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The 2010 Kid's Choice Award Winners

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (45)

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What the hell is wrong with kids? Looking over the list of winners for Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards, held over the weekend, you have to wonder if their brains are fully formed yet. What genuinely awful taste kids have in film and television. Nevermind just the winners, where’s Meryl Streep among the nominees? Or Precious? Or Inglorious Basterds? What? Are they too pedestrian for “Breaking Bad” or “Mad Men”? Clearly, I just don’t understand the younger generation. What’s an iCarly, anyway?

Here’s some advice that came to me while I was reading the list of winners: Next time you’re out on the playground, hanging with the little ones, walk up to one of the kids and ask, “Who is your favorite couple?” If they mention anyone from the Twilight movies, just kill it*. Snuff it out. Give that snot-nosed crumb-snatching booger eater some mercy — just squelch all the life out of it and save it from itself for the next 75 years to eternity (depending on future scientific breakthroughs).

The list of nominees is below. The winners are in italics.

(*Not an actual endorsement to murder. Some mild form of shaking ought to suffice.)

Favorite Couple
Edward and Bella
Jacob and Bella
Neytirl and Jake
Barack and Michelle Obama

Favorite TV Show
iCarly
Sonny With a Chance
The Suite Life on Deck
Wizards of Waverly Place

Favorite TV Actor
Cole Sprouse
Dylan Sprouse
Joe Jonas
Nick Jonas

Favorite TV Actress
Miranda Cosgrove
Miley Cyrus
Selena Gomez
Keke Palmer

Favorite Music Group
Black Eyed Peas
Coldplay
Jonas Brothers
Linkin Park

Favorite Female Singer
Beyonce
Miley Cyrus
Lady Gaga
Taylor Swift

Favorite Male Singer
Jay-Z
Sean Kingston
Mario
Ne-Yo

Favorite Song
“I Gotta Feeling”, Black Eyed Peas
“Paparazzi”, Lady Gaga
“Party in the USA”, Miley Cyrus
“You Belong with Me”, Taylor Swift

Favorite Movie
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Favorite Movie Actor
Zac Efron
Taylor Lautner
Shia LeBeouf
Tyler Perry

Favorite Movie Actress
Sandra Bullock
Miley Cyrus
Megan Fox
Zoe Saldana

Favorite Cartoon
The Penguins of Madagascar
Phineas and Herb
The Simpsons
SpongeBob Squarepants

Favorite Reality Show
American Idol
Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?
Wipeout
So You Think You Can Dance?

Favorite Female Athlete
Danica Patrick
Misty May Treanor
Serena Williams
Venus Williams

Favorite Male Athlete
Kobe Bryant
LeBron James
Ryan Sheckler
Shaun White

Favorite Video Game
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Mario Kart
Wii Fit
Wii Sports Resort

Favorite Book
“Diary of a Wimpy Kid” series
“Twilight” series
“Vampire Diaries” series
“Where the Sidewalk Ends”

Favorite Animated Movie
A Christmas Carol
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Monsters vs. Aliens
Up

Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie
Jim Carey, A Christmas Carol
Seth Rogen, Monsters vs Aliens
Ray Romano, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinsosaurs
Reese Witherspoon, Monsters vs Aliens









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Comments

YAY iCarly!

Posted by: jamiepants at March 29, 2010 10:01 AM

What boggles my mind is that it's the Kid's Choice Awards on Nickelodeon, yet 60% of the nominees are part of the Disney mold, shouldn't they look at all of their own mini celebrities a little more closely?
I will say, Jay-Z winning Best Male Singer kind of has me laughing/cringing, if only for the fact that he uses the N-word and other words colorfully, more than any parent of a tween would care to hear. Give me a nine year old who to who Jay-Z videos don't air after their bedtimes, and I'll lay off the man.
Though thankfully, Taylor's award was not intercepted, Jay-Z may have attended, but no pesky Beyonce in tow.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at March 29, 2010 10:14 AM

How random is the best couple award? a) Bella and Jake weren't actually a couple, so we're going for who we would like to be a couple? Why not just shove any pairings you like together? My vote goes for Jane Austen and Captain Kirk, and b) Barack and Michelle Obama? Why, because they are also fictional?

Posted by: Carrie (Teabelly) at March 29, 2010 10:22 AM

HOVA!HOVA!HOVA!HOVA!HOVA!

