web counter
 

Oh Yippee, I'm Sure They'll Do It Justice

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (19)

mass-effect-643.jpg

There’s one upside to Roger Ebert’s video-games-get-off-of-my-lawn rant. I used to immediately sigh every time I’d see news that a good video game was being optioned into a movie, because as everyone knows, video game movies are always terrible. Now that process is a lot more complicated.

I immediately think, “well at least I can finally appreciate that great story as art instead of as glorified Tetris.” Then I think “suck it Ebert.” But then I feel guilty because he lost his jaw to cancer, and then inspirationally bitchslapped cancer and went back to writing, and so any even tangentially mouth related jibe feels very wrong. Kind of like how you feel really awkward if you reflexively make a crack about someone’s mom when you are in fact close personal friends with their mother. So yeah, it’s complicated.

Anyway, Mass Effect got optioned and is being made into a movie. Mark Protosevich will be writing. He’s written three previous movies: The Cell, Poseidon and I Am Legend. First: The Cell and Poseidon had scripts? Second: since the script for I Am Legend involved changing the ending to destroy the entire point of the fucking novel, he’s obviously uniquely suited for the world of video game adaptations since that’s apparently the sine qua non for their production getting green lit.

On the bright side, Avi and Ari Arad are executive producers, and between the two of them, they have been producers of pretty much all of the Marvel comic book movies of the last decade. Of course, that’s also the dark side, because that list includes shit like Wolverine and Elektra.


(source: THR)









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← I Think "Glee" Might Be Heterophobic | Last Night on "Glee" | Morning Glory Trailer | I'm Just a Girl Standing in Front of a Boy Asking Him to Host a Morning News Program →









Comments

I already have a problem with the fact that the actor won't look like my heavily scarred, vaguely asian Biotic.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at May 26, 2010 10:21 AM

It could work, but it won't. They'll Doom it up so good that they'll have to cast The Rock.

Posted by: admin at May 26, 2010 10:27 AM

I'd comment on this article, but I'm in the middle of some calibrations.

Posted by: Royalewithcheese at May 26, 2010 10:30 AM

"I Am Legend involved changing the ending to destroy the entire point of the fucking novel"

DEAR GOD THANK YOU SIR, YOU MADE MY MORNING

Posted by: D-Day at May 26, 2010 10:33 AM

They'll fuck it up, but as video game plots go, I can actually Mass Effect translating fairly well to a movie. Though obviously to have a hope in hell they have to bring Strahovski into the first movie.

Posted by: Chugga at May 26, 2010 10:42 AM

YES! I love that game! And I'm sure they'll do it justice and all tha-

Oh wait. This is Hollywood. Never mind.

But maybe it'll have some potential if Shepard is Johnny Depp and Khalisah al-Jilani is Oprah. (AND YOU GET A PUNCH IN THE FACE! AND YOU GET A PUNCH IN THE FACE! YOU ALL GET A PUNCH IN THE FACE!)

Posted by: Oracle at May 26, 2010 10:43 AM

OK, so we now they at least have to have Seth Green in it as Joker. And if they're making the story from #2 then Yvonne Strahovski and Michael Sheen will be in it.

That said, the "braintrust" in charge of this gives me as little hope as watching Michael Bay's penis in porn.

Posted by: Fredo at May 26, 2010 11:02 AM

They shoot porn with microscopes now, Fredo? I'm losing touch.

Posted by: admin at May 26, 2010 11:19 AM

They could use a character that was already introduced in the game, an obvious choice would be Miranda (whose voice and likeness was played by Yvonne Strahovski).

But of course this is Hollywood, so they'll just cast a muscle-bound space cowboy with a heart of gold instead of my awesome Renegade Space Lesbian.

And why can't the original writers for the game write the damn screenplay? Is there some sort of "dipshit writer quota" that has to be met every quarter or something?

Posted by: annoyingmouse at May 26, 2010 11:22 AM

admin: for Michael Bay's penis, you need an electron microscope. It's big, has a huge lens, is expensive/exclusive to use, and makes the tiniest thing seem massive.

Posted by: Fredo at May 26, 2010 11:46 AM

Fredo: Do you mean Martin Sheen (Illusive Man)?

I'm about 37 hours into Mass Effect 2 and love the hell out of it. I can see the movie being pretty good. One of the few that can translate well with a good, but not overly complex plot. As opposed to the clusterfuck of trying to bring Metal Gear to screen.

I just hope they don't blow the big reveal of Sovereign during the trailer, but they totally will.

Posted by: TylerDFC at May 26, 2010 1:01 PM

I remember seeing the first mention of "I Am Legend" being made into a movie, and the discussion I had with my fiancee at the time.

I went into how it was a great piece of speculative fiction, and had a perspective inversion that emerged over the course of the novel, which led to some pretty deep introspection on what was the "norm" in a culture, the origin of myths, and what defines humanity.

Then we went and saw it, and as we left the theater, all I could say was "well...you should really read the actual book, because I'm not sure what the fuck that was."

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at May 26, 2010 2:00 PM

What's next?
Gears of War?
Army of Two?

Ok...Army of Two could be pretty badass.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at May 26, 2010 2:57 PM

The Cell was awesome! This could be GOOD! Hold out for the trailer! Maybe they'll.. Perhaps..

No, this has all the possibility of being awful. God dammit.

Posted by: danny at May 26, 2010 4:54 PM

Kind of like how you feel really awkward if you reflexively make a crack about someone’s mom when you are in fact close personal friends with their mother.

Oh God, that reminds me of a rather embarrassing incident back in high school where I was joking around with friends on the school bus. One of them said something about someone or something I liked being in hell, and I responded in that adolescent 1-upping way, "Your mom's in hell!"

He then looked at me with the most shocked and pained look, then said, 'D-Don't say that!"

So his friend taps me on the shoulder and whispers in my ear that his mom died of cancer not even half a year earlier.

Yep, I'm classy.

Posted by: vic at May 26, 2010 5:31 PM

Yeah, my Shepard was a girl, which was part of what made it all fun and subversive for me like Ripley not being "the girl" in Alien(s), so with iconic Shepard being a dude, and being all cheesy macho space marine (he totally will be in the movie)... yeah, no thanks, not so much.

Posted by: Nat Kittyface at May 26, 2010 9:41 PM

Thanks TylerDFC, I meant Martin Sheen. Trust me, you're gonna love the ending(s).

And DeistBrawler, I think Gears of War is in pre-production stage too, along with Bioshock.

Posted by: Fredo at May 26, 2010 11:13 PM

OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This one grows weary of these solid state excretions. ~_~

Posted by: Aconite at May 27, 2010 7:21 AM

Exactly what some really good cd players for kids? My cousin is 5 years of age and for christmas I need to buy her a music player, she loves my nano but I think it would difficult for her to work with it. Are there make available ones for kids?

Posted by: MP3 players for kids at March 18, 2011 7:01 PM