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Nailing Your Wife — The Nathan Fillion Story

I Feel Funny in the Pants / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | October 14, 2008 | Comments (46)

Several weeks ago, Dan tipped y’all to “PG Porn,” a series James Gunn was putting together for Spike.com, for folks who like everything in porn movies but the sex. Dan wrote:

Writer-director James Gunn (Slither) is taking the premise even further, announcing via his Twitter and MySpace accounts that his new project will be called PG Porn, which will basically be re-enactments of pornos using Hollywood actors, porn stars, and actual skin-flick dialogue but no actual sex. As Gunn writes (capitalizations all his own), “JAMES GUNN’S PG-PORN is the only porn where, when the delivery boy comes over to deliver some pizza, people actual get what they’re expecting — some delicious pizza!”

The series has since debuted on Spike, and since then, I’ve gotten several emails from folks suggesting I run a clip of the first bit, “Nailing Your Wife,” starring Pajiba favorite, Nathan Fillion. It’s most definitely worth two minutes of your time. And, it’s mostly SFW. Also, it’s fucking hilarious.


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Comments

That was the funniest fucking thing I've seen all day.

Thank you.

Posted by: Kayanne at October 14, 2008 5:06 PM

I was wondering when you guys were going to put it up. I caught it last week on gorilla mask, except instead of highlighting the NATHAN FILLION aspect of it, they highlighted the... Giovanni woman. Typical GM.

Posted by: dene chen at October 14, 2008 5:13 PM

Hee! I was thinking "man, waving a nail gun around like that is just asking for trouble."

Maybe he should've armed himself with a good old hammer instead.

Cause you know... the hammer is his penis.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at October 14, 2008 5:16 PM

Hey, I have that nail gun. It works great. I mean, not for killing porn stars but for wood. And hookers.

Posted by: Admin11 at October 14, 2008 5:22 PM

This is one of those rare instances where Pajiba and I don't mesh in our Men We'd Like to Bone for Free lists.

I find *nothing* attractive about Nathan Fillion. Not even the pretty hair. Just...nothing. Like a glass of lukewarm water.

Posted by: figgy at October 14, 2008 5:26 PM

It's funny, but allow me to mount my soapbox for a brief instant:

Porn becomes "PG" by removing a sexual act and replacing it with a violent act.

OK, off the soapbox. Nathan Fillion is awesome.

Posted by: jimbo at October 14, 2008 5:26 PM

thanks... I really needed that.

Posted by: Tereasa at October 14, 2008 5:29 PM

Question: if Nathan didn't kill the porn star, and instead had sex with her just like a porno, would I still like it?

I've been thinking about this all weekend - if I actually saw my captain boning some skank that wasn't me, I'd be thoroughly grossed out, but I can't figure out why. I mean, he's totally hot, and stars in more than a few of my dirty, dirty fantasies, and yet the idea of watching him hammer some ho thoroughly grosses me out. Thoughts?

Posted by: Marra at October 14, 2008 5:34 PM

Oh darn. I thought this was the Nailin Palin video. How disappointing.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 14, 2008 5:35 PM

Marra: I agree with you.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 14, 2008 5:38 PM

Speaking of Spike. I went on their site to look for this video because for some reason it kept stopping here. There's a list of the Top 10 Overrated "Hot" girls.

http://www.spike.com/blog/top-10-overrated-hot/69352

Very strong list, some people could have been ranked higher (SJP) but their rationale is quite on point. This is about the first thing they have done right....but even a broken watch is right twice a day, Well done Spike.

Posted by: Rubble44 at October 14, 2008 5:39 PM

Awesome. I'm totally jealous of Amy/Andrea, despite the nailgun incident.

Posted by: Julie at October 14, 2008 5:45 PM

that was awesome!

Posted by: dylanj at October 14, 2008 6:14 PM

The picture promises video of a shirtless Nathan Fillion! Wait - it's a screen shot from Firefly. Oh, well.

