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Why I Drink (An Ongoing Series)

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (25)

Neil-Gaiman-002.jpg

OK Twilight, let’s just get it all out there. I don’t like you. You don’t like me. I’ve stayed out of the drama for the most part, letting others tear into a fight I didn’t feel was mine. But there was a line, and not even content to tip toe across it, you flung yourself right over and cold cocked my Cullen. Is nothing sacred to you? Neil Gaiman has shelved his next novel, which was to be about vampires, because of the infestation of bad vampire fiction.

Said Gaiman: “My next big novel was going to have a vampire. Now, I’m probably not. They are everywhere, they’re like cockroaches. Maybe it’s time for this to play out and go away. It’s good sometimes to leave the field fallow. I think some of this stuff is being over-farmed.”

That clip all over YouTube of Hitler ranting in the bunker in Downfall? That’s me right now. See, I was happy to shrug off the Twilight douchesplosion. It was shit, but since it was well-publicized shit, it was actually a good thing to a degree because I would know not to waste my time reading it. Ninety percent of everything is shit, so it takes more than the mere existence of fecalsimiltude to raise my hackles. Dustin and others have written quite eloquently at length about how the plot and themes of these stories are actively horrifying representations of the repression of sexuality and the individual. On the other hand, I generally find anything that holds the attention of millions of teenage girls to be horrifying so I was lulled into complacency as to the threat this franchise really embodied.

I hope that Gaiman was just being snarky more than anything, that he didn’t actually shelve a good idea that he had poured real passion into. I hope it was said more in the spirit of “hey, I had an idea for a vampire book, but just said screw it.” Art doesn’t win by letting the idiots drown it out.

(source: SciFi Wire)









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Comments

Noooo!!!!

Posted by: Lancaster at July 6, 2010 10:47 AM

Gaiman is one of the greatest creative minds of our time. The vampires he would create would have slayed all other vampires, especially Meyer's. Let's hope in a few years after Edward has lost his hair, and Jacob's abs have turned soft Gaiman will pick up his vampire book.

Posted by: nire at July 6, 2010 10:47 AM

May I suggest Scott Westerfield? He's a young adult author, and I haven't read his vampires stuff, but his Uglies books are really good and desperately deserve to be made into movies.

If you really want to blow your mind with awesome, Derek Landy's Skullduggery Pleasant series is one of the least kiddy books for kids I've read. It pretty much reads like the Buffy TV show without the stupid romantic subplots. Snark, explosions, skeleton mages driving posh cars. Even though it's a kids' book, he writes with a ruthlessness that has me fully believing that he would have no problem slaughtering all the characters and starting over with a fresh batch mid-series. Which makes for an interesting read.

Also totally deserves to be a movie, if not a tv-show.

Plus it's a two-book year for the series, and the next one is coming out in September.

Posted by: twig at July 6, 2010 10:55 AM

In the meantime you can enjoy his "Vampire Sestina".

I wait here at the boundaries of dream,
all shadow-wrapped. The dark air tastes of night,
so cold and crisp, and I wait for my love.
The moon has bleached the color from her stone.
She'll come, and then we'll stalk this pretty world
alive to darkness and the tang of blood.

It is a lonely game, the quest for blood,
but still, a body's got the right to dream
and I'd not give it up for all the world.
The moon has leeched the darkness from the night.
I stand in shadows, staring at her stone:
Undead, my lover . . . O, undead my love?

I dreamt you while I slept today and love
meant more to me than life -- meant more than blood.
The sunlight sought me, deep beneath my stone,
more dead than any corpse but still a-dream
until I woke as vapor into night
and sunset forced me out into the world.

For many centuries I've walked the world
dispensing something that resembled love --
a stolen kiss, then back into the night
contented by the life and by the blood.
And come the morning I was just a dream,
cold body chilling underneath a stone.

I said I would not hurt you. Am I stone
to leave you prey to time and to the world?
I offered you a truth beyond your dreams
while all you had to offer was your love.
I told you not to worry and that blood
tastes sweeter on the wing and late at night.

Sometimes my lovers rise to walk the night . . .
Sometimes they lie, cold corpse beneath a stone,
and never know the joys of bed and blood,
of walking through the shadows of the world;
instead they rot to maggots. O my love
they whispered you had risen, in my dream.

I've waited by your stone for half the night
but you won't leave your dream to hunt for blood.
Good night, my love. I offered you the world.

Posted by: Xelle at July 6, 2010 10:58 AM

I read that news the other day, and it really doesn't strike me as something he had very well fleshed-out. The Twilight craze was in full-force when The Graveyard Book came out with a major vampire character (even though it's not very explicit that he's a vampire). So I don't think sparkly vampires have quashed a potentially great idea forever.

