The One Reason I Have No Interest in the New Star Trek
A Douchebag Pictorial / Dustin Rowles
Trade News | October 30, 2008 | Comments (49)
I believe this says much more than words ever could:
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Posted by: Matthew Wolfe at October 30, 2008 9:32 AM
The fact that Zachary Quinto looks so much like Leonard Nemoy freaks me out.
Posted by: Tae at October 30, 2008 9:37 AM
The one reason I AM interested:
Simon Pegg's hilarious Scottish ass. If a zombie attack occurs on the Enterprise, we know who will save the day.
Posted by: AudioSuede at October 30, 2008 9:40 AM
Eyebrows!
Posted by: Sofía at October 30, 2008 9:40 AM
I'm not seeing the horror. It's just not Shatner, but what can ya do?
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 9:45 AM
You can beat the shit out of that smug little cunt, that's what you can do.
Posted by: Sidewinder at October 30, 2008 9:48 AM
The guy playing Kirk is wearing so much make-up they may as well have cast Zac Efron.
Posted by: becks at October 30, 2008 9:50 AM
Wait, that's not Zac Efron?
Posted by: gitan312 at October 30, 2008 9:53 AM
You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile.
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 9:53 AM
Ack. They look like Halloween costumes.
Posted by: Cindy at October 30, 2008 9:56 AM
Yeah, I'm with Sofia. EYEBROWS! As in, Kirk's should not be freakier-looking than Spock's.
Naturally bushy manbrows are fine, but this dude looks like he filled them in with eyeliner for some godawful reason.
Posted by: meaux at October 30, 2008 9:57 AM
I don't get why they went with someone so boyish looking. He looks younger than me, and I'm 22. How the hell is anybody that young supposed to make captain?
Posted by: Lucas at October 30, 2008 10:03 AM
Oh, the photo, yeah. So they made a photo that looks kinda like an old photo, probably as an homage to said photo. Except they go with bland, simplistic lighting rather than the interesting shit in the original photo. Oh well.
Posted by: Lucas at October 30, 2008 10:07 AM
You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile.
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 9:53 AM
Go to hell.
Posted by: Lainey at October 30, 2008 10:14 AM
Something's really bothering me about the new photo (besides EYEBROWS). Does it look to you like Kirk was photoshopped into the picture, because he's not looking up? He's been shot face on. Everyone else is looking up at the camera.
Posted by: BWeaves at October 30, 2008 10:17 AM
It would probably help if Kirk didn't buy his sweater at Abercrombie and Fitch. He also looks like he should've gotten a haircut like two months ago.
I'm not nearly nerdy enough to be truly offended by this, so I won't pretend to be. However, when I was little my parents refused to allow us to have cable so all we had was this tiny black and white TV with like two channels. On Saturday nights the old Star Trek would come on at midnight and I'd stay up and watch it with my Mom and she'd explain what the episodes were trying to say (when I say little I mean about 7). I feel like I can relate to the horror that some fanboys will undoubtedly experience looking at this photo. Stop destroying what was once a beautiful thing.
Posted by: becks at October 30, 2008 10:17 AM
(thank you, Lainey)
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 10:23 AM
whooooooooooooooooooooooo....
gives a fuck.
Posted by: TK at October 30, 2008 10:26 AM
Don't blame me. I voted for Picard.
Posted by: twig at October 30, 2008 10:29 AM
Star Trek the High School Musical.
Posted by: djo at October 30, 2008 10:30 AM
Dustin, like you really needed a reason to have no interest in the new Star Trek movie.
Posted by: ajax19 at October 30, 2008 10:32 AM
Yep, those eyebrows are all kinds of wrong. And I just cannot stand Zachary Quinto. He's just a bloody rubbish actor. There, I said it. Sylar sucks and is not scary. He's like a pantomime villain run amok.
Posted by: Carrie at October 30, 2008 10:43 AM
Is that Sylar as Spock? (Sylar or Silar? I can never remember...)
Could be interesting.
