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Not Content With Crapping On One Sci-Franchise, Huh?

Now He's Going After The Big Daddy Of Them All / Claude Weaver III

Trade News | July 13, 2009 | Comments (17)

Director McG, fresh from dashing the falsely raised hopes of Terminator fans with the frustrating Terminator: Salvation, is now looking for a new accessory to murder writer for his next cinematic wedgie, The Hollywood Reporter .. um … reports.

The film is Captain Nemo: 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. And as befitting the ridiculously redundant title, the movie will be a prequel to the Disney version of the famous science fiction novel, exploring the origins of the captain and his vessel. Originally Bill Marsilii and Justin Marks were set to write, but now Randall Wallace (Braveheart, Atlas Shrugged) is picking up the slack before he directs Secretariat in September.

No word on if any of this will follow Verne’s own lesser-known sequel The Mysterious Island, which revealed Nemo was a rogue Indian prince who lost his family in a failed rebellion.

As far as casting, the only news is that a) Dwayne “Formerly Know As The Rock” Johnson will NOT be in the film, contrary to some reports; and b) McG has publicly stated that his preferred pick for Nemo would be … Will Smith.

*sigh*. Godtopus must be holding a grudge.

I remember the first time I read the book. For some reason I chose it for my fifth grade book report. I managed to finish and all, but I had probably the longest report there; it even had pictures!

Oh did I mention I wrote it by hand, with an (eraseable) pen?

Yeah, I was pretty insane back then.


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Comments

I am going to build my own version of the Nautilus and use it to give both McG and Wil Smith a thorough rectal roto-rootering.

Posted by: admin at July 13, 2009 10:06 AM

But who is going to play the squid?

I nominate LaDouche, he looks squid like

Posted by: pabs at July 13, 2009 10:08 AM

"Yeah, I was pretty insane back then."

Yeah. Back then. Tooootally different now.

Man, I actually kinda like Will Smith, but why do we need to cast him in everything? This is the stuff that makes people hate him.

Posted by: TK at July 13, 2009 10:10 AM

Atlas shrugged was written up as a screenplay for a movie? What, they plan to chain the audience to their chairs and force them to listen to the entire five-and-a-half-hour libertarian diatribe at the "climax" of the movie?

Well, force all of the normal ones, anyway. The die-hard neo-objectivists will probably be in the audience with their concealed high-powered handguns, mouthing along with the words prepared to wreak unholy vengeance on any perceived desecration of Rand's legacy.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at July 13, 2009 10:18 AM

A prequel?? What?

Do they think most of their audience has a good enough grasp on the original story so they can just bore us to death?

Posted by: CleverJohnny at July 13, 2009 10:28 AM

See this is why the Murdertank needs pontoons, a submersible mode, or torpedos. Not to mention if it's going to be on the ocean,a tanning deck and a wide selection of tropical drinks.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 13, 2009 10:29 AM

Screw this...the only Captain Nemo for me is the one featured in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comics by Alan Moore (which was based more accurately on the character from Verne's novels), but I guess McG doesn't think he can have an Indian main character.

Posted by: Radlum at July 13, 2009 10:33 AM

It was only a matter of time before McG got his hands on a phallic symbol from our youths.

Posted by: Kballs at July 13, 2009 10:38 AM

the squid?

we don't need no stinkin' squid.
squids are unrealistic.

we'll change the squid to some sort of failed fusion doomsday mcguffin and cash our checks.

Posted by: gp at July 13, 2009 10:44 AM

Will Smith? Indian? Are we talking real Indian or Native American? I guess it doesn't matter.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 13, 2009 10:53 AM

Haha, gp. I'm sure McG hangs out with Zack Snyder and this is totally going to happen.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 13, 2009 11:06 AM

admin and mrcreosote, You have perfectly described the MurderNautilus now under construction in my backyard. It was soon be available for all your nautical assassination and roto-rootering needs, plus the occasional Club Med cruise (gotta rent it out from time to time to pay the bills, MurderNautli don't build themselves y'know).

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 13, 2009 11:44 AM

CAPTAIN NEMO VS GIANT OCTOPUS!

Oooh, yeah.

Posted by: figgy at July 13, 2009 1:55 PM

McG, remove yourself from the director's chair, good sir. I have a chair that is much more comfortable, designed to proved excellent lower back support. And don't worry about that smell of burning flesh and hair, the electricity will run out eventually....oh wait it won't. We have great power grids here in America.

Posted by: bignick at July 13, 2009 1:57 PM

but captain... are we 20,000 leagues under the sea NOW?!?

Posted by: Tammers at July 13, 2009 3:54 PM

Anything involving Will Smith and the ocean just makes me hopeful that I'll get to see him be jellyfished to death again.

Posted by: jM at July 13, 2009 4:16 PM

Anything involving Will Smith and the ocean just makes me hopeful that I'll get to see him be jellyfished to death again.

Wasn't that Queen Latifah? Please keep your '90s non-gangsta rappers-turned-actors straight, people.

Posted by: Vermillion at July 13, 2009 7:59 PM