dix Hayward, former Pixar animator and director of Horton Hears a Who. This will be Hayward’s first live-action film, using original helmers Neveldine/Taylor’s (Crank) script. This is kinda confusing, seeing as how Neveldine/Taylor left the project over “creative differences”.

This week’s featured trailer is a weird little treat that I can’t seem to figure out if I want to see it. On one hand, it is a CGI film (wait, come back AB!) that started as a short dialogue-free film in 2005. On the other, it has both Tim Burton and Timur Bekhambetov as producers, and it has a Little Big Planet vibe going (I played a bit in-store demo once, and it is tempting). Plus, the little bastards seem pretty badass.

Because America is simply not ready for a big-eyed super-cute artificial protagonist who doesn’t talk much wandering around a post apocalyptic wasteland (not my joke, sadly), the powers that be have made Shane Ackler (the creator of the original short) add some big-budget voices such as Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connolly, and Crispin Glover.


Here is the trailer for 9.



And for the curious and/or bored at work, here is the original short.


Claude Weaver III, aka Vermillion, is broke as hell and can’t take it anymore. How come that old dude is always going to Africa, with there are plenty of starving black folks here, huh? He can be sponsored for only several hundred thousand pennies a day on his blog, Vermillion’s Brain Receptacle.


← Tales of Beedle the Bard Book Review | Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li Trailer →



Comments

Wait a second, lemme get this straight...

In America, our popstars look like those wet poodles known as the Jonas Brothers and their cinematic endeavors brings us shit like Camp Rock. And in Korea, their popstars look like that hot and sexy piece Rain and he gives the entire universe Stephen Colbert skits and that sexy action sequence.

Fuck, I'd say it's "no fair" but at least their sharing.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 7, 2009 9:28 AM

9 not only looks amazing, but the original short is heartbreakingly so. It's a shame it's coming in September, my brothers and I were ready to line up almost immediately after seeing the short.

Which isn't something I can say for that abomination "Paul Blart: Mall Cop". Think they'll shelf it if I start a nasty rumor that watching it gives you explosive diarrhea? Or are people still into that sort of thing after "The Animal"?

Posted by: Mike R. at January 7, 2009 9:28 AM

Sho Kosugi?

Fucking sold.

Posted by: TK at January 7, 2009 9:36 AM

That short is amazing.

Kayanne, normally I would agree with you, but I had a Korean neighbor in college, and according to her, Korean pop stars are even less talented than our own. Frankly, the idea of a less talented but hot version of the Jonas Brothers hurts my brain.

Posted by: Marra at January 7, 2009 9:54 AM

I really hope that the storytelling keeps up with the visuals in 9, because that just looks phenomenal.

Posted by: branded at January 7, 2009 9:56 AM

I enjoyed Casshern even though I did have some trouble following along.

If the action in Ninja Assassin is even half as good as that training montage it will be twice as good as any actiony (new word?) movie I've seen in a while.

9 looks like it will be absolutely fantastic. I just hope they keep the dark and dreary theme of the original short, but the trailer gives me reason to question.

Please, no diarrhea rumors Mike R., it will only lead to an over abudance of bad Paul Shart: Mall Cop jokes.

GAH! See what you've started.

Posted by: admin at January 7, 2009 9:57 AM

Hello Claude,

I hope the New Year brings you nothing but joy and good tidings and I hope all your dreams come true. Sometimes I ask myself, who is Claude Weaver III and what makes him tick? I know in the past I have had many unkind words to say to you on different issues, but it was not because I thought you were wrong, it was because I did not want to look at it from your perspective. My therapist says I have issues with rejection and its something I need to constantly work on to overcome. If America can come together and elect Barack Obama as its president, it shouldn't be that impossible for you and I to become friends.


Yours, P

Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 9:57 AM

For serious, Marra? Scary shit right there. Although 9 looks pretty fucking incredible. Vi-vi honey, you really should pick up LBP, it's amazing. For now though, your pennies are in the mail.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 7, 2009 9:58 AM

[watching Sho Kosugi, drools]

hmm, wha?

Holy crap Claude what are you thinking posting that this early in the morning?! Hot DAMN.

hee, the local public access channel in Austin sometimes plays a Korean, i guess it's a variety show?... anyway, the talent there is, shall we say, on par with our own Jonas Bros.

Posted by: Stella at January 7, 2009 9:59 AM

Of all the things to love about the Japanese, my favorite thing is the their porn. The fact that you could fuck on a bus or a train and everyone seems to be oblivious is the best.

Posted by: Pookie at January 7, 2009 10:12 AM

Little Big Planet is thoroughly enjoyable. Just make sure you're playing with at least one friend - it really makes the game worthwhile.