Posted by: Wednesday at July 6, 2010 11:03 AM

Why does anything that holds the attention of teenage girls horrify you? Are their interests so much less than yours? Twilight is complete and utter shit but man there's this horrible sexist undertone to the way people make fun of it.

Posted by: Sphaz at July 6, 2010 12:02 PM

Read this over the weekend and I'm not suprised.

Fact is after this vampire/werewolf craze of today, we're going to have to shelve them for a good long while in order to give them their fangs back, so to speak.

Posted by: Fredo at July 6, 2010 12:10 PM

Fucking Twilight ruins everything!

Posted by: Mebe at July 6, 2010 12:40 PM

This sucks. This sucks so hard. I read American Gods for the first time this weekend. I'd been saving it and saving it, like I sometimes do with really good chocolate, but then I read it in two days (that sometimes happens with the chocolate too). And so now I'm in my first day of Gaiman Withdrawal (which always happens after I finish one of his books) and therefore my rage knows no bounds. The only thing keeping me from a psychotic fit right now is the fact that he's writing a Doctor Who episode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: esme at July 6, 2010 12:51 PM

Posted by: Darcy at July 6, 2010 12:57 PM

Sphaz, personally I give Twilight so much shit BECAUSE it is so horribly sexist. It's all very "I am going to pine for my Prince Charming and I'll die if he doesn't love me." Seriously? What kind of role model is Bella Swan supposed to be for all of the young women who are so obsessed with those books? She tries to kill herself when Edward leaves her, refuses the love of a perfectly good boy who actually DOES seem to have some sort of normal feelings for her (normal for a werewolf I guess.) And, even if/when she DOES get the guy it involves giving up her actual life for him to become a vampire. No. I will make fun of these books forever if only to try and dissuade any young women I know from reading them and thinking that it is even remotely reasonable to think about love and life in these terms.
Also vampires don't sparkle, goddamnit.

Posted by: JenVegas at July 6, 2010 12:57 PM

And, even if/when she DOES get the guy it involves giving up her actual life for him to become a vampire.

You haven't read Breaking Dawn have you?

I am more curious to see how they're going to film that clusterfuck than I am for The Last Battle, which they'll probably handle by not filming it.

Posted by: twig at July 6, 2010 1:14 PM

Sphaz - for me, the issue with Twilight is that they're just crappy books. The characters are each whiny in their own unique, whiny way. The plot is, well, JenVegas pretty much summed it up. And for me, the biggest issue is that the writing is awful. A fourteen-year-old could have written a better book. The idea of so much praise being awarded to books that are so unworthy of it is so preposterous to me that it really feels like the plot of a dystopian futuristic novel. The pre-teens (and their moms) should be going nuts over Neil Gaiman, who really is a fantastic writer. Talk to a critic or a Pajiban, and they'll choose Gaiman every time. But ask a 14-year-old Twi-brat about him, and you'll get "Neil WHO?"

Posted by: esme at July 6, 2010 1:22 PM

I really don't understand the appeal of vampires to Gex Z or whatever it is nowadays .... I mean, staying forever young is a definite plus when you take into account the cost of botox and plastic surgery; but that's something people my age know, and our older siblings' and cousins' children should not need to care about just yet. For some reason they do, though. Is there an anthropologist here to explain, please?

Posted by: SB at July 6, 2010 1:43 PM

Gen Z it should have been. X is not even close to N on the keybord - how the hell could I have mistyped? Rather careless on my part, I must admit.

Posted by: SB at July 6, 2010 2:02 PM

Would SB's anthropologist please review below and let us have your feedback soonest? thanks.

Is the consumption of poo not a defining characteristic of "the masses"? How would one investigate such a theory? Maybe humanity is not very discerning as a species....might explain why we're rapidly saturating this planet with people.

A line from Better Off Ted ocurs to me....the episode where there was too much office romance going on. Veronica says something like, "Ted, we need to do something about the office....maybe better lighting."

:-)

Posted by: Bradleyn at July 6, 2010 2:12 PM

Ah fuck. I'll just go re-read Neverwhere.

Posted by: joker at July 6, 2010 2:30 PM

The Appeal of Vampires
A report by esme, Gex Z Anthropologist
(and apparently obsessive follower of this thread)

I would like to begin by saying that I have no real authority on the subject; this is solely an opinion piece based on my observations. I would also like to comment upon the different nature of vampire-craziness. I will seek to explain the Twilight obsession. I would also like to clarify that none of the following is my own personal outlook on life; it is simply the way in which I perceive the Twilight fans' views. And it should be noted that I have read the books.