What's really disturbing is that even the nominees suck. I can understand kids picking the worst of the best, they're stupid, but they should at least have something decent to choose from.

Posted by: admin at March 29, 2010 10:22 AM

Well, clearly, those of us on Team Jacob were right.

Posted by: MM at March 29, 2010 10:31 AM

The kids just don't appreciate that they'll get to stay on mom and dad's health care until they're 26 now or "Favorite Couple" would have been Barack and Pelosi in a landslide.

To play Devil's Advocate here, look at the options among the nominees. Even for kids, I have a feeling "slit my own throat" would have won a lot of these categories if the kids had the choice.

Posted by: , at March 29, 2010 10:31 AM

If you are at all surprised by any of these winners, or hell, even the ridiculous categories, then you have no choice but to force yourself to listen to a week or so of Radio Disney.

It makes the programming on Nickelodeon or even Disney Channel look downright sophisticated and worldly.

I am extremely glad my kid finally outgrew it. There is only so much Jesse McCartney the average adult can tolerate before the brain damage becomes permanent.

However, the sad part is she graduated to TeenNick, which, if truth in advertising laws were enforced, would be called The DeGrassi Channel.

Posted by: Wednesday at March 29, 2010 10:33 AM

Best part of the Kids' Choice Awards? Katy Perry flailing and falling on her ass after getting a cranial enemy via slime explosion. I laughed really, really hard.

I should also explain that my 12 year old niece is staying with us for spring break, which is why the damn thing was on in the first place.

THE ONLY REASON. I swear.

Posted by: Snath at March 29, 2010 10:34 AM

Dammit. That would be "enema." Not enemy. Though cranial enemy is kind of amusing.

Posted by: Snath at March 29, 2010 10:34 AM

It's obvious now that the older model Jonases have lost their appeal with kids.

Now starts the Age of the Bonus Jonas.

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2010 10:35 AM

What's really disturbing is that even the nominees suck.

But that's not at all surprising, nor is it entirely the kid's fault. I don't pretend to know the intricacies of the KCA nomination and voting process but it seems like it is yet another bullshit corporate marketing event force-feeding a crop of rancid choices at the youth demo and begging them to feign excitement with flashing lights, spectacle, and green-colored slime.

I disagree with faulting the children just because this atrocity is committed in their name. Don't resort to kindercide, don't blame the victim. Follow the strings up to the empty suites who arrange this parade of mediocrity. Now, if you see a PR exec for Nickelodeon trolling playground handing out Jonas branded SWAG to the munchkins, fire up the murdertank.

Posted by: Yossarian at March 29, 2010 10:36 AM

Favorite Movie
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Awww, Squeakuel beat the gay vampire flick for favourite? How sparkly are those Chipmunks?

Posted by: Xtreme at March 29, 2010 10:38 AM

TeenNick's programming last night consisted of a screen that said "Go watch the Kid's choice awards" That's some laziness right there. Not even a simulcast? I'm just happy Mario Kart beat that bitch Wiifit. Screw you and your "healthy" video games! I want to sit on my fat ass and press buttons! Buttons!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at March 29, 2010 10:44 AM

Dylan Sprouse beat Cole? Whatttt? Everyone knows that Cole is way cuter, and that, although he isn't a "bad boy," he's still sweet. Also: he's way smarter than Dylan! This is an utter outrage. I'm chalking it up to people confusing the two of them.

sigh. Yes. I liked the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. It was adorable. And funny. And I am not ashamed!

Posted by: esme at March 29, 2010 10:46 AM

I defy any of you to find an unfunnier show than "iCarly." Even the laugh track isn't enthusiastic. The jokes are terrible, the acting sucks, the premise is lame.

If you want to know why films like the Chipmunks (either the original or the fucking Squeakquel) do so well, look no further than shows like iCarly.

2012 can't get here soon enough.

Posted by: Gozer at March 29, 2010 11:03 AM

Dang, only two of the Jonas brothers were nominated? Burn!

Posted by: Todd at March 29, 2010 11:16 AM

*reads list*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA *gasp* ohmygod HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp* no, wait a minute, wait a minute
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasp*
HA! HAHA! *guh* Oh man...heh...oh -- oh my god...

