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There's Amerikanski in My British Soup

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (28)

torchwood_children_of_earth.jpg

Well there’s a mixed bag of news. First, “Torchwood” Series Four is a go, so that’s awesome sauce right there. Filming is scheduled to begin in January 2011 with the series broadcasting in the summer of 2011. Jack and Gwen are both on board, the former good news to everyone, the latter good news to everyone except the militant contingent of oh-god-her-teethers that seem to be out there.

The second bit of news is that the rumors of a “Torchwood” Americanization were sort of half true. It’s not there’s a reboot, but there are new characters coming aboard and they are American. Technically Jack was written as an American (attitude, accent, etc.) although his character’s back story is anything but. So as long as this is still staying in house BBC, I’m not too worried.

The characters are one regular and two recurrents. The regular is a CIA operative described as “wickedly funny.” God I hate the people who write press releases. He’s named Rex Matheson, which is as close as you can get to a porn star name without actually having a body part in your name. Recurrent number 1 is Esther Katusi, who by her name must be a ninety year old Mixed Martial Arts champion. She is described as “a newbie Watch Analyst in the CIA who is deeply (and secretly) in love with Rex.” [Shrug.] That could really end up anywhere on the suck-to-blow spectrum.

The interesting one is Oswald Jones. Interesting point number one is the last name. They’ve already had a Martha Jones and a Ianto Jones, neither of whom was related, if this is the third unrelated Jones, then they really need to invest in an encyclopedia of last names. If he is related, this second interesting point gets even more intriguing. He’s a convicted murderer and pedophile, and the press releases hint at him exchanging infamy for fame. So, sounds like they’re going to lighten the mood a bit for series four.

And just to terrify you, here’s the take of webcomic “Ctrl+Alt+Del” on what an Americanized “Doctor Who” might look like:

doctorwhoamerican.jpg

(source for comic Ctrl+Alt+Del)
(source for news: Gallifrey News Base)









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Comments

I have to say I'm getting less excited about Torchwood returning.

And remember, is IS physically possible for something to both suck and blow.

Posted by: Todd at July 15, 2010 4:24 PM

An asian sounding girl secretly in love with the wisecracking guy?
And a third only semi-recurring character with the last name Jones?

They've just recast Owen, Tosh and Ianto.
Fuck this noise

Posted by: Nadine at July 15, 2010 4:26 PM

Not all Gwen-haters are oh-god-her-teethers -- some of us are oh-god-her-lack-of-brainsers. Still, although I've ranted against her countless times (definitely some of them have been on here, so I won't repeat myself), I'm glad she'll be back. She's growing on me (a little) and it wouldn't be Torchwood without her.

So, the martial arts chick is the Tosh to the other dude's Owen? Who cares, as long as Jack is kissing people on a regular basis.

And that poster just ruined my day. I don't care how fake it is. That crosses the funny-traumatic line.

Posted by: esme at July 15, 2010 4:29 PM

What Nadine said.

Posted by: Aislinn at July 15, 2010 4:29 PM

As a Tennant and Eccelson Fan of Who, I cannot and would not allow the BBC or the American Bastardization of whatever the BBC is in America to allow such thing to happen, in making Doctor Who a flipping shoot em up, sex em up, save the day thingy. God in High Heaven forbid.

Posted by: LordNinja at July 15, 2010 4:35 PM

The problem with that Americanized fake poster up there, is that an American version would not have a British Police Box. It would have a green port-a-pottie, or as my husband calls them, "The TURDIS."

Posted by: BWeaves at July 15, 2010 4:49 PM

Can we get Enver Gjokaj cast in this, please? C'mon.

Posted by: DS at July 15, 2010 4:52 PM

BWeaves, thanks. Now I will never ever ever be able to use a port-a-pottie again without going "pshwwwwsh pshwwwwwwsh pshwwwwwwwwwsh" the whole time. I'm already nervous enough around them because of the constant threat of spiders! If only they were bigger (and cleaner) on the inside!

Posted by: esme at July 15, 2010 4:54 PM

So, Owen becomes a funny CIA agent, Tosh becomes a lovesick CIA agent, and Capt. John has competition as a recurring villain. Super.

I'm not into stealing money from people, but who wants to be NotTosh can't do a thing with computers nor weaponry? Any takers?

Posted by: Robert at July 15, 2010 4:55 PM

Every single source that is reporting this?

Is citing ONTD. The gossip journal on livejournal. Who didn't cite their source.

And the entirety of Torchwood fandom is flipping their collective shit over this news and it's likely COMPLETELY FALSE and obviously written JUST TO PISS US OFF and it's just. . . Oh, god.