Rubble44 -- I was agreeing with this list until I figured out that the apparently author thinks Megan Fox is super hot? He needs to pick a better standard. Plus I didn't know anyone actually thinks Rich Megaslut is attractive.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at October 14, 2008 6:14 PM

figgy I'm with you. While I think he's totally cute, he's not running through my fantasies.

But he does have nice arms, so maybe there's hope for him yet.

Posted by: Kayanne at October 14, 2008 6:24 PM

Porn becomes "PG" by removing a sexual act and replacing it with a violent act.

Congratulations, jimbo, on figuring out what that oh-so-inscrutable James Gunn was trying to say with this "PG Porn" project. Whatever would we do without your insights?

Awright, done snarking at you. You state Fillion is awesome, which is true, so you're okay in my book.

Posted by: Jerce at October 14, 2008 6:34 PM

if I actually saw my captain boning some skank that wasn't me, I'd be thoroughly grossed out, but I can't figure out why.

It's because that poor woman is a wore-out hosebag. Nothing against her personally; she's probably a sweet lady in real life, but my God doing pornos must be mighty hard on ya, 'cause she looks like seventy-one miles of bad road.

If he was with a decent-looking woman I would totally ogle it.

Posted by: Jerce at October 14, 2008 6:38 PM

You may be right, 3:19.....you may be right. Megan Fox is trampy/sexy but not a standard bearer.

Off topic off the first topic. I saw a billboard for a show called Iconoclasts. And the person who they claimed to be an Iconoclast was.....Cameron Diaz. I do not think they think it means what they think it means. The definition of an Iconoclast:

One who attacks and seeks to overthrow traditional or popular ideas or institutions.

One who destroys sacred religious images

Um, this is a chick who, in her shining moment in entertainment, had come in her hair....I know it's season 4 on that show....they must be getting desperate for guests, because here is the downward fall of the show:

Season 1 - Redford and Newman (awesome); Samuel L. Jackson and Bill Russell (interesting, because Sam is yelling and Russell doesn't talk much)

Season 2 - Paul Simon and Lorne Michaels (love them or hate them, they did a lot of shit in the 70's); Dave Chappelle and Maya Angelou (that must have been an interesting conversation).

Season 3 - Here's where it starts to go downhill in a hurry.....Mike Myers and Deepak Chopra (probably the genesis to that horrible Love Guru movie....remind me to kick Myers in the nuts for that piece of crap. I'm mad at him and I only saw commercials) and Madeline Albright and.....Ashley Judd (??????????????) Ashley is attractive, but wayyyy out of her league.

And now Cameron F'n Diaz. If she's a difference maker in today's world, it's just another sign that we're barrelling towards Mike Judge's ominous predictions in Idiocracy. I will now strike myself in the head with a mallet until I can cope with such stupidity...or I become Republican....same thing.

Posted by: Rubble44 at October 14, 2008 6:54 PM

Sweet jesus the guns! I think I now have to change my favorite exclamation from "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw" to "Fuck me gently with a nail gun."

Posted by: MG at October 14, 2008 7:12 PM

I don't want to watch porn without sex. Porn without sex is known as a non-pornographic movie. Ugh.

Seconds to the non-Fillion love. Not so much in terms of appeal, for me at least.

Posted by: kalafraja at October 14, 2008 7:15 PM

madeline albright is a pop culture queen to me since she guested star on Gilmore Girls.
and nathan fillion owns my vagina, for real. I cut it out and send it to him, I hope he didn't fed his cat with it. well, anyhow, I wasn't using it anyway.

Posted by: rio at October 14, 2008 7:27 PM

rio, that is a horrible, horrible mental image. I'm in tears.

Posted by: kalafraja at October 14, 2008 7:29 PM

I dunno, Jerce. Even the idea of Nathan Fillion of having sex with someone who looks really good sort of freaks me out too. Like, watching Fillion and Katee Sackhoff simulate sex, fine. But watching them actually, really for real have sex? I dunno, some things are best left to my sick imagination.

Posted by: Marra at October 14, 2008 7:32 PM

Way to kill my buzz Jimbo.

