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New Breaking Dawn Image Reveals the Quiet Before the Unholy Rabid Fetal Vampire Rips Through Bella's Vagina

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (20)

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(Source: EW via The Playlist)









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Comments

What the hell is going on in the last picture? What ARE those things? They look like smaller versions of the snicker's lady with blond hair. yikes.

Posted by: beet salad at April 28, 2011 11:25 AM

So...is the next installment a Stepford Wives-crossover? If it involves vampires and werewolves ripping the throats out of vapid blondes, I might just be interested.

Posted by: StoatCat at April 28, 2011 11:42 AM

I ran across the MAD cartoon show the other day on Cartoon Network (they are 15min and not on adult swim oddly) and they had a skit "Where Would Kristen Stewart Rather Be" because 'she never looks happy where she is'...needless to say it was a funny skit

Posted by: Luke at April 28, 2011 11:51 AM

The header picture...what a rare look at the Ent-moot.

Posted by: superasente at April 28, 2011 11:53 AM

Taylor won't let a rainstorm and some misplaced footwear stop him from delivering his boyfriend's valentine. He will know your heart, young man. Now run. RUN!!!!

Posted by: Kballs at April 28, 2011 12:04 PM

the Unholy Rabid Fetal Vampire Rips Through Bella's Vagina

Is it wrong that I'm looking forward to that scene?

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 28, 2011 12:12 PM

umm, as I remember it was a cesarean delivery. No vagina ripping to be found. Of course, the manner of the delivery is bad enough as is.

Posted by: FyreHaar at April 28, 2011 12:59 PM

He's wearing a shirt.

Did I miss something?

Also, the Unholy Rabid Fetal Vampire rips through her belly. Or is ripped by Edward. Kinda. Anyhow. No vagina involved in that birth. Kills the headline, I know. I'll be over there.

Posted by: Rooks at April 28, 2011 12:59 PM

Damn, FyreHaar beat me to it. We're both unhealthy, you know that? Come over there with me now, before people get hurt.

Posted by: Rooks at April 28, 2011 1:01 PM

The...what? That last picture makes me pretty sure I need Paul Bettany or a nuclear weapon, at hand, immediately. Either or, though Paul Bettany does come with a side of Paul Bettany so...yeah, get me Paul Bettany, he can dispose of whateverthefuck that whole mess is then make out with me for nine straight hours.

Posted by: Nadine at April 28, 2011 1:05 PM

I'm with ya Rooks. On my way...

Posted by: FyreHaar at April 28, 2011 1:08 PM

So is that first pic before or after he bruises her head to toe and breaks... some bone, I think... in the process of popping her cherry? I didn't read that book, but the aftermath of the wedding night is almost as famous as the mandible cesarean near the end. I understand that Edward is a pillow biter. Is anyone surprised?

Posted by: Reba at April 28, 2011 3:22 PM

I've never read the books, but I heard there was a baby. The rest of what you guys are talking about...what the holy hell?

Can someone spoil the weirdness for me, since I'll never sit through the films nor read the books. I've just developed a sick curiousity as to how it went from teen romance to bone breaking, pillow biting, "mandible cesarean" (What The Fuck?!?), cannibal baby town.

Posted by: Kala at April 28, 2011 3:41 PM

@Kala - Bella gets pregnant and the baby is grown and ready to be born in a matter of days because it is a hellchild. Bella can't give birth naturally because as soon as she breathes wrong, the baby starts eating her from the inside out. It breaks her spine and nearly kills her, so Edward chews the baby out of her uterus and stabs her in the chest with vampire venom so she gets turned into a vampire.

Also the last picture is probably a sneak preview of the vampires the Cullens call down to protect them when word gets back to the Volturi that there's a freak demon baby on the loose which must be exterminated.

Posted by: Aislinn at April 28, 2011 4:00 PM

....But looking at it, that's probably a picture from Bella and Edward's wedding. Though I don't remember that twee twit Alice dyeing her hair blonde.

Posted by: Aislinn at April 28, 2011 4:03 PM

"No vagina involved in that birth."

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest there was as little vagina involvement as possible in the Bella/Edward marriage.

Posted by: Craig at April 28, 2011 5:35 PM

Craig, no. Of course not. That would be immoral, and it would make the angels cry. As far as I know they both donned the special blessed-by-Christ- anti-demon mormon underwear for the occasion of conception, which happened through two holes within aforementioned underwear and without any other physical contact.

... Buddha on a bike, there's a website called mormon-underwear.com. I'm over there with FyreHaar, trying to staunch my nosebleed.

Posted by: Rooks at April 28, 2011 5:47 PM

@Kala - Bella gets pregnant and the baby is grown and ready to be born in a matter of days because it is a hellchild. Bella can't give birth naturally because as soon as she breathes wrong, the baby starts eating her from the inside out. It breaks her spine and nearly kills her, so Edward chews the baby out of her uterus and stabs her in the chest with vampire venom so she gets turned into a vampire.

Also the last picture is probably a sneak preview of the vampires the Cullens call down to protect them when word gets back to the Volturi that there's a freak demon baby on the loose which must be exterminated.

Posted by: Aislinn at April 28, 2011 4:00 PM

Oh my God. No. You must speak lies. Surely this is the work of your incredible imagination, because I can't believe that this world-wide phenomenon culminates in that weirdness. I...I can't stop laughing. Is this for real?

If so, I need a drink.

Posted by: Kala at April 28, 2011 7:01 PM

I read these books as sort of a bonding experience with my younger sister, and I'm pretty sure that the last pic is of the Denali Sisters at the wedding. They are referred to as the original 'succubi,' abstaining from human blood but not nakey times with lucky/unlucky human males.
The one in the middle is supposed to by Tanya, I believe, who has had a she-hard on for Edward for the last century and makes the Bella character even more whiny and insecure for several pages of tripe in the last book. Her 'strawberry blond tresses' are describes in almost as nauseatingly complete detail as Edwards 'godlike' looks.

At least I'm pretty sure. I turned the last book into a drinking game; taking a shot every time I saw the words 'bronze' 'chagrin' 'adonis' and 'godlike.' I was pretty smashed by the end there....

Posted by: hersheygirl at April 28, 2011 8:31 PM

where the hell am i?

Posted by: Protoguy at April 28, 2011 9:19 PM