*sigh*

Posted by: Wadded Up Tissue (formerly known as superasente) at March 29, 2010 11:17 AM

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Posted by: Wadded Up Tissue (formerly known as superasente) at March 29, 2010 11:17 AM

My true feelings are in italics:

WHO THE FUCK CARES?

stupid kids....get off my lawn

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 29, 2010 11:27 AM

That's Phineas and FERB, you ignorant Philistine and, along with Penguins of Madagascar, represents the only enjoyable thing nominated at this stupid awards show. If you think iCarly is bad, try watching Tru Jackson, VP. You'll with death on everyone involved.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 29, 2010 11:28 AM

WISH death. Goddammit.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 29, 2010 11:28 AM

It's ok if you have a lisp you know.

Posted by: Carrie (Teabelly) at March 29, 2010 11:30 AM

That Squeakuel movie? And Miley is suddenly a "movie actress"??

Suddenly those votes for Spongbob Squarepants sound downright informed.

What I don't understand is how "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" won in the book section when those Twilight kids obviously blew up the rest of the voting. And they chose AMERICAN IDOL as their favorite reality show??

I call shenanigans.

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at March 29, 2010 11:35 AM

Perspective time: look at the nominee list for Favorite Book. What do you see?
Where the Sidewalk Ends. Where the Sidewalk fucking Ends! And not some update where the poems are reillustrated by Marvel comics artists or Miley Cyrus is comically buried under the garbage that Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout didn't take out -- the original book from 1974! Shel Silverstein is still getting attention from kids and he's been legally dead for over ten years. Hell, Nick Jonas won't be able to get arrested in ten years.
If ANY of those other nominees have such staying power that kids are still captivated by them 36 years after they come out -- anything that is still as interesting a silly young king who only wants a peanut butter sandwich, Me Stew, and men in a flying shoe -- I will buy the collector's version DVDs of the Twilight movies.
This is why we need a little perspective and optimism, folks. For little moments like these.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at March 29, 2010 11:45 AM

I used to like the He-Man cartoon and know in hindsight that it sucked copious amounts of ass, so these TV shows get a pass from me. However, my favorite movies were Predator, Goonies, Evil Dead 2, and Stand By Me, so their movie nominees are complete abominations.

And what the fuck are a Neytirl and a Cole Sprouse? One sounds like a tiny parasite that swims up your urethra if you piss while bathing in the Amazon, and the other one is named Neytirl.

Fucking kids and their stupid opinions. I've seen Tinkerbell 93 times since Thanksgiving. Congratulations, Kballs Jr. You've sterilized me.

Posted by: Kballs at March 29, 2010 11:52 AM

I am 20 years old, still consider myself a kid...and I don't connect at all with people my age or younger. My list:

Favorite Couple:
Tom Hansen & Summer Finn (because they aren't meant to be!)

Favorite TV show:
Dexter or Lost

Favorite TV Actor:
Michael C. Hall or Steve Carrell

Favorite TV Actress:
Summer Glau

Favorite Music Group:
Vampire Weekend, MGMT, or Cold War Kids

Favorite Female Singer:
Alison Mosshart from Dead Weather

Favorite Male Singer:
Eric Nally from Foxy Shazam

Favorite Song:
"Rhinestone Eyes" by Gorillaz

Favorite Movie:
Moon,
A Serious Man or Inglourious Basterds

Favorite Movie Actor:
Sam Rockwell. Hands down.

Favorite Movie Actress:
(Fuck Sandra Bullock!)
Ellen Page (Whip It ruled, and so will Inception)

Favorite Cartoon:
I'll accept Spongebob.

Favorite Reality Show:
I hate reality TV.

Favorite Female Athlete:
Eh.

Favorite Male Athlete:
Eh.

Favorite Video Game:
Braid. Hands down.

Favorite Book:
David dies at the end!

Favorite Animated Movie:
Fantastic Mr. Fox or Up

Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie:
Seth Rogen from Monsters vs Aliens...actually pretty funny. Better than he is in live-action.

Posted by: Jared Smith at March 29, 2010 11:53 AM

Jared Smith, Your parents should be proud!!! As a cyber-mom, I can say that I am.

Now, go clean your room

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 29, 2010 12:00 PM

I'm all for bashing the kids' tastes while also acknowledging that my taste as a kid was more than questionable (Hypercolor was just in fashion at the time).