Posted by: Renee at October 30, 2008 10:54 AM
So, what's the makeup budget on this movie?
The Shatner will not be pleased.
Posted by: Melody at October 30, 2008 10:58 AM
Just UGH.
No energy to be bitchier than that. Stupid cold sucking the stupid life out of me.
Posted by: Pea at October 30, 2008 11:30 AM
On the spectrum from "kinda gay" to "football bat gay," this incarnation seems to fall firmly on the latter. Butt-first.
Posted by: firedmyass at October 30, 2008 11:31 AM
The one on the right looks...uuuh too "alternate lifestyle" for my taste.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 30, 2008 11:48 AM
I like the guy who plays Sylar, but a "new" Star Trek is all kinds of pointless. Gene Roddenberry is long dead, his estate doesn't need any more money.
The picture makes it look like "Spock and Kirk: The Early Years" (which may even be the actual plot). Fuck and no.
Posted by: Slash at October 30, 2008 11:52 AM
LMAO. The Star Trek slash fans will have a ball with that photo. They're a little too close for comfort. I am still pretty shocked they chose Quinto for Spock. We'll see if it works.
Posted by: Asia at October 30, 2008 11:56 AM
"Spock and Kirk: The Early Years" (which may even be the actual plot).
Yes, that's exactly what it is.
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 12:34 PM
I could care less about the new Kirk. I do care that Karl Urban is going to be Bones. helLO Karl Urban as Bones. And about Simon Pegg as Scotty. We've already started walking around here at work saying things like "Would any of you cunts, like a warp factor of 9?" and "Have you ever fired two phasers set to kill whilst jumping through the air?" and "You've got red shirt on you."
Posted by: lizzieborden at October 30, 2008 12:55 PM
@ BWeaves: "Does it look to you like Kirk was photoshopped into the picture, because he's not looking up? He's been shot face on. Everyone else is looking up at the camera."
Yeah, I noticed that too. It totally makes the photo look really screwy.
Posted by: Elsie at October 30, 2008 1:06 PM
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be...sorry?
Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 30, 2008 1:24 PM
There's just something disturbing about the pic on the right - Smarmy Kirk & Spock Lite. Did they have to use a blow-up doll and paint it with Vulcan eyebrows? Li'l Kirk looks like he's got the right attitude but damn if it doesn't look like Spock's whispering sweet nothings into his ear about what they're going to do when they get back to the trailer. Not that there's anything wrong with that, except of course that Spock actually has standards! (Pencil me in, just to see Simon Pegg as Scotty)
whooooooooooooooooooooooo....
gives a fuck.
..................
about some dumb baseball game!
Posted by: lordhelmet at October 30, 2008 1:29 PM
Lizzie.... (yes, I said that as Connery Nick)
I envy you your coworkers. Seriously.
You people don't know what it's like! Especially at Halloween!!
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 1:42 PM
Jay, they're about the only thing this place has got going for it, sometimes. And not even all of them, trust me.
The best part? The guy who started it is British. So we've even got a proper accent doing it! :)
Posted by: lizzieborden at October 30, 2008 2:10 PM
I don't know from lighting OR Photoshop, but doing Young Spock and Young Kirk Gaily Traipse the Galaxy is SO WRONG! They didn't meet until Kirk's command of the Enterprise!
Yes, yes - your nerd outrage quota has finally been filled. Go about your business.
Posted by: Farfalina at October 30, 2008 2:11 PM
To be perfectly honest, that looks like some high-budget gay porn version of Star Trek-- I think it's Spock's pout. Considering that Kirk and Spock were pretty much the first couple to have gay fanfiction porn written about them and distributed, this really seems fitting.
Excuse me whilst I go vomit out my entire digestive tract.
Posted by: That Girl at October 30, 2008 2:18 PM
Trying to make it look like all the original Star Trek guys knew each other before being assigned to the Enterprise reminds me of Star Wars episode 1, where Lucas had a Young Darth BUILDING one of the droids. If that was true, why weren't the droids on the Death Star instead of on Princess Leia's ship? Makes no sense. Oh, that and making Young Darth a virgin birth. (Swallows vomit now.)
