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Colin Farrell to Enter Rom-Com Hell

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (36)

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Ah, Colin Farrell. You are quite the cinematic conundrum. All of your zany persona; antics aside, you’re an excellent actor. I know this, because I’ve seen it. Tigerland. In Bruges. Crazy Heart. Your googly-eyed crazypants portrayal of the assassin Bullseye was the only remotely decent part of that pile of rancid dog vomit known as Daredevil ( I will never forgive you, Mark Steven Johnson. You hear me? Never. You’ve completely botched one of my all-time favorite supeheroes, you son of a bitch).

Regardless, the point is, Colin Farrell is a solid actor who makes some terrible decisions. The latest news is that his newest role is a supporting one in the blandly titled Something Borrowed, to be directed by Luke Greenfield, the man who cursed all of mankind with the Rob Schneider-starring abomination, The Animal. There is no hell hot enough for a man who would create that… that… thing.

Anyway, here’s the insipid, terrible plot of this newest rom-com (courtesy of Dark Horizons):

Based on Emily Giffin’s 2005 debut novel of the same name, the story centers on a single Manhattan attorney (Ginnifer Goodwin). This consummate good-girl gets drunk on her 30th birthday and ends up sleeping with Dexter (Colin Egglesfield), the fiancé of her selfish best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson).

As the mistake blossoms into a full-blown affair, she must decide between her life-long friend and the man of her dreams.

Farrell will play Dexter’s best friend, and John Krasinski is also set to co-star. Ginnifer Goodwin I saw most recently in the abysmal He’s Just Not That Into You, which had similarly blitheringly stupid themes about love and friendship. I’m looking forward to her playing a similarly pathetic and unlikeable character who ends up with the perfect man. And seriously, can we just fucking can the whole “nice girl with a bitchy best friend” plot device? Not to mention why would you even consider a man who cheats on his fucking fiancée? Oh, and the title? Get it? Something Borrowed? Like, because it’s about weddings? And a friend who has sex with her best friend’s fiancée? And yet she’s supposed to be the sympathetic character? The only way this movie would save itself is if it ended with the whole fucking cast being devoured by wolves.

Romantic comedies make me want to hurl Hollywood into the sun, I swear. Things like this are what led Dustin and me to write this piece.

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not too keen on this project. Another way of phrasing it would be to say that this movie looks absolutely atrocious.

Happy Monday.









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Comments

He's so sexy it makes me giggle!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 12, 2010 12:11 PM

Why in god's name is Colin Farrell playing second-fiddle to/the best friend of some TV actor whose name makes me hungry for of waffles?

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at April 12, 2010 12:13 PM

Well, Ms. Imbrie, he is trying to rebuild his career by appearing in more mainstream fare. I would think it is a carefully calculated move on his part and I can't blame him for it.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at April 12, 2010 12:15 PM

Oh Colin!! And you were doing so well recently. Stick with the nice indie flicks, they work for you.

P.S. How many times is Ginnifer Goodwin going to play a nice girl who makes horrible relationship decisions?
This piece of crap
He's Just Not That In To You
Big Love
Walk The Line
A Single Man (arguably)

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 12, 2010 12:23 PM

Mmmmmmm Colin Farrelllllllll

Yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

Posted by: Anna von MEGA-SHARKTOPUS at April 12, 2010 12:24 PM

Yesterday, I went to a birthday party and ate some homemade cake and ice cream, drank a couple of cups of coffee, had some sweet-ass Mexican food for dinner, then woke up today and had a bran muffin.

The monstrosity that escaped my ass this morning was less of a turd than this'll be.

Posted by: Kballs at April 12, 2010 12:30 PM

My Haiku in honor of not caring what the hell Colin Farrell is in as long as he's on a big old screen for me to look at:

It's hard to be mad
When I want to nom your face
Even in suck-fests

Posted by: Katers at April 12, 2010 12:34 PM

Mmmmm, Colin Farrel
*BUNK*
Wait, do people still say "Bunk" around here? Has it gone the way of "SCHWING!!"? Do we have a new euphemism? I say we need one.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 12:36 PM

Mmmmmmmmmm waffles.
Parakeet, it's time for waffles. How do you take 'em?

