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Americanized "Torchwood" Scrapped

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (28)



torchwood_children_of_earth.jpg

Fox proved that their habit of taking cult science fiction shows behind the shed could actually be a force for good by canceling their Americanized version of “Torchwood” before it could produce a pilot. Oh sweet Ianto’s saucy bum, that’s the best negative news I’ve ever heard outside of a doctor’s office.

BBC had this to say: “BBC Worldwide Productions and the FOX Broadcasting Company have mutually agreed not to progress together with a 13-episode serialized ‘Torchwood’ format. We are currently in discussion with several interested networks.”

Oh wait, that’s the other foot dropping. Disposable network executive Jane Tranter insisted: “It’s very much ongoing and very much alive.” So’s drug-resistant syphilis, it’s not a good idea either.

Look, to beat the dead horse that keeps getting up and trying to shuffle onto my television: JUST BROADCAST TORCHWOOD AS IT IS. There’s no need to remake the damned thing for American audiences. Hell, the entire reason that the BBC is convinced that there’s an American audience is because a bunch of Yanks keep buying the DVDs and watching the show on BBC America. How exactly is that evidence that it needs to be Americanized in order to broadcast it in the United States? They’ve also insisted that the show would have the same production team and star Jack Barrowman. I’m just about convinced that the entire “Americanization” is an elaborate ruse to just sell one of the American networks the existing episodes of “Torchwood” at new episode prices.

[Thinks about it]

I bet NBC would bite.

(source: THR)









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Comments

My name is Robert, and I support this message.

Seriously, Torchwood is the single campiest Sci-Fi show of the past ten years and that's part of its charm. There's no network, shy of Logo or Showtime (maybe HBO), that would allow every character (but the boring, annoying, saintly female lead) to go both ways and hop on and off any kind of genitalia (man, woman, alien) like a subway train. If I can't watch a fish-faced doctor setting up a three-way in a bar with another man and a woman before fighting aliens, I don't want to watch.

No way this will work in America. The teeth will be too perfect and the vowels not round and Welshy enough. Wasn't enough irreversible damage done with the five episode Children of Earth? Let it be. Or at the very least promise Gwen (or her Amerian cousin Jen) will not be starring. Please?

Posted by: Robert at April 22, 2010 10:07 AM

I agree Steven, great news dropped with a hint of looming fear.

Is this all about the cost of the show? If they'd strike while the iron is hot (hint, don't frak with a great show, leaving it in limbo so long that it loses its momentum) there wouldn't be a problem. I understand the cost of production is high, but the Torchwood audience was steadily growing. Is it because they think an Americanized (do not like that word) version would expose the show to more viewers?

Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2010 10:11 AM

This is all The Office's fault, you know. I'm surprised they haven't gone back and pillaged some of the older classics yet. Just wait until one of these morons watches Faulty Tow-*knocked unconscious*

Posted by: Kballs at April 22, 2010 10:14 AM

Bite your tongue, Kballs.

Posted by: Cindy at April 22, 2010 10:19 AM

No, I think they learned their lesson with the American version of Coupling. The first episode I saw was pretty much a word-for-word remake of the original version, and boy, it stunk up the place worse than a fish on a radiator.

I was never a huge fan of the original, either, but the network version was just awful.

Posted by: Wednesday at April 22, 2010 10:21 AM

The whole reason I watch Torchwood is BECAUSE it's NOT an American show!!! That, and I think Darling Husband has a hard-on for Capt. Jack. He won't watch Dr. Who, but he keeps asking me when the next Torchwood will be on.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 22, 2010 10:25 AM

The 21st century is when everything changes, and you've got to be ready...

Posted by: cinekat at April 22, 2010 10:34 AM

Speaking of Americanization have you seen the line up for Top Gear USA???
It just doesn't need to be done.

Posted by: peanut at April 22, 2010 10:37 AM

Anyone want to guess on the shelf life of the US Top Gear?

I give it three episodes.

Posted by: twig at April 22, 2010 10:46 AM

Sorry Peanut, I didn't notice you up there.

Posted by: twig at April 22, 2010 10:46 AM

That shit ain't funny, Kballs. Knock it the fuck off, or else if it ever happens, I'm blaming YOU.

Posted by: TK at April 22, 2010 10:52 AM

I agree whole-heartedly with this news, this is damn suspicious. This was a horrible idea. But to be honest, when to insta-remakes or most Americanization remakes in general seem like a good idea. 'Let the Right One In' remake team, I'm looking at you with angry squinting eyes.

Posted by: Teresa at April 22, 2010 11:04 AM

Twiggy I totally agree. I reckon Top Gear USA will epically bomb within the first few shows for lots of reasons, but the straw that broke the camels back will be a Jay Leno appearance.
Kballs. There has been a deposit left with a hitman just in case!!!

