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New Twilight Image Leaves Panties Surprisingly Dry

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (27)

the-twilight-saga-bre.jpg

This is it, folks. This is the new Twilight image. Summit Studios actually released it out into the world. I actually posted it. And you actually clicked to see it. I know.

We’re all feeling a little bad about ourselves now, aren’t we?

Sadder still, if you’d like to go to Collider, you can get a high-resolution version.

But this should make you feel better. I stumbled across this when I accidentally typed “AWSE TWILIGHT REACTION OMG!!!” into Google, and it made me feel better about myself. We all make fools of ourselves on occasion. Sometimes, we embarrass ourselves in front of friends, family, and strangers. We have our moments of unyielding humiliation. For instance, when I was a teenager, I once thought it would be cool, while making out with my girlfriend, to suck on her tongue. She’d like that, right? No. Not so much. In doing so, I ripped my girlfriend’s lingual frenulum, the membrane that holds the tongue to the oral floor. She bled. It made her cry. She talked with a lisp for three days. It was one of the lowest points of my teenage years.

But I can at least take solace in this: I never video-taped myself completely losing my shit while watching a movie trailer and uploaded it onto YouTube for — at last count — 154,000 people to see.

My favorite part? Where she says, “I’ve been waiting all day for this,” and then corrects herself, “Well, not all day,” because that’d be sad.











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Comments

*Facepalm for humanity*

Posted by: Magiel at February 15, 2011 11:07 AM

I feel really bad for watching that video of that girl. I stopped it after 55 seconds, but I think I just ruined my own day.

Posted by: klingonfree at February 15, 2011 11:09 AM

Oh, nuttymadam, is there anything you can't make more cringeworthy?

Posted by: Jenny at February 15, 2011 11:10 AM

That was F-word frightening. That was fucking frightening.

Posted by: jimmy at February 15, 2011 11:13 AM

I only made it about 30 seconds in. I got flashbacks of Star Wars Episode I excitement. I'm going to go cut myself now...

Posted by: Armando at February 15, 2011 11:16 AM

I think this made it to P-Love last year. I remember being absolutely terrified for humanity when I first saw it.

That feeling has not abated.

Posted by: bonnie at February 15, 2011 11:17 AM

*Correction: this IS different. But my last statement stands.

Posted by: bonnie at February 15, 2011 11:18 AM

Sometimes the work blocker is a blessing in disguise.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 15, 2011 11:25 AM

Why the hell do people film their reactions to things? I don't get it.

Posted by: Paultera at February 15, 2011 11:25 AM

To post it on Youtube so they too can get their piece of the "15 Minutes Of Fame" Pie.

...NOT available in your grocer's freezer. Or bakery (if you want it fresh)

Posted by: Kargoyle at February 15, 2011 11:36 AM

I find it helps if you just think of everything in life as satire. Eclipse reactions, the revolution in Egypt, grilled cheese sandwiches, antelopes, cell phone reception, the snow, prison, the Theory of Relativity, those cracks in the sidewalk, pop music, archery, lines of longitude, the color ecru, cannibalism, exposition in video games, the entire country of Canada, subatomic particles, taxes, the Grim Reaper, and (of course) Pajiba all have tongue firmly in cheek.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 15, 2011 11:37 AM

Are those baskets full of bees (a la Wickerman, Cage version)?

Posted by: BWeaves at February 15, 2011 11:55 AM

And I used to think the average British/European teenagers are culturally more sophisticated than their American counterparts!

Posted by: KV at February 15, 2011 11:59 AM

To hell with feathers and sand! When the hell are we getting pictures of Chesburster McDeath-Baby?

Posted by: Aislinn at February 15, 2011 12:00 PM

If that's the same girl who I saw posting angry reactions to criticism of SMeyer a long time ago then that's really really really really depressing. (I'm at work, I can't watch it, but the pic looks like her)

I had a link to that video but it just made me want to kill myself rather than laugh, so I deleted it.

