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Can You See Kristen Stewart Here?

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)

martyrs.jpg

The French film Martyrs is one of the few movies that I regret seeing. Not because it’s bad… it’s actually not. It’s actually quite good, though that seems an insufficient descriptor. No, it’s a different kind of awful. It’s a devastatingly harsh picture filled with torture, brutality, and violence, all wrapped within a bizarre, pseudo-religious philosophy. I won’t get into the plot too deeply, for fear of spoiling it for those who still want to see it, but suffice it to say it’s a unique and deeply disturbing film.

It’s also a film that I would have thought to be unremakeable (note: not a real word). Silly me. Apparently, producer Wyck Godfrey is interested in remaking it, for inexplicable reasons (he’s even conceded that the film is “not remake-able in its form for an American audience”). Hell, it’s not remake-able for any audience. It would be like remaking Audition or Calvaire or Antichrist. It’s pointless to even attempt it. Nonetheless, Godfrey wants to give it a shot, and even has a script lined up, penned by Mark L. Smith (Vacancy, The Hole).

But wait, there’s more! Not only is the idea a terrible one, but I can think of few producers more ill-suited to take up the endeavor. Wyck Godfrey, you see, is also the producer behind masterpieces like The Twilight Saga, Dear John, Eragon and, God help me, Daddy Day Care.

This is the man who wants to remake one of the most viscerally horrifying films I’ve ever seen. Oh, and he wants to get Kristen Stewart to star in it. Hand to God.

Fucking moron. Here’s the trailer for the original, which is difficult enough to handle (somewhat NSFW):

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Comments

OK, now I want to see the remake more than the original, just for the WTF factor. I've seen Eragon and that was a barrel full of unintentional hilarity. I could retire off the sequin budget for that movie.

So we have a director who makes movies based on work by a self-published child author, Nicholas Sparks, and post-funny Eddie Murphy.

Is it April Fool's Day again?

Posted by: Wednesday at June 15, 2010 9:29 AM

Those who love Kristen Stewart will see the movie, as will those who hate her and know what happens to her character in the film.

Posted by: laredo at June 15, 2010 9:45 AM

Does it make me a horrible person to hope that: A) It gets remade and adheres closely to the original; and B) Twitards flock to it because their beloved Bella Swan is in it?

Now I totally want them to remake it and use a misleading trailer that makes it look like a romance.

Posted by: Craig at June 15, 2010 9:54 AM

(he’s even conceded that the film is “not remake-able in its form for an American audience”)

So he shares the same viewpoint of every other American producer who's seen any foreign film?

But I do want to see the original.

Posted by: admin at June 15, 2010 10:07 AM

At this point I'm not even phased when I hear about remakes, reboots and sequels.

Why even worry about it unless they're also planning on destroying every single copy of the original at the same time.

They'll accomplish two things: drawing attention to the original and emphasizing just how good the original was in the first place.

Posted by: John W at June 15, 2010 10:28 AM

My heart is beating out of my chest. I think I'll download the original right now (especially since I'm learning french so this counts as studying, right?). Anytime TK posts something I wind up downloading a movie.

As a side note, I sat here for like five minutes wondering why you thought "unremarkable" wasn't a word. I'm a good reader.

Posted by: becks at June 15, 2010 10:46 AM

Think on the bright side. They could be trying to remake a torture film that doesn't even try to have a plot or philosophy, like À l'intérieur or the bowling alley sequence of Suicide Club. Small victories.

Posted by: Robert at June 15, 2010 11:06 AM

Wow, that's really ... dark and jump-cutty. Now I have eye strain and a headache.

Posted by: , at June 15, 2010 11:19 AM

It's good that you said "Hand to God," because otherwise I would NOT have believed that someone wanted Kristen Stewart involved.

On the bright side, if you want to see Kristen Stewart get seriously tortured, your wish is granted!!

