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Pride, Prejudice, Zombies and Natalie Portman

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (33)



portmaadfn.jpg

We heard quite some time ago that Lionsgate had bought the screen rights to Seth Grahame-Smith’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!, which is essentially 85 percent Jane Austen, 15 percent zombies. The book got a lot of attention when it was released (and spawned various other similar style books), though reviews for it were fairly mixed — zombie fans were put off by all that Austen, and most agreed that the novelty of the gimmick wore off fairly quickly.

Anyway, the big-screen adaptation now has a star: Natalie Portman is set to take the lead in the movie. She’ll also be producing, along with Richard Kelly. Little else is known about the project, or even what tone the movie will take (no director is yet attached). You can probably expect a earnest period piece that just happens to have zombies in it.

Needs more Colin Firth.

Elsewhere, the blogosophere was abuzz a couple of days ago when Production Weekly announced that James Cameron was putting together his next picture, a sci-fi 3D film set in the future scripted by Shane Salermo. And then, MTV “discovered” that the new project is actually a remake of a very bad 1966 film. The discovery is only strange because this project was actually announced back in 2002, though several writers and directors have been attached since, including McG for a short time in 2008, Roland Emmerich back in 2007 (who actually mocked the script), and most recently, Tarsem Singh (The Cell) has been rumored. Cameron, all along, was only set to produce.

I should note, also, that the movie sounds silly as hell. Here’s the logline for the original: “A diplomat is nearly assassinated. In order to save him, a submarine is shrunken to microscopic size and injected into his blood stream with a small crew. Problems arise almost as soon as they enter the bloodstream.”

And here’s what Emmerich had to say about it when he was offered the directing gig:

“Two years ago, Jim called me up and said ‘Roland, I want you to look at the script for Fantastic Voyage — it’s not there yet.’ And he sent it over and I hated the script.”

Apparently, Cameron’s version was set in the future, and involved not one, but two teams of miniaturized scientists wandering around a colleague’s innards:

“There were two submarines in the body. It was like a Navy SEALS film. And then the president of production at Fox — me and my partner and him all go surfing together — says ‘Well, will you do it with a page one rewrite, and we won’t start until you’re happy with the script?’ So then I said yes. The key is I won’t do it unless it’s going to be a good movie.”

Apparently, it never got to that point. And I’m sorry, but when Roland motherfucking Emmerich hates your script, you might want to reconsider the project.









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Comments

If by "remake of a very bad 1966 movie" you mean "Fantastic Voyage", you need to take it back. FV is fabulous. There are lots of eager scientist men in sperm outfits and Raquel Welsh in a tight-fitting, cleavage-heavy sprayed on version of the same sperm suit. They travel through the body in a submarine that looks like a little pill and they are attacked by all sorts of things. It's the perfect late night drunken movie.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 11, 2009 10:42 AM

Well, for any of you out there with a fantasy about eating Natalie Portman your wish has been granted...

Posted by: bleujayone at December 11, 2009 10:42 AM

So....it's Innerspace?

Posted by: admin at December 11, 2009 10:43 AM

Why would Natalie Portman be photographed wearing an abdominal heating pad for those special monthly days?

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 11, 2009 10:45 AM

If there's an explanation for Natalie's weird cummerbund thing, I'd like to hear it.

Posted by: clocker at December 11, 2009 10:47 AM

How's about I just watch the Futurama episode with the worms instead?

Posted by: trippdup at December 11, 2009 10:48 AM

I was under the impression that if Roland Emmerich didn't like the script, the movie is probably good.

Posted by: Colin at December 11, 2009 10:50 AM

Does anyone care about any Natalie Portman project that doesn't involve lesbian ballerina sex.

Posted by: George at December 11, 2009 10:52 AM

If there's an explanation for Natalie's weird cummerbund thing, I'd like to hear it.

Why would Natalie Portman be photographed wearing an abdominal heating pad for those special monthly days?
Ah, thanks.
One must admire her work ethic.

Posted by: clocker at December 11, 2009 10:53 AM

Raquel Welsh in a tight-fitting, cleavage-heavy sprayed on version of the same sperm suit.

I had a similar dream once. Oh wait...my version was definitely not audience friendly.

And rally, slamming Fantastic Voyage? For shame, sir. I think you may indeed be a Communist.

Posted by: The Hands Team (formerly Vermillion) at December 11, 2009 10:59 AM

I think some version of this happened on "The Magic School Bus." What? Mrs. Frizzle was awesome.

Posted by: Katie at December 11, 2009 11:20 AM

Having just read Pride and Prejudice for my work-buddies book club, I can assure you...the more zombies, gore, and Portman (recalling Matilda, PLEEEEEZE!!) the better.

book was dryer than Skank Cancer's vagooter.

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 11, 2009 11:32 AM

I agree with adding Colin Firth. In fact, make it as close to the many other Jane Austen movie adaptations as possible...