Posted by: Ender at February 15, 2011 12:19 PM

I hate that she had to post this, but mostly I just feel sorry for her. Not for being an average teenage girl obsessed with a bad movie franchise, but because she looks like someone who actually is quite sad, possibly not the most popular and maybe even self-esteem issues and it seems sort of cruel to perpetuate her moment of idiocy. I know she brought it on herself for posting this, but I just feel this is the sort of thing that will end in the "popular kids" making endless fun of her at school and making her life even more of a misery. I know there are major unfounded assumptions in my whole post but there you have it.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 15, 2011 12:40 PM

Somewhere at the intersection of a teenager's sense of immortalilty and the factual immortality of items posted for public consumption on the internet, lies a delicious irony waiting to be explored.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 15, 2011 12:49 PM

I feel really bad for watching that video of that girl. I stopped it after 55 seconds, but I think I just ruined my own day. - klingonfree

This is when shadenfreude goes terribly, terribly wrong. It's not even noon, yet, so I think I'll wait to watch the video.

Actually, no, I won't watch it. I'm better than all of you.

Posted by: RobP at February 15, 2011 12:50 PM

Exasperated sigh!

Posted by: Murderbot at February 15, 2011 1:01 PM


"Actually, no, I won't watch it. I'm better than all of you."

RobP, I'm not sure you are better than all of us, but you are more fortunate. You listened to the warnings.

Why did this bother me so much? Why do I feel vaguely guilty and dirty and ashamed? I'm completely serious. I came back to this thread to see if anyone else took this as hard as I did.

Someone help this girl. Parents? Where are her parents while she is talking to her videocamera about the volturi? It remonds me of an even sadder, completely unfunny version of Leave Britny Alone!! Ghhaaa. Maybe I'm getting my period. I feel a little bit like crying. Kinda.

Posted by: klingonfree at February 15, 2011 1:09 PM

I don't know why, possibly because I'm not feeling well today, but when I looked at the title for this post I thought it was filed under "Tirade News." Then I looked again and saw it was the regular ol' "Trade News." I like my version better.

Posted by: stardust at February 15, 2011 1:24 PM

Pajiba Dictionary Suggestion:

There's dancing in a gorilla suit for coitus and the infamous "bunk" for autoeroticism, but I'm going to suggest they can both be replaced with talking to your/our/my videocamera about the volturi. e.g., I couldn't sleep so talked to the videocamera about the volturi, but it didn't help, or He bought the lobster so it only seem fair to talk to the videocamera about the volturi.

Posted by: Princess Selfrespectra at February 15, 2011 1:27 PM

klingonfree:

Don't you think her parents hear her talking in her room and are praying that she's video chatting with some friends? They probably wonder why these friends never call round or are always busy on weekends, but they're happy as hell that she has some friends somewhere. This whole thing is just sad. The Internet is great for loners and such to give them an outlet but then it allows them to expose themselves to ridicule and makes real life that much harder.
Again, major assumptions here. I'm a little sensitive to this because I have a niece who is 10 and is horribly obese (parents' fault) and not the brightest. I already see her retreating from making friends for fear of being laughed at and obsessing on TV shows and spending time in her make believe world in her bedroom.

Posted by: PaddyDog at February 15, 2011 1:29 PM

While I can't wait for her to realize that there's better stuff in the world than those horrible Twilight movies, I remember getting all excited about news and/or trailers when I was a kid. Ok, she's doing it on the internets, and that's probably a mistake, but live and learn. Also, I think it is hilarious that she got caught up on the editing errors. I still squeal with joy when I see stuff I love, I just don't tell you people.

Posted by: Chickaboom at February 15, 2011 2:03 PM

Better off, then. I seem to have a knack for avoiding disturbing YouTube videos; it's my mutant power.

Posted by: RobP at February 15, 2011 2:09 PM

That's the most staged-looking beach I've ever seen.

Posted by: Lauren at February 15, 2011 4:12 PM

I can't even get past that horrible makeout story to get to the video. Good lord, Rowles, I hope you made it up to her.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at February 15, 2011 9:39 PM