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How Do You Make Sparkly Vampires Gayer?

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (17)

chicdddago.jpg

Bill Condon, director of Dreamgirls and Chicago, is in talks to direct the fourth installment of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn. This makes him director number four, having possibly or probably beaten out guys like Gus Van Sant, Sofia Coppola, M. Night Shamalyan and 12-year-old YouTube profiler MrsCullen4LIFE. With them supposedly needlessly divvying up the final book ala The Deathly Hallows, it’s gonna need some sparkly showtunes to keep it swinging. Particularly when the finale involves the protagonists NOT FUCKING FIGHTING.

Personally, I would have gone with Gus Van Sant. Depressed, maudlin teens moping around a Seattle forest suffering for their angst? The motherfucker practically auditioned with Elephant and his Kurt Cobain pic. At least, maybe this way, it’ll end with a shooting.









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Comments

and then he ran into my stake... he ran into my stake 9 times.

Posted by: Tammers at April 8, 2010 4:56 PM

Is that a picture of Marilyn Monroe?

How dare you use a picture of Marilyn Monroe in an article about anything related to Twi...Twili...Twilig...

That fucking movie with the Liberace ass vampires.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 8, 2010 5:07 PM

Twilight 4: Breaking Wind.

I swear, that's what I thought the 4th one was called.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 8, 2010 5:09 PM

no, dummy its a picture of renee zellweger in chicago

Posted by: robin at April 8, 2010 5:10 PM

Depressed, maudlin teens moping around a Seattle forest suffering for their angst?

Hey!! I resemble(d) that remark in the late 80s/early 90s. (Also, Twilight fucktards don't actually mope around in a *Seattle* forest, they mope in a forest about 100+ miles west of Seattle. Seattle being, y'know, a city and stuff.)

Twilight with sparkly showtunes might actually be fun. Oh what am I saying?
Fuck that noise.

Posted by: MM at April 8, 2010 5:10 PM

Bill Condon wrote Chicago, but Rob Marshall directed it.

Posted by: Todd at April 8, 2010 5:17 PM

"How dare you use a picture of Marilyn Monroe in an article about anything related to Twi...Twili...Twilig..."

How dare YOU for confusing Marilyn with SuckALemonFace Zellwegger. I've seen cross-dressers who'd make a more convincing Marilyn.

Posted by: D-Day at April 8, 2010 5:26 PM

Woops, didn't see Robin call it before me.

Twilight 4: Jazz Hands!

Hopefully they do the Charleston right off a bridge.

Posted by: D-Day at April 8, 2010 5:27 PM

"and then he ran into my stake... he ran into my stake 9 times."

Holy shit. Bwahahahaha!

Posted by: photon42 at April 8, 2010 6:15 PM

Now, all I can imagine is Edward Cullen doing the "All He Cares About is Love" number.
Also: Jacob for "Mr. Cellophane" because: obviously.

Posted by: St. Saturn at April 8, 2010 6:27 PM

"and then he ran into my stake... he ran into my stake 9 times.
Posted by: Tammers at April 8, 2010 4:56 PM"

I'd watch that movie.

Oh wait, that'd be this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM
(thanks to whoever originally posted this on Pajiba)

Posted by: Stella at April 8, 2010 6:31 PM

Loved that! Stella, that made my evening!

Posted by: Four Eyes at April 8, 2010 8:06 PM

Whew! *wipes forehead* I was thinking that, but for some reason I can see curves and that Zell lady looks like a boy.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 8, 2010 8:24 PM

lol. She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video at **:::diamondkissing.com:::** that is a celebrity da ting sit e for wealt hy or sexy singles. She is really hot with bikini in that video. You will know how passionate it is after seening it!☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Posted by: Cytheria at April 8, 2010 9:49 PM

Wait, is Spambot talking about a Zellweger bikini video? I don't think I want to be seening that.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 8, 2010 10:19 PM

Yawn..

Twilight 4.3D: First Kiss

Posted by: Magiel at April 9, 2010 6:26 AM

Twilight 4 3-D: Kristin Stewart brushes YOUR hair out of your face!

Posted by: D-Day at April 9, 2010 8:42 AM