...THEN bring in the Zombies.

I can't wait to see Tom Savini in an ascot!

Posted by: Fredo at December 11, 2009 11:38 AM

Thank you, Colin. That logic made no sense to me either, and is used way too often.

Posted by: dg at December 11, 2009 11:40 AM

Needs more Colin Firth.
Lord, don't we all?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at December 11, 2009 11:51 AM

I'm with Patty

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 11, 2009 11:55 AM

1. I can see Natalie Portman as Elizabeth Bennett in a zombie infested Rosings.

2. Colin Firth HAS to be in it, and he has to be soaking wet. I don't care if he's Mr. Darcy or a zombie as long as he's soaking wet.

3. I think Ms. Portman is wearing one of those Ab Exercisers that you strap on and it exercises for you. It's a bit like a strap on vibrator except not so much fun.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 11, 2009 11:55 AM

OMG IT"S THE MAGIC SCHOOL BUS!!!!

Posted by: dene at December 11, 2009 12:09 PM

oh sorry, I got excited, but yes, I AGREE WITH KATIE!

Also, I read the preview of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies on my Kindle, and when the option came to buy or not buy, I "meh"ed and did not buy.

Posted by: dene at December 11, 2009 12:11 PM

Clearly, my fellow Irishmen know late night drunken movies.

So, here is my new to do list:

1) buy Paddydog a virtual beer

2) go to Netflix to look for Fantastic Voyage and Innerspace to roll the double feature

Posted by: ZombieScientist at December 11, 2009 12:29 PM

Osmosis Jones!

Posted by: stevegoz at December 11, 2009 12:33 PM

Cheers ZombieScientist! The next round's on me.

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 11, 2009 12:47 PM

I sure hope there's plenty of bodice-busting action with Natalie Portman aboard.

I've magically turned into a perv from lack of sleep and over-worked brain. It's nice not to think so hard for a day.

Posted by: Robert at December 11, 2009 1:29 PM

You are so right. It is The Magic School Bus. That is all I was thinking about when I read the description.
Also, am I the only one who is psyched that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is going to star Natalie Portman? I actually quite enjoyed the book. It was light fun reading, which I need when I am between semesters. I love both Jane Austin and zombies, so really, it was a win win. And with Natalie Portman in it, the movie adaptation might actually be good. As illustrated by her movie history, she can do period pieces well (The Other Boylin Girl)and she can kick ass (The Professional), so I say hell yeah. You kick the shit out of those period piece zombies. Kill 'em all, but do it politely.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at December 11, 2009 1:31 PM

@BWeaves at December 11, 2009 11:55 AM

I want to take you out behind the middle school and do unspeakable things to you for that comment.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 11, 2009 2:11 PM

Morgan LaFai, I love Jane Austen too! I didn't love PPZ so much, but that was because I thought some of Seth Grahame-Smith's additions sucked (not the zombies--they were hilarious!). If Natalie Portman is going to be in it...I might just have to see it.

Posted by: bonnie at December 11, 2009 2:11 PM

bonnie: I am curious about the additions that you didn't like. The only part I disliked was Elizabeth killing Lady Catherine's ninjas. That struck me as unnecessary. She just had to beat them, not kill them. Other then that one little thing, I quit enjoyed the whole book.

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at December 11, 2009 2:27 PM

If having Natalie Portman means somehow incorporating Keira Knightley in this, then I am all for it.

Posted by: duckandcover at December 11, 2009 3:17 PM

@BWeaves at December 11, 2009 11:55 AM

I want to take you out behind the middle school and do unspeakable things to you for that comment.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 11, 2009 2:11 PM


Lindsey with an 'e': Is that a good thing? I'm kinda past the age of getting pregnant.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 11, 2009 3:19 PM

I think we would need a third for that anyway. :-}
Yes it is a good thing.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at December 11, 2009 3:41 PM

Whoa there. Just, Whoa.
Fantastic Voyage is AWESOME. The bad guy gets eaten by a white blood cell for chrissake! Raquel Welch! Lasers! Soviets! Ridiculous!
You best take it back.

Posted by: the bees knees at December 11, 2009 4:44 PM

I'll take Natalie Portman over Kiera Knightley as Elizabeth any day. The book got old quick, but it was fun for a bit and I could see this working as a film. Can we make Lee Pace Mr. Darcy? I miss seeing him.

Posted by: megaroni and cheese at December 11, 2009 5:38 PM

I am jazzed about this as well. I quite enjoyed P&P&Z. And I think it could be a pretty kick ass movie if they approach it from the right direction. Which is to say make it an incredibly legit period piece and then mingle in some unmentionables. Also agreed about Lee Pace and Colin Firth. Can they both be soaking wet?

Posted by: E-Money at December 12, 2009 12:55 AM


















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