However, in this case the very first Kids' Choice Awards in 1988 gave Favorite Movie and Favorite Movie Actor to Beverly Hills Cop II and Eddie Murphy.

Beverly Hills "Fuck Rambo!" Cop II and Eddie "Next thing you know you're gonna have Afros... big dicks and all!" Murphy.

Now I admittedly didn't watch The Sqeakquel, but I don't think it had any scenes in a strip club.

Posted by: branded at March 29, 2010 12:04 PM

Welcome to my world, you young fucks!

Now ou know how I feel whenever somebody mentions "Family Guy", "Seinfeld", or Bill Murray!

I think it's a generational thing. Get used to it, as your tastes are slowly replaced by those who follow.

The only consolation is that there is still a boatload of crap fromt he 50's for the kids to redo and claim as their own.

You think fucking 3D is a new concept? HA!

I fart in your general direction!

Now, get the fuck off my lawn! You've already been warned once!

Posted by: UncleJR at March 29, 2010 12:15 PM

Favorite Couple
Edward and Bella
Jacob and Bella
Neytirl and Jake
Barack and Michelle Obama

The Obamas as the favorite couple?

Damn, it wasn't that long when I was hooked on Nickelodeon. I swear it wasn't always this stupid.

I'm shocked that Tyler Perry is on the Best Actor list, but Robert "I'm so dreamy" Pattinson is not.

Posted by: Brie at March 29, 2010 12:30 PM

Barack and Michelle Obama must be crushed.

Posted by: sheshakes at March 29, 2010 12:41 PM

@Brie: Tyler Perry is just fucking weird. In fact, he's fucking stupid and terribly scary. His writing is god-awful.

@dammitjanet: I wish you were my mother :)

Posted by: Jared Smith at March 29, 2010 12:43 PM

How much do we LOVE Tracer not only having an opinion on kiddie shows, but being invested enough to be a wee bit ragey about it.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at March 29, 2010 12:55 PM

Com'on over Jared. I've got plenty of adopted kids in my fambly...and a hot 18 year old daughter who needs a man....

(and a healthy supply of alkyhol)

Posted by: dammitjanet at March 29, 2010 12:57 PM

Dear God, what parent names their child "Misty May"?

Posted by: samantha t at March 29, 2010 1:02 PM

Favorite Movie
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I would rather have a three way with Kevin James and Larry the Cable Guy than watch any of these movies.

Posted by: Al Borland's Beard at March 29, 2010 1:08 PM

Zac, Taylor, Shia, Miley, Zoe. With names like this, kids don't have a chance anymore.

However, The Kids' Choice Awards is about the only outfit to ever NOT give Taylor Swift an award she was nominated for.

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at March 29, 2010 2:01 PM

Teach your children well
Or else they will
have craptastic taste.

Posted by: jthomas666 at March 29, 2010 4:12 PM

Kids these days have absolutely horrendous taste. In my time we knew what was good; The A-Team, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, New Kids on the Block, Corey Feldman, the list goes on. Boil it down: Kids today are a lot dumber and wouldn't know quality entertainment if it horse-kicked them in the head. I blame the Internet and food additives.

Posted by: stryker1121 at March 29, 2010 6:06 PM

I choked on a piece of mango when I read that "Barack and Michelle Obama" where under the Best couple of Category.

THAT? That right there? IS GENIUS.

And oh, Jay-Z. I bet he's never felt more badass in his life.


I defy any of you to find an unfunnier show than "iCarly." Even the laugh track isn't enthusiastic. The jokes are terrible, the acting sucks, the premise is lame.

Sarina is gonna KILL YOU.

Posted by: figgy at March 29, 2010 6:54 PM

Man, "iCarly" isn't even the worst show on that channel. Try sitting through an episode of "Tru Jackson, VP." You can have kids after that, but they'll be stupid.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 29, 2010 8:12 PM

The title of this post made me LOL. And who the heck is Ryan Sheckler? I've never heard of him. What sport does he play?

Posted by: Jelinas at March 30, 2010 2:54 AM

They should have given the couple award to Barack just to see if he would actually show up.

Posted by: MikeG at March 30, 2010 5:01 AM

He'd just give it away, like he did the Nobel money. Only with less money. Probably none.

Posted by: , at March 30, 2010 9:44 AM

At least Up won.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at March 30, 2010 11:52 AM