Also I hate you for being caught up on Black Lagoon. People are disinterested about returning the Netflix copies and I am too lazy to torrent.

Try Gurren Lagaan if you haven't yet. Now that's a batshit show.

Posted by: twig at January 7, 2009 10:13 AM

Mike, I wouldn't stress overly much about "Mall Cop". As my brother once told me (with reference to the "Hooters" chain of "restaurants"), "Never overestimate the intelligence of the American buying public."

(I suppose this applies equally to Europe as well, otherwise how else to explain the popularity of a sport with prancing fancy-kicking minnies who fake grievous injury anytime an opponent nudges them? And Page 3 girls. Not that there's anything wrong with more tits in the news, mind you.)

Anyway, there will forever be a large segment of the American movie-viewing populace who subscribe to the axiom that you only laugh at someone stupider than you. Given an entire generation raised on reality TV, what more can you expect?

Posted by: Neodiogenes at January 7, 2009 10:14 AM

Goemon looks excellent and Ninja Assassin had me at Sho Kosugi. But what I wanna know is when does Makoto fucking Nagagno get a starring role in a badass ninja flick?

Posted by: MG at January 7, 2009 10:14 AM

This week's featured trailer is a weird little treat that I can't seem to figure out if I want to see it.

That's exactly how I felt when I saw it. It seems interesting, but it doesn't quite draw one in. Perhaps more enticing footage is to come.

Posted by: Cindy at January 7, 2009 10:28 AM

I remember being a little upset when I found out the feature length 9 was going to feature voice actors. I'm still not sold that it will work. I want it to be good, but I'm not holding my breath, either.

Posted by: Robert at January 7, 2009 10:42 AM

... also, I totally mentioned GL before like, at least twice. Sorry. It's just nice to actually find an anime worth watching after a long trek through the wasteland.

September?! I have to wait for '9' until September?! Aw man.

Posted by: twig at January 7, 2009 10:48 AM

how else to explain the popularity of a sport with prancing fancy-kicking minnies who fake grievous injury anytime an opponent nudges them

*holding breath, clenching fists, counting to ten...exhaling slowly* I love "fancy-kicking minnies".

Anyway,admin I share your reservations re: the long version of "9" and it's possible mood change. I really hate the impulse to stack celeb voices into all animated movies. It's annoying and always distracting to me.

Posted by: HB at January 7, 2009 10:49 AM

I was going to post something about "9", but as I was reading the comments Pookie mentioned Japanese porn being filmed on public transit and I totally lost my train of thought. Then my next train of thought went straight to the local public transit system (which I don't use) and now I'm wondering if a) Does that happen here? This is Canada, after all, and b) If that doesn't happen here, I bet we could increase ridership for public transit tenfold if it did. Talk about inventive ways to lower global carbon footprints! Al Gore would never have guessed that the simple answer was Japanese Porn!

Posted by: Xtreme at January 7, 2009 10:50 AM

I am so down for Goemen. Ninja Assassin had me with the Wachowski Brothers, then lost me with me with the cockmunch responsible for The Invasion, then wrangled me right back in with the awesome training video and shirtless man meat that is RRRRAAAAIIIINNNN!

Ahem. I seem to have made a mess.

Posted by: jM at January 7, 2009 10:53 AM

Marra, his lack of singing talent is not as important as the fact that he seems to be making fun film stuff. So that way when my college friends tell me they're going to watch High School Musical/ Twilight/ She's the Man for the fifteenth time I could at least justify their obsession in my mind with the fact that the eye candy is cute. Plus if they eye candy and his awful music was performing on my TV I could at least turn the sound off and enjoy what's there. You know, unlike the last time the Jonas Brothers came across my TV screen for some interview or something and I was sick so I was laying in bed and then I panicked and couldn't find the remote so I'm flailing around looking for the damn thing and I could still hear them... It was so awful. My headache and cold-acheyness was made worse by their obnoxiousness, music and their weird little boy perms. That's when an attractive alternate would have been preferred.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 7, 2009 11:11 AM

Kayanne: Have you considered moving up to Canada? Seriously, we totally dodged that bullet for the most part up here. Although we do have Celine Dion (which we apologized for), so I guess it depends on which you think is more obnoxious and unbearable.

