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Nic Cage is a Bigger Paycheck Wh*re Than We Could've Ever Imagined

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (25)

Thumbnail image for nic-cage-ldda.jpg

This probably fits more under celebrity news, but I can’t resist (also, slow news day). Over on HuffPo, they’re reporting that Nic Cage has had to sell his Bavarian castle because of the crummy economy (and that HuffPo is reporting this as news surely indicates they’re having a slow news day, too). Said Cage: “Due to the difficult economic situation, unfortunately, I was no longer able to keep it. Even if Neidstein castle is no longer in my possession, it will always have a firm place in my memory.” (Cage still owns a castle in England.)

Really? The economy is hurting Nic Cage? He’s been in nine films since 2006 (some of them were even blockbuster hits) and he’s got seven more on his dance card through 2010. Is the man really hurting for cash? Can he really not afford that second castle?

Maybe so. I mean, you have to be a certain level of broke to embarrass yourself as bad as he does in the following five commercials he’s done for the Japanese pinball/slot machine, Pachinko. They are bad. Wicker Man bad. This man is a whore. There is no level he will not stoop to.










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Comments

Vroom vroom der party shtarter!

Posted by: lil_a at April 7, 2009 5:53 PM

Hahaha... Nic Cage is absurd. I thought he just had a really bad coke habit, but apparently he's addicted to castles.

Posted by: Joe the Plumber at April 7, 2009 5:58 PM

Bad? You mean bad-ass!

Fever. Fever! FEEEEVEEEER! Yeah.

Posted by: B-Unit at April 7, 2009 6:48 PM

Honestly, he should be forced to continue making Pachinko commercials and barred from making movies. That's some of his finest acting since ever.

Posted by: admin at April 7, 2009 7:00 PM

18 seconds. I made it through 18 seconds of that before I screamed, punched my monitor, slapped myself in the face, and started drinking bourbon straight from the bottle.

Posted by: I Love Beets at April 7, 2009 7:24 PM

Further proof that making money means little unless you know how to keep it.

Posted by: Ciji at April 7, 2009 7:32 PM

Nicholas Cage is hurting for cash? What next, will porn stars no longer be able to afford the pill?

Posted by: George at April 7, 2009 7:35 PM

You CANNOT just tease Cage's performance in "The Wicker Man" and not provide a link for the uninitiated to the Internet-famous clip of its best scenes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

"Ahh...THE BEES!!!"

Posted by: Fredo at April 7, 2009 7:44 PM

Well...his cowboy voice at the end is better than his southern accent in Con Air. So he's making strides I'd say.

Posted by: stryker1121 at April 7, 2009 10:20 PM

Pfffffffffshahaha!

How do you say "NO, THE BEES! AAAAAAA!" in Japanese? I need to know this.

Posted by: the_wakeful at April 7, 2009 10:20 PM

Those commercials... are... BRILLIANT!

Posted by: SaBrina at April 7, 2009 11:58 PM

Really, Sir Spambot? Tall guys, as a group, have a hard time hooking up, and thus there is a demand for a website helping them to find people willing to copulate with them? I think not, yx, I think not.

Posted by: Brook at April 8, 2009 12:03 AM

"I LOVE PACHINKO!"

-Academy Award Winner Nicholas Cage

Posted by: George at April 8, 2009 12:49 AM

Clearly these ads aren't motivated by money. Cage simply loves pachinko. Maybe if any of y'all ever played the game you'd feel that same joy...that same funny feeling...down there...that this man surely does.

Or he's simply whacked out on coke.

Posted by: B-Unit at April 8, 2009 1:12 AM

Thank goodness the story about how times are so tough that Nicolas Cage had to give up his castle has a happy ending. I'd just be distraught if he didn't have another one to fall back on.

Boy, feel good story of the year.

Posted by: James at April 8, 2009 2:27 AM

Watching those commercials just made me see God. Or have a stroke.
I'm not sure but it was sort of trippy and awesome and I'm numb down one side.

Honestly, Nic, bubbalah....what happened?

Wait wait...doesn't he exec produce most of his craptacular piles of crapulence? If he does, even if they're blockbusters it migth explain why he's having to sell his castles?

I mean, those wigs cost money.
making little kids in india shave their heads so Nic can gave....what ever that is on his head, aint cheap!

Actually i'll be honest here, fuck Nic Cage. So he has to sell HIS CASTLE. He has more. And probably lots of other properties. I cant afford to move into a surprisingly reasonably priced luxury flat down in London and Cage is sad he's having to sell A CASTLE?!Fuck you Cage.

Posted by: Nadine at April 8, 2009 3:44 AM

These are the best things Nic Cage has ever done.

Posted by: Snath at April 8, 2009 9:19 AM

I Love Beets

ha ha I made it to 23 seconds.



*hic*

Posted by: mswas at April 8, 2009 9:19 AM

I LOVE PACHINKO!!!! >:U

Posted by: chenry at April 8, 2009 9:25 AM

So THAT'S where his sideburns went - he had to sell them because of the shitty economy. It's all falling into place now.

Posted by: Kolby at April 8, 2009 10:32 AM

You know, I never watched The Wickerman. Never wanted to destroy my mind in such a manner. Now I'm curious. I feel as if I'm missing out on some serious snarking. I feel left out.

Damn. This has to e the epitome of masochism.

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 8, 2009 11:34 AM

'*be* the epitome of masochism'. I hate making those errors.

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 8, 2009 11:38 AM

Okay, most of those were as bad as you said. But I liked the one about the taxi driver and fisherman having bad luck.

Posted by: EricD at April 8, 2009 6:53 PM

Good to know!
And thousands of sincere and serious tall people I met on
___Tallmeet C o M___ are the most amazing people I ever met!

they care nothing but real love and chemistry! that's what we

are looking for in today's world! :-)

Posted by: yx at April 8, 2009 10:42 PM

GEEZE!
I can die now

Posted by: mario at April 9, 2009 12:14 AM