Posted by: peanut at April 22, 2010 11:09 AM

Kballs, no!
American Torchwood, no! It wouldn't get watched anyway. Either it would be really really awesome (because they'd bring Jack and Ianto and lose Gwen), nobody would watch it, and they'd cancel it, or it'd be just awful, ruin our lives, nobody would watch it, and they'd cancel it.

Posted by: esme at April 22, 2010 11:14 AM

It's hilarious when American networks remake successful long-running shows that are still being made. Why not buy the rights to the original show and re-air them from the beginning? Probably cheaper than forking over $500K/episode to redo a perfectly good program. It's like a French TV network deciding to remake Friday Night Li-*knocked unconscious*

Posted by: Kballs at April 22, 2010 11:29 AM

Really, really REALLY don't want them to fuck with Torchwood. Look at Life on Mars...not a terrible Americanization, but still screwed up enough to be cancelled fairly quickly.

With a few exceptions, I would be quite happy to just watch Brit TV and screw most of American garbage. Seriously....check out the In-Betweeners or some of THEIR reality/self-help TV. They don't mince words. If you are a fat cow, they don't try to make you feel GOOD about it...they tell you that you are a fat cow and need to get off your arse.

Yeah, I'm just being really crabby today....the very THOUGHT of anyone else being Captain Jack or Ianto makes me all murdery.

Posted by: dammitjanet at April 22, 2010 11:31 AM

How's Jane Tranter disposable?

Posted by: Jay at April 22, 2010 11:33 AM

dammitjanet covered it perfectly..

thx...


:)

Posted by: kikz at April 22, 2010 11:51 AM

Twig. Sorry for the twiggy, been watching old Buck Rogers show lately.

Posted by: peanut at April 22, 2010 12:07 PM

Coming this fall from Fox is the hilarious new 'cross the pond reboot:

Reggie Boa's Flying Circus.

It's a whack new variety comedy show that'll be totally in your face and over the top!

"Yo man, this parrot's like all dead and shit, YO!"
"Nah, man, it's jus' trippin'!"


Posted by: laredo at April 22, 2010 12:35 PM

NBC obviously doesn't have a problem with just buying BBC rights over Americanizing a show. It aired Merlin last summer (I think Syfy's picked it up for season 2).

Actually, I think there are a lot of shows NBC, the struggling scripted black hole that it is, could buy from BBC. Take MI:5. It would be the perfect foil to Fox's 24 and much cheaper, I assume, if they just buy rights to reair.

For every Coupling debacle there's an Office success. I hope.

Posted by: FeedTheBirds at April 22, 2010 12:56 PM

They already did, Kballs. They already did.
I watched one episode, out of curiosity. It sucked.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at April 22, 2010 1:01 PM

Jay: Having read an obscene amount of trade news, I've gradually accumulated the following irrationally biased observations about network executives:

1. Every statement the executive makes could be switched out and used for any other article about any other piece of television or film by any company. "We're very excited," "it's revolutionizing [insert genre]," "we always call the next morning."

2. Their statements also invariably include the royal-we. Unless you popped out of a queen's uterus, my democratic eyes narrow.

3. You are unlikely to recognize the executive's name no matter how much trade news you read.

4. Even if you do recognize the name, chances are the title has changed since the last time you saw it.

5. And that title generally has more words and clauses than that of a British monarch (senior vice president of programming for central Atlantic entertainment).

Therefore, I am relatively certain that there is either only one network executive with an infinite number of disposable identities or an infinite number of executives of infinitely small worth. In any case, I stopped cut-n-pasting the job titles of network executives in favor of giving them all the title "disposable network executive."

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at April 22, 2010 1:16 PM

WAIT.

There's a U.S. Top Gear?!?!!

*goes on murderous rampage*

Posted by: Amanda at April 22, 2010 4:14 PM

Was it on here that I saw a video that was part of the pilot for the American version of Spaced? Because that was some god-awful bullshit. I've never seen something with so little comedic timing.

Just . . . leave things alone. Please.

Posted by: MyySharona at April 22, 2010 4:25 PM

Not one person corrected you?

It's JOHN Barrowman. JOHN.

Not Jack. That would be his character.

And yes, he wants to take you home and eat your pussy. ALL your pussies.

Posted by: Shane at April 23, 2010 3:01 AM

I agree: Best negative news yet.

Posted by: =D at April 23, 2010 4:01 PM

Kballs... (Regarding: a U.S. version of Fawlty Towers) It has been done already. It's called 'Payne'.

Someone had told me about the remake, and I thought it was a joke, until I saw this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3eZXMdRx1k

Posted by: PK at May 24, 2010 2:50 AM