Posted by: Jim at October 14, 2008 7:36 PM

I am quite drunk. And that just made me snort whiskey from my nostrils. It's burny....

Fillion is awesome. (to borrow a phrase)

Posted by: captainfireypants at October 14, 2008 7:40 PM

I am quite drunk. And that just made me snort whiskey from my nostrils. It's burny....

Fillion is awesome. (to borrow a phrase)

Posted by: captainfireypants at October 14, 2008 7:40 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I did NOT see that ending coming at all (and neither did she. OH!)!

Posted by: Audiosuede at October 14, 2008 8:37 PM

Loved it. The funniest part to me was very subtle: He never calls her the same (first) name twice, and repeats back the wrong name the first time.

Posted by: Evan at October 14, 2008 9:13 PM

I didn't think it was possible for me to love Nathan Fillion even more than I do. And I'm so happy to be wrong.

Posted by: Ginger at October 14, 2008 9:23 PM

God I would let Nathan Fillion butter himself up like a southern biscuit and take a vacation in my pants

please?

my boyfriend's been in shanghai for too long

Posted by: AlexaCastro at October 14, 2008 9:32 PM

I hope James Gunn somehow got Misty Mundane (now Erin Brown) to do this. This would have been a perfect episode for her, as she's gone from porn to explicit horror. I could watch her call Marcia Bennet the dirtiest curse she could improvise (the worst abeyant term for vagina) all day long in Sick Girl.

Wow. I can't believe I consulted both a dictionary and urban dictionary to disguise the word in safe for work language on a thread that's clearly not safe for work at all. I really am a big old nerd.

Posted by: Robert at October 14, 2008 9:55 PM

Funny.

I love the "acting" out of Nathan Fillion. The man has great timing.

Posted by: BFFredo at October 14, 2008 10:23 PM

Figgy, he's not exactly my cup of tea either.. but how can you deny those guns? My goodness! They're all huge and oily and shiny and... just ready to take a woman and put a nail gun in her head.

Posted by: monkey_b at October 14, 2008 10:42 PM

Just because it's up there, I had to watch it again. Good times. And the look on the faces of some of my peers when they watched that ending? Priceless.

Posted by: JC at October 15, 2008 12:58 AM

Yeah, JC, it's been a big hit with everyone I've shown it to, even when they don't recognize James Gunn's name or either of the actors.

Posted by: Jerce at October 15, 2008 1:17 AM

OK, I think it's funny too, but how sick is it that putting a nail in someones head and killing them is PG but putting your penis in them and making them moan a little is verboten?

Posted by: AdaHaze at October 15, 2008 2:12 AM

"mount my soapbox" - um, title for the next video?

Cthulhu / Crud '08 (Vote for the evil you know.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 15, 2008 3:28 AM

Nathan Fillion got doughy, and that's sad.

Posted by: john darc at October 15, 2008 4:31 AM

Yes, john darc, I was thinking the exact same thing - Fillion's looking kinda white and puffy - doughy is the perfect word. But I will always love him for Firefly.

Posted by: Popsi_zen at October 15, 2008 12:35 PM

James Gunn is as in love with Nathan Fillion as I am.

Posted by: J at October 15, 2008 3:18 PM

That's what Aria Giovanni sounds like? I always pegged her for an alto. Oh well.

There need to be more altos in porn.

Posted by: Lucas at October 15, 2008 6:50 PM

All I see is Fran Drescher Jr. No, Captain Hammer!

Posted by: ohgrl at October 15, 2008 7:27 PM

RE: john darc,

A screen name referencing Clone High? I fucking love you people.

Posted by: jSwift at October 16, 2008 12:44 AM

This reminds me of that episode of Firefly when Inara and Kaylee got naked, broke the fourth wall, and invited me to a threesome. Or was that a wishful-thinking hallucination?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 16, 2008 3:11 AM

I'm sure no one cares but I had that bookcase, got it at target. I doesn't require nails.

Posted by: kara at October 17, 2008 10:21 AM

Mal got fat, and desperate for a job. So sad.

Posted by: Jerm at January 12, 2009 12:01 AM