Posted by: teacupnosaucer at July 15, 2010 4:59 PM

Regarding the last name thing, Torchwood is set in Wales and Jones is a very common Welsh surname, and I know Martha isn't Welsh and am only assuming new dude is, but if so it's not too ridiculous.

I would have been quite happy for Torchwood to end after Children of Earth. I just don't think they're going to top that.

Posted by: Carrie at July 15, 2010 5:11 PM

I would watch the FUCK out of Doctor Who with Jason Statham, so long as they replaced that dumb blonde with the current Karen Gillan. I mean, GOD DAMN

Posted by: the_wakeful at July 15, 2010 5:14 PM

@teacupnosaucer,
Yeah, I don't know where ONTD got this, either.
All I know is what Barrowman said on TV today - it starts filming in January, and filming will take place in both the US and the UK. That's all he said. You'd think he'd mention new characters if he knew about them. But anyway, in the absence of anything official (or more from Barrowman), I'm not unduly concerned. I just hope they bring back Captain John.

Posted by: Tarn at July 15, 2010 5:16 PM

And here I was hoping for an appearance from good ol' Mickey Smiff and Marth. Ah, well. Here's hoping Captain John Hart will at least make an appearance.

Posted by: SJ at July 15, 2010 5:24 PM

Ugh, CAD is the worst webcomic online-- even worse than the self-insertion fantasies and fetish comics.

Posted by: James K. at July 15, 2010 5:32 PM

And some of us can't stand "Gwen" but still really love Eve Myles. :-)

(I would be extremely freaking pleased at an appearance from Enver Gjokaj. And now I even know how to SAY "Enver Gjokaj." It would be perfect!)

Posted by: Mac at July 15, 2010 5:49 PM

I just miss Captain Jack. Wait...wait a godsdamn second....no Rhys??? Did I miss his name amongst the post?? This is all getting a bit dodgy. Not only was Rhys becoming a full fledged, unofficial member of Torchwood, Gwen was also pregnant with his baby! Never mind the fact that they're married! Wait just a godsdamn minute....

Posted by: Barnes78 at July 15, 2010 5:54 PM

Please can we NOT mention ONTD? I get enough of it over at LJ since they're sucking ONTD's junk and now here? Please don't make me hate Pajiba, huh?

Posted by: Tina at July 15, 2010 5:54 PM

Yeah, Jones is like the Welsh "Smith," only far more common. When I spent time in Wales, it seemed like half the people I knew were Joneses, and none of them related.

Posted by: space oddity at July 15, 2010 6:05 PM

Smith and Jones are the two most numerous surnames in Great Britain, with Jones being tops in Wales. Smith is tops in the USA, with Jones coming in 5th.

Still, you'd think they could play darts with a phone book and come up with something a bit different.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 15, 2010 6:07 PM

OMG Tina I hate how LJ treats ONTD now fffffff. It's so infuriating. I just can't stand the fact that this "news" is being passed around the internet like the word of god when it came from the professional trolls of LJ's largest and douchiest community.

Posted by: teacupnosaucer at July 15, 2010 6:41 PM

"He’s named Rex Matheson.."

What, was Rod Americanson already taken?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 15, 2010 7:15 PM

Regarding the "Jones" thing, I actually read an interview with series creator (RTD?) where he said he likes to start writing a character by picking a last name he's used before, because it helps him understand the character better. So that's why (if this news is true). Also likes Smith.

Smith: Sarah-Jane, Mickey, Mr. Smith
Jones: Ianto, Martha, Harriet

Posted by: Vince Noir at July 15, 2010 7:21 PM

As much as it would pain me if it were to actually happen, that poster was hilarious. I laughed aloud at my desk, which is never a good thing. But now to complain:

I know the bombs and guns makes it all American, but last I checked Statham is British as are call boxes. I am fairly certain that the States uses phone booths instead, and I don't recall ever having heard of one that was specific to calling the police.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at July 15, 2010 7:38 PM

It would have a green port-a-pottie, or as my husband calls them, "The TURDIS."

That's funny.

*sends quick application to trademark office*

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 15, 2010 9:38 PM

Dude. Russell T. Davies is from Wales where you can find a lot of Evanses, Joneses and Davieses that aren't related to each other. So. I don't know.

Blame THOSE Celtic bastards.

And I second or third or infinity'th DS. Give us Enver Gjajksdfa! Actually, just put him in everything.

Posted by: Sefa at July 15, 2010 10:30 PM

VinceNoir, you forget the best Jones of them all: Stuart Allen.

Posted by: nigeltde at July 16, 2010 12:25 AM

The Doctor's been calling himself Mr. Smith since John Pertwee's reign. It always annoyed me.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 16, 2010 9:25 AM