Actually, I'll probably watch the premie Star Trek (on Netflix) just to see if Simon Pegg and Karl Urban can pull off Scotty and McCoy. I really don't care about Spock and Kirk.
Posted by: BWeaves at October 30, 2008 2:21 PM
Holy Godtopus, they're just daring you to write the gay fanfiction aren't they?
"And Kirk ran his manly, hot tongue down the length of Spock's shapely eyebrows..."
I grossed myself out.
Posted by: figgy at October 30, 2008 2:43 PM
Because burnt to shit Vader didn't have no arms to collect his droids with! And Obi-Wan's there saying "see how my arm is? See how my arm is? No, look at me, man: see how my arm is? That's how your leg looks, cuz. GodDAMN, your leg is FUCKED UP! Those were some nice Sergios too. So, I'm gonna take this lightsaber. You ain't gonna be needin those droids neither"
However, for a while Li'l Han Solo was going to be at the battle of Kashyyyk. It could've been much shoehorn-goofier.
Posted by: Jay at October 30, 2008 2:55 PM
So, the crew of the Enterprise all got together when they were in their 20s? What is this, Trek-Babies?
Posted by: Keith at October 30, 2008 3:28 PM
Yes, it's true. The new Star Trek movie will be called High School Musical 4: Drama in Space. Seriously, though, if I wanted to watch amateurish attempts at rekindling the ole black magic, I'd watch the internet series put on by fans (which I'd wager will still be better than this slop). All the stills I've seen only convince me of one thing: Lifetime Network has better production values (and acting) than this movie can even dream of.
And that's sad.
I need a beer.
Posted by: Verilium at October 30, 2008 4:50 PM
The pic should be of JJ Abrams trailing the wreckage of Felicity, Alias, Lost, MI3 and Cloverfield behind him. I thought the point of making TV shows was to have a series that could be sold into syndication, which requires 5 seasons of shows, or on DVD and stepping into a franchise like MI or Startrek is to make a decent movie that carries the series forward and sets up another sequel. His TV shows collapse in the middle of the second season and he left the MI franchise buried face down with a stake through its heart although Tiny Tom was conveniently positioned to soak up most of the blame for that. Cloverfield stunk on ice. The bigger mystery than anything on Lost is how this guy gets work.
Posted by: OscarTamerz at October 30, 2008 4:52 PM
I think this movie will either be very good, or really bad. I have faith, though.
Posted by: MFS at October 30, 2008 6:40 PM
Very funny comments. You people are awesome.
But seriously, Dustin, this is the laziest post I have ever seen on Pajiba.
I miss the days when every article on Pajiba actually had a lot of input, thought and interesting commentary. Hell, go back far enough when it was almost nothing but reviews - that was the best version of this site.
I can get useless, random movie comments anywhere.
Posted by: Anon at October 30, 2008 7:27 PM
Thought it sucked before I saw the clips. Now after I've seen them, it sucks more! It ain't gonna be no Battle Star Galactica. If there's no Tricia Helfer Klingons, it's gonna be a bust fer sure!
Posted by: b003 at October 31, 2008 1:26 AM
I keep making cynical comments about this, about how it's sure to suck and how I'll just netflix it to see Pegg as Scotty and Urban as McCoy and...and...and....
Back in the day I watched the original series with my dad and the very last movie the two of us saw together was First Contact. Of course I'm gonna have my ass in a multiplex seat opening night.
Posted by: telesilla at October 31, 2008 3:00 AM
They look so gay it turns me on. Like everyone else, I'm so excited by this new star trek, I'm going out and buying a gallon of lubricant. Their mod gay look is so shiny, its giving this heterosexual a hard-on. Its like a neo-preppie emo sci-fi chic...I hope they have spew buckets in the theaters when I spew my wad just drooling over these boys in their plastic pants and fake ears...
Posted by: Phil at November 19, 2008 12:11 AM
LAME.