Posted by: Jim Doggie at April 12, 2010 12:44 PM

*SNU SNU*?

*RAM JAM*?

*SPARKLETITS*?

Posted by: D-Day at April 12, 2010 12:53 PM

What's wrong with "bunk"? What would be the point of a new word? So the 20-year olds can differentiate themselves from the 24-year olds?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 12, 2010 12:57 PM

Sparkletits is a person, and as eminently fap-worthy as he is, I just don't think it works.

Snu-Snu: (as defined in Urban Dictionary)
Endless sex forced on a man by a variety of women usually resulting in the death of the man.
So not really applicable here. Although it sounds like a thumping good time.

Ram-Jam. OK, now you are just making shit up.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 1:02 PM

Wait, do people still say "Bunk" around here? Has it gone the way of "SCHWING!!"? Do we have a new euphemism? I say we need one.

I was never one for saying it anyway, but if I could cast my vote it would be, "Please Stop Saying Bunk." I would also like to cast my vote for, "Please Help Me Find Out Who Adventureman Really Is" and of course "Please Keep Sending Me Naked Pictures Of You On Facebook." (looking at you gp)

Posted by: superasente at April 12, 2010 1:04 PM

As the mistake blossoms into a full-blown affair, she must decide between her life-long friend and the man of her dreams.

How in any way is this supposed to be a supportable choice? Getting drunk is now a reasonable excuse to fuck your "friend's" boyfriend? She'll get herself a real prize that way. Or is it OK because the friend-character is selfish? I guess it's all right to cheat on your girlfriend instead of you know, dumping her, because she's so selfish.

Argh. I'm not a prude, but WHY are these relationships supposed to be so romantic????

Posted by: Wednesday at April 12, 2010 1:04 PM

Paddy
I have just not been around much lately, I was wondering if there was hip new lingo. And, as a nearing 37 year old, I already can't figure out what the whippersnappers are talking about 1/2 the time.
I like *Bunk* Juuuust fine. It is timeless, really.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 1:05 PM

"Bunk" is too succinct and descriptive to replace so easily. Anything I can come up with has "seething" or "milking" or "crotch" or "plunge" playing a major role. I need to abbreviate my creativity.

Posted by: Kballs at April 12, 2010 1:06 PM

"Please Keep Sending Me Naked Pictures Of You On Facebook."
Don't beg Superasente. It is beneath you. I don't know what it is about the Pajiban male that compels him to send dick pics on FB. And Text. And Emails.
{braces for the deluge of dickrolls on all 3 fronts}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 1:10 PM

Lindsey with an 'e'

Don't worry, as you head rapidly toward joining BWeaves and me in decrepitude, you'll find that "bunk" is a lovely comforting word that, when not being used for imaginary sex with hot guys, allows you to nap happily after the 4pm special at Dennys.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 12, 2010 1:14 PM

I love Something Borrowed and it makes me sad that it will receive the Hollywood (mis)treatment. And a sequel is guaranteed because of the follow-up novel Something Blue. So doubly sad. Weirdly enough, I just re-read these two books over the weekend.

Posted by: Az at April 12, 2010 1:26 PM

Heh, thanks Paddy
I am still running around having Real Sex with Hot Guys, are at least Hot Sex with Real Guys, and BOY, some days I can use that 4PM nap. In my BUNK.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 1:33 PM

I agree with Mrs. Julien, I think this is Colin's way of trying to get more mainstream attention. It might suck the big one, but he'll still get noticed.

Posted by: Brie at April 12, 2010 1:35 PM

Don't forget who started the Dick Roll!

Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 12, 2010 1:35 PM

Right. Credit where credit is due.
Much like Al Gore invented the Internet, Deistbrawler invented the Dick Roll. And my friends and I "Discovered" Monty Python, Pink Floyd, and Sex in 1990.
You should TOTALLY put that on your resume, Deist.
I will say that while undoubtedly NOT the originator of the Dick Roll, our man Deist has become (in)famous for his interpretation and execution of the art form. A caution to NOT give him my cell # lest I be besieged by Dick Rolls was the FIRST thing I was told by my Pajiban Pimp on FB when I first came into the fold. and HE hasn't led me wrong yet. He has, however, Dick Rolled me.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at April 12, 2010 1:51 PM

"The only way this movie would save itself is if it ended with the whole fucking cast being turned into the Human Centipede." Because this shit should pass through all of them.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 12, 2010 2:33 PM

Colin has already answered an interviewer's question that he is tired of constantly being cast as a policeman or a soldier and would love to do a comedy.

So, here is how he might have thought about this: Summer in the Hamptons, not having the stress of being the leading man, getting some comedy cred on his resume (In Bruges was such a black comedy)and not having to cry on cue (I assume). Oh, and a chance to buddy up with John Krasinski, who seems to be a really nice guy.

Posted by: Hep at April 12, 2010 2:37 PM

"getting some comedy cred on his resume"

Have you seen Miami Vice?

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 12, 2010 3:15 PM

The only way this works is if Colin Farrell plays it like Billy in Scrubs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55ffhIeQdOA

*note to self: work on Irish accent*

Posted by: D-Day at April 12, 2010 4:11 PM

D-Day:

The Irish accent is easy: just substitute a soft "d" for a "th" and punctuate every sentence with some expletives. You'll soon be sucking diesel.

Posted by: PaddyDog at April 12, 2010 4:31 PM

True Paddy, but you can't get called out for being a faker too quickly.

It's kind of like the Walken impersonation, you have to add the high's and low's, and the slightly off-center head bobs, and the hands constantly pushing out.

The nuances, I'm sayin', the nuances...

Posted by: D-Day at April 12, 2010 4:41 PM

Oh Colin Farrel. I know what you could do instead of starring in this movie. Have sex with me. What, I didn't say it was a paying gig.

Posted by: teacupnosaucer at April 12, 2010 4:59 PM

Exactly, teacupnosaucer, exactly.

Colin Farrel can make all the romantic comedies he wants. With me. In my bunk.

Posted by: MM at April 12, 2010 5:07 PM

I actually didn't mind the book- which, admittedly, is chick lit and read solely because a friend tipped me off to the fact that it started and ended with mention of one of my favorite songs. And as derelict as I know the movie will no doubt be, I did get a wee thrill at the thought of Colin and his deliciousness playing the lead...but second fiddle in a rom-com? Fuck that scene.

And I like Ginnifer Goodwin (though upon considering it, completely without reason), but if she turns those same He's Just Not That Into You tricks again I want her backhanded by a member of the Fraggle Rock clan.

Kate Hudson cast as a shrew = perfection + homicidal twitches.

Posted by: pernsnicketyminx at April 12, 2010 5:32 PM

Kate Hudson kills.

Posted by: greer at April 12, 2010 6:10 PM

I was skimming the article and only saw "Colin Farrel will play Dexter's best friend" and my heart leapt. Then I actually read it.

Thanks for getting my hopes up, TK you bastard.

Posted by: SJ at April 12, 2010 6:31 PM

Thanks for getting my hopes up, TK you bastard.

Accidental hope-smashing is sometimes even better than deliberate hope-smashing.

You're quite welcome. That was delicious.

Posted by: TK at April 12, 2010 6:38 PM

The only way this movie would save itself is if it ended with the whole fucking cast being devoured by wolves.

Well, they already made Mega Piranha. It's only a matter of time until someone comes up with Karma is a Shewolf.

Posted by: Sofía at April 13, 2010 12:57 PM