As a fan, back in "the day," of Buffy, I saw the idea of a vampire-human relationship as being based on the fact that the significant vampires were no different from humans. The way in which Buffy interacted with Angel (and later with Spike) hinged on their souls (or lack thereof) and on their innately human nature.

The Twilight vampire themes are different. They revolve around the differences between humans and vampires. I believe that there are four main qualities that make vampires (as they exist in the Twilight world) so attractive.

The first is certainly physical attraction. Let's face it: vampires are hot. They're ripped, they have good hair, and they stay young forever. No male-pattern baldness, no mid-40s beer belly. As a generation watching the descent of people like Jason Segel, Luke Wilson, and James Franco into middle age, today's youth is happy to have even a fictional hold on their idols.

Vampires also have a danger to them that adds to their charisma. There is always the threat that they'll lose their cool and you'll die. It's James Dean with a twist. Everyone loves a bad boy.

But these bad boys are wise beyond their physical years. Eternal life nearly always brings wisdom, and when a man has lived for hundreds of years, he is undoubtedly ready to commit. He knows the meaning of "forever" and is willing to spend it with his true love. Gone is the adolescent lust, the desire to squander youth. A vampire can appreciate the need for a stable life. Moreover, he embraces it. He takes on the role of pushing domesticity so that the girl doesn't have to worry about whether he'll cheat or do the dishes.

And finally, he takes that idea of safety and security one step further: he makes all the decisions. In Twilight, Edward always knows what's best. Bella never has to think for herself or worry about anything -- she is taken care of. In today's world of low accountability (the internet and texting take away the embarrassment that comes with personal interaction) and general laziness, that's a blessing. Nobody wants to think for themselves.

And so the vampire is the perfect mate. Beautiful, dangerous, loving, and easy. Plus, he sparkles -- bling and a boyfriend!

Posted by: esme at July 6, 2010 2:58 PM

I'M COMING FOR YOU MEYER!!!! I'M COMING AND BRINGING HELL WITH ME!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Nadine at July 6, 2010 3:03 PM

esme, It is most upsetting you're not a bloke. If you were I'd ditch my BF and ask you to marry me.

Posted by: SB at July 6, 2010 4:18 PM

What bothers me about the de-fanging of vampires in popular fiction is that the myth has always presented humans as their primary source of food. Someone could show me the prettiest cow ever, but I would rather slap steaks on the grill than set up house with a bovine. Now, I get that people can decide to be vegetarians, but whether or not specific vampires decide to not eat humans, they still must subsist on blood. So, in essence, Meyer trades the cow for a sheep. Don't get me started on the fact that some of the animals her "vegetarian" vampires hunt are on the endangered species watch list.

I disagree with Gaiman about the paranormal romance trend. The monsters may be the love interest in many of those books, but most of them remain monsters, have come to terms with being monsters, and make no bones about their monstrous nature. As long as the two protagonists consent to whatever exchange of blood/sex/magic/wev that feeds the beast, I'm all for sexing up the supernaturals. One of my problems with Meyer's work is that she ignores what a complete mindfuck it would be to date someone who might literally eat your heart out. And if they don't, their friends/enemies/maker might. That's the obstacle in a lot of paranormal romance, and it doesn't seem to exist at all for Bella Swan.

Posted by: Reba at July 6, 2010 7:18 PM

Off topic and all, but one of my favourite vampire novels is Fevre Dream by George R R Martin. Highly recommended and all that. :)

Posted by: Darcy at July 6, 2010 8:28 PM

Actually, I think hating Twilight and railing against people reading it is exactly the opposite of being sexist.
Personally I don't want the 7 to 15 year old female population to read Twilight and take the ideas that abuse, stalking, crippling dependency and illogical self sacrifice along with the concept that the only way to be happy is to have some form of man at all times, as life choices.
It also can not be said that this doesn't happen, because books literally change lives, thoughts, ideals and morals. Everyone has those books that once they read, they seriously never thought the same way they did before. When it comes to an impressionable teenager, a book like Twilight can change the way they think in a twisted way.
Plus I'm pretty sick of hearing 13 year old girls say "I want a love like Edward" while they hold their glittery mass in front of the local Hot Topic.

Posted by: Robb at July 7, 2010 12:03 PM

If Neil Gaiman wants to write about vampires, then he should do it. "Oh noes, everyone else likes something I like so NOW I CAN'T LIKE IT ANYMORE"

Posted by: Majicou at July 7, 2010 6:02 PM

On the other hand, the current glut of Vamp Fiction has given us Justin Cronin's "The Passage", the sweet, sweet lovechild of Stephen King and Richard Matheson.

Posted by: Drew at July 8, 2010 3:01 PM