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Nicholas Cage Will Hunt Osama Bin Laden Because The Internet Deserves Nice Things

By Brian Byrd | Trade News | January 21, 2015 | Comments ()

By Brian Byrd | Trade News | January 21, 2015 |


Cage Dark thirty.jpg

Earlier today, I put together a few mock loglines for some assuredly terrible pilots recently optioned by Fox Television. Those invented summaries can’t approach the absurdity contained in the next, completely factual sentence: Nicolas Cage is set to star in Army of One, the bizarre true tale of Colorado native Gary Faulkner’s mission to single-handedly hunt down Osama bin Laden in Pakistan.

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Again — and I can’t stress this enough — this is a not a fabricated logline. Not only is Army of One actually moving forward with Borat director Larry Charles onboard to direct, the film itself is based on a true story best outlined in this September 2010 GQ piece.

Quick synopsis: Faulkner became a minor celebrity in 2010 when he was arrested by Pakistani police for carrying a pistol, a knife, night-vision goggles, a night-vision camera, religious literature on Christianity and — obviously — a samurai sword. When questioned, Faulkner admitted to authorities he was on a quest to find and capture the world’s most wanted terrorist. Pakistan, perhaps unsure what to do with a bearded, weaponized Jesus ninja, briefly detained Faulkner before sending him back to America. After Navy SEALs finally killed bin Laden in 2011, Faulkner said he should receive a quarter of the $25 million reward money because his efforts forced bin Laden to flee his mountain hideaway and relocate to Abbottabad.

So yeah, this is the role Cage was born to play.

If you want to learn more about this potentially insane terrorist hunter, check out this Late Show clip from June 2010. That Kristen Stewart shared a green room with Faulkner is the pop-culture fact that keeps on giving the whole year round.



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