Posted by: MM at June 15, 2010 11:32 AM

This is one of those movies I'm interested in conceptually but refuse to watch because I know the gore factor is ridiculous, having read all the spoilers and whatnot.

I'm more of a "leave it to the imagination" kinda gal. I get more freaked out by what ISN'T shown on-screen and what's implied. When there's that much gore and we get to see so much of it, I just feel dirty and kinda sick, and then I wonder why I needed to watch extended torture in the first place. (Over-the-top unrealistic 80s slasher movie type gore where you can tell it's as fake as the boobs, that's different.)

So... I'll just appreciate the story from afar. I do like the concept, I just don't want to watch it happen in close detail.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at June 15, 2010 2:04 PM

I would definitely warn anyone who wants to see this movie...it is brutal. TK's right, it's a very well-made, well-acted film, and if you can get through the horrific acts displayed it has a really interesting plot and some bizarrely beautiful moments. But I've seen a lot of horror, and this has some of the hardest-to-watch violence in it I've ever witnessed. It is NOT torture porn like Capitivity, but there is torture, and it's not for the faint of heart. All that said, I would definitely recommend it for fans of the genre.

And fuck a remake in the ear. There's no way in hell you could remake this movie for American audiences and keep any of the ideas it's putting forward intact.

Posted by: JustBill at June 15, 2010 2:08 PM

I'd like to see a remake of Antichrist with Katherine Heigl and Michael Bay cast in the leads. RBK making gronch faces before reaching the climactic pimple pop at end of the film. Yeah, go ahead and let Eli Roth direct it.

Posted by: beer chips at June 15, 2010 2:17 PM

This movie upset the everloving poo out of me. I will not be watching the remake.

But I hope the Twi-teens watch it. The reactions would be hilarious.

Posted by: Julie at June 15, 2010 2:21 PM

Sounds like a great career choice. Next thing you know they'll be remaking Irreversible with a cast of tweens. Now that's one movie I wish I could un-see.

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at June 15, 2010 2:22 PM

Meh. I didn't really like the movie. Sure, it had an interesting plot idea, but the ending left me thinking I just watched the whole goddamn thing for nothing.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 15, 2010 2:58 PM

Hey now, has there already been a Movies You Wish You Could Unsee coment diversion?

Posted by: Poultice at June 15, 2010 3:49 PM

Oh, and the movie isn't as jump-cutty as the trailer. It is, however, horrific in many ways you might not expect from a gore film, especially in terms of (a) the depth of Anna and Lucie's relationship, (b) Lucie's survivor guilt, and (c) the cool, dispassionate brutality of the minions of religion. That's what will leave you a little mentally shaken and not stirred.

Posted by: Poultice at June 15, 2010 3:55 PM

Hopefully the remake will have enough in the budget for a lightbulb or two.

Posted by: The Mutt at June 15, 2010 4:06 PM

Martyrs is possibly the most unique and interesting horror film to be released in the past decade. The fact that they're remaking it isn't surprising but it sure is depressing.

I love that Wyck has the audacity to say the original is "unremakeable" yet he's remaking it. Such an ass.

Posted by: Matt at June 15, 2010 4:11 PM

Man, I could say a lot of obsecenities but I'll reserve myself. Film is the only place where recycling is not a solution - just more waste.
And it's not just Martyrs - it's Let the Right One In and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Posted by: Xelle at June 15, 2010 6:48 PM

Uwe Boll for director, Uwe Boll for director! If you're going to fuck it up, do it right.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at June 15, 2010 11:04 PM

It'll be in 3D, right? Right? 'Cause God hates me?

Posted by: dlh at June 16, 2010 1:00 AM

My friend outlined the plot of Martyr for me and my other friend nearly scene by scene while we were watching the Super Bowl and eating delicious bean dip. After she finished, I stopped eating the bean dip and my other friend nearly vomited in her mouth. Even hearing about it was way too graphic at times, I am never watching the movie.

Posted by: Shiva at June 16, 2010 3:26 AM