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at January 7, 2009 11:19 AM

What I love the most about the stunt training clips is that as well as being utterly fucking terrifying ( Seriously, imagine if during the filming all those guys went to a club to let off some steam and while there, one of their number got hassled by some young thug thinking he's hard. Imagine looking up and realising you're surrounded by FOR THE MOMENT, motionless sentinels with cold dead eyes and the ability to kick unholy motherloving shit out of you in about the time it takes you to go 'um, sorry-') Is the guys just standing watching the stunt men and actors run through their stuff...you know...the TRAINERS. Thing about these martial arts trainers that makes me very, very cautious of them is that they might teachc you everything you know. But that doesn't mean they teach you everything THEY know.
Also, who is this Rain creature and where can i get one? Answers on a post card to 'i want to lick him CO Liverpool UK'

On the Subject of 9...honestly the idea of Bekhambetov and Burton teaming up is my cinematic orgasm before you even include the actors they'd likely cast.
I too am a little...mmmm over the CGI, BUT, it looks fucking beautiful and interesting as all hell. I could do without Elijah Wood His Most Simpering Voice (i'd say keep 9 silent in keeping with the original and give everyone else voices, no need toexplain why) but they've done what they've don, i can just...mute his scens when i buy the DVD. Which i Will.

Posted by: Nadine at January 7, 2009 11:25 AM

What I love the most about the stunt training clips is that as well as being utterly fucking terrifying ( Seriously, imagine if during the filming all those guys went to a club to let off some steam and while there, one of their number got hassled by some young thug thinking he's hard. Imagine looking up and realising you're surrounded by FOR THE MOMENT, motionless sentinels with cold dead eyes and the ability to kick unholy motherloving shit out of you in about the time it takes you to go 'um, sorry-') Is the guys just standing watching the stunt men and actors run through their stuff...you know...the TRAINERS. Thing about these martial arts trainers that makes me very, very cautious of them is that they might teachc you everything you know. But that doesn't mean they teach you everything THEY know.
Also, who is this Rain creature and where can i get one? Answers on a post card to 'i want to lick him CO Liverpool UK'

On the Subject of 9...honestly the idea of Bekhambetov and Burton teaming up is my cinematic orgasm before you even include the actors they'd likely cast.
I too am a little...mmmm over the CGI, BUT, it looks fucking beautiful and interesting as all hell. I could do without Elijah Wood His Most Simpering Voice (i'd say keep 9 silent in keeping with the original and give everyone else voices, no need toexplain why) but they've done what they've don, i can just...mute his scens when i buy the DVD. Which i Will.

Posted by: Nadine at January 7, 2009 11:30 AM

Jeremy Celine is a hot mess of awesome. Her kind of crazy is mesmerizing.

Oh and that short film was amazing. But in a less cynical approach, I think I would like to see the feature. However, I seriously doubt any of my friends would be in to it, so I may not get to see it in theaters. Eh, who am I kidding? That movie may be enjoyed alone.

Posted by: Kayanne at January 7, 2009 11:32 AM

argh, double post apologies, its this continuous problem i'm having with the site, any one got any tips? is it a firefox thing?

Posted by: nadine at January 7, 2009 11:40 AM

"Oh and it is written by some dude named J. Michael Straczynski, whoever the hell that is."

Are... Are you being sarcastic? Babylon 5? Really? It's not like he hasn't done anything recently either, he wrote the script for Changeling. I feel old now, and I'm only 20. :(

Posted by: Gabi at January 7, 2009 12:41 PM

Casshern was dumb except for the part where he karate chopped a bunch of robots in half. That scene was awesome.

Posted by: Lucas at January 7, 2009 1:21 PM

argh, double post apologies, its this continuous problem i'm having with the site, any one got any tips? is it a firefox thing?

Posted by: nadine at January 7, 2009 1:24 PM

I played Little Big Planet too, but I'm not sure Pajiba is mature enough for me to mention the protagonist... Sack Boy.
If the game really catches on you can expect me to strip my way through school under that alias. (I got bills to pay. And my moneymaker has been idle for far too long)

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at January 7, 2009 1:27 PM

I've played LBP. My kid brother got it for christmas then went away on holiday...i played for three straight days and eventually had to stop because i kept missing...like, everything. Again, the double post thing, im sorry, i cant seem to make it load just the once

Posted by: nadine at January 7, 2009 1:45 PM

Are... Are you being sarcastic?

B5.
Rising Stars.
Spider-Man
Craploads more.

Yes, Gabi, I was. But I still want to thank you for noticing the joke.

Posted by: Vermillion at January 7, 2009 1:48 PM

9 looks like Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Sock Puppet, with a little Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby thrown in for good measure, and the credits for Bambi Meets Godzilla only with Shane Ackler instead of Marv Newland for every credit.

Still, I've read and seen LOTR several times, so I will be lining up for 9, too.

Posted by: BWeaves at January 7, 2009 2:42 PM

9 looks beyond amazing.

Posted by: Nadha at January 7, 2009 3:31 PM